I sat curled up in a chair beside the hospital cot where Abel lay sound asleep. The doctors were monitoring him overnight to insure his oxygen levels were stable. It was almost morning, the hospital was quiet except from a few murmurs and footsteps as staff passed by. I snuggled down under my blanket one of the nurses had given me and closed my eyes. When I awoke again the sun was up and Jax stood looking over Abels cot.
"Hey" I greeted quietly. He turned revealing a large gash above his eye. "Jesus Jax" I exclaimed going to him.
"It's nothing" he said pulling away and looking back at Abel. "what has the doc said?"
I stood next to him. "He's good, they just wanted to keep him overnight. He can go home in the morning" I paused. "Wherever that is now"
Jax put his arm around me. "We can stay at Moms for now" he replied kissing the top of my head.
I didn't answer. Instead I watched Abel and could feel Jax eyes on me.
Gemma picked us up just after lunch when Abel was given the all clear to go home. She took us back to her house, putting Abel to sleep in Jax' old room.
I stood in shower letting the water rain down on me. I was tired, and in desperate need of a good sleep, but the reality of what had happened over the past 12 hours snuck its way through the walls I had been using to block it, and was starting to play havoc with my head. I officially had nothing, not even a clean pair of underwear. Everything had burned. My guitar, my clothes, my pictures of Ope and me. Everything that defined who I was, was now gone. Without warning the cold empty feeling of regret snaked its way into my heart. I should never have come back. I turned the shower off when the water turned cold and got out wrapping a towel around my shaking frame. Jax sat on the bed of the spare room, waiting for me when I came in.
"Mom left you some clean clothes" He gestured to the slouch yoga pants, singlet top and plaid button down shirt, that lay on the bed beside him. He handed me a plastic bag. "I got you some new underwear. Just from the drug store".
My final ounce of courage evaporated and I started to cry.
Jax got up and drew me into his arms. "hey its ok, they aren't that bad I promise, a little grandma like, but we can go shopping once your dressed and get some more"
The serious worried look on his face just caused a bubble of laughter to come from nowhere and burst out of my mouth. I laughed until my sides hurt and I could barely breath. Jax had joined in the laughing for a while, but was completely lost to the reason for it, he now just looked at me like I was crazy.
"I'm sorry" I said when I had calmed down. "This is not the time I know, but your concern for my underwear was very amusing. I mean why should I cry? I may have lost my whole life last night, but thanks to you I can face the world in clean cotton and lace."
"I don't know what else to do Char" Jax said sitting back on the bed and raking a hand through his hair. "This whole thing is to do with the club, yet you have been a target. I don't even know how to start with the whole 'what can I do to make it up to you'' shit, when you have lost so much"
I finished getting dressed and sat beside him. "The undies were a good start" I said softly. "and they are very comfy"
Jax cradled my face in his hands. "I promised Opie I would protect you, and I have failed over and over" his eyes gleamed with unshed tears.
"I'm still alive aint I?" I replied.
"I will make this better" He said sternly, his grip firm on my face. "I promise" he kissed me.
I lay back on the bed bringing him down with me. "Just hold me" I whispered, snuggling up to him and falling asleep.
When I awoke later that day Jax was gone and I could hear voices, and smell delicious food. I got up and went to see what was happening. I walked into a crowded kitchen with Chibs, Tig and Bobby sitting at the table while Gemma, Clay and Jax stood drinking coffee. Juice smiled as I entered.
"Did I miss the invite?" I attempted to joke as I headed towards the coffee pot. Jax poured me a cup and handed it to me.
"Good sleep?" he whispered kissing my cheek. I nodded as I drunk the hot, slightly burnt tasting coffee.
Clay cleared his throat. "Ah in light of what's been going on lately, and all the shit that's landed on your front step, we thought we should give you something to say we are sorry." He scratched his chin before nodding to Jax, who handed me a wad of cash. "It's a few grand to get you back on your feet, clothes and shit" Clay continued.
I stared at the money in my hand. "I don't need your money Clay" I commented.
"Ah just take it Jackie Girl" Chib's stood up. "We know it's not gonna make everything better, but it might help a little" He pulled a guitar from behind his back. "or at least this will"
My eyes widened greedily taking in the Black Taylor Acoustic Guitar that Chib's held. Without knowing I had moved I had the guitar in my arms, it moulded perfectly and when I strummed it sung.
"I've always dreamed of having one of these" I said, forgetting everyone around me as I plucked the strings. "Guys this is too much" I said eventually.
"Just say thank you" Jax said in my ear. He stood behind me and placed his hands on my hips.
"Thank you," I said still partially in shock.
Jax carefully took the guitar out of my hands. "eat first, then play" he said leading to the main table in the house where it was set up for dinner. I smiled finally feeling relaxed.