AN: A bit of a general overview of the characters situations. :) Hope you enjoy and thank you for all the juicy reviews they make me a happy author, please keep em coming!

To lose a friend has to be the greatest pain you will ever feel. Every time I look at you, I remember that pain.

Remus lay on the hard pallet that constituted a bed in his little hovel, it was all he could afford, he had no job and hardly even enough money to feed himself. He continuously turned down offers of help from James and Lily, he didn't want them to feel so responsible for him, they had a family on the way, he wouldn't intrude on that. With a sigh he rolled onto his side and closed his eyes, once again Sirius' face swam before his mind and he curled in on himself, he couldn't trust him, he couldn't forgive him...Sirius was dead to him. Then why couldn't he stop that empty dead feeling from seeping through his chest each time he saw his face? He covered his face with both hands and swore softly. "Leave me alone...please..." He whispered to the image of the man he had loved for uncountable years, he shivered.

"Mr. Lupin, I need the rent today or I will be forced to evict you." The man stood at the door, he was round bellied and had a head full of grey curls, he looked stern as he looked Remus up and down. He knew he looked a state but there was very little he could do, his clothing was patched and worn, darned in several places and he had seen the grey beginning to thread through his hair. He knew what it meant, he knew his changes were wreaking their havoc on his body.

"I'm sorry, sir...I don't have it."

"Then you will leave tonight, this isn't a hostel."

"I know, I apologise...I have nowhere else to go...please, just give me a day!"

"No money, no stay." The man said and walked away.

Remus sighed and slipped down the wall, burying his face in his hands. "Remus Lupin, what have you done?"

That night he slept in an alley way, he used magic to put up a barrier against the rain but his stomach rumbled painfully as he lay with his head on his trunk and looked up at the dark sky. His life with Sirius hadn't been all bad, but that was what made it even more painful. He remembered lying in the same bed, laughing together at some stupid joke, he remembered Sirius' arms around him and his breath against his ear as he told him stories about his Uncle Alphard or Andromeda. He remembered Sirius' smile, the way his eyes lit up with happiness when he had finally got his bike working...these memories were terrible, they were full of a desperate longing and unanswered feelings. He regretted it all, every moment he hadn't spoken up, every time Sirius would cry into his shoulder because James had once again hurt him he regretted not grabbing him and kissing him. He regretted not confessing everything the moment he knew Sirius was gay, he regretted every second he spent not kissing him, treasuring him and healing him...in so many ways it was his fault that Sirius was now a traitor. It was his fault because he hadn't done anything to help him, he had been so useless and so helplessly absorbed in his own pain, he hadn't seen Sirius turning to the shadows. "It's too late now you fool, he's gone...he's betraying us all."

But still, a little voice whispered; You love him still, you know he would never betray you.

He ignored it, it was wishful thinking. The traitor could only be Sirius, only he fit all the qualities...he was mad. Utterly insane. His blood was tainted by the inbreeding in his family, Sirius was many things but he could never hide the fact that his blood was as pure as it could be. He was arrogant, elegant and could charm anyone into trusting them...yet something nagged at Remus. Something kept telling him he was wrong, something wasn't right...it was someone else.

XXX

Peter sat on his bed as he looked down at the photographs on his sheets, in every single one was Sirius.

Sirius at eleven, stood by a door with one hand raised as he pushed hair from his eyes.

Sirius at Thirteen with a wild look in his eyes and paint splattering his robes.

Sirius at twelve with an arrogant sneer on his face.

Sirius at fourteen asleep on a pile of homework, hair spread across the pages of a huge old book.

Sirius at fifteen sat nestled between James' legs with snow in their hair, scarves around their necks and a toboggan beneath them.

Sirius at sixteen, lounging outside the headmaster's office door smirking wickedly.

Sirius at seventeen with a dark look on his face and a scowl.

Sirius at eighteen, stood at James' side with a strained smile as he watches Lily and James married.

Sirius at nineteen lying fast asleep beside Remus, wearing his boxers and a tiny smile.

Sirius at Twenty lying on his bed, naked and covered in semen, his eyes closed and dark bruises on his throat and wrists.

Peter sifted absently through them all, gazing at each one intently as he remembered that Sirius had no idea that half of them had been taken, Peter was very good at sneaking. And finally he found his pride and joy, a single photograph of Sirius standing beside a tall man with dark hair, Sirius couldn't have been more than five years old, but his smile was huge as he gazed up at the man at his side who was also smiling. Peter knew it was Sirius' favourite Uncle, the one who had died and given him all his gold. The picture fascinated him, he had never known Sirius before school, so it was like looking into a small window of Sirius' past and it pleased him. He had stolen this picture from the secret stash Sirius kept locked away beneath his bed, inside a silver box were a myriad of treasures including letters, trinkets, a huge ring with the Black family crest engraved upon it and even a tarnished locket of ornate silver with tiny black diamond's glittering around a picture of a woman with heavily lidded eyes and a small smile. Most of the boxes photo's had been of James, some of Remus and some of all of the Marauders together, but Peter had discovered other more secret treasures, like the photo of Sirius' uncle.

He had found a golden coin, not of British Wizarding gold, but of some kind of ancient unknown lineage, he could tell it was foreign but he didn't recognise the writing around its worn edge. He had no idea what it was for until he had discovered another letter;

My beautiful Sirius,

I am currently in Mongolia, a wonderfully rich country where the Wizards are clever and know some fascinating spells that our Ministry would be sure to ban (I will tell you all about them when I return). I was just talking to a man who gave me this coin, a fascinating object that is empowered to give the bearer whatever his deepest desire is, I give it to you, Sirius, and hope you gain happiness.

I am sorry to say that I will not be returning this month, as is usually my custom, but I plan to visit Haiti, I am sure you will understand. If Walburga troubles you, remember Sirius, go see Andromeda, she will help you. I am so very sorry, I will miss you but I hope that this coin can grant you at least some joy.

All my love, your Uncle.

Peter looked at the date, Sirius had just started Hogwarts when he had received this coin...so he had decided that it must have worked, because Sirius had found James.

XXX

The photograph was well worn, she held it in one hand and gazed down at her husband, trapped forever at the age of fourteen. He had Sirius in a headlock and both were laughing, she had found the picture stuffed into a book and its frayed edges showed how often James took it out to look at it. She took a shaky breath as James laughed silently, struggling with his best friend who was desperately fighting to free himself. She lifted her hand and covered her mouth as the picture fell from her fingers, her other hand fell to her stomach as she covered the child growing in her womb. Bitter tears fell down her cheeks, James was at Sirius', he hardly spent any time with her any more.

When the knock came she stood and made her way to it, she opened it to reveal Sirius. Her shock was obvious on her face. Sirius looked worn, he had dark circles beneath his eyes and there was the tell tale scent of stale alcohol on his clothing. He fiddled with the hem of his jacket as his hectic eyes scanned her face, he bit his lip. "I'm sorry." He said suddenly. "Lily...I..."

"What happened?" She said suddenly, feeling fear rise within her.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Where's James? Something happened!"

"Nothing happened to James, he's fine." Sirius smiled a little and she realised he was drunk. "He's out with Dumbledore isn't he?"

She sighed and nodded. "Yes, I remember now...I'm sorry."

"I'm the one apologising, Miss Red." Sirius leaned on the door frame, he swept hair from his eyes. "I am here wanting to make a truce, James is the love of my life, by arguing and turning on one another we're hurting him. I don't ever want to see him in pain."

"Neither do I..." Lily nodded. "Come in, would you like some tea?"

"Um...ok, thanks." Sirius stepped over the threshold and stumbled, he giggled before righting himself.

"You've been drinking." Lily said as she eyed him.

"Yes, I like being drunk, I don't have to think about anything and suddenly all the consequences of my actions don't seem as important..."

"Right..." Lily took him into the living room while she made tea, when she returned she handed him a cup and sat down at his side. "How is he?" She asked softly, avoiding Sirius' eyes.

"He's...hurting." Sirius said quietly. "I don't think he knows what he wants."

"He needs to make a choice." Lily replied, finally lifting her eyes. "He has to choose between us Sirius."

Sirius' smile was wonky. "And you think h-he'll choose me? Lily..." Sirius put his hand gently on her stomach. "He's got you and...and the brat...You think he'd choose me over that?" He shook his head. "You're mad if you think he would throw away his own child to be with a demented delinquent, no matter how much we want each other...I've thought about it a lot recently...and I realised that the day you got pregnant you won. James was yours the moment that seed took root."

"Are you saying...?" She couldn't finish, she wasn't entirely sure what he was saying.

Sirius closed his eyes. "I'm giving up, Lily." He said softly, his brow creased in a small frown. "I...I'm leaving him...for good."

Slowly it dawned on her, her green eyes widened. "Why? Why would you give up everything now?"

Sirius looked down at his hand as it rested on her stomach, he smiled softly, smoothing his palm against the swell. "It's soft..." He muttered. "What will you name it?"

"We don't know...I was thinking Harry, after my grandfather, if it's a boy..."

"Harry's a good name, strong." Sirius released her. "I'm sorry Lily, for everything I've put you through...But you don't have to worry anymore." He stood. "Thanks for the tea...I doubt I'll see you around. Oh, and tell James that if he messes you around I'll send him a curse."

"Sirius!" Lily stood and followed him out into the hall. "Sirius, wait!" She grabbed his arm and he turned slowly, his eyes dark and empty, for the first time she noticed how utterly exhausted he looked. Her heart went out to him. "Where will you go?"

Sirius shrugged, "Away."

"This is...this is stupid! Why would you just give up everything and take off? James will miss you! He is never the same when you're not around..."

"He'll get over it, in time, when he's busy being a father. You'll heal him, you're good at that."

"But...what about the war? What about the Order and..."

Sirius did something that shocked her into silence, he slipped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her to his lips. His kiss was soft, as gentle as a feather and empty of passion. As he drew away he sighed. "Nope, still nothing." He smiled weakly. "The Order will be fine without me, Lily, James will be even better with me gone...hell, the world will be better without the last Black. I'm leaving...tell James...tell him..." Sirius covered his face with one hand. "Tell him; Always."

With that Sirius turned and walked out into the street, Lily bit her lip and ran after him, she watched him cross the road. "Sirius! Sirius! Wait! Please..." She grabbed him just before he reached his bike.

"Stop!" He snapped and turned around, his eyes were dead and his face screwed up in grief and anger. "Stop making this so fucking difficult!"

"Then stop being a coward and say farewell to his face!" Lily replied furiously. "You leaving will kill him, Sirius. James is in love with you, more than he ever was with me! If that kind of thing can be measured. He has loved you since he was eleven years old, don't throw that away!"

"I am not a coward!" Sirius hissed, his fury flaring up at once.

"Then stay! Stay and fight! You promised to help the Order, only cowards break promises."

"The Order all hate me! I'm a traitor, Lily! They all think I'm the one feeding information to the Dark Lord."

"Then prove them all wrong, stay and they will see that it's not true. If you leave it will prove that their suspicions were right...stay and...and give James what he needs." Her voice dropped to a whisper and pain filled her eyes. "Sirius, stop running away, stand and face your fears."

"I'm not running..."

Lily arched an eyebrow. "Then what do you call this?"

"I'm saving James from having to make a choice, saving him from ripping his family to shreds before he's even begun...I'm giving your child the chance to grow up with two loving parents! I'm giving that child a chance to know something I never did."

"Oh, I see...you're being noble." Lily rolled her eyes. "Excuses, Sirius. You're afraid, you're afraid of watching your friends die, you're afraid of being responsible for the Death of the man you love...stop acting the hero, you're a coward."

"I am not..."

"Stop lying to yourself!" Lily snapped. "Sirius Black, you are being pathetic. If you want James so bad, fight for him! Make him see that you would die for him, that you would give up your very soul for him! Kill for him, Sirius!"

Sirius seemed to quail under her furious eyes. "Why? Why would you want me to stay? I'd get in the way of your happy family...I'd just ruin everything..."

"This is not about me, any more than it is about you. We both Love James, I may be carrying his child but we both know he is more in love with you...and if you make him happy, I won't deny him."

Sirius licked his lips slowly, his eyes narrowed. "I still don't understand why you would do this..."

"For James. For my child." She said slowly, her eyes softening. "To give my baby a chance to grow up happily, to give him a chance to know what love is...if his father is grieving, he will never know this. I would die for this child, Sirius...do you understand what that is like? To know that you would gladly give your life away to preserve something so utterly perfect, so innocent?" She took his hand again and pressed it firmly to her stomach, there was a strange rippling sensation beneath the skin and Sirius' eyes widened, he looked at her with wide eyes.

"It's kicking!" He whispered. "I-It's alive in there..."

Lily smiled. "It is a part of James, Sirius...can you really abandon it?"

Sirius sighed and closed his eyes. "I don't know...Lily...It's so hard."

"I know. But where would we all be if we all ran at the first sign of difficulty? We may have a spy in our midst but that simply means we need to band together, now more than ever we need each other." She paused and smiled up into Sirius' eyes. "Stay and fight with us, stay and let us teach you how to be loved, Sirius."

Slowly Sirius smiled and touched her face, he leaned down and captured her lips in another tender kiss. It was unlike anything she had ever experienced, it was nervous and lacked any of the passion she was used to but it was soft and gentle. "I've never been with a woman..." He whispered as he stroked hair from her cheek, his smile was soft. "But I reckon if things had been different you and I could have..."

"What the hell is going on?"

Sirius jumped and turned, James was standing in the street with his mouth hanging open. "James!" Lily gasped, a small flush of embarrassment colouring her cheeks.

James stepped closer, his face falling into a frown. "Why were you two kissing?"

"She's so pretty I couldn't help myself." Sirius said with a sly smile.

"She's my wife!" James looked scandalised. "And you're gay."

"I am? Why didn't anyone tell me that?" Sirius laughed and put an arm around his friend. "Don't worry, there were no tongues...Although, she should be flattered, it's not every girl I bestow my kisses upon."

Lily giggled, she was still recovering from the experience and she still had colour high on her cheek bones. "James he was messing around..."

"I was, was I?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Like I said, Lily, I have never been with a woman."

"I don't think so, mate. Stay away from her." James muttered sulkily. "You don't understand the amount of girls who went out with me as a way to get to you at school, you're not stealing Lily."

Sirius laughed softly, turning his head and nipping playfully at James' ear. "You wouldn't even be up for...erm...experimenting?"

James' eyes widened as he turned to Lily with hope glimmering in his eyes. Lily rolled her eyes. "James, if Sirius is gay and girls don't turn him on, me getting involved in a threesome would probably be a huge turn off for him."

"Oh, I dunno, Lily...I reckon James naked would be enough to keep me interested..." Their eyes met and Sirius burst into laughter. "You were actually considering it!"

"No I wasn't Mr. Black, your ego is far too large for me."

"My ego and my cock." He winked playfully and James rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses.

"Look, can we go inside and discuss a potential threesome? I'm tired."

They began moving back into the house, Sirius hanging from James' shoulder. "So, would you actually consider it?" James asked, shooting Lily a cautionary glance.

"Come on, not even she can deny I'm fucking sexy." Sirius said, casually running a hand through his hair so it fell back in a wave of pitch black silk.

Lily giggled. "I don't think so, boys. I honestly wouldn't know how it would work between us, for one thing James only has one penis."

"I dunno...there has to be some kind of magic that..."

"No. No magical enhancements, remember what happened in fourth year?" James shivered.

"Oh yeah, you grew yourself an extra arm..."

"It was terrifying..." James said with a grimace.

"It was hilarious, Lily. What happened was that one day James got it into his head to try some erm...magical enhancements to his size, he used this spell and it went horribly wrong. He ended up with an extra arm sticking out from where his cock would normally be...it was so funny I think I pissed myself."

"It was creepy..."

Lily began to laugh loudly, Sirius grinned at her happily and they sat down in the living room.

XXX

Remus sat on the pavement with his fingers in his hair, his luggage had been thrown out after him and his clothes had scattered across the tarmac. He was shaking as the cold seeped into his bones, yet again he had been kicked out. Yet again he had been turned down for a job. Werewolves were monsters, evil, dark creatures with no morals, they were mad. He stifled a sob as he buried his head in his arms, his shoulders shook as he tried to stem the intense emotions, he was tired...never had he been so tired before, he felt as if his whole world had been falling apart ever since he and Sirius had made love. He still thought about that single night, it haunted his dreams, he could still taste Sirius when he woke up in a sweat, trembling as he remembered how his muscles had moved beneath his skin, how his voice had cried out in passion...every single bitter moment was etched forever in his mind and he could feel all his doubts, all his pain eating at him, making him bitter and cold in a world where he had once felt so happy.

He had done little more than think about Sirius, he had not seen him in two months as he hadn't been turning up to meetings. Many people in the order had come to the same conclusion; Sirius Black was a traitor. Only James stood up for him, telling everyone in no uncertain terms that he trusted Sirius with his life, and if they distrusted him then they distrusted him too. Remus had kept quiet, he loved James like a brother, he didn't want to start an argument with him.

END NOTE: Must state here; THE THREESOME THING WAS A JOKE! Lol. It had been playing around in my head for a while, but in the end I decided not to actually put it in as I can't see Lily agreeing with it and Sirius finds girly bits disgusting, but I liked it so much I wrote it in as a bit of friendly banter. :)