Chapter 21
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone from the WWE.

Author's Note: Here's a faster update for my awesome reviewers! You guys are amazing. Special thanks to Cena's baby doll, xXParieceXx, Sonib89, Keena, Felonxoxo, Lauren, Irshbeth, and Animal-Viper-Cena Fan. Your feedback was very much appreciated. Enjoy everyone!

Today was the day.

John's face lit up as he got off the car and was met by the sight of Roxanne's house. He shook his jittery nerves and immediately brought his hand to the doorbell. His eyes lingered. The wait was only increasing his anticipation. He rung the door bell again but before the sound fully made it's run, the door swung open.

John frowned.

He didn't expect to see what stood before him.

It was Roxanne looking more distraught than he'd ever seen. Her hair was in tangles, her eyes were red and puffy; it looked as if she'd been crying all day.

"Baby," John immediately wrapped his arms around her. "What's wrong?"

She sobbed harder as he began placating her with his hands. Her tears soaked up his shirt and she began to tremble against his frame.

"Shhhh," he ran his hand down her hair, smoothing each one that stuck out of place. "It's okay."

She clutched onto him tighter and tried her best to calm the nerves. She couldn't cry forever. Once she got a slight hold of herself, she let go of John and sniffled.

John placed a finger under her chin and pulled it up. "Baby, what's going on?"

She sniffled some more. "Emotional wreck."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

She shook her head. This was too much. She'd been dying inside and hearing her thoughts out loud sounded scary. Lethal.

"I just wanna relax ," she mumbled.

"Alright, we can definitely do that," John nodded. He made sure to close and lock the front door before he guided Roxanne into her room. "Let's just lay down."

She didn't say a single word. He felt her chest heave against his and within minutes, he saw that she was fast asleep.

John ran his hand over her hair and sighed. He never felt so helpless. Or clueless.

He saw the pain in her the night before Eve's wedding and that involved alcohol. But this, this he didn't understand. He knew he'd been hurting her, but he's apologized for everything. Up until now, he still wasn't sure if she was able to hear that apology, since he told her - unaware that she was drunk - but he was willing to bring it up again. He'd apologize over and over if she wanted him to. If that's what it'd take for that devastating look in her eyes to go away. He'd do it.

And that, he did the very second she woke up. He kissed her then gently brought up the subject of Miz and what he had done because of Miz.

She chuckled softly. "Why are you telling me this again?"

John raised his eyebrows. "You remember the first time?"

She nodded her head. "I wasn't even that drunk."

"But-but you never said anything about it afterwards. You were so relaxed the next day, I couldn't even tell."

She shrugged and snuggled her body even closer to his. "Mm, there was no use in ruining that day. And you apologized didn't you? What more do I need?"

John began caressing her back. She was amazing, in more ways than he can even make account for. She struck him speechless, and left him in a trance.

Roxanne pulled herself up and ran a hand down her hair. She crossed her legs and faced John. He saw the same devastated look in her eyes, and that, he still didn't understand. If she had accepted his apology then why did she still look so distraught? Was there something else bothering her?

Whatever it was, she did a good job at disguising it. John almost bought the formed smile on her face.

"Rox," he called out. His concern was building. "What's going on?"

She sighed. "I don't know how else to say it, so I'll just be completely honest and to the point."

John felt his senses heighten. He was alarmed and the panic warped him up. He knew whatever it was she was about to say, he'd have no defenses for it, whatsoever. His heart began to race, he could feel it coming out of his chest.

"I don't think you should come here anymore."

He felt his heart twinge. But it wasn't momentarily. It was over and over and over again. The same painful strides repeated themselves. It's like someone had stuck a knife in him and kept it there to get dragged on.

She continued. "I just, I can't do this, John. I can't see you anymore."

Silence.

"John," she called softly. It pinched his heart to hear his name escape her lips right after what she had just told him.

"Why?" was all he could mutter.

She sighed. The reasons why had been drowning her; now she had to be it's lifesaver and bring it back up. But she had to. She had to for John. He deserved to know what's been going on in her head. "I can't be this other woman anymore."

"But you're not."

"How could you say that? I am the other woman. I've been."

"Why? Because I call someone else my wife? Yeah I do but that doesn't change the fact that I'm in love with you."

Silence.

Roxanne closed her eyes and drew in some air. She needed to breathe. "You were right. I can't let people do shit to me anymore. I mean, look at me. I got involved with an abusive boyfriend, I've gotten kissed by my boss, and I've fallen in love with a married man."

She heaved as her burdened thoughts came to life. It's voice wasn't just in her head anymore.

John's face fell.

"I wanna thank you for everything you've done, John. I never thought I could share something so special with someone like you. I feel blessed to have it even happen-"

"Then why are you just letting it end?" John cut in. He had strength in his voice and he would be damned if he wasn't going to use that strength as a tool to fight for her.

"Because."

"Because what, Roxanne?" he searched her eyes but she looked away.

She couldn't even look him in the eye anymore. "Because it hurts."

"And you think it wont hurt if you just leave?"

"It will John but I just- I- I can't do it anymore."

John felt himself dwindle.

"Just go back to your wife."

"Damn it, Roxanne," John clenched his fist and got up from the bed. "This isn't even about her. You and me aren't about her at all. This whole time we've had something going on, you were always the one thinking about her. Not me. You're hurting because you keep letting yourself worry over some other person when it should just be about us."

"That's easy for you to say. You don't even know how I feel. I can't just pretend your wife isn't there, John." Roxanne got up.

The bed was in between them now.

"Every single time you were with me, there was always a problem with her. Every single time you ignored me, you guys were always okay. So how can you tell me not to worry? How do you think that makes me feel?" Roxanne threw her arms up to her sides. "Like a damn advocate for your happiness when your wife couldn't give it to you."

John brought a hand to his forehead. The room was starting to spin.

"I've been defenseless for a long time now, but that has to end. Just like we do."

John curled his fists in so firmly that it began to turn white. He couldn't believe how many times she had to say they were over, or that she couldn't do it anymore. "I just-" he paused. His voice was barely a whisper now. "I don't understand how you can tell me you love me then suddenly just wanna give up."

"I have to."

"Why?"

"Because you haven't given her up."

Damn it. He did. He's been wanting to and he already did. He just hasn't told her for the simple fact that he wanted it to be official first. He needed the papers for proof. He wanted to offer her something tangible, rather than just his words.

"Roxanne, I can't give up Liz if I never really had her in the first place." John walked himself to Roxanne and cupped her cheek. "If you're talking about my marriage, hell, I gave that up a long time ago. I told you I wouldn't make love to you unless I made my choice. And I did, Roxanne. I thought you would've felt it."

"I did, but I couldn't be sure. You're still married and-"

"Yeah I am still married. Can we please get over that already? Look at your left hand. Do you see a ring there?"

"No."

"And does not having one take away the fact that you're in love with me?"

"No."

"Exactly. Marriage doesn't mean anything if the right feelings aren't there. Trust me, I tried to fix my marriage. I really did because I thought maybe, maybe you were just a phase. Maybe if I gave my marriage another chance, I'd feel something again. But I didn't. I couldn't feel anything close to what I ever felt with you. I-I can't escape you, Rox. You became a part of me I can't resist."

Roxanne, for the first time that day, felt her heart lax.

They stared at each other in silence and John took the opportunity to place both of her hands in his.

"So what now?" she asked.

John shrugged. "I don't know."

Roxanne bit her lip. He was in love with her and she was sure of that now. Completely sure. She could see it in his eyes, she could hear it in his voice, and she felt it. God damn it, she felt it. It was the realest thing she ever felt in her entire life.

Not knowing what would happen next was always a problem for her, but for once, she was beginning to think it was okay.

She had John, and since she's surrendered her heart, all she could do was trust him with it.

Roxanne sat on the couch, behind John, with her legs wrapped around his muscular build. Her arms were hugged around his torso, allowing her hair to fall freely against his back. They were watching TV and once the commercials went on, John chuckled.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

He looked back at her. "Shouldn't I be the one spooning you?"

She responded by tightening her grip.

"It feels good though." John couldn't deny.

"It does. I love hugging you."

"I love you too, baby." John beamed. He loved how free he felt every time those words escaped his lips.

"I um- I wanna talk to you," she brought up shyly.

John swiped his tongue on the inside of his mouth and took hold of the remote. He turned the TV off and faced her. "What's up?"

"You tell me."

He raised his eyebrows. "Tell you what?"

She sighed. "You know."

John drew his face closer to hers then shook his head. "No, baby, I'm sorry, I don't."

"Liz."

John instinctively drew his head back at the mention of her name. He frowned. "What about her?"

"What's your status with her?"

"Well…she knows all about you. She tried to fix our marriage by bringing us to counseling. I told her it was practically impossible and we left it there."

"So what now?"

John shrugged. "I told you, I don't know."

Roxanne nodded slowly. She seemed to be trying to process all this. "Hmmm."

"Stop. Thinking. About. Her," John ordered. "Damn baby, I swear, you worry her about too much. Too much."

She sighed. He was right but who could blame her?

"Stop that," he added. "I know our situation isn't completely right yet. There's definitely baggage but baby, come on. You're taking away from us."

Roxanne put up a hand for defense. "I know, I know. You're right."

John grabbed her hand and placed it over his neck then pulled her closer towards him. He smiled. "Of course, I am. Now relax."

He was going for a kiss but before he made full contact, the door bell rang. They both emitted a frustrated sigh as she lightly pushed him off.

Before touching the knob, she stole a glance at the mirror and smoothed out her hair. She opened her door and blinked.

Roxanne couldn't believe who was at her door. There, stood the first man that ever broke her heart.

Immediately, she got engulfed into repressed fears and worries. All the pain was coming full force again, just when she thought it was over.

"Dad."

The aged man nodded. "My Roxanne."

Her knees buckled. She got weak but the pent up anger gave her a voice. "Yours? Yeah, dad, I'm still just a piece of property to you, huh?"

She felt John's eyes burning through to her. The room grew tense and each person there seemed frozen in place.

"Roxanne."

"What do you want from me?"

"I just wanted to see my daughter, that's all."

"Wow. You act like I'm some leisure activity. What am I, flavor of the week to you?"

"Roxanne."

"Seriously, what do you want from me?"

"I just wanted to see you."

"Why?"

"Because I'm dying."

Roxanne gripped the door knob tightly. "Well you know dad, so is everybody else."

The room grew quiet and the way it left Roxanne in utter discomfort caused her to close the door. The silence was broken by the sound of her locks being turned and John coming to his feet.

"Baby…"

She walked to him and shrugged.

"That's your dad."

"Whom you know nothing about."

"Baby…"

Roxanne put up her hands and placed it over his chest. "If you're planning to say how cold that was of me, then save your breath, and don't."

"But-"

Roxanne placed a finger over his mouth but he talked over it anyway.

"But baby, why? I don't understand."

Roxanne released her hand and ran it shakily over her hair. "I never talked about my dad to you, have I?"

John shook his head apprehensively. He was beginning to think that was a good thing.

"Well," Roxanne took a long pause. She wanted to sound as nonchalant as possible even though she was anything but. "Let's just say Miz wasn't the first one that fucked me up."

Author's Note: Well well well, we just learned more about Roxanne didn't we? How is this gonna affect anything? Leave a review and lemme know what you think! Then I'll update to unfold even more. Thanks everyone, reviewers and readers :)

April 17, 2011