Chapter 21

Sitting in the quiet area looking out across the town and bay Ben let the fragmented memories, questions and realisation of time tumble through his mind, knowing they would settle and possibly disappear. Gradually he recognised the view and what it meant to him, as well as the fact there were memories he could not get to. He knew Father Antonio and Sister Jane were there for him but ignored them because he felt trapped by his silence, though there was a ripple of understanding that together they would find the keys to the missing bits, and he was not alone anymore. Also he needed to trust them in spite of the deep unknown fear that had swamped him, closed him down and made him move away from them ... made him feel that space between them was safer for them… him ... he didn't know.

After awhile he was tossing and turning his fragmented memories of Meg with his guilt of leaving her, and knew he needed to ask her for forgiveness tonight regardless of the large gaps about their relationship and his life. And knew her answer … her reaction to him meant everything to him … rejection or acceptance… heartbreak or love. He felt restless, edgy and could not settle … there was something else … something important that he should know or do or be doing. But he couldn't get hold of the information didn't know where to look or how … the darkness was still there in the distance waiting to swallow him up. He could not explain it to his friends who were watching over him, and he could not sit there anymore he had to move do something and hoped this strange edgy feeling and catching memories would settle.

He got up and walked over to the children's graves, checking over the rose as it cascaded down the hedge, those feelings, memories disappeared giving him peace. A weed near a child's grave caught his eye and he crouched down picked it out then tossed it under the hedge out of sight, and memories of his time with Benjy swam into focus. He tried to get them clearer and into context as they were only tiny fragments, but darkness threatened to overwhelm him. He thought of Meg as they'd worked side by side in the garden and found the darkness started to drift away back to the edges of his mind leaving him breathless.

Taking a moment to get his breath back he realised he had successful in evaded darkness by thinking of something else … of Meg. But he also sensed he could not return to those memories of Benjy, and started to wonder why it should worry him and who Benjy was. Feeling agitated and restless again he got up and looked around, then walked slowly towards his brother's grave wanting the strange closeness he found there and hoped this time he would have some answers as well as comfort.

He stood for a moment looking down at it and then eased himself down to sit beside the grave and ran his fingers over the letters on temporary headstone, that read 'Derek Evans died 24 December 1999 Rest In Peace'. Feeling the strange closeness wrap round him he let his mind drift back into their child and young adulthood, rather than the recent past, which he knew could bring another fight with darkness… he missed and loved his twin.

oxoxo

Father Antonio looked over at Sister Jane as she walked towards him and smiled knowing she wanted to be with them but couldn't, and if he was brutally honest he was dreading tonight, perhaps they should change places, but that would mean he'd …

Her quite cheerful voice broke through his thoughts. "Good luck Father my thoughts are with you and I'll keep my phone on in case you need me. So don't hesitate to ring, but I know you won't need to. He trusts you and so does Meg, and you've got Casey with you as well."

He gave a quiet laugh finding tension and fears gone, and said. "Thank you Sister. I'll see you later tonight and I'll tell you what happens"

Sister Jane smiled, nodded and then looked over at Ben before walking away knowing she would keep Father Antonio to that offer, no matter what time he came in and how brief it would be, if he was going to sleep out in the porch with Ben.

Picking up the phone from the table and putting it in his pocket, Antonio then walked over to Ben knowing they should move as people would start coming to Mass soon, and he didn't want them starring or asking questions. Nor did he want to rush Ben, who seemed to be in deep thought and hoped he would be back in talking mode. He had no idea how his friend was as he'd not taken any notice of them since walking off in the afternoon, and now the sun was setting and dusk would turn into night and he would sleep. As Antonio walked over and then sat beside Ben, he considered all the possibilities including total rejection and asking quietly. "Are you all right Ben?"

Antonio sighed silently as he got a nod, then concentrated as Ben moved his hands quickly away from his brother's grave and started the basic form of sign language he'd caught a glimpse of that morning in Meg's garden. As he watched he realised what was being said and hoped the shrug at the end was not Ben's way of saying 'slow coach', as he took a couple of moments to get his thoughts together and then said needing confirmation. "You don't understand why Derek treated you like he did; you love him and would have shared everything with him, especially Benjy."

He was pleased he'd got a nod from Ben and asked "You left home on good terms?" half expecting a 'cut off' gesture, as Ben had never spoken about Derek after the first kidnapping, and he had not pushed as they all thought Derek was dead and it would take time for Ben to come to terms with it, and then events happened as they all ways seemed to do in Sunset Beach.

The gesture never came, instead Ben shrugged and nodded then drew four stick figures in the air and pointed to the white air trail that a plane had just left in the sky, and held his hands together four times with a slight grin.

Antonio was quietly enjoying the experience now he was getting used to the gestures and guessed thinking over his own childhood. "You had your usual brotherly troubles but you all said goodbye at the airport with love not anger, the break with your brother came later."

Ben nodded and pointed to his brother's grave and drew one beside it, and Antonio knew he meant his parents and said gently. "After your parents died?"

Antonio couldn't help his slight smile as he saw Ben's sharp nod and then read Ben protective signing that Derek had nothing to do with his parents' death, and reassured him with genuine feeling. "Its okay I understand, didn't think he would. Perhaps his grief turned him against you regardless of the help you or anyone else gave him. Did you return home for your parents' funeral?"

Ben nodded then clasped his hands together as he had in the beginning, then broke the clasp and then let them rest on his legs.

Antonio knew their conversation about Derek was closed and was about to suggest they move, when he saw Ben move his hands towards his chest one resting on his heart before reaching out to him with both of them and grasping his hands gentle in them, and then guided them to the temporary headstone on Derek's grave. While making sure he neither toppled nor showed resistance, Antonio noticed Ben's expression was softer and understood what he was trying to get across. He gently turned his hands in Ben light grasp so he could hold Ben's hands to reinforce the truth as he said. "Ben I'm glad I could do it for you and your brother. Those who came to the funeral did so with understanding not hate, and I'm sorry you could not come. I read your wishes and the Will he wrote in your name, and the other Fathers agreed it would be all right for him to rest here. If you feel the need for anything different it will be all right to change things." He felt Ben's hand move and broke the grasp but carried on. "But now we should go if we wish to miss the rush for Mass and not keep Meg waiting."

Feeling the warmth and truth of Antonio's words Ben nodded and tried to find out why he didn't go to his twin's funeral and found nothing at all, only the threat of darkness and knew not to push for any memories. Remembering about the coming visit he knew what he needed to do before he saw Meg and pointed towards his yard hoping Antonio would understand.

Antonio understood the message and said. "That's okay I'll see if Casey has managed to park close by then come and get you."

They helped each other up and Antonio couldn't quite put a name to what he was feeling as he watched Ben go, perhaps it was a mixture of everything with a large dollop of pride that he should be so trusted by this man. After all, Ben had never opened up about his brother before and to do it now and in sign language showed it was important to him. But the fact he was so comfortable with sign language in that state worried Antonio, and he hoped next time Ben would feel he could actually speak to him... join the silent Ben and the talking Ben together.

Walking towards the kitchen entrance to go round the front of the Mission he could not help wondering what was going to happen when Ben saw Meg … would he sign to her or would he try and break that barrier and speak. Trouble was they had other barriers to break through as well … their reservations and guilt about their past and leaving each other … they had both done it, it was not just Meg leaving Ben as it had been … would that make a bigger barrier or would it help them break it down. He shook his head to stop his thoughts … they weren't doing anyone any good least of all him, and he needed to find Casey before Ben was ready… find out how far they needed to walk or if the police car had moved to let them in…..

oxoxo

Having found Casey and dealt with the odd bits and pieces that always seemed to crop up, Antonio walked into Ben's yard knowing everything was ready for their getaway. He smiled as he saw Ben come out of the washroom and stop in the light from the building and look over at him with a slight tilt of the head, which Antonio knew was a silent question to him. He nearly laughed because nothing could be taken back now if he'd said 'no it was not a good idea', instead he gave his nod of approval but could not help asking. "Are you sure about this Ben?"

Ben nodded and put his cap on, hitched his bag so it was comfortable on his shoulder and started to walk towards him. As they met Antonio couldn't help adding "I want you to be careful when you see Meg …don't rush things … most of all don't worry if you stay silent, she'll understand."

Ben stopped for a moment and looked at him, then nodded and turned his head and seeing Casey at the end of the passageway set off to meet him.

Antonio walked behind his friend wondering what the hell this evening was going to produce because the lost stranger was gone … this was Ben as in Ben on a date. Especially as he was now clean shaven with body language that screamed Ben Evans in spite of the cap and jumper. … He also wondered if Ben thought by doing this he would break through his wall of silence when he saw her. … He hoped so . Or was it stronger than that … Ben knew this was the trigger he needed and it had come to him in the washroom, or perhaps as he sat watching the view. … But what if it wasn't What if it set him back?… Antonio did not have time to finish that depressing thought because they met up with Casey.

Casey smiled as he put a hand on Ben's arm saying "Good to see you Ben." Then back to Antonio. "Its all clear, we've just missed an early group but we've got to keep moving." Then he turned and escorted them out through the Mission gates to the rescue truck, trying hard to quell the feeling of excitement that was running through him because in spite of the cap and jumper he could see that old determination in his friend's body language, and knew he was nearly back with them ... so tonight could be it ... the start of their new beginning…

They quickly found their places in the rescue track, and as Casey drove off Antonio hid a smile seeing an unmarked police car pull out and follow them at a distance and knew he had back up if he needed it.

oxoxo

Across town Meg had felt the full range of emotions since Ben's collapse that morning, and had been updated by everyone and been given the green light by Sister Jane not long ago. Along with the full rang of emotions there was frustration on Ben's behalf, but at the moment she was simmering with nervous tension like she had on her first date or the knot when she went for the job she really really wanted and felt totally unprepared for. … But this wasn't a job this was as date with the man she loved … who she couldn't touch … who didn't know himself….and might not know her when he arrived. … How strange was that?...

She'd been through her wardrobe pulling out dresses and skirts and putting them back finally deciding Ben needed familiarity rather than feminine beauty. He'd seen her in top and jeans in the morning so she went through her tops and finally found a matching set of cardigan and top, which she felt happy with and now with jeans and only a touch of make up was ready to go.

Trying to take a breath to calm herself she checked bag again for what seemed to be the tenth time and chided herself silently "Everything is there! Get move on otherwise you'll be late and then what!"

Flicking the side light on in case she was late back she made it out the bedroom, though her mind was racing over that afternoon and her fears again, which was soo stupid. She had nothing to fear … not really …Ben would not reject her … he'd come home … Okay, so he might not have realised he was home at first …but he does now … and he still wants to see her. It would be all right if Ben collapsed as he had that morning, Antonio would be there as would Casey and he would wake up from it, he had before. … She could also reassure him they all knew he was not responsible for Tim's death no matter what he thought. And her father, bless him had gently reminded her that he was okay with everything and the red car was still off limits. …

"The keys to the 'work' car … in your bag idiot!" She huffed and checked the time and ran downstairs, she really was going to be late if she wasn't careful and just as she got to the front door the phone, which was in the lounge rang.

Anxiously she turned and put one step towards walking to answer it, when the door bell rang followed instantly by an impatient loud knocking and the bell again. As the phone had not stopped she was torn between the two.

Being nearer to the front door than then the phone she opened the door and found a flustered Bette on the doorstep.

Turning away from her friend and expecting her to come in Meg said. "I'll just get the phone Bette."

Instead Bette grabbed Meg and yelled "No! Don't answer that or you're other one either, just go!"

Meg turned back with a grimace of pain and anxiously said. "Bette it could be about Ben."

Bette immediately let go and gave a short sharp laugh and exclaimed. "Yes!It's that damn Doctor wanting to get him on her couch!"

Surprise swept the pain away and Meg said sharply. "Bette, explain and I'm going to be late if it's long." Knowing how Bette could go on and on before she got to the point.

Bette gave a sigh as she turned and walked towards the cars knowing Meg would have to leave the phone and let the answer machine pick up, which is what Meg did. Meg also made sure she had her keys and locked the door and then walked quickly to hear Bette's dramatic and rushed explanation.

"The bitch is with Tyus, AJ and Charles at the hospital. We were having a quiet talk about Ben when she charged in ranting on that she should have Ben at Cedar Oaks before he got killed forgetting where he was when walking the streets with Antonio, or taking flight or worse killing someone as he hit out in confusion or anger or like Derek. She said there had been a complaint made, but not by whom. I sneaked out for a supposed loo break to warn you. I think they need both you and Antonio to commit him. When I left Tyus was explaining about the other doctor, don't know how long that will hold. She's on a roll and wants Ben, always has since she knew there was a twin. You and Antonio need to get Ben out of town or somewhere safe perhaps by…."

"Bette!" Meg shouted to stop her friend carrying on and then calmly said. "If we hide she'll get hold of Jude and he'll have his officers bring Ben in and we can't have that."

Bette got agitated and pleaded. "Meg! He needs somewhere safe and quiet we all know that. Not her damn questions or padded room while we go get the Judge to get him out! As long as she can not get hold of both of you he will be safe, I'm sure of it. You need to get him!"

Meg was over by her car and knew she had to placate Bette or she'd kidnap Ben herself, and another kidnapping however well meant to add to his list was the last thing anyone wanted. "Okay I'll see what Antonio says when I meet him at the Shock Wave, and we can get hold of Jude through the officers who are with them."

"Good girl, now go and remember switch that phone off." Bette felt better as she got in her car and drove off, she'd done all she could for her Prince of Darkness, and now she'd have tell AJ what she'd done and think up and excuse for being gone so long. Though she reckoned they understood and that meant the damn Doctor as well….

As Meg drove to the Shock Wave she began to fear she would see a reception party there with her presence making it all legal for him to be taken away. It was the sensible place to expect them if they'd been missed at the Mission, and the Doctor knew about the meeting. What could she do to help Ben, they all knew he was a danger in flight hence the precautions, but who'd put it down on paper … had word got out that it was Ben at the Mission … perhaps the good doctor had made up the complaint once she heard the rumours, or was someone getting payback? Ben had stood on a few toes in the past….

oxoxo

About the same time as Ben and Antonio were sitting beside Derek's grave, Ricardo was just reaching the door out of the police station ready to leave for the evening when he heard Jude's shout. "Ricardo! Wait I've just got off the phone and need a word. It won't take long I know Gabi and Cathy are waiting."

Ricardo turned and spotted Jude had a cup of coffee and signed he was going to grab one, Jude waited in silence and Ricardo guessed by his silence it was about Ben rather than the murder enquiry, so waited till they got in the office and Jude had closed the door before saying. "Well."

Jude smiled knowing the look and tone of voice as well as the fact it was well known, a cup of coffee meant a long session and said hoping to reassure as well was explain. "I was thirsty and this will not take long I promise you. Patrick's just rung in and I'd like you to hear the information and discuss or just agree to sleep on the information will be fine." Jude took a gulp of coffee as Ricardo nodded and found pen and paper, then he carried on. "Patrick took the freeway down it was a good journey as it was clear but it took him awhile to find the farm because … …"

Feeling relieved Ricardo finished his coffee and gave a slow smile as he pondered all the information, and knowing Jude would give him free reign said. "I agree with Patrick's assessment now we know Ben is into gardening etc. But it would not have been a senseless risk no matter what he'd been through, he didn't take risks when mourning Maria. It was more like the other way round which caused some of my suspicions against him... he was thinking too clearly, doing too well… of course I know now that's how he mourns. I agree with you, we should not rub the local boys up the wrong way, especially as we might be dealing an established family whether good or bad, perhaps he'll get something without asking.

It great to hear about Betsy and know she's not just part of Ben's mixed up mind, though there is still a possibility something's not right there... he could be remembering things wrong. If the kid was silent that could account for the signing he knows, and he's just slipped into it. I know Patrick has a good feeling about people, but still doesn't answer why they've never contacted us if he went missing on them. Don't forget this Sy woman admitted they needed a rich rescuer. … He could have been that rich rescuer, that last withdrawal was February and he doesn't come to light till mid March. Could be he tried and failed and they turned on him, hence no contact. Of course, that would mean with them coming here we are giving them bad news and will be putting Ben in danger at a time when he can not defend himself. Word against word no proof on either side. It will be a family against one.

Jude nodded and said "Perhaps but we can protect him because he is silent and on our territory, but I take your point. But surely if that was the case, wouldn't they have stayed well clear of Sunset Beach knowing it was his home ground. I don't know this information opens more questions than answers. Patrick's going on line to see what he can find now he's got more history and the other names to play with. He's eating at the moment and playing nice as he put it.

Of course there's always the possibility Ben decided to change his name along with his appearance to break with his dead twin completely, which would mean these people didn't have a contact address, don't know they are coming to his base. There is the other possibility they might have thought they were being taken for a ride, it could have been a 'cash in hand' arrangement in the beginning and he left to get more cash and never came back as Patrick suggested."

There was silence as they both pondered the new possibilities and then Jude started hesitantly with the other suggestion. "Umm we don't know what effect Derek's death had on Ben after he left, … could have started out all right then he went down hill … which throws up the possibility he was a patient not a business partner at all, … and the money was payment for treatment only or part payment and there is a business venture in a completely different area, which we have yet to find.

He sighed and concluded. "That unfortunately would produce a whole lot of new questions, which I don't want to face till we've positive proof. The group are coming in late morning, now I'm assuming that will mean 10.30 onwards. They have our phone number if they need help or to change things and I'll stay on direct call all night. I know you won't like this but it will be just Tyus and I seeing them …Damn and blast it!"

Ricardo, who'd been thinking he would be excluded, looked at him sharply because of his sudden exclamation.

Jude shook his head and sighed then carried on very seriously. "The name Bob Paxman has just rung the bell that's been niggling me since Patrick mentioned the names of the people. There was a special services officer who lectured to an FBI course about going deep undercover, without getting killed as well as how to run certain scams."

At Ricardo's raised eyebrows he added. "He was damn good and if he went native I've no doubt he could get rid of bodies if need be, without them ever coming to light if things went wrong … not that they would go wrong with his thinking."

"Well at least he is not a body, though he nearly was after the first kidnapping and anyway I thought I was the miserable one regarding Ben." Ricardo commented packing his pen and pad away knowing they were moving into speculation rather than facts, and that could go round in circles for ages and he needed to get home.

Jude gave a short laugh. "True and Patrick did say he got good vibes from the place and Sy, but I'll bear it in mind and get the history before we take them to Ben. Still it's odd that they were coming regarding the garden centre, Meg bought it and Ben's turned up. I don't know. We've got their van reg. and we know when the accident to the old one happened, so we can track it via internet papers and find out where they are likely to be coming from. I'll set up a watch at the freeway junctions and pick them up then guide them in. If Patrick comes up with anything doggy I might ask the local officers just to watch camping sites, in case they do a runner or the story is a hoax."

Ricardo nodded "Of course if we go with your thinking that this Bob character is special ops and a villain, then you'll have no idea if he's lying or not and that might complicate things slightly. How's Annie?" and shifted his chair back ready to get up.

Jude gave a soft laugh "Complicated will not be the word for it. … Annie, she's been bugging me for the latest and a trip down to the Shock Wave in five minutes, but I told her no and added the threat of jail time if she sneaks over there. … Though I must admit it's a tempting idea."

Ricardo smiled and any comment was stopped by a knock at the door and an Officer coming in and handing Jude an envelope, which he opened as the Officer left. Pulling the photo out of the envelope Jude sighed and put it on the table, then reached for the phone and dialled, while waiting for pick up, commented. "Unless Ben's done a quick female and blonde job, we could have trouble over his money."

Ricardo looked at the photo as Jude spoke into the phone. "Patrick can we talk … … Any of the female members of the family have long blonde hair … … …. Okay, it's a grainy ATM photo which means Ben must have trusted someone enough to let them have his card. … … … Thanks, and you can check it out, but don't cross swords with the locals and that definitely includes the chief. … … … I need you back early but don't drive through the night as I might need you to do some leg work for me here … … … Yeah you can ring me any time … … … and goodnight to you too." and finished his call.

Ricardo had been thinking while half listening to Jude's call, and said. "Sara gave me a programme which could make this one clearer."

Jude was thoughtful for a moment. "As far as he knows all the family down there have dark hair so that could clear them. Ben could have been laid up and needed the cash so it was a friend doing a favour …adds credence to our other theory unfortunately. Do the picture and we'll keep it quiet for the moment. Patrick's going to walk round the churchyard to see if the story about Betsy's parents' checks out, after he's finished his meal … says the apple pie looks good enough to die for. That lad really knows how to make me feel jealous."

Ricardo smiled and nodded, then added looking at the photo. "I think we both agree Ben would not have trusted just anybody with his card, so we'll have to go back and think about the emails and the other ATM's etc." Though he voiced the thought, he knew Jude would wait till tomorrow when they hopefully had more information, unless of course Ben decided to tell everything to Meg tonight, but that was more speculation he didn't want, and put the photo in the envelope and asked as he walked towards the door. "What are you doing about tonight and the firecrackers?"

Jude finished scribbling his note to the duty officer and got up to join him, hoping Ricardo had not heard his stomach rumbling, he was going to get Patrick when he got back. He'd been fine till apple pie had been mentioned, and now he was starving, and said. "Double the patrols and hope. Must admit was tempted to give Ben ear muffs or get Tyus to give him a sleeping pill tonight, but in view of his reaction to pills I canalled that one. If you include the firecrackers that have gone off already, and the lot handed in, there can't be too many out there. Mind you it might only take one to send him over the top.

Of course as we very publicly arrested a group of kids a warnings gone out, and the fact there could be a big fine has also gone round by word and mouth, as well as on the telly. As you know Paul and the IT Officer are checking the chat rooms for this Simple Simon character, hopefully they'll be able to trace him back or stop anything from happening, and I'll pass on this other thing about the van. Other wise have a good night."

Ricardo nodded and said lightly. "Some hope as Cathy will get us up anyway. I'll drop this picture in early if you want me too, otherwise see you after my shopping trip."

They had got to the reception desk so Jude handed the slip of paper to an Officer with instructions what to do, and then continued their conversation as they walked towards the Station doors. "Don't make a special trip everything is running smoothly regarding the murder investigation. I'll leave any information I get from that and this other family in the office, and give the Desk Sergeant the key if I need to go to the Mission with them to see Ben. I'll ring you at home if anything else turns up so take an early lunch, then you'll have a clear run through till the evening. I know you can't do anything yourself but you can ring me if I'm not available, then Spence or one of the senior officers to can act on it I know I can trust your judgement on things, also Patrick will be happy to discuss anything with you as well don't forget he can use other data bases if needs be. Just to cover yourself though, put everything in writing with times etc. You settled down after your sister's visit?"

"Sort of I need to discuss something with Antonio which will have to wait till after Ben's been sorted." Ricardo felt good that Jude trusted him, but didn't feel a close enough bond to explain what had happened.

Jude noticed Ricardo's ever so slight unease and knowing he'd lost that tight knit relationship police officers had and probably didn't have one outside yet, said hoping to reassure him he had a lifeline. "You know you can discuss anything with me and it will not go any further or judgement given unless wanted."

Ricardo thought for a moment and was nearly tempted, but knew it was a family matter at the moment and said with real appreciation. "Thanks I'll bear that in mind and see you tomorrow after lunch." He held the door for Jude to walk through, but a sergeant who'd just answered the phone yelled Jude's name.

With a shrug Jude turned back to take the call, muttering "Well, guess that's my tea in the bin again!"

Ricardo couldn't help his smile of sympathy as he left.