CHAPTER 20

(Charles)

As it turned out, Erik stayed in the hosptial for a total of five days. Which was probably quite good for him. He was fine in the beginning, but that was most likely due to the fact that he had just had surgery, his abdomen was still quite sore and he was still weak as well, which caused him to take it easy whether he liked it or not. But after a few days of taking it easy, even though the soreness was still there, he started getting restless, very much like a caged wild animal. After the first day or so, he refused to stay in his bed and would be up pacing around in his room or more often, wondering the halls and was even a bit short tempered at times. I ended up 'living' at the hospital because as I found out, I was needed to keep Erik calm on several occasions throughout his short stay. I did manage to secure a chess game from someone who worked at the hospital after they had overheard me say casually said it was too bad that we didn't have one. But of course it only takes so much time to play chess and there are several other hours in a day which needed to be filled. Finally, exasperated myself with Erik by the 4th day, I approached the doctor in charge of him and asked if it might be better that I take him home to finish out his recovery. I could tell that the doctor would be more than happy with this idea, but wanted to make sure that it would not produce a negative effect on Erik's abdominal injury, so he did a thorough examination of Erik and his wound. Then satisfied, and with very strict rules to not over exert himself and to come back for another checkup and then to get the stitches removed, he signed Erik's discharge papers on the 5th day. As soon as we were outside, Erik stopped to breathe the air in deeply.

"Ah...do you smell that Charles? It's the smell of freedom." I couldn't help but smile at him. His whole demeanour had changed the moment we stepped outside. I couldn't really blame him for not wanting to be in the hospital. Especially in his case.

Soon we found ourselves standing outside of the door to my...our place once again. Erik was still sore and still moved slowly, but now that he was out of the hospital, he seemed to be more than willing to take things easier. It was obvious just how very pleased he was to be back home again. As was I...pleased and happy for both of us, but especially Erik.

Raven was the first to greet us and practically running up to us, hugged us both, taking care to go easy on Erik. "It's so good to have you both back home." Then quietly she added, "The two boys were starting to drive me crazy!"

"What have they done now?" I sighed resignedly.

"Oh, don't worry Charles, it was just the usual teasing. No physical damage."

"Thank god for that." I breathed more freely.

"You're back!" Sean and Alex now noticed and came up to us. "Hey..Mag...uh...Erik. Why don't you show us your 'war wound'?"

"Alex! Give him a break! He just got in the door!" Raven reprimanded him sharply.

"No...it's alright.." Erik replied.

"Well you should not be kept standing. At least come in, sit down and make yourself comfortable first." She told him.

"Thank you. I can't tell you how good it is to be back home." He said as we all followed her into the lounge we frequented the most. I had to chuckle to myself at Erik's statement as I could guess how it good it was for Erik to be back home and without reading his mind, given his behaviour at the hospital.

It was now that I noticed that Hank hadn't been around to greet us. I checked his mind to find that he was avoiding us...and I knew why. I decided that I would let him come to us first instead of me going to him...

"Now can you show us, Erik?" It was Sean who asked eagerly this time and before Erik sat down.

He obliged the boys by gingerly lifting his shirt up to show off the vertical line of ugly dark stitching which was still surrounded by red-pink skin.

"WHOA...!" was the reaction of both boys, obviously impressed with his 'war wound'. I saw a new respect for Erik in both of their wide eyes. Erik looked over their heads at me with an amused expression on his face.

"You're still sore aren't you?" Raven asked sympathetically. "I can tell by how slowly you move."

"It'll pass." Was Erik's nonchalant reply as he smiled at her.

This was when I caught Hank now hanging outside the door of the room, peeking in at the rest of us. I wheeled myself over to where he was. "Why don't you come in and join us, Hank?" I invited quietly.

"Charles...I..." He began, paused, then with a bit of a sigh started again, shaking his head slightly. "I am not proud of what happened, Charles. When I saw Erik lying on the ground bleeding and so close to death...that was when I really understood what he had done to save us. And then when you showed up and he was struggling to talk...the first thing he wanted to know was if everyone was safe. He had done that for us. He hadn't been thinking about himself, he was thinking about us. He hadn't hesitated and I have no doubt that he wouldn't have. But I did. And it could have cost him his life. I had been selfish and he could have died because of it."

"That is when emotions can become 'dangerous'. When you let them cloud your 'vision'. In times of crises, you have to learn to let go of any of 'dangerous' emotions you may have that may cost another innocent's life."

Hank hung his head at my words. "I'm sorry Charles.."

"I am not angry with you Hank, you have been paying for it with your guilt, but it's time to stop. And you know what else you must do to make it stop. It's not me you should be making your peace with." I told him gently, but firmly. He nodded his head in agreement. "For now, why don't you come in and join us." I stated rather than asked. "It's the first step. It'll make it a little easier for you later.." I encouraged him.

Hank followed me slowly into the room. Erik noticed him and as Hank approached him, he said, "Hank...I understand that you were the first one to get to me and saved my life."

Hank shook his head slightly and looking down he replied quietly, "It was nothing. Really."

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you. Thank you." Erik told him sincerely.

Hank looked at Erik and gave him a small smile, then said, "I...I um... I have to go. But I am glad you are home again," He added genuinely, then left the room again.

"Was it something I said?" Erik asked puzzled.

"He's been acting kind of moody for days. Since that night..." Alex chimed in.

"Of course not, Erik." I replied shaking my head and then addressed them all, "Don't worry about him...you know how he gets whenever he gets involved in science."

"Oh...right." Was Erik's not thoroughly convinced reply. "Look if you guys don't mind, I would actually like to lie down myself. I'm quite tired."

"Yes, that is a good idea, Erik. I know you never had any proper rest at the hospital at all. I'm sure you must be exhausted. You must use your own bed too." I insisted. My own room was still under repair. I had finally contacted someone to come in and start working on it while I had been staying with Erik at the hospital. It would be a few more days before it was ready.

Erik nodded and then left the room. Alex and Sean were next to follow suit to go and do their own thing. Raven remained behind and once everyone had left, turned to me and said, "Charles...can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Of course. What would you like to talk about?"

"I think we should go somewhere more private."

"My study?" I suggested, baffled wondering what she wanted to talk about that required privacy.

"Sure. That would be a fine."

We left the lounge and made our way down to my study, where after I went in first, she looked both ways down the hall before closing the door. I turned my chair around and faced her, "So what's up that you wanted to talk with me in private about?"

Raven looked slightly nervous now. She licked her lips before blurting out. "What is up with you and Erik?"

"What do you mean?" I frowned, answering her with a question.

"I mean...oh god, this is going to sound...weird, I know, but...and I know you and Erik are very close but that night on grounds when you showed up where he lay wounded and bleeding...I had the feeling that there was something more to your relationship..."

I sat back in my chair and studied Raven for a few minutes before answering. She had given me an opportunity to tell her the truth about myself and Erik and I really wanted to. Yet...I found I was still unable to. However, I decided that I could tell her the truth to a point. Choosing my words carefully I said, "Yes, Erik and I are very close...have been very close. Since you and he showed up here that day, and with everything that has happened since...our trip to Russia...well...we have gotten to know each other extremely well and as a result have become even closer. The relationship...friendship that I have with Erik is one like I have never had before...with anybody. It's complicated to explain...but...it goes deep."

Raven was thoughtful as she regarded me during my speech and even after I had finished. "I see..." She finally replied slowly.

"Raven...that is all I can tell you and all you need to know." I said in quiet but very serious tone, before she could say anything more. I now realized that she was working it out in her head and was most likely coming up with the right answer. I should have realized that I was telling her enough for her to be able to figure it out. Maybe subconsciously I had wanted to do it this way...? Eventually, she nodded her head slowly in acknowledgement. Understanding that she now knew, I was very tempted to ask her if she was alright with it, but I also appreciated that she needed some time to process the information in her own mind.

"Is this why he isn't...'interested' in a relationship with me?" She eventually asked.

I didn't want to lie to Raven so it was my turn to nod my head slowly. Then I said, "Raven...we...Erik and I...we are good together. We need each other for various reasons. Erik does adore you, but much in the same way I do."

"Well...don't I feel a bit foolish now..."

"Oh no, don't Raven...please don't. Erik...he's a complex and complicated man with a complex and complicated background. He has shown me things from his past that only I know about. Things he doesn't want to share with anyone else. At least not right now. Perhaps one day he will but for now, I am the only one he is willing to share them with. It has created a bond between us that will never be broken."

Raven sat there digesting this for a couple of minutes. "You could have told me..." She finally said.

"I wanted to Raven, believe me...many times..."

Then suddnely she straightened up and looked directly at me with wide eyes. "Oh my god...when I was telling you how I felt about Erik...oh my god! Charles! How could you?! WHY didn't you say anything to me THEN?!"

"Because I didn't want to hurt you, Raven."

"You don't think that THIS isn't hurting me?! KNOWING that you kept this from me when I was spilling my guts to you about how I felt about Erik?!"

Now I felt horrible about having kept Erik's and my relationship a secret from Raven. I hadn't thought about how keeping it from her would make her feel.

My heart became heavy with this knowledge. "I am so sorry Raven...I never meant to hurt you in this way either..."

"Yeah...well...it's too late." Raven told me in a tone which pierced my heart further. And with these words, she got up and stalked angrily out of the room without another word, or even looking back at me. I brought my hands to my face in my anguish. I messed up with Raven and I could only hope that she would find it in her heart to forgive me one day...

Upset with the whole situation, I stayed holed up in my study, trying to figure out what went wrong...or rather where I went wrong in this. I thought I was protecting Raven...

I don't know how long I sat in my study for, but Hank was suddenly there asking, "Aren't you coming to eat Charles?"

I had completely forgotten about eating...but I shook my head, "No, not right now Hank, I'm not hungry at the moment. I'll get myself something a little bit later. The rest of you make sure you do get something though."

"Is everything alright?" Hank asked.

"Yes...don't worry about me, Hank. I'll be out in a bit."

Hank looked at me for a moment longer, then nodded and left. I wheeled myself over to a window and stared sightlessly outside. A little while later, I heard somone else enter my study.

"We missed you at supper." I heard Erik's voice.

Smililng, I turned around, "Erik...you're up. I trust you slept well?"

"Quite well yes, thank you." Erik stopped here and changed topics. "What's going on Charles? Why did you not come for supper?"

The smile left my face and I instructed Erik to close the door, which he did. He then came over to my desk and sat down on the edge of it, facing me.

"What is it?"

"It's Raven." I told him. "I really screwed up with her..."

"How so?" Erik frowned.

Sighing, I said to him, "I told her...or rather she asked me about our relationship and well, I didn't want to out and out lie to her, so I told her without actually saying that we we were lovers, just explained as best as I could how close we are. But I ended up revealing enough after all...she was able to work it out for herself anyway."

"And she doesn't like the fact that we have an intimate relationship?"

"No...it's not that. She's quite angry at me for not having told her about it. I'm afraid my keeping it from her has hurt her even more than I thought it would. "

"I am sorry Charles...I'm sure she will get over it though."

"I'm not so sure. She's been angry at me before but..this is different, Erik."

Erik got off the desk, came over to me and leaning down, gently tilted my head upwards so that I was looking up at him and said confidently, "I'm sure she will come around. Just give her some time."

"But Erik...it's not only about us. It's how she feels about you. This was the biggest reason WHY I didn't want to tell her about us. Because of how I knew she felt about you. I had told you when you first came here how I think her feelings for you went beyond friendship."

"Oh...I see..."

"Here I thought I was being sensitive to her feelings but it turns out I did just the opposite."

"You're heart was in the right place, Charles. But again, I'm sure that once Raven cools down, she'll come around."

"I hope you are right, Erik.."

"You two grew up together. I can't see Raven throwing it all away over this. Like I already said, just give her some time."

I now smiled up at Erik. "Thanks...I needed to hear that."

"Of course. Now...come..I'll sit with you while you eat."

I smiled at Erik again as we left my study and made our way to the kitchen. I'll admit that I still felt a bit apprehensive about running into Raven so soon after our confrontation, but as it turned out, she was nowhere to be seen herself. For now, it was probably better this way, but of course I hoped it didn't last too long...

(Erik)

I can barely remember much of what ended up happening the night that Emma attacked me after I initially passed out. I remember coming around again and realizing that I was still alive because of the excruciating pain I was now feeling in my abdomen, and that Charles was there talking to me. I honestly didn't think I could last much longer so was relieved to find out that he and everyone were safe and that that Emma was dead. I knew I could leave them in peace...

When I awoke in the hospital and from the surgery, I was completely disorieneted and actually wondered if I had ended up in a purgatory of some kind, having been taken back to that horrific and painful time in my past until Charles showed me that I was very much alive and in a hospital where I was being looked after. Regardless of this truth, I still hated being in there. It reminded me too much of the rooms where they had experimented on me. And because of that, I was beyond relief when I was finally released from the hospital. (Admittedly, I know I didn't make my stay easy for the staff nor even Charles-whom I was very grateful was there for me, it would have been even more unbearable had he not been there-but I couldn't seem to help it either). I was getting to the point where I didn't think I would be able to take much more of it.

I was still quite sore, so I was still moving around slowly, but at least I was going home. I would be able to take it easy and relax like I am supposed to, so much better there.

It was when I had awoken from my first nap at home that I noticed Hank peeking inside from my door.

Surprised to see him lurking around my room, I sat up slowly as I called out to him from my bed, "Hey...is there something I can do for you...Hank?"

Hank entered my room rather slowly himself and almost awkwardly (was the word that came to my mind) came up to my bed.

"Sit down..." I offered, gesturing to my bed, but Hank didn't sit down. "Again, thank you Hank..." I said in hopes that this would help to both put him at ease as well as open him up. It did. But not in a way I was expecting.

"I don't deserve your thanks." He finally said rather abruptly.

Frowning, I asked baffled, "Whatever do you mean? Charles told me that you were the first one to get to me and help stop the bleeding..."

"I hesitated!" He interrupted me, growling slightly.

"What..?" I asked confused.

"I hesitated, Erik. It was Charles who first told me that I could get to you the fastest but I hesitated when he first told me to go." He replied in resignation.

"Oh..." I was still a bit confused.

"I am not proud of myself about it." Hank admitted, pausing briefly. Then looking directly at me for the first time since entering my room, he said, "You could have died and it would have been my fault. Had I hesitated only seconds longer..." His voice trailed off here.

"But you didn't..." I stated in no uncertain terms.

"That's not the point! I shouldn't have hesitated in the first place. I should have gone the second Charles told me to, no matter what. But... I...I let my emotions get in the way."

Oh...I thought to myself. Raven.

"But when I saw you lying there...that's when it really hit me just what might have happened...still could happen for all I knew at that time. I was never so ashamed of myself, of my own inactions, as I was that night. So no...I don't deserve your thanks. Charles and Raven do, but I don't."

I regarded Hank thoughtfully for a few minutes before replying. "You know Hank...you and I aren't all that different from each other."

"You would have hesitated had it been me?" He guessed, looking a bit suprised.

I gave him a half-smile at his question, but shook my head, "No. I'm talking about allowing my emotions to get in the way of my better judgement. I've been known to do that as well."

Hank looked at me for several minutes before nodding his head in acknowledgement. And with that, another silent understanding had passed between the two of us before he left the room.

Now that I was awake, I was finding myself a bit hungry so I slowly got myself up out of bed and made my way to the kitchen.

I was surprised when I didn't run into Charles somewhere along the way or that he never showed up for supper. I was becoming concerned so I started looking around for him after I ate and found him in his study.

After hearing what had happened between him and Raven, I felt for him and thought that maybe I could do something to help patch things up between them. I really did believe that Raven would come around on her own, but I felt that talking with her myself in hopes to speed things along couldn't hurt.

I excused myself from Charles after he had finished eating with a promise that I would meet him for a game of chess in library shortly and made my way to Raven's room where I was sure I would find her. I knocked on her door and first heard a "Just a minute!" from her, then entered when I heard "Okay, come in."

"Oh, great. You." She greeted me when she saw me. She was sitting on her bed.

"Nice to see you again too, Raven." I responded as I closed the door behind myself then went over and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Sorry, it's just that...I'm sure I know why you are here. No doubt Charles told you everything. And just so you know, I am not angry with you Erik."

"First off, I have come on my own accord, just so you know. Charles would never send someone else to do his bidding." I told her firmly.

"Yeah...you are right. He wouldn't do that." She agreed.

"And secondly, if you are going to be mad at him, then maybe you should be mad at me as well."

"Why?" She asked, her forehead puckering into a puzzled frown.

"Because he and I are in this together. And Charles did want to tell you...he really did. I kind of talked him out of it because, well in this case it wasn't just you. It was Hank, Alex and Sean as well and whether we should tell any of you. I just didn't know how all of you would react to it...especially as Charles and myself had taken opposite sides at the time. The whole thing could have come off as looking quite...bizarre to all of you. We just didn't know at the time how it would all go over with you four."

"Is that all he told you?"

I studied Raven for a moment and decided to be honest with her. "He did tell me when you and I first got here, to be careful with you because he thought that your feelings for me might go beyond friendship." Raven gasped at this, but I continued on "He had figured it out not long after we arrived. Do your feelings for me go beyond friendship, Raven?" I asked her gently.

She closed her eyes and I could tell that she felt uncomfortable with having been found out.

"I do adore you Raven...and I would do anything to protect you, very much like Charles would. I was telling you the truth when I said that you are an exquisite creature and that you are perfection just the way you are. But..." I paused here while I sought for the right words. "You are young and still relatively innocent whereas I am older and...well...I have a lot of baggage Raven and bringing you into a relationship with me and it, would not be fair to you."

"Are you saying that I wouldn't be able to handle it?" She asked defensively.

"Oh, I have no doubt that you would be able to handle it. No doubt at all..."

"Then because he's male and older." She spat out, angrily.

"No. Not at all." I shook my head, firmly denying it. "Because he knew all...or almost all about me, the moment we met. And he knows things now that I never thought I would ever tell him or anyone. He has been helping me deal with this "baggage" of mine which has made me understand that I need someone like Charles who can help me with it. And I need you to understand that. He and I have reached the point of no return in our relationship." I added softly.

Raven didn't say anything, but seemed to be thinking about what I had told her.

"Please Raven...Charles feels terrible about keeping this from you and he is very upset. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you. He thought he was protecting you..."

"Then he's still treating me like a child!"

"NO...he's treating you like his younger sister whom he loves and cares for very much. Consider yourself lucky. I never had anyone..."

Raven was taken aback by my statement.

"Please go to him Raven and forgive him." I now said gently. "You must know that he would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. He loves you..."

I watched as she closed her eyes and a couple of tears slid down her cheeks.

"This whole situation of ours...is new to him..." I added.

Raven slowly nodded her head in acknowledgement. Relieved, I got up and went to leave as I knew she would still need some time to think things through, but before I got to her door, I turned and said, "Don't do it for me, but for Charles...and yourself. And your relationship with one another." I gave her one last serious look before opening the door and leaving, knowing I couldn't do any more, then went off to play a game of chess with Charles.

(Charles)

Playing chess helped to make me feel better about what had happened between myself and Raven, even though I knew the problem would still be there when we were done.

As was our usual routine, Erik and myself had a drink following our game, but I was surprised when we were interrupted by Raven during this time.

"Uh...mind if I talk to you Charles?" She said almost timidly upon entering the library.

"Of course not Raven..." I answered, happy that she seemed to civil towards me once again.

"I'll go, you stay here Raven." Erik offered as he slowly stood up, then left the room.

Raven came over and sat down on the edge of the chair where Erik had been sitting, seeming a bit nervous . "Charles...I am sorry for the way I behaved earlier. I know you meant well by not telling me...it's just that...I guess I still felt like you were treating me like a child by doing that. Or that you couldn't trust me...but I know that's not the case. I realized afterwards that you were trying to protect my feelings as opposed to me. And there is a difference, I know."

"This is the first time that you and I have ever had to deal with a relationship situation. And...well at one time in my life I definitely never thought that we would end up liking the same person of course." I smiled over at her, then became serious. "Raven...this whole situation with Erik...is very new to me. It was the last thing I ever expected. But now...and as odd as I have no doubt it must seem to you, we do seem to belong together. And... I won't expect you to accept it right away and that is fair, but in time I hope you can and will."

"Well...I never expected that my 'brother' would end up being my competition..." She said almost jokingly, "But...I have seen for myself just how close the two of you are. And the two of you do make two great 'team leaders' for the rest of us, without a doubt. I won't deny that it will probably take some time for me to adjust to the whole idea of the two of you...but I will. I'm sure I will...I'm determined to. Like you said, you are good for each other. I can see that now..."

"Thanks Raven..." My reply was heartfelt, as she came over to me and wrapped her arms around me. "Do you think we should tell the boys?" I asked her.

"What are you kidding me?! No way should you tell them!" She exclaimed, then went on. "At least...maybe not quite yet. Not until they have matured some. Although I think you could probably tell Hank..." She remarked as we smiled at each other. That actually might not be a bad idea, telling Hank. It should prove to him for once and for all that he has nothing to worry about with Erik and Raven at least..

I was a very happy and contented person when I went to bed with Erik in his room that night. It was so good to be lying beside him once again and with no worries for a change. But I had one more thing I needed to address with him...

"Erik..." I started as I lay with my head on his chest, his arms encircling me. "When are you going to let go of the guilt you have been feeling about what happened to me that day on the beach?"

Erik was silent for several mintues but I didn't interrupt his thoughts. Finally he said quietly, "I don't know Charles...I honestly don't know if I can...or...maybe even if I want to..."

"What do you mean by not wanting to let it go? Erik, I forgave you a long time ago for it!"

"I know you did Charles...but perhaps I feel like I don't deserve to be forgiven..."

"Don't deserve...! Listen...I don't want you doing anything for me out of guilt! I want you to do anything you do for me out of love...for me. Don't you see Erik? If you continue wanting to feel guilty, then I will always wonder if you are doing everything for me out of guilt and pity and I DON'T want that from anyone, but most especially I don't want that from you. Because then that tells me that you don't really love me..."

Erik didn't reply again for several minutes. "First off, anything I do for you I do out of love for you Charles...but...I admit that I never thought about it like that...and yes...at first, I did do some things out of guilt and pity as well as out of love for you. But I assure you that it is all out of love for you now."

"Then stop feeling guilty. Please...for me. It isn't doing you or me any good."

Even in the dark I could tell that he was nodding his head as he agreed. I sighed inaudibly with relief.

Then as we weren't able to make love yet because of Erik's stitches we did share several passionate kisses until we realized we had to stop before we went beyond what Erik should do at this stage of his recovery. But there were plenty of nights ahead of us in which we could and undoutedly would continue to show our love for one another...