Thanks for all the wonderful reviews – you guys are great! This one is short, but I promise I'll have two postings this week.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

This is unbeta'd and not pre-read by anyone. All mistakes are my own.

MA: This story will have explicit and lemony scenes. If boy x boy relations offend you please don't read any further.

*****iwtfy*****

I sat in my car and waited for hours, well past our agreed meeting time.

Jasper never did show up.

He didn't answer any of my texts either.

I knew I'd forgive him the minute I saw him. It was a disconcerting coincidence how we'd both been mistaken about our age difference, and I now wondered if we'd ever be able to repair our relationship.

I had no one to talk to about our situation. I felt isolated and uncertain about what to expect of Jasper.

I hadn't spoken to Garrett since we went out for dinner and I was still angry with him. I could call him, and after listening to his bitching for several minutes he'd without a doubt forgive me for whatever it was he felt I'd done wrong. Yet, this wasn't something I felt like sharing with him. I would have exploded if I heard even one "I told you so," and knowing Garrett as I did, that would be a freaking impossibility to avoid. My best friend didn't have the good sense to know when to keep his trap shut.

My other alternative, Emmett, was a better option. But since he had no idea I was even gay, asking for relationship advice would probably be a little too much for our first conversation on the topic.

Did Jasper blame me for this misunderstanding? I almost hoped that was the problem, because the other reason for his absence, that he might never be okay with dating someone still in high school, was not something I could change or apologize for.

When I finally decided to drive home I had to fight the urge to turn back at every corner. Apparently three hours and still no word wasn't enough to make me lose all faith.

If I'd known where he lived I'm sure I would have done a drive-by. I guess I wasn't entirely opposed to stalking.

When I got home I was thankful to find no one around to avoid. My mom was probably in her bedroom and Dad was still at work. I snuck through the house and sighed with relief when I was behind my bedroom door and able to turn the lock without having been seen by either of my parents. There was an ache behind my eyes and a heaviness in my chest that made me realize I wasn't expecting a happy ending.

I tried Jasper's cell one last time and this time left a message. Swallowing several times before speaking I forced my voice to sound as upbeat as possible. I couldn't let him know how much this was affecting me. If there was any possibility of this situation working itself out, displaying maturity at this point was a definite must.

"Hey Jay. I waited for you this afternoon. Call me when you can. I know we need to talk."

*****iwtfy*****

The next morning I'd awoken before my alarm clock and waited for the familiar sound of the radio popping on. When it took longer than expected I sat up and took a glance at the clock.

3:58 a.m.

Fuck.

Knowing I wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep, I reached for my cell to see if I had any messages. Someone had called late last night and even though I'd heard it ring I hadn't made any effort to pick it up. If it had been Jasper, waiting to call me nearly ten hours after he stood me up was probably a good indication that what he had to say was not what I'd want to hear. Last night I'd avoided, this morning I knew I needed to know what I'd be walking into.

There were two messages, both from Jasper's number. My pulse raced and my hands started to sweat. I almost dropped the phone when I heard his voice.

"Hey Edward, it's Jasper. Sorry about not showing up earlier. Would you believe I went home with Rosalie for lunch and then fell asleep before she finished cooking." His voice broke off with a chuckle. "I guess these early mornings finally hit me." There was a pause and it sounded like he was clearing his throat. "She didn't realize I had plans to meet anyone so she didn't wake me up. I feel like a fucking jerk for standing you up. Sorry for leaving you to wait and for calling so late. Hope I didn't wake you. We'll talk tomorrow. Bye."

I had closed my eyes as I listened to his voice. Something was off and I was confused by the message. It didn't sound like Jasper to me. His accent was almost completely absent and there was something rehearsed about the way he made his excuse. Still, he'd called, there was no mention of breaking up, and he hadn't sounded angry.

Maybe this whole incident will simply blow over.

Hope blossomed within me and I was suddenly anxious to hear his second message.

"E, we need to talk." I gripped the phone harder as I listened to the shake in his voice, his accent suddenly clear. This was the real Jasper. All the optimism I had moments ago flew out the window.

"I can't lie worth shit. I mean, if I really fell asleep after lunch why did I wait till after eleven to call ya? I'm sure you saw right through that bullshit and that's why ya won't pick up. Look, I fucked up. I was thrown for a loop when I found out your age. Fuck, I was havin' enough trouble accept'n the idea of a boyfriend who was 19 years old, then to find out you're in high school. I don't think…" There was a pause and then a sigh. "Look, call me. If I don't hear from ya, well, I'll be at work early tomorrow to talk." He ended the call without saying goodbye.

It was over.

I didn't know how I knew for sure, but it resonated through every fiber of my body.

It was over and I wanted to throw up.

The pain behind my eyes returned with angry pulsing throb.

Why did he have to cling to that one detail? How could he let the way we connected be overturned by a number? Maybe he didn't appreciate how strongly I felt about him. Maybe he didn't think someone so young could feel how I do.

Oh my God. This wasn't infatuation.

I was in love with him.

Feeling shattered inside I curled up on my bed and let the phone drop to the floor. Pain rifled through me like a tidal wave and my heart thundered too rapidly. I wondered if one could have a heart attack at my age.

How was this going to work?

If he breaks up with me like I fucking KNOW he will, how can I continue to work with him, day-in and day-out?

How was I going to survive this?

I pictured the look I could expect on Jasper's face – apologetic and full of pity. It was crushing to imagine.

I wanted to hide away forever. I wanted to fucking cry.

I didn't do either.

Instead, when it finally came time to go to work I picked myself up and forced myself to move. Every step took immense effort. Drying off after a shower took too much concentration and I dripped dry while I avoided looking in the mirror.

As I went through the motions of the morning I realized that more than anything I wanted to salvage our friendship. We hadn't known each other long, but if I discounted the overwhelming attraction between us, I think we still would have been friends. Our conversations flowed, we had an easy rapport, and when we talked we had a lot in common. I was positive we would have liked each other in some way regardless of our orientation.

And I didn't want to completely lose him from my life. If I couldn't be his boyfriend, I wanted any piece of him I could get. It would be painful but necessary. I could never let him know how deep my feelings ran. If he found out I was in love with him, I was positive it would result in an awkwardness we'd never overcome.

Driving to work, I ran through every scenario possible of how I would react. In some I remained stoic as Jasper related all the reasons this relationship wouldn't work. In other ones I broke down and begged him to give me a chance. In all of them I found one common denominator – I would insist we remain friends. I wasn't going to take no for an answer.

What I never expected was that I would be the one to end it.

*****iwtfy*****

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