I'm a bit nervous about this chapter. You'll see why later on...
Many thanks to Keefer, charlotte. eliot. 3, kb18142, and Kathrin J Pearl for your reviews to last chapter!
Since Castiel and Dean Collins-Winchester (or Winchester-Collins, in Dean's case) were spending the next week in Canada for their honeymoon, the whole band came back to California late on Tuesday and were given a pass on being in the studio for the week. Balthazar went back to work at Armageddon on Wednesday, and Lu pestered Gabriel and then Raphael at work (both of whom had been able to pick up a few hours that week). Part of Lu wished he still had that job at Radio Shack right now—he was bored with bouncing around the house all the time with nothing to occupy his time but chain-smoking and Netflix. Finally, he dug out the one song he'd written about a month ago, the one he assumed would never see the light of day.
He reread the words a few more times, unconsciously making corrections and additions. It was definitely different, more introspective than he was used to. He could almost hear the acoustic guitar chords in his head to accompany the words. It sounded good, though. Smiling slightly, he grabbed a pen and fixed what needed fixing, then headed back to Bones.
He returned to Guitar Center, but instead of locating Raphael, he went directly to the acoustic guitar section, waved at the clerk by the register, and picked up the first guitar he could find.
He wasn't the greatest guitar player—not like Castiel or Gabriel (or Raphael)—but he could squeeze out a few chords when inspiration struck him. He just needed a bit of time and some blank sheet music and he'd get this song down.
Raphael found him nearly an hour later in a soundproof booth and shot him a puzzled look. "Dude. What are you doing here?"
Lu faintly heard him and looked up. "Huh?"
"What... are you... doing?" he repeated.
"Oh. Um." He lifted the guitar to show him. "Figuring some shit out."
The drummer let out an exasperated sigh. "You should just buy a damn guitar already."
"Why would I do that when I have you and this sweet hookup?" Lu joked.
Raphael rolled his eyes but smiled as he closed the door behind him and picked up the papers laid out in front of Lu. "Alright, whatcha got here?"
"Don't laugh. I'll beat you."
He nodded to himself as he scanned the words and then the music. Then he held out his hand for the guitar and Lu passed it over. "Okay. Not bad. Let's see..." He checked the tuning on the guitar and then started softly strumming the chords written down. It sounded infinitely better than when Lu did it, more fluid. "Okay, I like that, but... How about this?" He changed one of the chords and Lu had to admit that it sounded better.
"Yeah, that's really good."
"Were you writing this a few weeks ago?"
"Off and on, yeah."
"So, what do you think? Add this in? Get the band together?"
Lu scratched the back of his head. "I wanted to leave it acoustic. I was gonna maybe try to sneak it in at the end, like a bonus track. So we don't need the whole band."
"Just Balthazar and a guitarist?"
Lu was silent for a minute. This song was different. He still wasn't sure if he wanted to put it on the album, and he didn't think he wanted Balthazar to even know this song existed. Not right away, anyway. After all, the song was about him. Raphael didn't know that, though. "You and me. I was gonna do the guitar part myself but it sounds a fuck-ton better with you playing, so... yeah. Are you okay with that?"
Raphael's brows furrowed. "You? You're gonna sing this?"
"I planned on it," he said with just a hint of snark in his voice.
"Hey, I just remember a certain bassist vowing to never sing, that's all."
"It's one damn song. It's not like I'm the new frontman or anything."
"I'm just fucking with you." Raphael gave Lu a playful nudge with his elbow. "Alright, if we're gonna do this thing, we should probably practice it a few times, right? So let's get started."
"Don't you have work?"
"I'm off the clock."
They ran through the song about ten times. Lu's voice was shaky and quiet at first, uncomfortable with nerves and disuse, but by the end, he sounded confident. He was sure now that they'd pop into the studio and record this sometime this week, probably the next day since Raphael hadn't picked up hours on Thursday. For his part, Raphael didn't ask for the backstory on the lyrics. Typically, no one did because they knew Lu preferred keeping certain parts of his life to himself, but he figured, if anything, this song would earn him a quizzical look.
He wondered just how much Raphael (and Castiel and Gabriel) suspected. Did any of them have any idea what was actually happening? It was hard to tell exactly what they'd think. He tried to push it out of his mind as he went over the words again and again, slowly memorizing the lyrics. Whatever happened, he was glad Raphael wasn't the type to ask too many questions, at least not while he still thought things were okay.
This would be the perfect time to tell him, though. He could easily say, "Hey, by the way, I'm fucking our singer," even though the words sounded stupid, even in his head. Maybe, "For the record, this song is about Balthazar" would go over better. But no, he couldn't say that. Balthazar and I are dating. Balthazar is my boyfriend. Balthazar and I have entered into a mutually exclusive relationship. God, those all sounded dumb. He couldn't work up the nerve to mention anything out of the blue. He almost hoped Raphael would ask, if only so he could finally provide an explanation.
But he wanted to tell Balthazar he was going to say something before he actually did it. That was finally what made him decide to keep his mouth shut unless, by some miracle, Raphael actually did ask what was on his mind.
But it never happened, and when Lu finally went back home for the day, he left the music and lyrics with Raphael so he could practice more.
Balthazar still wasn't home when he returned, so he went to his old room and sank into the middle of the floor (the mattress was still in the back of Bones, and he figured they'd leave it there for the time being—they'd been too exhausted last night to move it back and he couldn't do it by himself). He hummed the opening bars of the song (he still hadn't decided on a title) and started softly singing. Now that he had Raphael's strumming in his head, it was easier to remember the words, and he only fumbled once or twice. He liked the idea more and more, the thought of putting this song on the album. Hell, they could record it and add it and not tell anyone about it. That was how most secret bonus tracks worked anyway.
The front door opened, distracting him from the song, and he stood up and headed to the living room.
"Hey," Balthazar said cheerily. "Have plans for the next few hours?"
Lu raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "Why?"
"I had an epiphany at work. Since we are practically rock stars now"—Lu snorted with laughter at that—"Shut up. Anyway, I decided I'm going to get my snakebites redone. I just came back to change clothes," he added with a glance down at his black work polo shirt with Armageddon Bar & Grille embroidered on it. "Do you want to come with me?"
Lu had to admit that he liked the idea of being there and watching his face. It would be interesting, considering he'd only had his tongue pierced before (when he was nineteen, but still). "Yeah, sure."
"Excellent," he said with a grin.
The singer changed his clothes quickly, reappearing in jeans, a white V-neck, and a leather jacket. He lit up a cigarette, the first one Lu had seen in three or four days (it appeared he was serious about quitting smoking, if somewhat gradually), and let out a halfway contented exhale. "Gotta enjoy my last one for awhile."
"Maybe it'll be the catalyst to help you quit," Lu suggested.
"You're a fine one to talk. The whole place reeks of cigarettes."
"What do you expect me to do? You leave me home alone for hours at a time—you're lucky I don't scratch up the sofa," the bassist joked.
Balthazar chuckled and blew out a stream of smoke. "A fair point. What did you do all day?"
"Went to see Ray and Gabe. Drove around just because I could. Nothing too exciting."
He nodded. "So," he said quietly. "Did you tell them? About... us, I mean."
Lu's heart skipped a beat. "No. I didn't. I almost told Ray, but... I don't know, Balthy, I just... I'm not sure I'm ready yet." He nervously tapped his fingers on the back of the couch. "What if they freak out? What if they're against it? I don't want to face that yet."
For a brief moment, a disappointed look crossed Balthazar's face, but it disappeared. "I see." He took a long drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out in the nearest ashtray. "Alright, love, let's get going. I have an appointment in thirty minutes."
"You made an appointment to get your lip pierced?"
"Of course. I certainly wouldn't want to waste my time coming in only to discover no one was there."
That did make sense, so Lu swung his jacket over his shoulders and followed Balthazar out the door.
He ended up taking a video of Balthazar getting his lip pierced again. The singer took every opportunity he could to flip him off, but in the end, the snakebites looked good. He was quite satisfied, and just before he left, he made an appointment for the next day to get his tongue pierced again. He did miss it, he realized, if only a little.
But it had to wait until after he and Raphael recorded the song tomorrow. He wanted to be able to talk, after all.
It was weird, being the only two in the studio. They managed to get their room unlocked and, while Raphael set up the guitar and microphones in the soundproof room, Lu messed with the recording equipment and finally hit RECORD. He told Raphael through the mike on his end, "Alright, I got it recording right now. You ready?"
The drummer gave him a thumbs-up.
"Give me a second." He ducked away from the equipment and headed into the room, closing it behind him. He knew the mikes were picking all this up, but it would just add to the charm. He rustled the papers in his hand and scanned them quickly to make sure he knew the words. He wanted to rely on this lyric sheet as little as possible. "Ready when you are."
Raphael grinned at him and started strumming.
One take. Don't mess this up. He waited the appropriate eight bars before he started singing. "A sea of faces look at me, but you're the only one I see. I catch my breath, can't look away, and I hope you're here to stay. Don't know what I've found, only that it's you. Lover, you are mine, and I belong to you. A wink, a smile, and my heart stops. A touch, a kiss, should call the cops. I've fucked up, I'm sure you'll go, but I'm sick of sleeping all alone. But then you stay, you hold my hand, and I just don't understand. Don't know what I've found, only that it's you. Lover, you are mine, and I belong to you. Will I ever learn from this? All I want is one more kiss. One more day and I'll be fine. I can't need you all the time. I try to tell you, try to say, but the words just fly away. You smile and I can barely breathe, but now I think I start to see. Might know what I've found, I know that it's you. Lover, you are mine, and I belong to you. So hold me close, and let the world fade. I'll hold you, too, and we can stay. You saved me, you saved me, you saved me, you saved me. I know what I found, I'm glad that I found you. Lover, you are mine, and I belong to you. I know what I found, I'm glad that I found you. Lover, you are mine, and I belong to you."
Raphael strummed the closing chords and Lu nearly collapsed with relief. "Holy shit. I actually didn't fuck up."
"Sounded good, actually," his best friend agreed, grinning. "What are we calling this treasure?"
Lu laughed, giddy with the recording high. "Fuck, I have no idea. Wait, I got it. 'Love Letters.'"
"I am honored to have been a part of this." Raphael slid the guitar strap over his head. "Maybe you should go hit 'stop,' though."
"Yeah, hang on," he said, laughing again. He ducked out of the room and scrambled toward the equipment, locating STOP and pressing it. On a whim, he hit PLAY, and as Raphael began disassembling the mikes and guitar, there came the ambiance of the studio and then Lu's recorded voice saying, "Alright, I got it recording right now. You ready? Give me a second." He grinned.
Raphael flopped down on the couch as they listened to the song. Upon listening, Lu could detect some moments when his voice wavered or just sounded unsteady or unsure, but it contributed to the whole song. It would be obvious to someone who listened to it that it was done last-minute, on the fly, an afterthought, albeit a heartfelt one.
Again, Raphael gave him a look that said he wanted to ask about the song. Lu could tell he was really thinking about it. A totally unjustified sense of panic welled up inside him and, the moment the song stopped (it was a winner—he liked it a lot), he started turning off the recording equipment, turning his back to Ray. He still wasn't ready for this conversation.
He hoped he would be soon, though. It would be a relief to finally admit what was really going on, and he imagined Balthazar would beam at him when he told him. He just didn't know what he was waiting for. He supposed he'd know it when it happened, but something still held him back, and until he could figure out what it was, he was keeping this locked up tight.
Yeah. I wrote that goddamn song MYSELF in about ten minutes. I'm nervous about that... I haven't written an actual song in like four years. Hopefully this doesn't suck too bad.
So I reviewed my outline and discovered Castiel and Dean were not supposed to get married in the last chapter. They weren't supposed to get married until Chapter 23. I fail so hard. Good thing I have a replacement event for that...