A/N: I'll admit, this chapter took me a few tries, so I hope you all enjoy it. Thanks for sticking with me :) Also, side story: For those of you who were wondering, Laurie was Jane Doe when she was admitted because Charlie was unconscious too (you'll find out what happens with him next chapter), and her identification wasn't found inside the car, for whatever reason (like the car was totaled, etc.). She's now no longer Jane Doe because Derek was able to identify her, obviously. Just to clear up any potential confusion. haha.

*This chapter is rated M*

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Chapter 21

Addison's POV

After Derek leaves to go find Dr. O'Malley, I sit in the on-call room a little longer, trying to catch my breath. What just happened? Did Derek seriously just come in here and tell me he wanted to work on our marriage? And did we seriously almost have sex – in a foreign on-call room – when we haven't even done it our own bed for months?

However, as hard as it is for me to believe everything that just happened, it can't help but make me smile. Derek said he wanted to try, that we should try, and not just for our daughter's sake; for his sake and for mine too. After Rinny died, I thought our family would never feel whole again. We had several good years, but then Derek and I got busy and stopped caring; we took each other for granted, and we took the only child we had left for granted. We both made mistakes, as husband and wife, as parents, and as partners. But after tonight I can't help but feel…optimistic. Maybe we can do this.

Standing up, I decide I should probably go and check on my preemie before heading back to the hotel for the night. I would let Derek know I'm leaving as soon as he gets done with his patient.

When I reach the NICU, I stand in the doorway for a moment, watching the little baby in her incubator, her chest rising up and down. There's no one else in the room. I had wanted to be right about her so badly; I wanted to believe that we could save her, despite almost nothing being in her favor. I walk over to the incubator.

"Look at that," I breathe, glancing up at her monitor. Surprisingly, her BP is stabilizing; she's stronger since this morning. I stick my hand inside the incubator to let the baby grab my index finger again. She latches on quickly with a grip that's just as strong. I smile down at her.

"You're really beautiful, you know that?" I talk to her. "I'm thinking maybe, little girl, once you make it through the night and get a little more strength, Dr. Shepherd might just be able to operate on you."

Her monitor continues to beep at me, even beats.

"And you don't even need to be scared because Dr. Shepherd, he's the best there is. He's gonna make sure you grow up strong and healthy. I bet you'd like that wouldn't you?" I smile.

Picking up her chart, I let go of her finger and go sit in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. I jot down a few notes, the changes in her BP, IV fluid levels. After a little while I can feel my eyelids getting heavy and I yawn. I figure since Derek hadn't paged me yet that means he's still working on that 911 patient with O'Malley. I think about waiting, but I'm so tired, all I want to do is go lie down and sleep for the next 10 hours.

Suddenly, my pager goes off. Thinking it's Derek, I pick it up, but frown when I notice it's not my husband, it's O'Malley. Their patient must be pregnant; why else would the intern on Neuro today need me? Letting out a sigh, I head downstairs in search of O'Malley. This could be a long night.

Once I make it down to the ER floor, I realize that the room I had been paged to was reserved for trauma patients. Frowning, I wonder why more people aren't bustling around trying to help this woman I'm supposed to examine. Down the hall I hear a male voice asking for a Lauren. Ignoring the pang in my chest, I open the door to the room and, instead of finding my patient I find George O'Malley and for some reason Izzie Stevens standing in a corner. I can tell whoever was in here before was just taken out – there's equipment on the counter next to the sink.

"Dr. Montgomery Shepherd," George says quietly, seeing me enter.

"Normally, Dr. O'Malley, when I respond to a page to the ER I expect there to be a patient in the room." I say, somewhat annoyed. "What's going on? And Dr. Stevens, what are you still doing here? Unless Bailey reassigned you without my knowing, you're good to go for the evening. We'll know more about the preemie in the morning."

"This um, this isn't about the preemie," she says quietly. "Addison…"

"There's something we need to tell you, about the patient. I think maybe you should sit down," says George. This is weird, and since when does Izzie call me Addison?

"Okayy," I give the both of them a weird look as the three of us sit down. "But you paged me here, so again I ask, what is going on?"

"It's just," George stammers. "The other Dr. Shepherd told me, er us, about your daughter, Laurie, and I just, we just wanted to say how sorry we are."

I stiffen involuntarily, and Izzie takes my hand. Wait…do the both of them know something I don't…? My mouth opens before I can get any words out.

"Um, thank you, but she's…it's going to be okay, she'll get here. She has to. What all did Derek tell you?"

"He told us about her running away…from you in New York, to find him in Seattle," Izzie tells me with a sympathetic look. "The whole time he was here, we had no idea he even had a kid, let alone one crossing the country to get to him." I swallow and my hands go clammy, one still covered by Izzie's.

"But the thing is, Addison, your daughter, she's…she's here."

I feel like my stomach just dropped a foot. My baby is finally here. She made it. I stand up quickly, tears springing to my eyes.

"What? She, she's here?! Where? Where is she? I have to-" I start turning in circles as George interrupts me.

"Wait, Dr. Shepherd, someth-"

"No, O'Malley, I need to see my kid. Where is she?"

"Addison!" Izzie puts two hands on my shoulders, forcing me to look into her eyes. "Something happened to Laurie."

I'm having déjà vu. Ten years ago, the call from Mt. Sinai. Something happened to your daughters – to Katherine. My knees buckle and I sit down again.

"Where. Is. She?" I'm demanding now, angrily.

Izzie sighs. "She's with her dad," she says quietly. "There was an accident, a car accident. She's bleeding internally, and was taken to surgery. Addison-"

I rip my hands from hers and stand up again. "No, no, no! She didn't…this can't…she's the patient." Tears fall down my cheeks. The male voice asking for Lauren wasn't asking for a Lauren, he was asking for mine.

"Dr. Shepherd, please, is there anything we-" George starts.

"No, I just, I need to get…" I trail off, and before either of them can stop me, I'm sprinting toward the OR floor.

I can't breathe. I can't think. All I can do is run as fast as I can, knocking down anyone who gets in my way. My kid is here, and she could be…no. I can't say it. I can't lose the only child I have left.

I'm shaking as I run up to the OR board and it's there I see it.

Trauma

Patient: Lauren Shepherd.

Subdural hematoma / cerebral contusion / intestinal bleed / rib realignment

Surgeon(s): Dr. Peterson, Dr. Bailey

OR 4

Before I can get a mental picture of my daughter's broken body, I set off for OR 4. They have to let me in there. I round the corner and burst into the scrub room, realizing that I no longer needed to create a mental picture of my daughter's broken body, because through the large window in front of me, I see her.

"Laurie," I choke out in a whisper. Derek is inside the OR already, against all rules, and arguing with Dr. Peterson, the attending neurosurgeon operating on Laurie, but no one knows I'm here yet. My hands grip the edge of the scrub sink, turning my knuckles white. I feel the tears drip off of my cheeks before I even process that I'm crying again.

"Derek Shepherd, get out of my OR!" I hear Dr. Peterson yell at him, while Dr. Miranda Bailey very meticulously works to stop the intestinal bleed.

"I am the head of this department!" Derek yells back. "And this is MY daughter! I am telling you, you need to-"

"DO NOT tell me how to run my OR!"

"I'll tell you whatever I damn well-"

"Derek!" Miranda looks up, asking Dr. Alex Karev, her intern, to take over suction. The two arguing men are quiet. "Get out."

"Dr. Bailey, you are my subordinate, I am not leaving-"

"Derek Shepherd I said get out. If you want me to save your girl's life then I need you to get out. I can't focus with you in here breathing down our necks!"

But as soon as Derek says no again, I grab a mask and open the OR doors; I can no longer just stand there and listen. Normally, when I enter the OR, everything in the outside world just stops - the only thing that exists is the patient and me. Time stops, and all that matters is this life in my hands, lying on the table. But this isn't just any patient, this is my daughter. My daughter who ran away from home and travelled across the entire country to get here, making me sick with worry, and now here she is...and she could be...

"Oh God," I can't hold in my words any longer. "Laurie."

I look at her, lying there, exposed and broken. Her head and lower body are draped, intestines and brain exposed, and she's intubated. Staring at her makes me feel as though my heart is ripping through my chest. That's my little baby, she's just a little baby, and she's hurt. I hear her monitor beeping in the background, taunting me, telling me that my child's life is in its hands. And I can't do a thing about it.

"Dr. Montgomery Shepherd!" Peterson yells, at me this time. "We cannot have you two in here, if you want us to save-"

"NO! I am not going anywhere," my voice is hard, and I walk over and take Laurie's left hand. A tingle goes through my fingers when I touch her.

"Can someone please tell me what in the hell is going on in here?!" Chief Webber's voice suddenly fills the room. Everyone is still, save for the steady beeping of Laurie's monitor. I can hear Richard take in a breath when he looks at Laurie, whom he's known since she was a little girl.

"Chief-"

"Dr. Webber, I can't-"

Both Derek and Dr. Peterson start at once, but Richard stops them.

"Alright everybody shut up! Derek, Addison, I realize this is your daughter and you want to do everything in your power to save her, but right now, I can't have you in here." I don't move, I just squeeze Laurie's hand tighter. "I'm right here, sweetheart," I whisper so no one else can hear.

Derek argues.

"Derek, there will be no more arguments here. If you want this operation to continue, you and Addison need to leave, now."

"But-"

"No buts. I don't want to see either of you within 100 feet of this OR until the surgery is finished. Do I make myself clear?"

"Richard," I start, quietly.

"I said do I make myself clear?" He glares at the both of us, hard. I can feel Bailey giving me a sympathetic gaze.

Without a word, I let go of my daughter's hand and numbly make my way out of the OR, Derek on my heels. Richard stays in to observe, whispering to me that he'd keep an eye on her as I walk out. I don't stop to talk to Derek in the scrub room. I leave quickly and with purpose, and to be honest I'm not even sure where I'm going. I notice George out of the corner of my eye, most likely going to check on Laurie's surgery, but I pay no attention. Finding the nearest on-call room, I burst open the door and kick out a frightened intern whom I have never seen before. I don't even notice that Derek followed me, until I fall onto the bed and sob, and then feel his arms wrap around me.

"Derek..." I gasp. "She...in there..."

"I know," he whispers into my hair. Any louder and his voice would give him away.

Covering my face with one hand and clutching my middle with the other, the sobs pull me forward. Derek keeps his arms around me, and after a moment I hear him give in to his tears. We sit there for who knows how long, just holding one another and crying. How could we let this happen to her?

"This is all my fault," I choke out after a while. "That argument...and what I said...I'm so sorry Derek. Oh God. I'm so sorry." I bury my face in my hands, waiting for my husband to dish out the blame, just like he did when I first arrived. There's a silence between us.

"Addison, I…I don't blame you. This is my fault too."

"No-"

"Just shh…" he cuts me off. "I know I said it before, but I shouldn't have just left her like that without a word. I know it was hard on her but I didn't…I couldn't…" But I silence him by covering his lips with mine, my hands resting on his cheeks. Both of us are hurting, and now our child is hurting, and we need to heal together, not throw blame at each other.

He wraps his arms around me again, one hand behind my head, the other caressing my back.

"I love you so much, Derek," I whisper in between kisses.

Rather than respond verbally, he takes control and gently moves me so that he's lying above me; my legs straddle his hips and I wrap my arms around his neck. We both want to make each other feel better. Quickly, he rids himself of his shirt, and I of mine, and he begins to leave a trail of kisses down the side of my neck, making me moan. Reaching behind me, he unclasps my bra and throws it to the ground. I automatically arch my back into him, wanting as much skin-on-skin contact as possible. I leave light kisses on his shoulder, loving the feel of his skin, and run my fingernails lightly over his back and then his scalp, as he moves further south and begins to kiss at my left breast, massaging the right one with his hand.

"Derek…" After several seconds it's almost more than I can handle, and I reach down to undo his scrub pants. Kicking them off, and then pulling me out of mine, I can feel him grow hard against my inner thigh. I reach down, massaging him through the cotton of his boxers that separates us, eliciting a low groan from him. Rather than rush it though, I use my other hand to pull him up to kiss him again, gently letting my tongue slip into his mouth. I can feel myself almost slip into another world, where there is nothing but Derek and me, two people who, despite everything, never stopped loving each other.

"Addie," Derek moans into my mouth, and I can feel myself growing wetter. Ridding ourselves of the last bits of clothing, we look into each other's eyes. "I love you too," he whispers to me, resting his forehead against mine as he enters me slowly. His piercing blue eyes gaze into mine as he starts to move, and I notice the steady stream of tears flowing down both of our cheeks – I don't think either of us has really stopped crying – that are now forming into one.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," I whisper, and he kisses me.

"And I'm sorry I wasn't there." I wrap my arms around him tighter.

He began to thrust in earnest, making me moan.

"God, Addison, you feel so good," he mumbles into my shoulder. By this point my breathing is labored and my nails are digging into his back. I close my eyes as Derek brings his forehead back to rest against mine. I can feel the heat start to pool in my stomach, and I urged him on.

"Faster, please. Please."

Intertwining his fingers with mine, Derek holds my hands back behind our heads and increases the pace ever so slightly – he still wants this to last. We move together in a perfect harmony, and I can tell we're both getting closer.

"Derek…I'm almost…" But before I can say another word, I lose control of all of my senses as a wave of ecstasy hits me and I feel myself tighten around him. He's near the edge now, pressing his lips against mine as he comes, filling me completely. The both of us spent, we lay there and hold one another, neither of us wanting to let go.

Almost a full minute later he pulls out, but keeps his arms wrapped around me so that I can lay my head against his chest. I lean up to kiss him again, slowly, ingraining the feel of his lips in my brain.

"Addison, I…" he takes a deep breath, tucking a tendril of hair behind my ear. "There are so many things I want to say to you."

"I know," I say. "Me too."

He runs a hand gently up and down my spine, and I feel the tears pool in my eyes again.

"Derek what if Laurie…what if…?" I sniff. He knows what I'm talking about; something neither of us want to say out loud.

"Shh," he kisses the top of my head. "She's gonna be okay. Everything's going to be okay." I wish I could believe him, act strong like him.

"She's my baby; I can't…not her too."

"I know, I know," and he holds me tighter as I run a hand up and down his chest. I think about asking him if Laurie had any scans done, and if he'd seen them, but I'm scared enough. So instead I go for another question.

"How did Laurie get here?"

Derek sighs. "I don't know," he closes his eyes. "I got paged to the ER earlier tonight for a Jane Doe; I had no idea that…I had no idea that it was Laurie. I had no idea that she was even in a car. When O'Malley and I were viewing her scans, Alex Karev came up to us with a teddy bear, saying that it was in the front seat with the patient at the time of the crash. The bear was Winston," his voice breaks and I place a few kisses on his chest. "When I saw her lying in that bed Addie, and then when she seized I just…she has to make it." For the first time Derek is losing his battle with being the strong one. I close my eyes, not wanting to picture the scene he just described.

"She has to make it," I whisper.

We must have fallen asleep because I am startled by the sound of two pagers going off.

"Derek?" I mutter, and he stirs next to me. "Derek! Our pagers!"

Immediately, he sits up and reaches for his clothes, and I do the same. Reaching for my pager, I notice it's from Miranda and my heart skips a beat.

"It's from Bailey," I breathe. "Laurie's out of surgery." Suddenly, I'm scared all over again. Derek gives my hand a squeeze before the both of us run up to the ICU. Miranda meets us outside the glass door leading to Laurie's room, while Dr. Peterson fills out a chart next to her bed. Before Miranda can say anything though, I look inside. There she is. My girl. Derek looks at Miranda expectantly.

"Well, the good news is, she made it through the surgery. She's tough, your girl." I give a small smile. "It's not going to be an easy recovery; she had some internal bleeding in her spleen from a shard of glass, which I was able to stop. Dr. Peterson was able to repair the contusion and the hematoma, but…"

"What is it, Dr. Bailey?" Derek asks impatiently.

"Her heart stopped, twice, during surgery," Miranda looks at me, "leaving her brain without oxygen for almost a minute. Dr. Peterson doesn't foresee any permanent damage, but it could be a while before she wakes up, and it won't be until then that we can assess completely. In the meantime we'll need to keep her intubated and on continuous IV medication."

I hear Derek take in a deep breath beside me.

"Can we…?" I start.

Miranda nods. "You can go in and see her."

Slowly, I slide open the glass door, and take a seat in the stool next to Laurie's bed, Derek taking the one on her other side. Dr. Peterson writes some last minute notes and gives us a nod before he exits. I take the back of my hand and run it along Laurie's cheek.

"Hey, baby girl," I choke out quietly. "I should be so angry with you right now for terrifying me like that. But you're here now, and you're going to be okay. You're going to be okay." A couple of tears slip out. Derek holds up her hand and kisses it.

"You found me, Buddy," he says. "And I'll be right here when you wake up." He looks at me. "We'll be right here."

Almost a full 24 hours later, Derek and I are still in Laurie's room, each of us slumped over in a chair against the wall. Derek had left for a few hours not too long ago, and if the hospital rumor mill is as reliable a source as everyone says it is, part of those few hours were spent having a negotiation with Meredith Grey. Despite what everyone seems to think, however, I don't hate her. I hate what had to happen to my family, but I don't hate her.

The sound of moving sheets breaks me from my daze. Laurie is waking up. I race over to the side of her bed.

"Laurie? Baby? Come on, honey wake up," I say quietly.

She lets out a soft moan. Immediately, Derek is shouting in the hallway to page Dr. Peterson and Dr. Bailey.

"Laurie, Buddy, it's Daddy," Derek comes and sits on the opposite side of her bed. "Can you open your eyes for me?" He shines his flashlight in her eyes. I can see a small slit of her blue eyes start to appear only for a moment until her body can process that she's still intubated. She starts to writhe slightly, fighting against the tube, and I stand back as Derek takes hold of her shoulders and tells her, very slowly, to breathe out so he can take it out.

With as much energy as she can muster, she coughs as Derek pulls out the tube. It's still hard for her to open her eyes, but she's awake. She's awake. I take her hand.

"Laurie, honey?" Derek has tears in his eyes.

"Daddy?" The sound of her voice brings me to tears.

"Yeah, honey I'm right here. I told you I'd be right here."

It takes her a moment to process who is holding her other hand – me. She turns her gaze in my direction.

"Mommy," her voice is raspy.

I squeeze her hand tighter. "I'm right here, sweetheart. You're okay." She nods and takes in a slow, deep breath; I close my eyes when I notice her wince at the pain from her broken ribs.

"Mom, I'm sorry…I love you…I will call you back."

I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I figure, it was about damn time. haha. Let me know your thoughts! :)