I am sooooo very sorry I missed my normal update last Friday. We've been remodeling and rearranging our house so it has been time consuming, barely got 200 words down in an entire day. Now that things are nearly complete, I'm hoping to get back on track with my weekly updates, cross your fingers.

WOW, nearly everyone guessed right about what was wrong with Bella. Thinks its going to end soon or continue to occur?

Chapter 21: Breakable

I had no clue what time it was but it was remarkably dark in my room. My hands were extremely stiff and incredibly sore when I tried to move and flex my fingers. It appeared that I was clenching something in a death grip and I didn't want to let it go. The only thing I could think of that I was that possessive over had left me and he only existed in my dreams anymore.

Last night's dream, no, last night's nightmare was a repeat of that fateful night when I put myself out there and offered my body to the man I love. He already had my heart and soul so why not complete the package.

That night had been like a video, stuck on repeat with no stop button and it was sheer torture. No matter how much or how desperately I pleaded or apologized, he still left me sitting alone on his bedroom floor, nearly naked.

I tried to wrap my arms around myself as I felt a small gnawing feeling on a corner of my heart. I squeezed my eyes together as tightly as I could and willed the pain to subside.

Something cold touched my forehead then my cheek. My dreams of Edward had started out like this, sweet and innocent then turned lustful and wanton. Now that I had had my nightmare, was I going to experience a blissful dream about Edward next?

The chilly touching, I assumed was my dream Edward's lips, continued over my face, my exposed ear, my neck, my fingers. I moaned softly when I felt his lips on the corner of my mouth and it felt like he smiled. I moaned loudly when his lips fully covered mine.

'Morning my beautiful Bell,' I hesitated, my dream Edward had never spoken to me through kissing before, why the sudden change. 'Bella, you okay?'

The stone cold lips that pressed firmly to my soft, warm ones intensified, begging for more and offering just as much as the lust and urgency increased exponentially. This definitely wasn't like my other dreams with Edward. Yes, we had kissed, he had gone down on me repeatedly and I had even given him a blowjob – once, but the intensity was different, very different.

There was a feeling of yearning, hunger and terror. What did my dream Edward have to fear? I was the one that was fearful. Every night, since Edward had abandoned me, it was the same damn thing, first a nightmare of him leaving, and then followed by a dream filled with passion.

'Stop thinking about the kissing so much and enjoy it,' Edward scolded me comically.

The unusual words that rang through my head from dream Edward startled me. I drew away from the kiss and gazed intently into his obsidian eyes. The face gazing back at me was confused and annoyed and his lips were still in mid pucker.

"Not funny, why did you pull away?" Edward held my face in his hands and tried to pull me closer to restart the kiss but I turned my face away and he only succeeded in kissing my cheek. "Bella?"

I glanced at him and cringed from the hurt that was evident in his eyes. I shrugged faintly and closed my eyes tightly for a minute while I thought over my choice of words. "How do I know if you're the real Edward or the Edward created in my dreams?"

He looked at me blankly then forcefully pulled my face toward his and planted his lips on mine. 'Does your DreamWard ever kiss you?'

Yes.

I heard a low growl vibrating through his body that transferred to me. His hands started to tickle their way around my shoulders, ribs, waist, and then suddenly they reached around and squeezed my ass.

'Does your DreamWard do this?' I nodded slightly then heard and felt another growl, only this time it was louder than the last one.

When Edward's cold fingers wrapped around my wrist and he shoved me to the mattress, positioning himself above me and between my legs. All that lay between us were my jeans and a comforter, it rendered me speechless for a brief moment.

"Has your DreamWard ever done this?" he asked just before he trailed kiss after kiss along my neck, causing me to moan loudly.

"Necking yes…forcing me to…the mattress…no," I stuttered out between pants and moans. The kisses continued up my neck, to my ear, around to my cheeks and finally, back to my lips, where he kissed me thoroughly.

'Trust me Bella, I'm not your DreamWard, I'm the real deal,' one of his hands left my wrist and traced over my ribs then brushed upward toward my breast, instinctively I stiffened.

Too much! I need a human moment, please.

I heard yet another growl and Edward reluctantly rolled off me, allowing me to climb from the bed. He watched me like a hawk as I shuffled around my room gathering a set of clothes to change into after my much-needed shower.

"What do you mean by too much?" Edward asked with narrowed eyes and his lips pulled down into a grim line. He moved to the edge of the bed and held his own hands tightly, if his hands had anything in them, it would be dust.

"I just mean that, um, I, my bladder is too full, it has too much in it," Edward's eyes remained narrow slits – it was obvious he didn't believe me. I glanced at the window for no reason and noticed it was still dark out, I then glanced at my clock and it only said it was nine o' clock. I only slept for two hours, that can't be right. I looked to Edward questioningly. "How long was I asleep?"

"About fourteen hours. Your body needed the sleep so I didn't bother you, despite how much I wanted to," he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly but the tone in his voice betrayed his irritation. Just to appease him and make him feel a little better, I pecked him on the cheek then sprinted into the bathroom.

I vaguely heard my dad's thoughts while he slept something about fishing and some stubborn boy. That boy I assumed was Edward.

After relieving myself, I started the shower and set it for as hot as I could handle it. I stepped in and lets the nearly scolding water wash over my head and skin. I was hoping the relaxation of the shower mixed with a little time away from Edward would help to solidify my resolve.

When Edward eventually returned, never had I expected this kind of change in him. He was like a completely different person, well vampire and I didn't know what to do with this new development. It was as if at any chance he got, he would touch me in one way or another and most of the time it was intimate. Moreover, his kisses, damn, his kisses were so much more…I don't know – passionate, hungry, eager, zealous.

Through my mental fog I somehow managed to wash and condition my hair, considering how occupied my brain was right at the moment – it was a miracle I even remembered in the first place. My mind had been fuddled ever since Edward had first grabbed my ass in Italy then tried to place me on his lap while there also. Considering the terms we parted on, this new attitude was very disconcerting.

I lifted my head and let the water beat down on my face for a bit, hoping it would wash away my worries and concerns of what was to come. Edward was making it extremely difficult on me to stick with my plan. I know many wouldn't agree with what I was doing but who out there can honestly say they're dating a vampire, no one! How many people out there have been in the circumstances of their boyfriend rejecting sex to the point of him leaving? No one that I know of.

The night Edward abandoned me and the numerous weeks that followed were the longest and hardest of my life. I would never wish that pain on any one, not even my worst enemy. I will go to any lengths, under any means, to avoid that kind of pain again – even if it means I'll surfer a bit, it will be worth it in the long run. I don't ever want to lose Edward again and I'll do anything to avoid him leaving.

The water started to chill and I speedily turned it off then stepped out of the shower. I wrapped a warm towel around my chest then turned to the medicine cabinet and stared long and hard into the mirror. I looked like I had aged ten years, I felt like it also. The bags under my eyes weren't so prominent after my fourteen-hour slumber. My deep brown eyes had a little more color and life to them. Even if my complexion and features had improved since Edward's return, I was still far from being back to normal and far from attractive.

A heavy sigh escaped me as I gazed at my plain face. To this day, I still didn't see what Edward saw in me, especially right now. I pushed that thought from my mind and toughened myself. Despite how he was acting, despite what feelings he stirred within me, despite how I ached to throw myself at him and lavish kiss after kiss upon his body…I WILL NOT. No matter how much my body begged me, my heart was still too weak to endure that torture again, the torturous hell I had caused.

I stood up straight and righted my shoulders, I had a plan and I was going to stick with it. Maybe after I was changed, made less breakable, Edward would change his mind. If not, I would have eternity to convince him otherwise. Now that my mood had improved due to my inner pep talk, I quickly dried off the remaining shower water and slipped into a pair of jeans and a large baggy hunter green sweater. I tied my still damp hair into a high ponytail and opened the bathroom door.

Upon entering my room, I froze solid when I didn't see Edward where I had left him. Maybe he decided to go hunting or he got a call and had to leave suddenly? I started to feel terror rise in my chest and I attempted to squash it down, I could not fall apart after only having him back after only twenty-four hours – that would only show how fragile I currently felt.

I nearly hit the ceiling when a pair of hands grabbed onto my hips and pulled me backwards. The cold lips that I had grown used to grazed my neck then started tugging with his lips, eliciting more moans and shivers of pleasure from me. My insides started to burn and my heartbeat increased when his fingers danced incredibly close to the underside of my breasts and his thumbs ghosted over the top of my nipples. It was too much for me to handle.

Upon feeling the scorching heat at the juncture of my thighs and the tightening ache in my stomach, I quickly spun around. I gently placed my palm on his chest and looked up at him sweetly and apologetically.

"I need breakfast…er dinner actually," I ran from my room at the same time Edward growled loudly and lunged for me. I strolled down the stairs with a smile playing at the corner of my mouth and into the kitchen more gracefully then I had expected. My agility episodes were really starting to bug me – born awful, and then improved, then back to terrible and now better again, let's hope it doesn't get bad again.

It was shortly after midnight now and my stomach was telling me it had been awhile since my last meal. I hastily wandered over to the fridge and quickly located the leftover pizza my dad ordered while I was away. I snagged a couple slices, leaned against the counter and started eating them, cold. Edward watched me fixedly from the entryway, with a look saying that he wanted to say something but held it back for some reason.

As I chewed the remaining bites of the pizza crust I locked my eyes onto Edward's depthless onyx ones. Afraid of what he might do, I spun around and looked out the kitchen window. I watched transfixed as his reflection in the window very leisurely sauntered up to me. He leaned over and pressed a hand to the counter on either side of my hips then bent his head forward and took a deep breath from the base of my neck. His proximity to me nearly caused me to forget to swallow what was in my mouth.

A cold, wetness touched my neck and traveled up toward my ear. I couldn't hold back the reaction of my body stiffening upon feeling Edward's tongue licking up my neck. "You taste as delicious as you smell. I wonder if the rest of your body is just as mouthwatering, I can't wait to find out."

What the hell does that mean? He wanted to know if the rest of my body tasted just as good! What was he playing at? Maybe he was referring to after I was changed. That had to be it, after I was changed is when he was planning to taste me.

"You're really going to have to stop doing that," Edward breathed next to my ear.

"Doing what?" I mumbled quickly before I lost my breath completely.

Edward flipped me around to face him. Using his lower torso, he pressed my lower back against the counter then leaned his face very close to mine, so close I could feel his breath on my cheek. If I could hear my own heart pounding in my ears, I was positive that the super hearing of the vampire in front of me heard it loud and clear.

"Stiffening, it's as if my touch repulses you," I winced at the hurt his words carried. There were many ways to perceive my actions to Edward's show of affection and I was afraid that the result would be taken badly.

I stood on my tiptoes and quickly wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling my body flush and securely against his. I fisted my fingers into his hair in an effort to get him even closer. His arms embraced me in return and held me tightly, but I could tell he was holding back to avoid any physical injury to me.

"Nothing about you has ever repulsed me. It's just, that…I…um…I…Oh my god, what about work?" My hands flew to my mouth in a panic and I stared wide eyed at Edward. I had left so suddenly for Italy that I didn't have the time to contact anyone, and Dr. Kurt was expecting me back on Monday – which I think was yesterday.

Edward grabbed my face between his hands and begged me with his ebony eyes to calm down. "Everything is alright. Alice called the clinic first thing yesterday morning and informed them you came down sick from the climate change between Florida and Washington. You got another couple of days off. He said he'll see you on Thursday."

"She did?" my voice was a little bewildered. The moment Esme held me in her snug maternal embrace, everything floated away. The many days of stress and unknowing and no sleep finally crashed down on me and I had collapsed in Esme's arms, forgetting everything. I was relieved that Alice had remembered about my job, because I hadn't. Thank god for the seer.

Edward nodded slightly at my question and smiled crookedly down at me. "She did, so there is nothing to worry about," he gave my nose a cute little kiss then kissed each cheek before turning his head minutely and devouring my lips hungrily.

His lips were relentless and his hands pulled my face closer to his. 'I have no idea how I stayed away for so long, I must have been really out of my mind. From this day forward, I vow, I'll never leave you again. I promise nothing will ever spook me again.'

We need to talk.

Edward pulled back and stared at me, an expression of anger, worry, and humor written on his face. "You had to use those four words didn't you, now I'm spooked."

I shrugged one shoulder dismissively. "I know that Victoria is back and is looking for me," I felt Edward stiffen against me at hearing my words. "So what are we going to do about her?"

"We kill her, simple as that," he started to lean in again to press his lips down on mine, obviously to distract me but I swiftly halted him by placing my fingers over his seeking mouth. His eyes narrowed in a glare at me for stopping his pursuit and I bit my lower lip to stifle the laughter I was feeling.

"There is one more thing I want to talk about tonight," Edward sighed then nodded his head, gesturing for me to continue. "After graduation, I want you to be the one to change me." Edward turned into the marble statue he always claimed to be. He didn't move, didn't blink, didn't breathe, didn't anything.

"Bella, I-" I cut him off by pressing my hand fully over his mouth.

"I know you don't want me changed at all but the higher ups have ordered it. It's either that or death, which would you prefer?" I removed my hand from his mouth, crossed both arms over my chest, and glared at him stubbornly.

"Bella, there is no rush. Graduation for us may only be a year away but to the Volturi they won't bother to check for probably fifty years or more. Time is different for immortals," he ran his thumbs over my cheeks and smiled lazily at me.

Even after the Volturi ordered him to make me a vampire, he still refused and or procrastinated. This had gone far enough. I wasn't going to wait around for him to change his mind. I know what I want and apparently, I wasn't going to get any help from him in achieving it.

I pressed my palms against his chest and shoved him backwards, much to my surprise, he moved back. I walked over to the knick-knack drawer and pulled out a pen and a piece of paper. I hastily jotted down a note for Charlie and placed it on the kitchen table. I then went and retrieved my coat and headed for the front door.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Edward followed me out of the house.

"I'm going to go talk to the rest of your family, get their opinion on postponing everyone's deaths," I snapped at him as I continued to walk down the street. I heard him gasp then a few minutes later he pulled up alongside me in his Volvo.

"Get in, we'll get there faster if we drive," I glared briefly then climbed into the passenger seat of the car. Edward mumbled something I couldn't hear and he didn't look very happy at all.

At this moment in time, I could care less what he thought since my head and my heart were at war again. Did he not want to spend eternity with me or was it he didn't want to be the one that killed me? I guess soon, I would find out the answers to those questions and many more that lingered in my head and heart.

Chapter End Notes:

Did anyone catch the quote from a popular movie? Here's a hint: main star is Tom Cruise. I loved that line from the movie.