Hi! I feel absolutly horrible, and I'd just like to clarify that I'd still writing this story I just have so much going on right now (who doesn't?) that I've barely had enough time to think, let alone write! Anyway, here is a nice long chapter that hopefully isn't going to make any of you angry with me...I hope! Please keep on reviewing, it means a lot to me and enjoy!
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING...except for non DC characters...please don't sue!
The next day I was back to work and I had a horrible feeling that my job at Gotham Times wasn't as permanent as I thought. I was still doing jobs but my many absences had begun to affect my work. It was just the way the rest of the employees looked at me, with pity, curiosity and caution… none of those expressions were good.
The only good thing was that William surprisingly forgave me; he showed up at my office in the morning a smile on his face and two cups of coffee saying it was all his fault. The second he said that, I knew that William had some serious issues. He was like a little puppy, beaten and hurt, but still returning to its master….me. He pretty much fell to the ground and kissed my feet, asking for forgiveness. William wanted us to go back to the way it was before and I said okay, even though there was no way that would be happening. He acted differently with me; he didn't smile as much and slumped his shoulders. I had also caught him in my office when I wasn't there, digging through my drawers. I made no comment on this, for I truly didn't want him to leave forever, but I was getting nervous.
Gotham city was in an uproar and many criminals, including the Joker fought to grab the reins of the wild horse and take control. The only good thing out of this was that the police were no longer chasing the Batman around and the Dark Knight prowled around the city at night, bringing in criminal after criminal. But, something that became clear was that the Batman was only human, and his enemies knew it. He was tiring, he couldn't do it alone.
I hadn't seen the Joker for a week, but he wasn't the person who concerned me. I checked daily on Anna Ramirez's condition, and she wasn't getting better. Her head had been severely damaged by the gun and she was fighting a loosing battle. The police department had been trying to find who attacked her, but soon had to abandon the search for the criminals that were controlling the city.
I myself was getting ready for anything. Batman considered me to be a criminal and William was snooping around in my desks. I didn't think either of them would rat me out, but my suspicious behavior had triggered other reactions. Marissa was constantly asking me to go out with her, and would pester me with all sorts of questions. She questioned me about the holes in my wall from the knives, and had asked about the noises coming from my apartment at night. I had a horrible feeling that Marissa wouldn't be able to keep her big mouth shut with a secret this. Something like this would put her in the limelight, and once that happened…..all chaos would break loose.
****
A few days after I came back to work I was called down to Ms. Jones office. She nodded at me, and I copied her movement, dreading the feeling in my gut.
"Sit down Julia." She said shortly, but the look in her eye was pitiful. This was not good. I sat and she eyed me, briskly organizing the files on her desk.
"Julia…." She began hesitantly. "… things have been very difficult at the station in the last couple of days." I nodded. "And over the last couple of months you have displayed excellent writing skills but have been absent very frequently. We at Gotham Times need people who are able to dedicate themselves to their work and though you have had a tough time since you got here…." I slumped into my chair. "….I think it would be best if took some time off work and got everything in order." I raised my eyebrows.
"You mean permanently." I replied coldly. It was only a matter of time. Ms. Jones fidgeted awkwardly under my gaze and I grinned on the inside. I could even make Ms. Jones flinch.
"No….well yes. You see it is evident that you are not well of health even before you were uh….taken hostage. A source revealed to me that you yelled and threatened the commissioner and sometimes noises have been coming from your apartment some nights, like yelling and something that sounds like knives being thrown." Ms. Jones got herself under control and clasped her hands together. I however leaned in closer to hear more about this "source" but was disappointed. "I'm sorry Julia, but I think it would be best if you went and got some medical help. These last few months have been very strenuous for you and we just can't afford…."
"Can it." I interrupted, picking at one of my fingernails. "I'm fired, that's what you're telling me. You don't have to be kind or worried for my safety." I leaned in closer to Ms. Jones and she eyed me cautiously. "In my 'sane' opinion-and I am perfectly fine- you should be more worried for the safety of that 'source' yours." Ms. Jones gave me disbelieving look and I smirked. "Oh, don't believe me do you? Well, then maybe you should be more scared of your own safety. In fact, I'd hightail it out of here if I were you." Ms. Jones face turned white, but she placed her hand on the phone.
"Listen Julia. I'm sorry, I will call security but…if you calm down we can get your stuff I'll bring you to someone who can help you okay?" I laughed at her and stood, then swept all of her stuff off her desk and onto the floor with my hands.
I turned and walked towards the door, fighting to keep in the rage inside of me. I heard Ms. Jones pick up the phone before I left and I picked up the pace towards my office. I only had a few minutes until some sort of beefy man showed up and dragged me away to the freaking funny farm: I needed to move fast. I threw open my door and started throwing things that I needed into my bag. I then turned to go out the door but saw Marissa standing there, with William right behind her. I eyed them both then heard the heavy footsteps along the hallway.
Oh no, sorry but there is no way I'm going to the loony bin.
I glanced at William then fixated my eyes on Marissa, I couldn't stand his confused face.
"Julia." Marissa said calmingly, her eyes watching me, calculating my every move. I smirked at her and pulled out one of my knives from my boots.
"Get out of the way rat." I snarled at her. "I did nothing to you, yet you told Ms. Jones everything."
"I was worried about you." Said Marissa cautiously, eyeing the knife. I laughed. Liar. She was just using me as a big stepping stone, a way for her to get famous or whatever she has going on in her bottle blonde head.
"Move before I stick this in-between your lying lips." I replied. Marissa didn't move and I lunged forwards, brandishing the knife, but slipping it into my shirt before I hit her, so I could just push her into a dumbstruck William who then fell into the security guard. I flew out of my office and down the hall, into the fire escape and out the back doors, then down the street, as fast as I could.
*****
My door slammed open with a bang and I stormed inside and into my room to grab some clothes for my bag. It was only until I was picking up my extra knives to put in the duffel bag that I realized the Joker was sitting on my couch, observing me like one would look at a television. I glanced at him and my heart sank. He grinned and straightened.
"So….going on a trip?" He asked mockingly, eyes on my duffel mag. I glared at him and continued stuffing food and clothes into the duffel bag.
"More like moving." I replied coolly. "There's going to be some people hear in a few minutes and I'd advise you to leave if you don't want this to get out."
"Why wouldn't I want to get this out?" Came the reply. I turned and starred at him. It felt like my eyes were popping out of my head.
"You….you wouldn't want everyone to know your name." I said quickly, watching for his reaction. His eyes darkened briefly then lightened.
"Sweetheart, when they come in here and I'm uh on your couch no one is going to be asking for my real name. They won't get it anyway. You'd never tell any of them right?" I shivered.
"But then you can't hurt them right? They're the only reason I wouldn't tell." The Joker stiffened and his eyes burrowed into mine.
"Fine." He said, frustrated. Then, he smiled. "That is much better sweetheart. Then, they can run like the uh wind and tell all of Gotham your little secret." I stared at him and he smirked gleefully. I crammed my wallet into my bag, then slung it over my shoulder and marched across the room, coming to a stop right in front of his chest. I glared up at him, while he watched me impassively.
"Get out." I hissed. He shook his head, stretching his scars with a demented grin.
"Sweetheart, I'm not gonna budge, you may as well park it and wait till your uh 'friends' get here." I didn't move, just starred into his black soulless eyes. "You know….I never did uh thank you for spilling out Bat-Boy's secret."
"Why would you want to thank me for that?" I hissed. "I didn't do it for you."
"Of course you didn't. No, you did it for Guano-Man….but from your recent uh meeting with him he didn't seem so happy hmm?" I tensed.
"He doesn't understand…." I started furiously, then sighed. "No one understands." I whispered softly. The Joker grabbed my shoulders, his nails digging into my jacket, and held me tight. His eyes starred blankly at mine.
"I understand Julia. I'm the only one who understands. People just don't…..get it. They don't understand what you're trying to do hmm?" I nodded slowly, my arms going numb from his grip.
"Yes." I whispered softly, awed. Could he really understand the pain and separation from everyone else that I was feeling? "I try to help, I try to do things but they never understand…..it's like I'm different then everyone else…"
"You are different." The Joker hissed, his eyes burning. "We are both different then them all."
"It's like I'm not even human…" I whispered.
"You don't feel the same as they do…" The Joker eyes looked past me, to something I couldn't see, and his nails dug in even farther.
"I feel empty…."
"Soulless."
"They don't get it." The Jokers eyes widened and his lips curled into a snarl.
"You try and try to get people to understand….but they just don't get the punch line." His eyes looked into mine, and for once I saw something there….a faint glimmer in the darkness. There was a loud thumping on the door and I stifled a gasp.
"Miss Samuels!" Yelled a voice from behind my door. The Joker moved instantly, his eyes dark as ever, grabbing my shoulders and turning me around so my back was against his chest.
"Miss Samuels open the door!" Yelled the male voice. "We're not going to hurt you, but come with us before you hurt yourself!" The Joker arms snaked around to hold me tight, his excited breathing tickling my ear. The door fell with a resounding crash and a young police officer, Marissa, and William burst into the room, stopping instantly when they saw the situation in front of them. The officer took one look at the Joker and fainted instantly.
Some cop.
"Hellloo." The Joker drawled. "You know it's rude to burst in to peoples homes……" William starred in shock and made to run towards us, but the Joker pulled a knife up to my neck.
"Ah ah ah camera boy…..we don't want to uh stain the carpet." Marissa pushed past the cop, who looked like he was going to faint. The Joker pressed the blade into my skin and I hissed. But Marissa didn't react to this; she starred hard at the both of us and opened her mouth.
"You're not going to hurt her." She said, looking at the Joker. I couldn't see his face, but I heard him laugh.
"Would you like to test that theory hmm?" He replied. Marissa shrank back from his stare but continued.
"Okay…but…... I know you're not going to hurt her."
"And why is that?"
"Because she's….." Marissa took a big breath and her eyes flickered to me. "She's…your daughter." The Jokers grip slackened and I brought my arm back and elbowed him in the stomach, stepping to the side. I slid a knife out of my boot, but before I could turn to the Joker I heard the click of a gun and stopped. The Joker grinned at me while I sent him a vicious glare, and his eyes flicked back towards where Marissa, and William stood, both of them looking scared out of their minds.
"Now what were you saying beautiful? Sweetheart here my daughter?" He laughed and glanced at me. I simply starred at him, trying to plead with my eyes.
Please don't. Don't do it. It'll ruin everything, my life will be over I'll…
"Your right." Everyone stood around looking at the Joker for a few seconds. I could hear my world collapse at my feet, my soul break into a thousand pieces. Would they believe it? Then William spoke.
"You're lying." He whispered, face filled with pain. The Joker looked incredulously at him.
"Blondie said it not uh me. I'm just uh clarifying it." William's blue eyes turned to me.
"Is it true?" He whispered softly.
"Why should it matter?" I hissed back, inching towards the window.
"It matters because I was right." Marissa said gleefully, forgetful of the fact that she was in a room with a psychotic killer. "I checked up on your birth records and it said you didn't have a father in the first place. Of course that made no sense and after you got kidnapped and then randomly survived it everything just fitted together." I glanced at the Joker and saw he was grinning, just like me. How the hell is who says "random" so smart?
"The holes in the wall, the yelling at night, the reason you're still alive from being kidnapped. It all made sense." Continued Marissa, eyes shining with the prospects of this discovery. "And, when I compared your photos, you looked exactly alike." I frowned at her.
"Now, that's going a bit far Barbie." I hissed venomously. She took a step back, slightly taken aback by my comment. "I do not look like him. He can go to hell for all I care." I inched farther towards the window, but the Joker grabbed me and put the gun to my head.
"I think you are alllll forgetting what kind of situation you are in hmm?" He drawled, chuckling in my ear. "Now….yes Julia here is my one and only child." His voice dripped with sarcasm and he let out dramatic sigh. He let me go and I turned to see him point the gun at Marissa.
"So go and tell the whole entire world Blondie. Just remember to lock your doors at night; you uh never know who will drop in." Marissa paled, but I knew she'd still tell. I should have been more attentive to her expensive tastes and the way she looked when on camera. She loved the spotlight.
The Joker moved towards the window, pointing the gun at me when I tried to follow.
"Your not going to leave me here are you?" I asked; desperation in my voice. The Joker stretched his scars into a grin from hell.
"Of course not sweetheart…..I'm going to leave you here uh….with this." He aimed the gun at the past out cop on the ground, fired, splattering the mans head open. Marissa screamed and the Joker grinned then threw me the gun and I caught it with shaking hands.
"Being the daughter of the Clown Prince of Crime means you need to live up to the name hmm?" The Joker said mockingly, a tilt to his head. "That's why I've decided to let your little friends live, and uh…..see if you'll go with them to the loony bin or….." The Joker made a slashing noise across his neck, and then climbed out the window. Just before he dropped onto the fire escape his eyes locked onto mine.
"Oh yes, have you heard about Anna Ramirez sweetheart? This morning…..she uh died." He let go of the window ledge and disappeared onto the fire escape, his laughter echoing off the walls.
She died.
I'd killed her.
I was a murderer.
I slowly turned to where Marissa and William stood, watching me with surprise and …..fear? I looked at William, his face was filled with pain. I'd stabbed him in the heart, then pulled it out and crushed it into a million pieces. This had all happened because of me….but right now all I could feel was horror. Ramirez was dead, gone forever. I looked down to where the gun sat in my hand. I'd already killed once, could I kill again. I glanced towards Marissa, whose smug look had faded to fear and caution.
"Why did you have to do it?" I whispered softly. "Do you know what you've done? Its over, I'll be dead in a month."
"No, you won't." She said, her voice wavering. "Come with us and this nice officer here. We'll take you to a place where you're safe okay?" Her voice was patronizing and I laughed, cocking the gun. It felt nice.
"When hell freezes over." I hissed. I'd killed someone already, would it matter if I killed some more?
"Fine." Marissa pulled the gun out of the officer's belt and held it in front of her, her manicured nails clasping it, completely wrong. I smiled. It would be so easy.
Don't do it.
Suddenly there was a loud thud and she fell to the ground, William behind her, clutching a pan in his hand.
"You really like doing that don't you?" I laughed, amused.
"Jules." I looked at William. "You can fight this." He said quietly. "You can just start over, deny everything." He stepped over Marissa and I didn't move, just stayed with the gun cocked. He gently took my hands in his, and the gun dropped to the floor. My eyes stayed focused on his, never leaving them.
"Fight it Julia." He whispered. "Tell me it's not true. Tell everyone it's not true." I pulled back and stepped away from him.
"The thing is William." I said, while he starred. "It is true." William shook his head.
"No. I don't believe it. You're deluded you don't know what you're saying…"
"Look at my face William!" I shouted, angry now. He was making this harder then it was supposed to be. "Look at my eyes!" William starred at me face, then his eyes widened. I went to pick the gun off the floor, but he got there first and pointed it at me. I simply shook my head, fighting back the emotion. Why was this so hard?
"I'm sorry." I whispered trying to come closer to him. He stepped away.
"Stay back!" He shouted, eyes wild. But I didn't. I walked right up to him and kissed him hard. He tasted sweet, and wonderful, and for a few moments everything felt fine. He kissed me back just as passionately, arms around me, crushing me with his love. He smelt just like I'd always imagined, of peppermint and coffee beans. It was one of the best moments of my life, I finally felt at peace. But the thing is, it didn't feel right anymore.
I didn't deserve it.
I grabbed the gun from his hand and hit him hard on the back of the head. He fell to the ground and I stepped away, pocketing the gun. I grabbed my duffel bag and stepped over the unconscious bodies on the ground, to where Marissa was in a crumpled heap. I held the gun loosely in my hand.
Kill her.
I glanced to where William lay, breathing softly. I owed it to him, to fight this with my last breath. Killing Marissa was something I couldn't do.
No.
I walked over and knelt down, brushed his hair from his pale face.
I'd hurt him so much, let him love me, but never showed him how much I cared. I couldn't tell him or show him……I wasn't just a murderer, I was a torturer. I pressed my lips to his, then stood and walked out my broken down doors, out on to the street and down one of the alleyways.
This was what rock bottom was. Now, I had no one left. It was just me, me and the rest of the world in front of me. After twenty minutes of walking, I sat on the dirty ground and put my face in my hands.
What do we do now?
No fucking clue.
So, yeah a lot has happened in this chapter and I honestly can't say where we are in this story. It could end soon....or not. It really all depends. With Marissa, I had someone comment on how they don't like overly happy people, they find them too suspicious...so I just thought she'd work in this position.
Anyway please review and tell me what you think of it! You guys are awesome!