Chapter 21: History

Four Months Later - Christmas Break

As the hour struck, I rose from my plastic chair at the desk. I had just finished my last exam for high school. Ever. And boy did it feel amazing. Over the last four months, a lot had changed. I had changed, my brothers had changed, my friends had changed. Everything had. To this day, I honestly couldn't tell you how I felt about that.

It all started when I first moved in with Emily and Sam, the happy couple they were. It took a lot of getting used to. There were boundaries, rules, lessons that I had never known before. It started simple, knock before opening a door, wait for a response, if we're out of something write it on the notepad on the fridge. Just trivial things that most people never think twice about.

But when you live with three older, absent, brothers you tend to forget those little things. I remember the first night I walked in the bathroom, Emily had just gotten out of the shower. Normally something like that would never have fazed me, but this time I could feel the embarrassment radiating off my skin.

I learned to knock after that.

Next came the lessons of cooking, Emily wanting to have me eat more than candy bars and energy drinks. I couldn't say I ate properly now, but I certainly had improved. I discovered wonders like chocolate milk, and how grill cheese sandwiches and tomato soup was god tier. Over the course of four months, I had put on fifteen pounds.

Emily and Sam both encouraged that I looked better with the weight. The pack said I looked healthier. Paul would just stare.

To me, I was still the same person, just a size bigger than what I used to be.

Thankfully my clothes still fit, just snug on my body. That didn't stop Emily from taking me shopping on one of the weekends, telling me I needed new clothes because my ripped up barely covering clothes would just not do.

After gaining some weight, Emily had sought out a new mission. Reducing the amount of smoking and drinking. Although I wasn't able to legally buy the products, Sam thought that they should make me quit cold turkey and never turn back. I had protested. They were doing me a favour, but it wasn't one I had asked for. I had new found respect for Sam, a handful more respect for Emily, but I would not change the person I was completely because someone told me that I wasn't living my life properly.

So, I came to the conclusion of reducing my abusive intake. I had managed to move from about a pack a day down to a pack a week. My alcohol intake was from whatever I had managed to get my hands on before, to a six pack of beer or coolers on the weekend. I could deal with that, not enough for the knock out piss drunk, but enough for a satisfying cool down of a buzz. I couldn't complain. I still got my fix.

However, through all these changes there was one thing I didn't like at all.

Emily suggested I back away from Paul until I got myself back on my feet.

Over the days I spent with Paul, I had grown attached. More attached to anyone in my life. He was like a life-source, the sun that shone upon us all giving us the energy we needed to survive. And then I had pushed him away, knowing that if I had kept him around I wouldn't have made the progress. I wouldn't have changed my ways.

I would have used him.

Abused him.

And then threw him away like the rest of the boys that I had ever sunken my painted claws into.

During that talk with Emily, she had told me it was okay to be friends, friends for now, who knows what the future holds. But if he sticks around me, his future is similar to those wounded animal. I was just the vulture circling the area, waiting for my preys weakest moment.

Paul deserved better.

I deserved a future.

It was for the best.

I wasn't blind though, to the sadness in his eyes. I think he had felt it too, the spark we shared, that lingering chemistry that made for perfect complete combustion. Every day I had to tell myself as I made jokes with Seth, play-fought with Embry, or flirted shamelessly with Brady that this was the right thing to do.

I had managed to avoid being alone with him for months. Even if it meant I didn't get my nightly cigarette or hanging out with the disgustingly cute couple that I lived with more than necessary.

For a while I wondered, was I avoiding Paul because of my future or past? Sometimes when I looked at him, when he had those angry yet sad eyes, I couldn't help but be reminded of that night. That night I had screwed up. That night that had started my downfall. Did he still see me as that broken girl? That dead-end screw up going no where in life?

Three months ago I didn't have a future. My future was to drink, party, smoke, and tattoo. Now that I was finished my schooling, I was unsure of what I could do. College, jobs, anything and everything flashed before my eyes.

But every time I thought of leaving La Push, my heart ached in my chest.

Something was holding me back.

X-x-x-x-x-x-x-X

I sighed up to the sky, wrapping my jacket tightly around me as I walked towards the truck. A cigarette was loosely hanging from my lips, the crisp air of five am welcoming for a morning cigarette. Never was I out this early, but last night had been a hell of a night. I couldn't sleep all night, just tossed and turned in bed, my ears blasted with music as I tried to drain out the noises of the night. By that, I mean the wolves.

Lately their activity has increased, Sam telling me it had to do with a certain season for them. But in December, I found that hard to believe.

It was like a clock-work, every night for the last week I would go to bed around midnight, sleep for roughly twenty minutes and then it would begin. The howling, the piercing cry that penetrated the night as if it was right outside my window.

I was tired.

The boys looked tired.

Hell, even Emily the ball full of energy was tired.

I couldn't help but moan in delight when I first inhaled from the cigarette. The stress from exams, lack of sleep, and overall change was wearing down on me and quick. Finally christmas break had bestowed upon me. I placed my hello kitty lighter back in my jacket pocket, the old army green jacket was covered in patches and buttons that had been collected and sewn on. It had once belonged to Ryder, one of the few possessions he had left before ditching them. I had forgot completely about it until I was rummaging through one of the closets while moving some stuff over to Emily's.

I didn't even think Mason or Sebastian would keep anything that belonged to the other brother. I had assumed everything had been burned or thrown away. We didn't talk about Ryder. We missed him and prayed we'd see him again, but never once did we speak about him openly.

I sighed, running my hand through my hair as I looked up at the dark sky. From the distance, I could hear the faint cries of the wolves, as if they were trying to find their way back home in the dark.

I like to think I found my way home.

"What are you doing out this late?" The baritone voice shook my body to the core, my soul leaving momentarily from the freight.

I brushed the long black bangs from my eyes, glaring over at Paul who had suddenly appeared. Go figure that the one day I change up my routine, he is out here. His eyes were as cold as the wind, no warmth to be detected. Over the months he had become angrier, colder, and short with everyone.

"Can't sleep with those bloody wolves." I answered, giving him a biting smile before taking a drag of the cigarette.

Before I knew it, it was plucked from my hand and dropped into the snow. "Thought you quit. Hoped you quit actually."

"Why do you care?" I snapped, my eyes dropping to the last cigarette of the pack now ruined. I wouldn't be able to go and buy more for hours as the store didn't open till eleven on sundays.

Before I could blink, I was pulled from the hood, my back pressed up against where I had just been sitting. Paul was leaning over me, his expression feral. "I always cared. You were the one who pushed me away. Give her some space, she just needs some time." I could practically feel the mocking as he mimicked his older friend. I stared up at him, barely breathing and waiting for his next move.

If I knew Paul correctly, angering him further would be one of the greatest mistakes of my life. "Paul you don't understand-"

"No! I don't!" His hand collided with metal, causing a flinch to run through my body. If he kept acting like this, it would only be a matter of time before I lost my temper. "Everyone else was allowed to be around you! Huh! Why not me? Am I not important to you? Am I not your friend?"

My eyes narrowed, I leaned forward until we were chest to chest. "No Paul, you are not my friend. Never have been, never will be. Why are you wasting your time anyhow? What's so special? You and I both know it would never work between us." His eyes flashed with hurt, my heart clenched. "As friends." I added lamely, trying to reel my heart back from my sleeve.

What was this feeling?

It was a mix of despair and hurt. What I could see in his eyes was coursing through my veins, burning every inch, every cell as it passed.

For a moment, we stood in silence neither one of us backing down from our position. His hands on either side of me, clenched and I could hear the scraping metal once more. Just how old and crappy was this car? I focused on breathing, trying to keep shallow and calm breaths as I glared at his chest that seemed to be moving with my own.

Damn him.

It was his fault.

"Phoenix." His voice sent a ripple down my spine, reminding myself of how weak I was for his voice. His beautiful rough baritone voice. "I don't want you as a friend." My toes curled in my boots, my hands falling numb as my heart seemed to seize all actions.

The glare was gone, I could feel tears building up in my eyes. Why was I reacting this way? It was just Paul. It was just Paul…

Everything changed in a second.

His hand on my chin, lifting upwards as our lips met in a simple but sweet kiss. My eyes widened, my hands coming out of my pockets to grip on his sweater. I was acting as if this was my first kiss.

But boy, did it feel better than the rest.

Slowly, my eyes closed as I pressed back against him.

What was wrong felt right.

But who was anyone to say it was wrong?

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Authors Time-out: Welcome back to SGW! Thank you to everyone who stuck by me these past eight months. I know it's been scarce but I appreciate every review, every favourite, every silent reader. You all are amazing. This summer is going to be hard for me, so I've decided to dedicate my time to work, baseball, writing, and video games. It's the only thing to keep me grounded as I get back on my feet. This past year has changed me greatly, I can't even describe how much I learned. I'm already plotting the end of this story, I'm thinking roughly 10-15 more chapters AT MOST. The least amount will be about 6-8. Thanks beauties.

P.S I dedicate this to my seriously awesome beta Rue Dawn. :3

Review. Whats that? No, that's not Paul on a leash in my backyard.