An Ashley Greenwood Original Herbert The Hobbit!
*Disclaimer I don't own any of these Characters, Locations, or products except for sexuality extrodinare Herbert!*
"Pippin thy have betrayed thee,
Thought you only loved me,
But I guess that's not the case,
Seems our love was a waste…"
Chapter 21: Expect The Unexpected
"How dare you," I Sighed to myself because Ashley and Pippin were about to do the dirty.
"COME WITH ME," I yelled as I grabbed Pippin's hand, I then hit him over the head with a vase for almost having sex, (I didn't do anything to Ashley she couldn't help how good looking she is).
Pippin then piped in, "Come everyone Come!" We all the left Temptation Tree, because we are all innocent little virgins who need not doth to be tempted!
"Well that was a close one," Pippin piped in a relieved sigh.
Swam then spitted sassily, " Oh yeah and you think Hwebert will be less tempting?" Everyone then at the exact same moment pushed Sam to the ground and started kicking him.
"YAH Sam yo not having sex with Herbert," Gimly yelled at Sam because Sam was really hitting on me there and I was afraid he was making advances. I was so sacred of violence though so I huddled up in a corner and hugged my knees. Everyone then stopped kicking and looked and pointed at me and started to whisper.
"Aw look at how cute Hreebert looks right now poor thing," Legolas whispered gushes.
My grandpa Gandalf then agreed, "He's been like this ever since he was a child it's so cute." I looked up and blushed with my puppy dog eyes everyone smiled let out an aww and put their hands over their heart.
"It's moments like this that makes Herbert's innocence shine brighter and purer than the stars of love in thu night sky," Frodo said with his trademark I'm being sentimental and girly look on his face. They all came over to me and talked in comforting "Ababababa" sort of voices. My chestnuts got wet everyone in this world loves me so much, one would think I would be used to it by now but I'm not yet because I'm not a conceited freak!
Aragon then started tapping his feet and closing his eyes, " The winds of mother nature are blowing me towards the East."
Gandalf then knowledgeably nudged us, "Thy Indie friend is right my mugic powers are leading me there for the fourth time today in the past tick of the sun dial." We all nodded in our serious Hobbit way, Hobbits are famous for getting work done you know.
Then all of a sudden we heard a cackle on the edge of a cliff!
"Oh now what," Sam put up his hands like the giver upper he is. We continued to walk, because we wanted to avoid danger. But then we saw a flash of black leather and pink silk on the hill. We looked up and it was… THE ORCTRESS!
The Orctress pointed her finger at me dramatically, "Herbert you Redundant Rodent, you're getting in the way of my plans yet once again, but this time it's not just me, it's my army of my baby… ORCLINGS!" We all gasped as these baby Orclings were running at us, It might sound odd but Orcs aren't that ugly in person when you think about it. However my velvet purple tunic was sparkling from within with the power of super speed, We all looked at each other and nodded, (like in the Animes,) and started running.
We were rolling around beyond the speed of sound, and flipping off the trees, showing off my acrobatics. Aragon got out his rod and started hitting them while jumping and twirling, everything was slow motion, and I think I like it that way. Then we got the Orclings to run into each other, they all died. We all cheered, but then The Orctress grabbed Sam and pinned him to the ground, We all watched.
"Thy halt upcoming hurls of punches I want to see what Thy Orctress wants to acquire with Seme," Gandalf said with his beard flying everywhere while spreading his arms in stop position. Sam's face had dirt on it, The Orctresses face was clean!
"LET GO OF MY SAM," Frodo exclaimed looking all snazzy.
Sam's face softened, "Frodo…"
Frodo looked at him meaningfully, " Sam…" I then felt all sad I totally forgot about Sam and Frodo's past relationship.
The Orctress then slapped Sam, " Don't you even try to steal Furdo away from Herbert!" We all gasped even though that's what he deserved.
Sam then screeched, "WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME WHAT TO DO?"
The camera angle then went above the trees so you could see our heads as the wind blew.
The Orctress then boomed, "Because Sam, I am… Your Mother!"
Stay Tuned For Chapter 22 of Herbert The Hobbit!