Chapter 21
Light woke about an hour later, his mind going over what he could remember of the beating. He didn't remember much, he knew he had retreated after the first couple of blows, and that dark voice kept reminding him that he was the one who had protected him while the attack happened; had kept his mind intact. But what Light didn't know was what had happened afterwards. Part of him didn't want to know, but in reality he knew he had to know if Kenji had raped him. He struggled to open his swollen eyes, reaching out for the hand he knew would be there. L would tell him what had happened, L wouldn't lie to him.
L took grabbed the slightly shaking hand as it reached up searching for him and held it between both of his, Light's struggle to try to open his eyes hurting him deeply.
"Light…don't try to open your eyes, they're still too swollen. I'm right here." He said quietly but Light didn't listen. He wanted to see L, if only just a little, he wanted to see him. One of the last things he remembered was thinking he wouldn't see him again, and being so very glad he'd left that letter with Watari. He managed to get them open a bit, enough to see L's face above him, not clearly but he could see that explosion of hair and those eyes.
"Answer me…don't lie." He managed to get out and L frowned not knowing where this was going or coming from.
"I never lie to you Light, you know that." He answered and Light nodded.
"Kenji…rape me?" he asked and L shook his head.
"No, Light. Matsuda got to you in time. Apparently that was what he was planning to do when Matsuda ran in, but he didn't get the chance. You are still as pure as the driven snow." Light tried to laugh and then quickly realized that was a bad idea.
"Glad.." he whispered and felt tears of relief slide down his face. L wiped them away gently.
"As am I, you have quite enough to heal from. How is your pain, do you need more medication?"
"L…Kira…"
"Is plaguing you, this I know. The fact that you are willing to tell me this shows that you are still the stronger and this is a very good sign. You will get through this, he will dissipate once again."
"Destroy…Death Note…please." L started at the plea. Light knew better, he already knew how L felt about that. He couldn't destroy it, he wasn't sure what would happen and he wasn't going to take the chance.
"Light…you know I can't do that, we've had that discussion. I know you feel like you can't control him right now, but you'll get stronger and you'll be able to…" he stopped when Light began to shake his head violently.
"Tired…can't fight…tired…" he whispered and L held his hand tighter.
"I know you are, but just give it some time, Light. You're in a weakened state right now, but after a few days you'll be stronger and you'll continue to get stronger. We will fight him together."
"I..love..you…he…hates…you.." Light managed, fresh tears starting again.
"I know Kira hates me because I stand in the way of his taking you over again. But we will win again Light. Until now he wasn't even a thought to you for the past few years and it will be that way again. But I can't destroy the Death Note, you understand?"
Light nodded, his half closed eyes searching for L's smile, for the strength he needed because he couldn't do this on his own. Even now the voice taunted him, telling him how little L loved him because he wouldn't do this one thing for him. That he didn't need L, that he should just relax and let him handle everything. Light shook his head again, and L knew he was once again fighting inside his head.
"Go back to sleep, Light. You need to sleep, it will build your strength. I will be here, I am not going anywhere." L told him and Light nodded slowly, letting his eyes close again and within a few minutes he had gone back to sleep.
L continued to hold his hand tightly, worrying for Light's sanity. There were two people fighting for control of that one body and not only did he fear the wrong one would win, but the fight itself would damage his beautiful mind. If he destroyed the Death Note all memories of Kira would be gone, there would no longer be a fight, this he knew. But would Light still love him? And now with the threat of Miyano he was really afraid to take that chance. He brought Light's hand up to his lips and kissed it, hoping he was making the right decision.
Within two weeks Light had been moved down to a private room, the swelling mostly gone so that he was definitely recognizable, but the bruising still very prevalent. By the third week the bandage around his jaw had been removed with the caution that he didn't do too much talking, or open his mouth too wide for the next three weeks.
L had not left his side for more than a few minutes each day and as Light had done with him when he was hospitalized, he had slept with Light in the small bed, their limbs wrapped around each other, Light's head usually on L's chest so L could hold him close.
The constant interaction helped Light keep Kira at bay, the voice seemed to still as time went on and he got stronger, just as L had promised. He was sitting up in bed now, grimacing at the soft foods that were brought to him for dinner. If he had to look at another bowl of jello he would throw it at someone. Luckily L loved jello and relieved him of it before someone wore it.
"I don't understand why you dislike this," L was telling him as he sucked down a spoonful of the jiggling substance, "It could use whipped cream but other than that it is tasty." Light scrunched up his face as he watched L eat it.
"It feels like it's alive in my mouth and trying to get away," Light complained and L stared at him mid-swallow.
"That's disgusting," he said and Light smiled…slowly.
"That's exactly right," he said and leaned forward gently kissing L's mouth, "I love you," he said and then sighed, "I need to get out of here, I need to be home with you." He added and L nodded.
"I love you, too, " he answered, "And you should probably be released some time this week," he added swallowing the last of the jello, "You will have private therapy for your jaw exercises twice a week, so that it doesn't lock up on you until it's completely healed."
"You always have everything under your control don't you?" Light said suddenly and L was startled by the sudden coldness of his eyes and the chill in his voice.
"I merely put preparations into play so that it would be ready for you when you got home, Light it had nothing to do with control." He defended and Light blinked and then smiled at him.
"I know, I don't know why I said it like that, sorry," Light apologized and looked away, concern crossing his rapidly normalizing features. L put a thumb up to his mouth, it was obvious Kira was peeking out again. He leaned towards Light and carded his fingers though his hair, watching as Light's eyes closed at the touch.
"Watari is bringing you something you should enjoy that isn't jello," he said and Light laughed, "So that should improve your mood greatly," he leaned forward and gently kissed him.
"I'm sorry, didn't mean to intrude…" they both looked towards the door to see Soichiro standing in the doorway, Sachiko next to him.
"Mom…Dad no problem," Light said as L sat back. Sachiko came to him and gently hugged him to her.
"You are looking so much better," she said and looked to L, "I imagine he hasn't been a model patient." L smiled and stood up.
"On the contrary he has been a very good patient. I will give you time alone, but I will just be down the hall if you need anything." He said and patted Light's hand before leaving the room, Light squeezing it before he pulled away.
"I am glad to see you're looking so much better Light," Soichiro said, "That first week was pretty rough." Light nodded.
"Yea, wasn't a picnic on this side either," he answered as his mother sat in L's vacated chair.
"Dear, you and Ryuzaki aren't planning to move back to England are you?" she asked and Light stared at her confused.
"Dear, I asked you not to mention that until he was home!" Soichiro said obviously exasperated.
"I don't know when that will be, what if they leave when he gets released? I need to know." She defended and her husband sighed, shaking his head.
"Not at all, why would you even think that?" Light asked and she looked at Soichiro who cleared his throat and moved closer to his bed.
"Ryuzaki brought it to my attention that part of the reason you took on such a dangerous assignment was because I had made the call to you, thereby forcing your hand because of how I brought you up; with a strict sense of justice. He felt that the Director used me to use you and, I suppose he was correct in that. But he made it clear that he would not let it happen again; that he'd move you back to England before he allowed you to be coerced into such a case again. I can't say that I blame him considering what happened, but it was an upsetting thing to hear; I enjoy having you here, and working with you."
Light listened but the words were beginning to blur as his anger began to rise. L had no right to say anything like that to his father; especially without consulting him first. L had no control over what cases he took anymore than Light did over L's; and he had made it sound that he had been pushed around and forced into it like a mindless puppet. He was suddenly aware that both of his parents were staring at him.
"Light I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.." his father was saying and he shook his head.
"No, it's fine. Ryuzaki sometimes gets carried away, he really shouldn't have made a threat like that, I apologize."
"No need to apologize, he loves you and he was worried. It was when you were brought in and you didn't look good.."
"He still had no right!" Light snapped, his eyes narrowing in anger, "Ryuzaki has to learn that he cannot control everything and especially not me." His eyes softened and he smiled at his parents.
"But don't worry, I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, and if I do decide to move it will be our decision and not Ryuzaki's alone ." his mother nodded and squeezed his hand.
"We didn't mean to upset you or cause trouble between you and Ryuzaki. I'm sure he meant well.."
"Let's not talk about it anymore, Mom. Where's Sayu today?"
"She's off seeing her boyfriend, you know how young love is. She did say she'd stop by later on," Once again Light looked confused. As far as he knew, Sayu and Near were an item. Ofcourse with Near being in England it was possible she was seeing someone else in between, she was still young.
"I see," he answered and then smiled, "I'm glad she's having fun in spite of college." He said.
"Well, it's not like they get to see each other often, so she's taking every opportunity to spend as much time as possible with Near." Sachiko said and Light's eyes widened in surprise.
"Near? Near's in town?" Now it was Sachiko's turn to look surprised.
"Why, yes dear, Ryuzaki didn't tell you his youngsters were in town?" Light heard the voice loud and clear this time.
'He's been keeping things from you, what else has he done or lied about that you don't know?' Light closed his eyes and shook his head, L NEVER lied to him, he knew this. There had to be an explanation. He raised a hand to his head and rubbed his temple.
"I'm sorry, I'm sure he did mention it but sometimes things don't stick with me right now." He said and his mother patted his hand.
"Of course, that makes perfectly good sense after what you've been through. You should mention it to the doctor, there might be something they need to address." Soichiro told him and Light nodded then slid back against the pillows, his mind in turmoil again. At that moment L came back into room, followed by Watari who was carrying a covered container.
"Watari has brought you a bowl of Meso soup, he remembered how much you love it, and cheesecake in case you would like something sweet. I also have cheesecake but mine has strawberries all over it, you can't have those yet." He said placing the container on Light's side table.
"I think we'll leave you to your meal," Soichiro said helping his wife from the chair, "Glad to see you're doing so much better, son." He said and nodded at Watari as he started leaving the room, his wife doing the same.
"Bye and thank you for the information." Light said, his eyes shifting to L quickly and then back again to his parents. Soichiro looked slightly uncomfortable but smiled anyway and continued out.
"You do seem to be doing well today," Watari said as he opened the container and removed the bowl of soup. Light smiled at him and sat back up as Watari moved the table closer to him. Light took a tentative first sip and then smiled as the warm, flavorful soup.
"Thank you so much this is wonderful," he said honestly and took another sip.
"What information did your parents give you?" L asked as he began to dig into his own cheesecake after sitting down. Light took another sip and then looked at Watari.
"I'm sorry, but would you mind if I speak to L alone for a few minutes?" he said and Watari shook his head.
"No, of course not. I'll come back when you've finished your food to retrieve the dishes." He said and walked out closing the door behind him, he had the feeling whatever was going on was not going to be good. L looked surprised as he watched Watari leave and looked back down at Light.
"What's going on?" he asked as Light turned to him, obvious anger in his eyes.
"There are a couple of things I need to discuss with you," he said quietly, "The first one is what the hell were you thinking by threatening my father with taking me away somewhere like I was some abused child?" L's eyes widened and he sat up straight, putting his plate down on Light's table.
"I am sorry it was presented to you in that manner, I assure you that wasn't my thinking at all."
"What was your thinking, L? You had no right to say something like that to my father, to accuse him of coercing me into taking that case…"
"Light, you have to admit that the way he reared you has everything to do with how you see justice, it is partly why Kira became so strong in you, that desire to bring justice to the masses, to truly bring criminals down."
"You act as if there's something wrong with that, you of all people who has done many off the wall things in pursuit of justice!"
"This isn't about me, and I did not say there was anything wrong with that desire, it is quite admirable it is one of the things I love about you; but the depth of it in you can sometimes move you in directions that is quite dangerous for you. With the exception of the Kira case, I never put myself in harm's way, you are constantly out there which is normal for your line of work, I just don't believe you should be forced into cases that are so out of control."
"You mean cases that are out of your control. You were supportive of this case when it first came up, have you just changed your mind because I got hurt and you couldn't stop it?" L stared at him for a moment as that thought went through his mind, his thumb coming to his mouth. Was that the real reason behind this, the fact that he felt helpless because Light got hurt anyway, in spite of all of his power behind him?
"Light, I…have no control over any of your cases, I never interfere…"
"But they are regular cases, and sometimes we do sit and brainstorm over certain aspects of them. You were completely shut out this time L, you had nothing to say, nothing to offer and I wouldn't let you even if you did. You didn't like that very much, and now you're trying to keep it from happening again. You have to get it through that stubborn, thick head of yours that you cannot be involved in every aspect of my life, you cannot have a hand in everything I do and you certainly cannot take it upon yourself to decide things for me in an attempt to keep me out of harm's way! Do you understand?" L nodded slowly and sighing deeply.
"I understand. I love you, Light and the idea of losing you to something like this, losing you at all is something that…my thinking is not always the best." Light reached up and caressed L's face, the voice in his head telling him he was being stupid to let this go, and he ignored it.
"I can understand that L, but you're smothering me this way. Just never do that again and everything will be fine. Only I can be responsible for my own decisions. You know I'll never make life altering decisions without your input, but ultimately they have to be my decisions." He leaned forward and kissed L gently, L searching his eyes for any traces of Kira but nothing seemed to be there except his Light. He then closed his eyes and enjoyed the kiss until Light pulled away.
"Now," Light began, "Why haven't you told me that the boys were in town?" L stopped breathing for a minute, not quite sure exactly how Light found out but now afraid that everything was about to get worse.
"I'm sorry, they are helping me keep my cases up-to-date as I'm not able to do much here with you. They have wanted to visit, I thought you had more than enough visitors." Everything he said was true, so he was not lying to Light he couldn't do that; he just omitted the qualifiers.
"Again with the controlling L, you have to stop that. Didn't you think I might want to see them?"
"I'll have Watari bring them by this evening, no I didn't think of that at all, my only thoughts were…"
"I know, of keeping me safe.. No more of this L, please, no more. I think I've probably talked enough for right now, so I'll be quiet for a while," he said and L nodded his agreement, and then Light smiled at him and went back to his soup.
L watched him, reaching out and caressing his hair as he loved to do and receiving a happy smile from Light in between sips of soup. He then reached for his plate and picked up his fork and as he cut the first bite there was a knock on the door and it pushed open.
"Knock, knock! Did you miss me, beautiful?"