Aimi returns to Kyoto. Her friends are shocked and angry to learn what has happened since she left them.

End of June 1865

Chizuru waited with the Shinsengumi on the north road into Kyoto. The excitement had yet to abate since Kondou informed them they were tasked with guarding the shogun and his retinue through Kyoto and during his stay at Nijo Castle. Chizuru understood how big a deal it was, but her excitement came from knowing Aimi was returning to Kyoto.

Hachiro was one of the shogun's Okuzume; his personal bodyguards. His letter arrived with their orders, and informed them to prepare for Aimi's return. Hijikata grumbled over the news. He was determined to have her stay elsewhere in Kyoto, though he preferred she returned to Edo where it would be safer for her. Chizuru, however, was glad to have her friend near enough to visit.

She stood with Hijikata and a contingent of soldiers. The other captains took positions along the main street blocking off all other traffic and ensuring the shogun a safe and undisturbed travel through town.

The sound of footsteps and hoof beats drew closer. Chizuru sucked in a breath at how regal the guard looked atop their horses. The shogun rode a white stallion in the center of the formation. Iba Hachiro rode behind him on a matching stallion. At the rear was a norimono carried by eight men. Women and non-samurai weren't allowed to ride horses. Chizuru stared at the litter hoping the window would slide open and she could wave to her friend.

As if she spoke the words out loud, a screen slid back silently. Chizuru raised her hand to wave, but the face looking out at her made her pause. A thin and pale woman looked out at them.

"Damn it!" Hijikata sucked in a gasp and clenched his jaw. "What the hell has happened to her?"

Chizuru glanced at him. Anger brought a deep color to his throat. Why was he angry? She looked back at the litter. The woman gave her a small smile. Chizuru's breath caught in her throat at the familiar tilt to the smile.

"It can't be?" She couldn't accept what she saw. She glanced at Iba, his expression was drawn, jaw clenched. He met Hijikata's eyes and gave a grim shake of his head.

"What the hell is he thinking having her travel?" The anger in Hijikata's whisper sent a shiver of fear down her spine.

Once the procession passed, Hijikata fell in behind. His men taking the rear guard. Chizuru scurried to keep up, her eyes darting to Hijikata's face.

"What do you think happened to her?" she whispered.

Hijikata glared at her. "Hell if I know. But you can be damn certain someone is going to explain it."

Chizuru could count on one hand how many times she saw Hijikata this angry. It usually meant someone was going to die, or at least wish they had. Even though his anger wasn't directed at her, she couldn't help but feel frightened.

It took them half an hour to reach the castle. Each captain and their men took alternating positions around the shogun's retinue, those in the front circled the castle to ensure no threat hid in the shadows. Kondou greeted the shogun, and his officials and followed them inside. Inoue, Nagakura and Itou joined him. Everyone else, who would take the next shift around the castle, was sent off to rest.

Iba waited by the litter. He merely nodded a greeting at them, his usual joyful expression was replaced by a solemn, almost pained one. The door slid open and a thin hand reached out to take his.

Chizuru slapped a hand over her mouth. The woman stepping out couldn't be Aimi. Her eyes lacked the spark of mischief, and her face was far thinner than Chizuru thought possible. Her clothes, while elegant and of the highest quality, only drew attention to the wraith inside.

Aimi bowed slightly, holding tightly to Iba's hand for support.

Saito was the first to step forward. He bowed low. "We are pleased to have you back. Your presence has been sorely missed."

She gave him a weak smile. "I'm afraid I'm not fit for duty. Forgive me for..."

"Now, none of that." Hijikata smiled at her. "Your post will keep until you are."

Aimi regarded him coolly. She tilted her head. "Do you mock me, commander?"

Hijikata winced at the hoarseness of her voice. "You know I don't joke about work."

"I'm sorry to leave you so soon, Aimi. I have duties to attend to. Toshi will see you settled." Iba held her hand out to Hijikata, then turned and helped someone else from the litter. "This is Okita Kumeko, Mitsu-san's oldest daughter." He bowed to everyone and left in a hurry.

"Kumeko-chan! My how you've grown!" Harada smiled warmly at her. "What a pleasant surprise to have you here."

Kumeko smiled back at him. "Harada-san. I'm taking care of Aimi-san for mother. She can't travel until after the baby comes."

"A big responsibility." Hijikata smirked at them. "Aimi tends to find trouble easily."

Aimi's face lost its color.

Kumeko stamped her foot. "That woman did this to her." Kumeko's eyes filled with tears and she clenched her fist.

"Don't be angry with him, little one. He doesn't mean anything by it, he didn't know." Aimi stared at her feet.

Hijikata touched Aimi's chin. "What woman?"

"Her mother-in-law poisoned her. She's not getting better, she just gets thinner." Kumeko blurted out.

Aimi let out a sigh. "I see you've been eavesdropping again. Careful, commander, she rivals Yamazaki on her ability to slip around unnoticed." Aimi ruffled her hair. "Mitsu's letter must have been delayed. I asked her to explain things before our arrival. It is...difficult for me to speak of. Mother Iba was certain I was possessed. She was determined to purge me of it, or kill me. We hope Dr. Matsumoto can help where others have failed."

Chizuru slashed at the tears in her eyes. How could this have happened? Was there something she could do to help her?

"That bitch!" Harada clenched his fist.

"Normally, I would oppose killing a woman..." Saito clenched his jaw.

"You needn't say more." Hijikata held out his hand. "Can you walk the distance? Or shall I carry you?"

Aimi lifted her chin defiantly. "I can make it. You needn't trouble yourself."

"I doubt you weigh more than a feather, carrying you won't be any trouble at all."

"Can we just go?" She turned on her toes but stumbled.

Hijikata scooped her up and cradled her against his chest.

"I'm sorry," Aimi whispered.

"Shh, don't fret over this, you'll be better in no time." He closed his eyes and pressed his cheek to her temple. "Just...don't give up."

Had she not stood beside them, Chizuru wouldn't have heard their exchange. Kumeko followed behind them while servants rushed from the castle to collect their trunks.

"Could she still die?" Chizuru feared for her friend after Hijikata's plea.

"She's pretty sick." Harada shook his head. "It won't be easy for her."

"Indeed, it will take many months for her to recover. If it's not too late..." Saito added. "But if she's lost the will to live..."

Chizuru held her breath. Saito had put her fear into words. The spark of life was missing from Aimi's eyes. How many patients had just withered away, because they gave up, while her father fought in vain to help them?

Harada patted her head. "She needs all of us to be strong for her, to remind her of who she is. Can you do that? You can't look at her like she lost. You can't let her see your tears."

"I will try." Chizuru nodded.

Aimi curled against Hijikata's chest, soaking in the warmth his body offered. Hachiro hadn't held her since they left Edo. Oh, he was polite. Teeth aching polite. He never raised his voice to her. He also didn't discuss anything with her except the details of their travel plans. He avoided her whenever possible, content to let Kumeko tend her.

Aimi could do nothing to ease his guilt. He couldn't stand to look at her. She overheard his argument with Mitsu about her return to Kyoto. He'd told Mitsu he couldn't care for Aimi, but he was taking her to someone who could. Mitsu argued she needed her husband's care, but he laughed bitterly. All he could do was hurt her. His family failed her, he failed her. Every time he looked at her he saw her death and it haunted him. Knowing how he felt stole what little hope she'd clung to that they would some day bridge the chasm between them.

Hachiro hired an older woman to accompany them, but Aimi wasn't able to relax around her. So the woman was staying with Mitsu, and Kumeko came with Aimi. She met the girl's curious gaze over Hijikata's shoulder. Surely this must confuse one so young. Aimi didn't know how to explain it all to her.

Hijikata stopped and opened a door. "Kumeko-chan, this room will serve as yours, we anticipated a servant would attend Aimi, but I think you will find it sufficient for your stay here."

"I thought I would stay with Aunt Aimi, she doesn't sleep well." Kumeko looked up expectantly.

Hijikata nodded and motioned to the door just across the hall to his left. "Her room is there. I'm sure if she needs you, you'll hear her. Is that okay with you?"

Kumeko pursed her lips.

Hijikata smiled at her fondly. "I'm glad you take your job so seriously. Aimi is lucky to have such a friend."

Kumeko blushed under his praise. Aimi hadn't missed the way she shyly looked at him while they spoke outside. He had the face of an angle. And the heart of a Demon. Aimi stifled a laugh.

He raised a brow at her, his fingers curling gently under her knee. She shook her head. She'd never tell him her thoughts, or that poor Kumeko was star struck by him.

"Why don't you go get some tea while I get her settled?"

Kumeko gave him a curious look. Aimi held her smile. The child knew he was trying to get rid of her.

"Tea sounds lovely, bring enough to have some with me, and maybe some rice balls if there are any?" Aimi asked.

Kumeko bowed. "Of course, which way is the kitchen?"

A servant stepped out of Aimi's room. He bowed before her. "This way, miss. I'm certain there is much better fair than rice balls to find there."

Kumeko tossed a look over her shoulder as she followed the man down the hall.

"She's a sharp one, isn't she? Reminds me of Mitsu." Hijikata grinned at the girl rounding the corner.

"Yes, and far too mature for a girl her age. She doesn't miss a thing."

"Souji was the same at that age. Still, I'm surprised Mitsu let her come."

"It's my fault, I didn't trust anyone else." Aimi's voice cracked.

"You're safe now."

She brushed his bangs from his eyes. "Thank you."

His heart beat wildly in his chest.

Aimi motioned to her room. "You can put me down now."

"Right." He stepped through her door and set her down, holding her close waiting for her legs to decide if they would hold her or not. "What's up with Hachiro? I've never seen him so cold."

Aimi sighed and stepped away. "He feels responsible."

Hijikata snorted. "He failed you, he should feel responsible. We all failed you. No one thought to check up on you after your wedding. But he should be grovelling at your feet, not handing you off to another man to care for."

Aimi shrugged as she walked along the shelves, studying the vases and statuettes. "He thinks I can't trust him, but he knows I trust you. He said..." She caught his eyes in the mirror. "He said he was taking me somewhere safe. He was taking me to you."

Hijikata moved to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Tell me what happened?"

Aimi let out a strangled laugh. "She told Hachiro I was a kitsune. The only way to protect Hachiro and the Iba house was to cleanse me."

"What the hell did she do to you? Why didn't you leave?"

Aimi stepped away, out of his reach. "You think I stayed and allowed this? I never dreamed she was so unstable." She shook her head. "I knew things were getting out of hand and sent a letter to Mitsu to contact Hachiro, but there was a delay in communications due to a threat against the shogun. I was about to leave anyway but grew ill."

"Is that why you're so thin?" He clenched his fist.

"Hachiro returned in March and found me unconscious. He took me to Mitsu's. It was a week before I woke. Hisa admitted to him she poisoned me, but refused to tell him what. We hoped with time I would recover." Aimi shrugged. "The doctors don't understand why I continue to lose weight. Nothing we've tried has helped much. The last said there was nothing else he could do for me. I'm dying." Tears blurred her eyes.

Hijikata held her shoulders and pressed his cheek to her temple. "There has to be something. I won't accept that, and neither should you."

She stared into his eyes and found a warmth there she'd not seen before. She touched his cheek and leaned up. Pressing her lips to his. His arms circled her, crushing her to him. His mouth desperate, and hungry against hers. The taste sweeter than she remembered. Her hand slipped under the edge of his kimono over his heart.

His eyes snapped open and he held her away from him. "Stop. You're Hachiro's wife now."

"He won't look at me, let alone touch me." She clung to his haori.

"You've been ill. When you're well, he will come to you again."

Aimi snorted. "He won't. He vowed to never touch me again after the first time. I'm his wife in name only."

"And off limits to me now. Don't tempt me, I'm not sure I have the will to resist you."

She ran her fingers over the back of his neck and he trembled beneath them. "Then don't. He knows how I feel about you. He brought me to you because he knew it's what I want."

Hijikata pulled her hands from him and stalked to the other side of the room. "This is bullshit. You guys will get through this. He's a good man. This thing has you both fucked up. You're not thinking straight." He blew out a breath. "Hell, I can't believe I'm saying this. Don't give up on him, he cares about you."

She shook her head. "No, he married me to protect me from Takeda. That's it. He's offered me a divorce for failing to keep his promise."

"What? He's an idiot. He's done it out of guilt." Hijikata slashed a hand through the air. "You can't...Don't make any rash decisions."

Aimi shook her head. "He'd be better off without me, but no. Mitsu and Rintaro would be shamed by it. I won't put the family through the dishonor of a divorce." Aimi turned her back to him. "I'm sorry to burden you with all this. It won't happen again." He reached for her, but she dodged out of his grasp. "You have a castle to guard, commander. You've never shirked your duty for me before, don't shame me by doing so now."

"I've brought tea." Kumeko called from the door.

"Come in," Aimi answered.

Hijikata bowed and left the room.

Aimi sunk to the floor.

"Are you all right?" Kumeko rushed in.

"Just tired." She smiled at her. "Tea will help, thank you for taking care of me."

Kumeko nodded and bit her lip. She glanced at the door. "Why did Iba-san have him help you?"

"Hijikata-san is a very good friend of his. He knew he'd see to us while he attends the shogun."

"But you don't like him?"

Aimi choked out a laugh. "I do like him, perhaps too much. You'll understand when your older."

Kumeko snorted and looked up from pouring tea.

"Sorry, little one. I know how I hated it when anyone told me that at your age. But in this case, it's best not to worry about it." Aimi blew the steam from her cup.

"Did you want to marry him instead of Iba-san?"

Aimi choked on her tea. Kumeko rushed to her side and patted her on the back until she stopped coughing.

"And just where did you hear that?"

Kumeko's cheeks darkened and she stared at her hands. "Mother and Iba-san were arguing. He said you should have stayed in Kyoto. That Toshi should have married you."

"Then I guess you do understand." Aimi ruffled her hair. "Just promise me you won't be in a hurry to grow up. Trust me, being a kid is better than being an adult."

Kumeko hugged her and kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry she was so cruel to you. She just didn't know you like we do. You're so good and kind I don't know why anyone couldn't love you."

Aimi brushed the tears from Kumeko's cheeks. "I love you too, little one. It's been a long journey. You should go to bed. I'm going to read for a bit, then sleep."

Kumeko gathered the tea. She bowed. "Good night, Aunt."

"Good night, little one."

Aimi let out a breath when the door slid closed. Since leaving Edo, Kumeko was always at her side. Aimi didn't have the heart to send the child to her own room. Not when she fretted constantly that Aimi could die. Aimi lied each day and told her she felt better, but her will to fight slipped away more each day Hachiro pushed her away. She'd held onto the hope that he cared for her, but his cool dismissal told otherwise. Hijikata didn't want her either. Reality reminded her that it was pointless to hope.

"Aimi, it's Kondou-san. May I come in?"

"Yes, please do." Aimi stood when the door opened and bowed.

"Please, sit, you should be resting." He gave her a tender smile but didn't seem shocked by her appearance. Hijikata or one of the others must have told him.

"If all I do is rest, I'll never get stronger."

Kondou took her hands. "Give yourself time to gain strength. A warrior knows when to rest, and when to push themselves. Even the strongest of us need to rest after an injury."

She looked at the floor. "I'm not a warrior. No warrior would allow this to happen to them."

Kondou lifted her chin. "Don't hide your face from me. A samurai doesn't hide their face. You are a samurai, you've only forgotten." He reached under his coat and pulled two linen wrapped packages. "These should help remind you."

"What are these?"

"Open them!" His excitement lifted her spirits. Kondou had that effect on everyone. He seemed to always know what to say.

She took the longest package first. Her heart beat sped when she realized what she held. She pulled back the fabric and found her katana. Tears splashed her cheeks.

"You kept it?"

"Didn't I say I would? I promised to return it to you."

She never thought she would see it again. She'd not touched a sword since she left Kyoto. The sight of it was familiar, but the weight of it was heavy in her hand. Would she ever be able to wield it again? "Thank you." She bowed and brushed the tears from her cheeks.

"Now the other one." He held it out for her.

She took it and knelt, placing it in her lap. She knew what it held. With trembling fingers she untied the string and pulled away the linen. Folded neatly was her old uniform. The ache of the last eight months stole her breath. If not for this, would her life have been different? She'd nearly escaped the Shinsengumi, only to be lured back in by a dream. The nightmare of it all was far harsher than anyone anticipated.

"I don't know what to say?"

"You speechless? I never thought I'd live to see that." Hijikata stood in the doorway a warm smile on his face.

"Ah, Toshi, I think you were right, she needed to have these tonight." Kondou smiled at her nodding.

"This was your idea?" Aimi's voice was hard as steel as she rose to her feet. She didn't raise her voice, but Hijikata winced all the same. "To remind me of what was lost? Did you think I'd forgotten? That I didn't know what I sacrificed? That I wasn't given a choice?"

Koundou stood open mouthed. "Aimi, that's not..."

She shoved the uniform at Hijikata when he drew close. "How dare you remind me that this is all your fault! Get out, both of you."

"Aimi..." Hijikata started to speak.

"Go away, please."

Kondou patted her shoulder. "Forgive me. The last thing I wished to do was cause you more pain."

She nodded at him and crossed the room to the window. When the door slid shut she collapsed to the sill a sob caught in her throat.

Strong arms circled her. She tried to shrug them off, but didn't have the strength.

"Forgive me. I didn't think they would upset you. I thought you were happy with us?" Hijikata held her close.

"Us? When was there ever an us? That uniform is only a painful reminder that you didn't want me then, and you don't want me now."

"Not want you? Damn it, you've no idea how much I want you. But you belong to Hachiro." He held her at arms length and glared down at her.

"Belong?" She screamed at him. "As if I were a sword, or a vase? Just a pretty doll for him to keep on a shelf? Is that it? Damn you and your honor. Just go!" She pulled her arm free and slapped him. She may as well have struck him with a feather for all the strength she had. He grabbed her wrist and pinned her arms behind her back. She slumped in defeat, her forehead rested on his shoulder as she cried.

"I'm sorry. Hachiro never would have left you there had he known what would happen. You can't give up on him. He loves you."

Aimi scoffed. "What do you know of love? You aren't capable of love. If life has taught me anything it's that love is just a pretty word. A lie that the pain of life is worth it. Just go, commander. Please, this is all very draining."

He released her and stood. "If I see Hachiro again, I'll send him to you."

"Don't waste your breath. He'll only send an excuse, as he always does."

"I'm apologize for all the pain I've caused you. Someday, I hope you can forgive me." He bowed and turned to the door.

She watched as he left this time and waited for his footsteps to retreat down the hall. The familiar sound of softer steps drew closer, and stopped outside. Kumeko opened the door to her own room and Aimi held her breath until the door slid shut again.

She pulled her katana from its sheath and ran her finger along the blade. The sharp edge cut through her skin without resistance. Blood pooled at the surface along with the sting of pain. Aimi stared at the cut. Even now the skin slowly re-knit itself, though at a far slower pace than before. Was the poison to blame for her slower healing and illness, or was her ability to heal stopping altogether for a different reason? Would she ever have answers?