Chapter 21

2018

As Kristin headed to her staff meeting, thousands of thought raced through her head. First, how could Bill Noyce do that to her? How could he bring Nathan aboard without at least telling her? She noted that she was definitely going to give him a piece of her mind the next time she spoke with him. And, then, seeing Nathan...what that did to her! Old feelings were drudged up so that they brought tears to her eyes. She quickly composed herself before entering the ward room to conduct her meeting. She was definitely going to have to present herself as the perfect semblance of professionalism and keep her feelings in check if she and Nathan were going to be working together.

After a virus was discovered planted in the computer systems on seaQuest, Kristin proved herself invaluable to Nathan in her ideas in handling the situation. Much to Nathan's dismay, she convinced him that Lucas, the seventeen-year old computer genius could and would get to the bottom of it. Nathan liked the boy as soon as he met him, although he found it difficult to put all his faith into one so young. But, Kristin had assured him that he would not let them down. Plus, Lucas had designed the vocoder which allowed them to understand Darwin's speech, something Nathan had thought of for years but did not know how to implement.

Nathan proved himself invaluable to Kristin, defending her scientific morals to Jonathan Ford, who had a problem with the military/science clash. Kristin did appreciate Nathan's support, but that did not stop her from voicing her opinion when it came to Darwin and Nathan's idea to have him swim out of a torpedo tube. Kristin had insisted that Nathan was taking too many chances with Darwin's life, but Nathan insisted that he knew what Darwin was capable of, fitting Darwin with an apparatus which would allow him to breathe through a rebreather like a human. This would allow him to swim deeper to tag the Delta 4. After the Delta 4 was defeated and all aboard seaQuest were safe, Nathan went to meet Darwin to praise him. However, he found he had been beaten to the punch for when he entered the moon pool area, Kristin was already there telling the animal how well he had done and petting him. Nathan couldn't help noticing how beautiful she still was and that she was still the same gentle woman under that tough exterior she had put up. As Kristin noticed Nathan standing there, she looked up at him, waiting expectantly for him to say something. Nathan wanted to tell her so many things, but he decided it was not the time yet. He simply nodded towards her and left the area.

As the evening was winding down, Kristin found herself lying in her bunk, unable to sleep. She was thinking about Nathan; she wondered if he was thinking of her as well. Although she didn't know why she had brought it with her, she dug out a box from under her bunk, the box which held her memories of Nathan that she'd packed away a few years back. She opened it and pulled out the shirt of Nathan's she had saved. She pulled it over the night gown she was wearing and wrapped it around her body. She'd debated reading the love letters, but she decided she didn't feel like crying over them just then. She definitely couldn't and wouldn't do that to herself right now. She decided to do what she often did when she couldn't sleep. She got undressed and changed into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Then, she pulled Nathan's shirt over it and walked to the lab. She was sure that if she did some work, it would take her mind off of Nathan.

Kristin liked this time of night on the boat. It was well after midnight, and it was very quiet. There were a few crewmen in the halls working the night shift, but, other than that, the halls were empty. But, Kristin did not know that Nathan was in his quarters thinking of her and wondering if she was awake as well. He knew that he and Kristin had a lot to talk about. The problem was neither one of them wanted to let anyone else know about their past, and Kristin and he had expertly diverted any suspicions of this by acting as though they'd never met before. Nathan had wanted to wrap his arms around her the moment he saw her again, but did not due to the circumstances. And, would Kristin even want that? How could she forgive him for never answering her letter? He wouldn't blame her if she wanted nothing to do with him. After a while, he decided he had to see if she was awake. Even if she wasn't, perhaps he could convince her to stay awake and talk with him. He grabbed his PAL to call Kristin.

"Westphalen," Kristin answered. Nathan was relieved to hear that she did not sound as though she had been asleep. When Kristin did not receive an answer immediately, she said, "Hello?"

"I'm sorry, Doctor," Nathan said.

"Nathan? Is there something wrong?" she asked with concern, wondering if there was some sort of medical emergency.

"No, I mean, there's no one in need of medical attention. I just couldn't sleep, and I was wondering if you might feel the same way," Nathan explained.

There was a slight pause from Kristin. Then, she answered, "Actually, yes."

"Would you like some company?" Nathan asked hopefully.

Kristin took a deep breath. Although this may turn out to be a long night, they may as well stop avoiding the inevitable. They knew that they were going to have to confront one another eventually. No better time than the present.

When she did not answer immediately, Nathan said, "Or if you don't want-"

"No, Nathan, it's alright," Kristin said softly, "I was just thinking for a moment. I'm in the lab; I'll be waiting for you." And with that, she cut the connection.

Nathan changed into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt as well. He pulled a blue denim shirt over it. A few brief moments later, he arrived in the lab. He made it a point to be quiet as he watched Kristin. She hadn't noticed him, and he wanted to keep it that way for a short time. She definitely looked different than before, looking casual in jeans and a T-shirt. Nathan thought the denim shirt she wore over her T-shirt looked somewhat familiar, but he couldn't place his finger on it just yet. Her hair was long and loose, and she was like a vision to him. As she worked she turned her back to him, moving to another work station to organize slides of some sort. He walked quietly up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. Kristin jumped.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you," Nathan said, almost laughing.

"Well, what do you expect?" Kristin said, obviously annoyed as she tried to calm her nerves. "It's the middle of the night, and I don't normally have visitors here."

"You knew I was coming," Nathan said.

"Yes, but I didn't know you were planning to scare me half to death," Kristin replied.

They were both quiet for a moment as they both tried to read the other's intentions. Finally, Nathan broke the silence.

"I was hoping we could talk," Nathan explained.

"Isn't that what you're doing?" Kristin said, still a bit annoyed at being frightened.

"What's with you, Kristin? What happened to you?" Nathan asked.

"What are you talking about, Nathan?" Kristin asked.

"I mean how come you come off as so cold and heartless to some people now. I saw how you handled Ford. That isn't you. That's not the Kristin I knew. What happened to you?" Nathan asked.

Kristin felt her anger rise as she yelled, "The Kristin you knew? How the hell would you know anything about her? You abandoned her, and she had to learn to get by on her own. I'll tell you what happened to her; you did!"

An ensign on patrol heard the commotion and entered the lab to see what the problem was. "Is everything alright, Captain, Doctor?"

"Everything's fine, Ensign. Thank you," Nathan said, feeling sheepish. The ensign left the two alone. Kristin had turned her back to Nathan as she stood with her arms crossed. Nathan walked up behind her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. He was pleased when she didn't pull away.

"Look, maybe we should have this conversation elsewhere," he said quietly.

"No, I think this conversation is over," Kristin said showing her anger, but making a point to say it quietly enough so as not to draw anymore attention.

Nathan whirled her around. "Now you listen to me," he said sternly, "You may not want to speak to me...fine, but I do have a lot to tell you. So, you are going to listen to what I have to say because if we are going to work together, we need to clear some things up. I think we both know that."

Kristin said nothing, surprised by Nathan's authority. She just nodded.

"Good," Nathan said a bit more gently. "I suppose we should take this to my quarters."

"Is that really appropriate?" Kristin asked.

"What? A captain and his CMO cannot have a mature conversation in the privacy of the captain's quarters?" Nathan asked. "Do you have any other suggestions?"

Kristin shook her head. Nathan said nothing and grabbed her hand as he led her to his room.

As they entered Nathan's quarters, Nathan led Kristin to a chair. "Now, sit," he ordered.

Kristin did as she was told as she was prepared to listen to Nathan. Nathan did not sit down himself. He walked behind her as he spoke.

"Look, Kristin, I know there is nothing I can do to change what I did to you. I know that I hurt you, but I didn't meant to. You have to believe me. After Carol died, I just couldn't bring myself to reach out to anyone, even you. I had lost Robert, I had lost Carol. I tried thousands of times to bring myself to contact you; I wanted to contact you. But, I kept thinking that what if something happened to you. What if we built a life together and you died too. I couldn't handle that. I had lost so much already. And, you didn't want me if I wasn't emotionally ready."

Nathan paused to see if Kristin was going to say anything to this, but she just sat silently listening. So, he continued.

"I didn't know how much I still wanted you until I saw you this morning. I never thought my day would end up like this, but I am glad it did. I think it's a sign, a sign that maybe we're meant to be together. I spent many years alone thinking, and I think I can finally commit to you. I love you, Kristin. I still want you. I've always wanted you. Now, my question for you is, do you still want me?"