Wednesday 12:01 am

Dear Eric,

My stomach has dropped …a lot!

Guess what today is?

It's our anniversary.

I have never met a man as handsome or as extraordinary as you are. Your eyes, your smile, your laugh; everything about you makes me feel alive and new. When you walk into a room and there are tons of people in the room and you only see me, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I never got the chance to tell you that. You always made me feel so damned special. You made everything so damned special. I just wanted you to know that.

I'm sleeping a little more through the night. It's hard because you're not here but I'm trying. I'm always, always thinking of you. How can I not? You are the love of my life. Thank you for loving me and sharing your life with me. We had so many more years ahead of us to laugh, to talk, to cry. Nothing was supposed to get in our way. I have to say that these years, a few days from being four years, were better than not having you at all. I can complain and fuss that we deserved another eighty years together. I'm just happy that we had the time that we did. You've given me so much. Love. Happiness. Tears. Competition and arguments. But the best thing that you've given me hasn't come into this world yet.

You've given me a son.

Isn't it amazing that today we've been married for four short years? It only feels like seconds. Knowing that you love me, helps to keep me going and makes me smile even when I don't want to. You make me feel complete and the fact that we are having a son puts the icing on the cake.

I found out about him three weeks ago. I have an updated sonogram picture and everything. I'd even sent it to Vista Print and had it put in a card. His little pee pee is showing and his mouth is open. Gran said that is a sign that he'll be a big mouth just like me. I don't agree but if you were here, I know that you would. When I look at the picture, I see you. I'll bet he'll have your eyes and your smile.

Thank you for the charm bracelet. Four charms for our four years of marriage; he loves me, baby slipper, key to your heart, and the love knot. Thank you, baby. I wish that you could tell me what they mean to you. I'd love to hear you say the words. I'd love to hear you say them in Swedish. So what if I don't know what you're saying; at least you'd be saying them.

I never stop thinking of you.

You'll always be in my heart.

My heart is breaking.

I wish that I could hear you say that you love me.

I love you.

Needing You More and More Each Day,

Your Wife,

Sookie N.