Chapter 21 – The Truth

Rachel sighed as her phone began to ring once again. It was the third time in the past hour, so she didn't have to look at the screen to know that it was Kurt calling again. Like the previous two times, she let it ring until it went to voicemail. Several minutes later, her phone chimed a few times, signaling that she had several text messages.

She sighed again and reached her hand out, groping around until her hand landed on her phone. She picked it up and looked at the screen, ignoring the missed calls and going straight to her messages. She didn't want to ignore Kurt if it was anything important, but it was just several messages asking her where she was in varying tones. As she read the last one, her phone began to ring again. With another sigh, Rachel accepted the call, knowing Kurt wasn't going to leave her alone until she did.

"Hi," Rachel said.

"It's about damn time," Kurt replied. "I've been calling and texting you for days. Where the hell have you been? I was afraid something happened to you."

"I told you last night that I was fine," Rachel stated. "And we spoke two days ago. You're just being dramatic."

"Three," Kurt corrected. "And I would like to know why you've been avoiding my calls."

"I haven't been avoiding your calls," Rachel replied. "I've just been—busy."

It was lie; she had been avoiding his calls. After what happened on Sunday in her dressing room and having dinner with Quinn on Monday, she'd made her mind up that she was going to tell Kurt the next time she spoke to him. Which is why she had been avoiding talking to him, so she could put it off a little longer. As tired as she was of lying to him, she was also a little scared of what he was going to say about everything.

"Busy with what?" Kurt asked. "Avoiding me?"

Rachel sighed to herself as she sat up from where she'd been lying on the couch. "Kurt—"

"What?" he asked. "If you don't want to talk to me you could just say so. I can take a hint. Nothing says we have to stay friends even though we've been best friends for years. If you don't want to talk to me—"

"I had sex with Quinn," Rachel blurted out.

There was a long pause and then Kurt finally asked, "What?"

"I've been avoiding your calls because I promised myself I would tell you the next time we spoke," Rachel replied.

"You—when did this happen?" Kurt asked. "Oh, Rachel, you didn't cheat on Finn like he thinks, did you?"

"No!" Rachel quickly said. "Of course I didn't. It was after Finn decided he would rather end our engagement completely rather than simply take a break."

"How soon after?" Kurt asked, and she could hear the skepticism in his voice.

"You know—" Rachel paused, sighing, "a few hours."

"Rachel!" Kurt exclaimed.

"I know!" Rachel said, putting her face in her hand. "It's not like I was planning on doing it. I went over to her apartment because I was so angry and I felt like it was her fault and I wanted to yell at her for ruining my life again."

"How did you go from wanting to yell at her to sleeping with her?" Kurt asked, sounding exasperated.

"I don't know!" Rachel replied. "It just happened, okay? And I felt really guilty after it, which is why I didn't immediately tell you."

"So why did you decide to tell me now?" Kurt asked.

"Because I hate lying," Rachel replied. "And because it happened again. And because Quinn and I had dinner last night." Rachel sighed again. "We're agreed to get to know each other now."

"So, you're dating her now," Kurt said.

"No, it's not like that," Rachel replied.

"It sounds like it to me," Kurt argued.

"It wasn't a date," Rachel said. "It was simply two people agreeing to get to know each other now. I have no intention of getting my heart broken again by Quinn Fabray."

"And you think getting to know her is the best way to avoid that?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know what to think anymore, Kurt," Rachel replied. "I thought I was going to marry Finn and spend the rest of my life with him, but that isn't going to happen. I thought I was over everything that happened in high school, but then I let you and Finn convince me to go to the reunion. So, as you can see, things haven't exactly been going the way I thought they would." She paused for a moment. "I'm doing my best, Kurt."

"I didn't say you weren't," Kurt said. "I'm just worried about you."

"I'm worried about me, too," Rachel quietly admitted.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Quinn said when she finally sat down across from Rachel. "I was stuck in a meeting that ran over."

"It's alright," Rachel replied.

She didn't exactly like having to wait, but at least Quinn had sent her a message letting her know, which was more than most people seemed to do nowadays. It annoyed her to no end when Finn was supposed to meet her somewhere, usually at the theater to go to dinner when she had a matinee show, and he would show up an hour late because he lost track of time.

"So, what exactly do you do?" Rachel wondered. "Job wise"

"I'm an editorial assistant at a small publishing company," Quinn replied.

"What does that mean?" Rachel asked.

"That means I'm a glorified secretary at the moment," Quinn answered. "I do whatever is needed."

Rachel nodded. "How long have you been working there?"

"Since February," Quinn replied. "I started at a different, larger publishing company, but my boss decided he liked me a little too much, so I quit."

"You quit?" Rachel asked. "Why didn't you complain to human resources?"

"Because he was good friends with the owner and I had no proof," Quinn replied. "Plus, I slapped him when he decided to touch me, so I would have been fired if I hadn't quit. I like it better where I am now anyway. The commute isn't as bad, the people are a lot nicer, and all the men are gay, so I don't have to worry about being hit on every day."

Rachel frowned. "That's terrible."

"I'm not disagreeing," Quinn said as she picked up her menu and opened it.

Rachel watched Quinn as her eyes roamed over the menu, looking away after a few seconds. It felt a little weird being there with her, but Quinn had called the previous night to ask if she would want to go to lunch, and Rachel had no reason to say no. They'd agreed to get to know each other, after all, and she knew they had to start somewhere. She just hoped it wasn't quite as awkward as the dinner they'd had earlier in the week.

"Did you always want to work for a publishing company?" Rachel asked. "I know you used to speak about wanting to be a writer when we were d—in high school."

Quinn shrugged. "I would still like to write, but I thought I would do something a little more practical."

"What about doing what you love?" Rachel asked.

"We don't all have that luxury," Quinn replied.

"What does that mean?" Rachel asked, frowning.

"That means we don't all have supportive parents," Quinn replied.

Rachel opened her mouth to respond, but the waitress chose that very moment to show up. After taking their orders, Rachel handed her menu to the waitress with a smile, but the second she walked away from the table, it fell off Rachel's face, and she turned to Quinn and asked, "What did you mean by 'we don't all have supportive parents'?"

"Exactly what I said," Quinn replied. "I wasn't trying to insult you, Rachel. You're lucky to have two parents who will always be there for you. I was just saying that my mom isn't going to pay me to live in New York and write."

"And your dad?" Rachel asked.

"You've clearly never met my father," Quinn replied, giving her a wry smile.

"And whose fault is that?" Rachel asked.

Quinn ran her hand through her hair as she sat back in her seat. "You should be glad you've never met him."

"Maybe you're right, but I would like to have had a choice in the matter," Rachel replied.

"Yeah, you're right," Quinn said. "Then he could have forbidden me from ever speaking to you again because you're Jewish and you have two fathers. Because he wouldn't have wanted any daughter of his associating with someone like that."

"You didn't even give it a chance," Rachel said, shaking her head.

"I didn't need to, Rachel," Quinn replied. "I know how my father is. I know what he thinks because I heard it all my life. I grew up thinking I was going to hell for who I was, which is why I tried so hard to be someone else."

Rachel crossed her arms over her chest but didn't say anything further. She found it difficult to believe that any parent could be like that toward their child, and she never understood why Quinn wouldn't at least try to be a little more honest with her parents. Maybe they weren't ready to hear that their daughter was dating another female, but she always thought it was a complete overreaction to not even let them appear to be friends.

"How long do you have for lunch?" Rachel asked after a few moments.

"Don't worry; I only have a half hour before I need to go," Quinn said, raising her eyebrow with a slight smile.

Rachel stretched her arms over her head with a yawn and then lifted her head to look at the clock. She laid it back with a groan as she felt Quinn shifting behind her. She hadn't intended on spending the night, but it was after seven in the morning, well past the time she usually got up.

"Morning," Quinn softly said.

"Good morning," Rachel replied. "When did I fall asleep?"

"Why?" Quinn asked, sitting up on her elbow. "Were you planning on leaving the moment you got what you wanted?"

"Of course not," Rachel replied. "If that was the case, I wouldn't have reciprocated, would I? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you had multiple orgasms last night."

Quinn didn't respond as Rachel sat up and began retrieving her clothes from around the room. She had shown up unannounced after a spur of the moment decision to go to Quinn's apartment rather than her own. The thought of going home to an empty apartment had been far too depressing, though, but she also didn't feel like joining some of her cast mates at the local club. So, she found herself grabbing a taxi and taking it to Quinn's apartment, where the blonde didn't seem all that surprised to see her.

"Leaving already?" Quinn asked.

"I assume you need to get to work," Rachel replied.

"Eventually, but not this very moment" Quinn said.

"Be that as it may, I'm sure I'm disrupting your morning routine," Rachel replied as she slid her panties on.

Quinn sat up and the sheet slipped off her chest, drawing Rachel's eyes to her breasts. She unconsciously licked her lips at the sight of them, but quickly tore her eyes away from them and resumed her search for the rest of her clothing. It was easier said than done, though, when there was an attractive woman in the bed behind her, completely naked.

"I'll be out of your way as soon as I'm dressed," Rachel added as she grabbed her bra next to the nightstand.

"Really, you're not bothering me," Quinn replied. "I could make breakfast before you go."

"No, thank you," Rachel said. "I appreciate the offer, but it's really not necessary."

Staying over for breakfast was something couples did, and she and Quinn were definitely not a couple. If anything, she would consider them friends with benefits. Well, minus the friends part. They were just two people who were sexually attracted to each other and happened to have a complicated history. It wasn't something she would usually do, but it wasn't like it was hurting anyone since they were both single.

"Rachel—"

"I think someone is trying to call you," Rachel said, pointing at Quinn's phone on the nightstand.

"It's my mom," Quinn said, looking at the screen, and then looking back up at Rachel. "Just—hold on." She sighed as she put the phone to her ear. "Hi, mom."

Rachel could hear Quinn's mom's voice on the other end, but she couldn't make out anything she was saying. Not that Rachel was trying to eavesdrop on the conversation. Quinn wasn't saying very much, just the occasional 'yeah', and Rachel could feel the blonde's eyes on her as she grabbed her skirt and then finally found her top thrown onto the chair in the corner of the room.

She quickly put the rest of her clothes on with her back to Quinn and then walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed to slip her shoes on. When she looked over her shoulder, Quinn was still watching her, so she nodded toward the door to let Quinn know she was leaving.

"Wait," Quinn said. "No, mom, I wasn't—" Quinn sighed. "I have to go; I'll call you later. Rachel, wait."

Rachel stopped at the door and slowly turned around to look at Quinn, who was wrapping the sheet around herself and getting out of bed.

"You don't have to run every time you wake up here," Quinn said.

"I'm not running," Rachel calmly yet firmly replied. "You need to get to work and I was planning on doing some food shopping this morning. I've been living on nothing but junk food and takeout for the past week and a half, and I hate to imagine what it's doing to my body."

Quinn's eyebrow rose, looking like she didn't really believe Rachel, but she nodded after a moment.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?" Rachel asked. "Maybe I could stop by again after my show."

"No, I don't," Quinn replied.

"Well, then, I'll see you around eleven," Rachel said, turning on her heel, and walking toward the front door.

Rachel greeted George, the lighting guy, and then smiled at several other men in suits that she'd never seen before as she made her way to her dressing room. She was usually one of the first actors there, but Liz and Alyson were already in the room, as was Stephanie, who had a dressing room to herself, but liked to socialize in theirs.

"There you are," Liz said when she saw her. "We were wondering where you were."

"I feel asleep on the couch," Rachel explained. "I woke up around the time I usually leave my apartment, so I was a little behind."

"Why so tired?" Stephanie asked, raising her eyebrow.

"Oh, you know," Rachel said with a shrug.

She didn't want to admit that she had spent the last two nights at Quinn's, and both nights she hadn't fallen asleep until the early hours of the morning. For once, though, she hadn't fallen asleep at Quinn's apartment; instead, she called a taxi to take her home even though it had been in the middle of the night, which was partly why she was so tired.

Rachel set her purse on one of the hooks and then sat down, cradling her cup of coffee. She knew she looked terrible—her eyes were red and she had bags under them—but there wasn't a lot she could do about it. She'd already been late and didn't have a lot of time to try to make herself a little more presentable. Plus, she didn't think there was much point when she was going to have to do her makeup at the theater anyway.

"You haven't seen Oliver, have you?" Alyson asked.

"I think he's in the green room with Nick," Stephanie said. "Or at least that's where he was when I left."

Alyson hummed and stood up from her vanity, leaning forward, and tilting her face from side to side. "I'm going to go remind him that he owes me a drink tonight."

"Wait for me," Liz said, standing as well.

Rachel watched in her mirror as Liz and Alyson walked out of the room, shutting the door behind them. When she looked away, Stephanie caught her eye for a moment, but Rachel quickly looked down, pulling her makeup brush toward her.

"It sounds like you guys had fun last night," Rachel commented.

"We did," Stephanie said. "You should try joining us sometime. You didn't come out before because you wanted to get home to Finn, but you're on a break now, right?"

Rachel opened her mouth for a moment, but then closed it with a sigh.

"Did you two decide to end your break?" Stephanie asked.

"Actually, when I asked Finn for some time, he decided he didn't want to give me what I needed," Rachel admitted. "Our engagement is off. Finn broke up with me and moved back to Ohio a week and half ago."

"Why didn't you say that in the first place?" Stephanie asked.

"I don't know," Rachel said, sitting back in her chair. "I guess telling people makes it more real, and I don't want people giving me that look."

"What look?" Stephanie asked.

"That look that says I'm going to die a spinster, surrounded by cats," Rachel replied.

Stephanie laughed. "No one is going to look at you like that."

"Well, they should," Rachel said, looking into the mirror at her friend. "No one ever loves me enough to stay when things get a little more difficult. All I wanted was a little time and space to clear my head, but Finn thought it would be better if he just broke up with me, instead. And Quinn—" Rachel paused for a few seconds and then looked away. "Never mind. It doesn't matter."

"Okay, first thing, you're not going to die alone," Stephanie stated. "Just because those two relationships didn't work out, it doesn't mean the next one won't. Or the one after that. And second—maybe it's a good thing you're not getting married right now. You're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Finn was—"

"Finn was what?" Rachel asked when Stephanie hesitated.

"I never got the feeling that he really wanted to be here," Stephanie replied. "Some people just don't belong in New York. I know I only met him a few times, but—"

"You're right," Rachel interrupted. "He didn't want to be here. He never really did."

"Like I said, maybe it's for the best," Stephanie said. "You'll be able to work through everything without worrying about him. You can just focus on yourself for once."

"That's what I've told myself, but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty or afraid," Rachel replied, giving Stephanie a sad smile.

Rachel sighed as she looked around the apartment. She wasn't used to Finn's things not being there, and she couldn't help thinking how empty the apartment looked now. How empty it felt. Then again, she wasn't exactly used to living alone. Other than when she first came to New York, before Kurt moved in with her, she had never been alone for any significant period of time, and she had grown used to always having someone there.

Grabbing her phone from the coffee table, she sat down on the couch and stared at the screen, her finger hovering above it. It was a little after eleven, much later than she would usually be calling, but she'd decided she was going to finally call her fathers and she didn't want to put it off another day. Thankfully, they usually stayed up a little later on the weekends, and when she finally dialed their number, it only rang twice before she heard the quiet click of someone answering.

"Hi, sweetie," Leroy greeted her. "Did you just get home?"

"Hi, Daddy," Rachel said, smiling slightly at the sound of her father's voice. "Yes, I just walked into the apartment. Is Dad still awake?"

"Yeah, he's right here," Leroy replied. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I-I just thought I would talk to you before getting to bed," Rachel said.

"Do you want me to put him on speakerphone?" Leroy asked.

"Please," Rachel replied.

"Hiram!" Leroy called out.

Rachel ran her hand through her hair and then laid her head back. She didn't know if she had the energy to talk to her fathers individually, and she would rather tell them together anyway. She didn't want them to hear that she and Finn were no longer together from someone else, and it was bound to happen now that Finn was back in Lima. She had put it off for as long as she could, and now she was going to have to talk to them about it.

"Hi, honey!" Hiram said after nearly a minute.

"Hi, Dad," Rachel replied, smiling to herself again.

"You're on speakerphone now," Leroy announced. "How are you, sweetie?"

"I'm okay," Rachel answered.

"Are you sure?" Hiram asked.

"Is something wrong?" Leroy asked, and she could hear the concern in his voice.

"I just have some news, and I thought I would call you before you heard it from someone else," Rachel said.

"I'm going to guess this news isn't good," Hiram replied.

"Finn and I—we split up," Rachel said.

"What?" Hiram asked.

"I am so sorry, sweetie," Leroy said. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing okay, I guess," Rachel replied.

"Did this just happen tonight?" Hiram asked.

"No," Rachel said. "Actually, it happened a little over a week ago."

"Why didn't you call us sooner?" Leroy asked.

"I didn't want you to be disappointed," Rachel replied.

"Honey, you know we could never be disappointed in you," Hiram said. "We love you and will always support you."

"I know," Rachel said, feeling a sudden rush of gratitude toward her fathers. "It's just—it was my fault. I asked Finn for a break to clear my head of some things, but he didn't want to do that. He moved out the next day; he's back in Lima now, staying with Noah, and working at Burt's garage. I haven't spoken to him since he left New York, but Kurt has kept me informed."

"Do you think there is any possibility he will change his mind?" Leroy asked.

"I don't think so, no," Rachel replied. "Finn made it very clear that he doesn't want to live here anymore and that he's done with me." Rachel sighed. "I'm really sorry."

"Don't apologize to us, sweetie," Leroy said. "A little break isn't an unreasonable request. Your father and I took one for a few months during the second year we were together, and do you know what? It made us a much stronger couple."

"You did?" Rachel asked. "You never told me that."

"We did," Leroy replied. "And if Finn couldn't even handle something like this now, how would he have dealt with marriage? I know you're hurting right now, and I know this won't make you feel any better, but maybe it's for the best that this happened now, when you're not married and you don't have a child."

"You're not the first person to tell me that," Rachel said, looking down. "Anyway, I should let you go. It's been a long day, and I'm rather tired. I just—I wanted to talk to you before I went to bed. I'm sorry for calling you so late."

"You know you can call us any time, day or night," Hiram replied.

"What your father said," Leroy said. "We love you."

"I love you too," Rachel replied. "Both of you. More than I could ever tell you."

"Goodnight, honey," Hiram said.

"Sweet dreams," Leroy added.

"Goodnight," Rachel said, wiping away the tear that had begun falling down her cheek.