Oceans Will Part In This War Of Hearts

by Fiend Maz

Alec and Magnus steer through their past, their insecurities and the pressures that come with their positions as they nurture their relationship. But in the Shadow World, it's only a matter of time until the shadows creep in and test the strength of their feelings for each other. (This story picks up where Shadowhunters Season 1 ends.)

21. Entropy

Hushed mutterings befell the oppressive silence as if to dispel the tense ambiance that had been created over the days of mingled sorrow and stress. The previously unkept home of the late Ragnor Fell had been scarcely refurbished for use with glaring signs of abandonment etched into the vines that climbed its walls and yet it stood proud amidst the maze of overgrown wilderness.

Four individuals exited the rotting wooden front door all covered in various shades of viscous dried liquids and sporting similar sickly-grey skin tones. They trudged along the crisp dead plant life that threatened to encircle and jail them where they passed, each step weighing heavier on their downtrodden shoulders making the whole affair akin to a hike up the Trango Towers.

Magnus stumbled and caught himself in Raphael's arms, his freshly healed stomach throbbed painfully though it was nothing compared to the grief he had finally allowed himself to wallow in. He flung his arm over his old friend's and noted, not with a lack of humour, that the countryside was a shadow of its former lively green glory.

Their journey came to an end at an inconspicuous cave opening hidden from sight through magic and brambles. Magnus waved his hand and the barriers that shrouded the burial site from view drew back like a curtain and together they ducked through the opening. He studiously ignored the pointed glower Catarina directed at him and opted to watch his friends all filter in to the space he had curated in a hurry after the green cabbage's death.

The mere act of laying his friend to rest had taken every bit of strength he had been able to muster at the time. Any longer and he would have been unable to hold off on digesting the reality in favour of not overwhelming his fragile heart that had already been pierced open earlier that day at the sight of Alexander with Lydia.

Magnus pulled his arm off Raphael and staggered to the side for his trouble. His magic shot out to stabilise him when he nearly toppled over the grave. The raised soil was perfectly-formed into an oval-shape and he was happy to see it covered with bright green grass in opposite contrast to the rest of the plant life they had walked through.

At the centre, embossed in gold-letterings of his signature calligraphy, was written:

RAGNOR FELL

Former High Warlock of London

"Sempiterno quod nulla oblivione delebitur."

(Translation: Never be forgotten.)

Magnus snapped his fingers and a painting of his dear cabbage in Victorian-era clothing materialised at the head of the grave surrounded by bouquets of lemon blossoms. (Cat glared from her perch which he, again, conveniently didn't notice.) He had commissioned an Italian artist to have it made and had nearly forgotten about it until he received a call on one of the nights he returned from patrolling the streets with Alexander and the rest.

The air around Tessa shifted and picked up, scattered foliage danced in the air, and her blonde hair whipped over her tear-streaked face. Her fingers twitched and the wind died down. She gently pried her locks off her face and primly crouched down by the painting to skim her fingers along the sides of the ornate frame. "You are missed, Ragnor Fell." Her magic sparked once more and a silk charmeuse white scarf floated into existence to lay neatly around the painting, supported by the bed of flowers.

White magic exploded above them like mini fireworks and they all parted their lips in wonder at the bubble tent they were now inside of and at the comfy white bean bags dotted around the small space. "We would use this tent when we go hiking." Catarina lowered her hand and took a seat, eyes on the painted Ragnor's face and a ghost of a smile on her lips. "Makes for an amazing view."

"You two always did like to rough it." Magnus teased lightly and Catarina finally smiled at him. He sat down beside her and observed Raphael stood by the foot of the grave, hands clasped together in prayer and the usual perpetual frown. He leaned on Catarina's side and took her hand into his, a sad smile on his face. "Conjure some candles, Cat."

She did so and a couple of candles appeared on both sides of the painting and flower arrangement along with a flameless lighter. Raphael eyed them and the corner of his lips twitched. He murmured a low "gracias" and walked over to the candles, bypassing Tessa who gracefully moved away to sit on the free bean bag at Catarina's right.

Soon the candles were lit and the whole cavern was bathed in the warm glow of the tiny flickering yellow fires. Raphael raised himself to full height and gripped the wine glass that materialised in his hand with restrained strength. He watched as the rest stood up and, in unison, they raised their drinks to the air and made a toast.

"Aeternum vale, Ragnor Fell." Farewell forever, Ragnor Fell.

They declared to the small space and then they all took long, gulping sips of the red liquid. A few moments passed before Raphael spoke up to break the stale silence. "Si esta bien," He motioned for them all to sit back down and he sank into the bean bag. "Let us have a tepatria." If it's okay, let us have a funeral reception.

"Funerals are not for the dead but for the living." Catarina quoted and before them a long, unembellished coffee table came into existence. On it was a feast fit for kings and queens with dishes hailing from all around the world waiting to be devoured. Four sets of silver plates and utensils gleamed under the red haze of their refilled wine glasses. It was an appetizing set-up though that meant nothing but indulgence under the current circumstance.

The quiet was deafening as they slowly swallowed down the food when they were meant to share stories of their time with Ragnor Fell. Memories swirled in their minds and ran at the tip of their tongues yet none of them felt inclined to utter the first word. Tessa's steel grey eyes swam whilst she ate; Catarina seemed wholly focused on her eating; Magnus was operating without thought; and Raphael drank blood steadily from the wine glass.

They were halfway through their meal when Raphael broke through the collapsing atmosphere. It shouldn't have been surprising considering how much the Latino vampire seriously upheld his Spanish traditions and customs. His reminiscing unscrewed the cork of everyone's memories and the tent was filled with chattering.

Candlelight waned over their huddled figures and their shuddering frames. Their breaths came out in gasps of half-hearted chuckles and supressed sobs though none of them crossed over to actual shedding of tears. And it was in that bubble tent that they spent hours on end blanketed by the odd sense of peace – the strange sort of tranquillity that came with mourning, unaware of the time that passed beyond the walls they were nestled in.

For one last time, the five close friends kept each other company.

---

It was an hour past midnight when Pandemonium epitomised its name. Screams could be heard from blocks away followed by the din of the loud club music and within minutes, carnage struck by the hands of Forsakens and Circle members. Amidst the flashes of magic, the gleaming seraph blades and the club lights, a luminous portal came into sight and Magnus Bane entered the fray.

Dark-purple magic spread out to the corners of the club and the doors banged shut to prevent anyone from entering or exiting the building. His cat eyes popped out for display and his royal purple snake-skin ensemble glowed unearthly. The music cut off abruptly with a snap of his fingers and then – all eyes were on him: Downworlders, Forsakens and Circle members alike.

"NO! RUN!"

Magnus stiffened, his instincts reared up at the wretched scream that he knew was aimed at him. Because he had appeared. Somehow his presence wasn't a comforting thought and instead was somehow being viewed as a terrible event. His ears perked up from the sound of whimpering and he whirled around to see a Forsaken mutilating a werewolf with its bat.

His eyes flashed with rage and the bat disintegrated into ash. He charged forward and stretched his arm out, palm faced outward. The Forsaken flew into the air with a satisfying growl of pain and was dead before it hit the floor where the bleeding werewolf receded back into human form equally not alive. He was too late.

"Fuck!" Magnus slammed down onto the ground, his breath knocked out of him as a heavily built Forsaken jumped onto him. A flash of pain spiked by his thigh and a trickle told him he had been injured. He blasted the creature off of himself and slid to a stand then curled his fingers.

The Forsaken's head detached cleanly from its body.

Unidentified magic sizzled to his left and his nape prickled with foreboding. He darted a look over to see a dagger hit a force field inches from his face and clatter to the ground. His eyes sought the warlock that aided him while the force field melted away. There was a group of Circle members charging his way and behind them all was a female warlock under a strong choke-hold.

Magnus growled. His magic crackled like thunder and shot out like lightning. In a blink of an eye, the Circle members went down, unconscious, including the one that had the warlock in his hold. He ran over and helped her to her feet whilst she gasped in gulps of air much like a fish out of water would. He was thankful she didn't die under his watch unlike the werewolf though she was in dire need of medical help that he wouldn't be able to give for a while.

"High warlock!"

"Amnia, are you alright?" Magnus questioned tersely as he watched over their surroundings. His cat eyes tracked Tessa and Raphael intercept a horde of Forsaken trampling through the dance floor and the powerful white magic lashing unforgivingly to his right.

He did a double take at the familiar magic.

Catarina was a true beauty in a fight; her attacks were a mesmerising mix of graceful and fierce. He had thought that she would wait in London while the rest of them finished this pesky problem off as she always made it a point to avoid the front lines but there she was.

"High Warlock, please."

Magnus diverted his attention back to the female warlock beside him. "What is it?"

"You have to leave. Please." Amnia begged. "Please, you have to go."

Magnus scrunched his face up in concern and confusion. He gave Catarina a signal and waited for her to nod before meeting the female warlock's desperate gaze. "Why?" He asked urgently. "Is this a trap?"

"They're here for you." Amnia slid down to the floor weakly. "You mustn't die. The Downworld will not survive your death."

Catarina sidled up to them and placed her healing hands on Amnia's shoulders. "Circle members behind you."

"Stay close." Magnus ordered before he whirled around. He was scoring the area when he saw bodies of dead Downworlders littering the floor leading up to where he stood in the VIP lounge. His fury spiked and his cat eyes glowed even brighter, slit pupils blown. The Circle members Catarina warned about were running towards him like perfect willing prey for him to punish.

They were all drenched in blood with satisfied grins on their faces and he had no doubt that they had succeeded in killing some Downworlders tonight with their mundane-learned fighting skills. However, they wouldn't be able to use those abilities on him. Magnus made a winding motion with his finger and dark ash sprinkled in a circle around the Circle members. It made them pause and they gave the ashes a wary look but ultimately ignored it and ran at him just as he expected.

The new ones always were the dumbest.

One of them stepped on the ash and it erupted into black flames. The fire grew in strength and smoke rose from the skins of the Circle members where the black flames latched onto them. Magnus stretched his hand out and curled his fingers in a deadly dance. The fire wrapped around their bodies unforgivingly and slowly burnt them to the core. He wrinkled his nose when he got a whiff of burnt flesh.

"You."

Magnus raised a brow at the one Circle member that hadn't yet been fully consumed by his magic. Only the woman's glaring eyes and curled lips remained open to the world. He raised a finger and his magic started to crawl over her exposed skin.

"Justice will be served. Valentine will deliver you back to hell where you belong, filth!"

Her words didn't sink in too much but they did startle him enough for his anger to withdraw. He was fully aware what an abomination he was to mortals in general being a demon and a product of rape. He was both something they were taught to fear and a by-product of an event they naturally feared. And everything aside, given what he just did, it was only right they feared him.

"MAGNUS!"

Magnus turned around. He had a glimpse of a sneaking Circle member fall down behind him with a familiar arrow embedded in her bleeding neck before he was assaulted by a solid body. The impact made him stumble back a few paces until strong winding arms caged him and he found himself pressed into a leather jacket. "Alexander!" He exclaimed more breathlessly than he'd like and mentally winced at himself for it.

"You're fine. You're okay. I've been worried. God, Magnus."

Tuning out the rambling, Magnus surreptitiously checked the club doors for a breach as he had no illusions about how Alexander got in. True enough, his magic detected that the doors had been disturbingly ripped off their hinges by the angelic power of a rune. Except he knew every damn rune there was in the grey book including those only utilised exclusively by important Nephilim and there was no rune that could have done that. Not even Alexander's energy could have gone past his magical blockade. "How are you here?" He interrupted.

Alexander pulled back and his hazel eyes swam into vision, distressed and panicked.

"Darling?" Magnus furrowed his brows in concern. Meanwhile, his magic returned to him in waves and he sensed, too late, that the battle was on its last legs and being helped along to its end by the usual group of Shadowhunters he was very well acquainted with. He felt a slight prick of embarrassment for having lost his focus on the fight so quickly because of Alexander's mere presence though the thought flew away and his concern grew when the boy nuzzled his neck and clung to him tighter.

Alexander wasn't usually so clingy or affectionate though they had their moments. Also, Magnus thought when the pain in his thigh flashed hotly due to the added weight of the grown Shadowhunter, he'd have embraced this sort of gesture any other time but as it was… He shifted in discomfort and accidentally dislodged the arm around his shoulder in the process. It took barely a second before he was crushed more tightly to the other's chest with the arms wrapped around him so vice-like that he choked slightly. "Alexander –,"

"Let me have this."

Magnus stiffened then forced himself to relax. There was a concerning undercurrent of pleading from that sentence – a sentence he had said once before when he thought he wouldn't be seeing the boy for a while – that he had never imagined would issue from Alexander's mouth let alone be addressed his way. He rubbed the boy's back with soothing circles and scattered kisses on the collar bone that peaked out of the black leather jacket and shirt.

"I've missed you so much." Alexander murmured softly, his soft lips pressed to the cold snake ear cuff. "I've really…" He pulled back and put their foreheads together so their eyes could meet. "I've missed you so much."

Magnus used both hands to gently cup the boy's face. His brows furrowed as he saw the hazels he loved so much swimming with unshed tears. "Oh baby." He caressed the sensitive skin underneath those hazels with the pads of his thumbs and leaned in closer till their lips brushed for a lingering sweet kiss. "I've missed you too."

When he leaned back, he saw a stray tear leave its hazel nest and he gasped softly. His heart ached for the boy and he was chastened for not seeing the boy sooner. There was no real reason for it either. Sometimes he just forgot how slowly time moved for mortals and how fast time moved for immortals in comparison. "Darling, forgive me."

He pushed Alexander's tear-streaked face to the crook of his neck and crooned softly. "I'm here now, darling." He carded his hand through dark locks to stop by the boy's tender nape where he absently played with the stray hairs. "I'm here." He scattered kisses over the expanse of exposed skin right below Alexander's ear when he heard Catarina's frantic yell of his name. The bubble they were inside of popped in an instant. "Hold on, darling."

Alexander's face fell but he obediently stepped away.

"I'll be right back." Magnus kissed the boy's cheek then scanned through the crowd until he spotted the tell-tale cloud-coloured skin and he made a beeline for Catarina – and Tessa. His heart stuttered a bit when he saw exactly who they were hovering over and he dropped to his knees beside the mangled body. "Raphael." He waved his fingers and his magic automatically mingled with Catarina's and Tessa's to hasten the healing.

"Papá." Raphael murmured barely audibly.

Magnus ripped his eyes off the multiple injuries he was cataloguing to the Latino's face and he drew in a sharp breath upon seeing that one side was disfigured by what looked like a heavy blow from a Forsaken's bat. Those damn Forsakens. "Oh. My poor boy." He shuffled closer and carefully held Raphael's face. "Everything's going to be alright. I'm going to take care of you."

"I know, papá."

Magnus hushed the stubborn Latino. "Save your breath, mi cariño." Raphael's lips twitched. To anyone else, it would have been nothing but he could see it for what it was: a smile. He brushed the dark hair off of Raphael's forehead and placed a tender kiss there then he stood up and brushed himself off. "Cat, let's move him to the loft."

Catarina nodded and Tessa wasted no time in levitating Raphael's body. They marched through the portal with intention and it snapped shut after them, leaving a crowd of Downworlders and a few Shadowhunters facing off with each other.

The Nephilim stood in the centre of a space erected for them by the Downworlders and was a clear display of division that made Magnus sigh exasperatedly. He followed the glares of a few werewolves to see Luke and Clary hugging in the midst of other Shadowhunters. It really shouldn't have been an odd sight given how close they both were to each other.

Luke raised his hand in greeting. "You alright?"

"Yes." Magnus confirmed. "I didn't imagine Valentine would be capable of creating this many Shadowhunters and Forsakens in such a short period of time." He stalked over to the nearest Circle member he had knocked unconscious and cast his magic to drop the body into his newly-created lab. Another spell sent the rest of the unconscious Circle members to Lydia's office along with a note. "Has he stopped terrorising mundanes with the Downworlders he experimented with?"

"No, he hasn't. We had to do damage control at a mall earlier today." Alexander informed.

Luke nodded in agreement. "He's also started to attack Downworlder spots. Pandemonium isn't the first this week. He attacked the Hunter's Moon two days ago."

"Casualties?"

"My second-in-command, Maia." Luke frowned. "She got hurt but she's all healed now."

"She was the target?"

"Much like you tonight." Luke pointed out.

"Yes…" Magnus had been watching Alexander in his peripheral view so he saw the change in the boy's form at that information. He smiled in content when the boy moved over to assume a protective stance beside him and nearly outright grinned when some Downworlders looked scandalised. "My own people told me to leave for my own safety when I arrived."

Luke grimaced.

"I'll tell you once, Downworlders," Magnus raised his voice. "We are here to protect you, not be protected. We are here to lead you, not to cower in the shadows in times of danger. You may run but we may not. It has been a long night, take your dead and return to your homes. Remember that there is safety in numbers."

"I'll go as well."

"Wait." Magnus stopped the alpha werewolf. "Pandemonium's protection is the strongest among all the Downworlder spots. We're going to have to assume that they can get past the wards at Jade Wolf, Praetor House and Dumort as well."

"When can you fix the wards?" Luke asked.

"I'll need a few days to deal with it. In the meantime, I need to ask you for a favour." Magnus waited for a nod before he continued. "The vampires will be the easiest target during daylight hours. Could you to assign some of your werewolves to protect them?"

"I won't promise anything but I'll talk to the pack."

"That's all I can ask for, Luke. Thank you."

The alpha werewolf gave a curt nod, hugged Clary goodbye then walked away.

Magnus nodded in satisfaction for his work done for the day. He turned to the only other occupants of his club: the Shadowhunters – and the dead bodies but they didn't count. "I always look for a certain je ne sais quoi to announce my return but this was too much even for me." He raised his arms up to the air and the wards around Pandemonium activated. "That would deny anyone access into this club until I fix this place up." He wrinkled his nose at the mess and eyed the Shadowhunters watching him with half-smiles. "I wouldn't mind the help."

"Oooh!" Isabelle livened up and her eyes started to sparkle. She latched onto a disgruntled Jace. "We'd love to!"

Clary tilted her head with a thoughtful, conflicted expression. "I could paint your walls..." She eyed the dead bodies on the floor, her face unchanging. "Does this mean the Institute isn't safe either?"

"I'm afraid so."

Alexander made a noise. "Lydia must be notified."

"I'll inform Lydia." Isabelle offered. "You'll go with Magnus, right?"

"Yes." Alexander paused. "That's alright, right, Magnus?"

"That was my plan all along," Magnus leant onto the boy's strong chest and blinked up at the boy's gorgeous hazel eyes. He relished in the rare blush that spread on Alexander's sharp cheekbones and pale cheeks. Jace's gagging from behind only served to heighten the pleasure. "Sweetness."

---

Enhanced hearing ensured that upon stepping foot into the loft, Alec heard every gruesome sound that came with a ravenous vampire gurgling blood from plastic packs. It was spilling everywhere – the pillows, blankets, couch and even the carpet. He almost winced on Magnus' behalf for the horrific state the living room was becoming.

The warm hand in his slipped away from him and it was almost as if Magnus' touch was the stopper to his bubbling insecurities and with the solid grounding hold gone, his untamed and wild thoughts made him stagger where he stood. After his fretful two weeks then having seen Raphael be tended to so caringly by Magnus, he had expected to feel the usual: jealous, envious or even angry.

But the only thing he felt was defeated. He was at his limit's end – with everything. Especially Raphael.

Throughout his growing relationship with Magnus, he always felt the vampire's presence. Before their first date, Magnus was at the Dumort for whatever reason. Then, Magnus had been captured by Camille while roaming the dock with Raphael. There was also the little detail of Raphael's touch gaining a reaction from a catatonic Magnus when all of his tries didn't.

And the huge factor that Raphael knew so much about Magnus that he couldn't possibly begin to catch up on that wealth of personal, intimate knowledge. If he even could, being a mortal with limited time.

He remembered when Magnus had specifically instructed Izzy, Clary and him to delegate negotiations with Raphael over and the time there had been a full-frontal attack on Dumort and Magnus didn't give two shits about the danger because he had to help the Downworlders though Alec translated it as: Raphael's in danger.

Oh, and he would never forget when he had been told to move by the damn vampire so Raphael could carry Magnus to the loft – the nerve – and how Raphael had been too close to Magnus for comfort when he arrived at the loft weeks after that because Jace had said Magnus had been injured.

And really, knowing the blasted vampire had tended to Magnus' wound instead of him had stung more than the fact that Magnus rescued Jace and omitted information from him. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone. Ever. He had Nephilim pride for a reason.

Then, just when he had made peace with the fact that Raphael and Magnus would meet up frequently because of the Downworlder alliance – never mind the plain jacket he saw in the loft living room and suspected was Raphael's –, he found out that Magnus had left the Institute to go see Raphael while he was unconscious from a severe injury.

He wasn't even spared the pain during war and had to watch Magnus and Raphael be intimate and fight together. He had to depend on their close bond when Magnus had been stabbed because Alec didn't have a deep enough connection with Magnus yet to decipher the warlock's intentions without words. He couldn't have cared less during the time, true, but he had had days on end to mull over that scene and the fact that Raphael got to be with Magnus during recovery instead of him.

And damn, that really wasn't fair, was it?

"Alexander?"

Alec startled when Magnus shook his shoulder and peered at him from an inch away. "Uh." His eyes darted around; they were the only ones left in the living room. He could spy Simon's retreating back as the fledgling carried an unconscious Raphael away. "Sorry. I was thinking too hard."

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Alec half-smiled at the cute happy smile directed at him and felt a twinge of regret that he would have to see it go but they needed to talk. He had to lay it all out for Magnus or he would always have this worry niggling at the back of his mind and that wouldn't do. Especially because he wanted to further their relationship and he couldn't do that with the doubts his insecurity was creating. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Of course, darling."

"It's a… long conversation." Alec took the other's hands into his and led them both to the pit sectional couch set before the open balcony doors. It was comfy, had a great view and most importantly, was not the couch Raphael bled on. He stretched his legs along the soft leather and pulled Magnus along to do the same beside them.

They were squished together on the small L-shape part of the furniture and it was cosy.

"Well then, darling, before we start, I should order us some dinner. What would you like?"

"Whatever you want."

Magnus pulled out his phone. "Any preference?"

"How about," Alec offered his hand and waited until the other accepted the offer to hold hands. "You order what you usually do so I get the Magnus Bane lazy night dinner experience?"

"There's a trademark. A lazy night calls for Chinese."

"Chinese it is."

Magnus typed on his phone and after a few flourishes, he tossed his phone to the side. "I'm all yours."

"That's a relief." Alec found himself saying. He brought their intertwined hands to his lips and placed a lingering kiss on the back of the other's hand. "I wanted," He lowered their hands and met Magnus' gaze. "To ask about Raphael."

"Raphael?"

"Before we get into that," Alec shuffled to lean on the arm of the couch so that they were facing each other with their intertwined hands between them occupying the tiny space he had left in his move. "I want to know what happened after the ship exploded."

Magnus licked his lips. "I woke up in London after two days. We had business to do there so we stayed but then my precious club was attacked."

"Oh." Alec had a very good idea what that 'business' was. "How… Are you okay?"

"You know." Magnus smiled faintly. "I don't think I'll ever be okay with his death. All I can do is accept it and move on; to take only the memories and leave the pain behind."

Alec nodded, trying to understand the depth of such loss at an intellectual level since he had no emotional experience. "Have you? Moved on and left the pain, I mean."

"It will take a decade perhaps before I can hope to move on." Magnus looked at him from behind thick black lace-like lashes. "Don't worry about me, darling. I'm fine."

"That's not going to happen. I worry because I care, Magnus, therefore I'll always worry." Alec scratched at his cheek. "I've been told being a worrier is in my nature." He confided abashedly. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"For what, darling?"

"Whenever my siblings need comforting, they tell me what they need from me." Alec shrugged. "Jace is predictable; he always wants to go out for a hunt. Max is predictable too. We'd either read comic books or bake sweets." He quirked his lips up at the memory that popped up in his mind of Max stood on a stool in the kitchen reading a brownie recipe out loud so he could follow the instructions. "Izzy though… She asks for different things depending on her mood but it always has something to do with fashion." He deadpanned. "Shopping usually."

Magnus chuckled lightly. "You." He leaned over with a wide smile. "Just you, Alexander, with me is all the comfort I need."

"Oh." Alec felt his cheeks burn. He absently wondered if he should start getting used to blushing like an adolescent again since Magnus seemed able to coax it out of him quite often. "Happy to please." He bit his lip and eventually the light atmosphere dropped off. "Thank you for healing Jace."

"You don't need to thank me for saving the people you love, Alexander."

"Still. Thank you."

Magnus' eyes crinkled as he smiled. "You're welcome." He tilted his head. "You young Nephilim are so vastly different to the generations before you. You're all so very generous with your gratitude to people like me."

"Don't say it like that." Alec frowned. "What exactly is 'people like you'? People who are amazing and gifted and talented, who help those in need in times of need? Because if that's not it, then I don't want to hear you referring to yourself as if you're lesser than me or my sister or anyone else."

"So vastly different." Magnus repeated, his smile gentler.

"Being a Downworlder is not – it's a label. That's all it is. An unnecessary divisive label that does not dictate anything."

Magnus' eyes were soft, soft and fond. "I know, darling."

Alec licked his lips and straightened up. "So, um," He dug his free hand into the soft leather beneath him and his body tensed for a fight – not a verbal one with Magnus rather with himself. Laying out his insecurities, his vulnerabilities, was something he was taught very long and hard not to do but this was Magnus and he had to. He really did. "Who is Raphael to you?"

"Before I answer that, why do you ask?"

"Because it bothers me that he's so present in our relationship." Alec fisted his free hand, careful to ensure the hand he had twined with the other remained relaxed. "You're always with him and he's always there. He knows you. Well. Extremely well to a level I cannot hope to reach. And it bothers me, Magnus, because – it bothers me."

"Alexander, look at me."

Alec stiffened. He caught himself with his eyes looking straight at his legs, unknowing when he had stopped meeting Magnus' gaze, and he did as he was told. He met those glamoured chocolate brown eyes and wondered, for the first time, whether the lack of cat eyes was a sign of distance or distrust.

"I took Raphael in when he first turned while under a request from his mamá." Magnus tapped his coloured nails against the couch in a distracting manner. "I taught him many things over his first decade as a vampire and I continue to guide him. In a way, I am his father and he my son and that, Alexander, is the deepest depth of our relationship."

"A son?" Alec repeated to himself. That meant… That meant Raphael and Magnus' bond was incalculably deep, something he mustn't compete with. It meant that he had to get the vampire's approval. Maybe? "I'll just… wrap my head around that later." He shared a tentative smile with Magnus and melted back onto the couch. "A son, huh? Never would have guessed."

"Don't mention it to Raphael. He doesn't like admitting to it most days."

Alec felt personally affronted on the warlock's behalf. "Why not?"

"Besides his pride?" Magnus snorted. "He doesn't want his strong image to be damaged."

"You're the High Warlock of Brooklyn." Alec stated plainly. "It would enhance his strong image to have you back him."

"Darling, it wouldn't be a partnership so much as Raphael being my baby boy."

"Oh."

Magnus hummed. "I don't mind. The less people know, the lesser the chance he'd be used against me."

"I can understand that." Alec cocked his head to the side and looked out the balcony doors. "My parents would use my siblings as a way to coerce me when I didn't want to do something for them."

"Darling, that's awful."

"Yeah." Alec soughed. "I've always wondered whether they could love us and treat us like pawns to a chess game they were playing at the same time."

"In their own way, I'm sure they do." Magnus assured. "It's just that sometimes humans get caught up with their own concerns that they forget to look beyond themselves."

"That makes sense but it's not a good excuse."

"Never said it was an excuse, darling."

"Will they ever see us?"

"Sometimes," Magnus started slowly. "A person has to lose what is important to them before they see sense."

"They've already lost us."

"Have hope, darling. They could be rethinking their actions as we speak."

Alec spied airplane lights blinking in the sky. "Let's not talk about it."

"Of course, let's cease that topic." Magnus waved his hand as if he was batting away a fly. "Is there anyone else?"

"What?"

"I meant, other than Raphael, is there anyone else bothering you?"

Alec flicked his eyes from the sky to his boots. "Not exactly." He mumbled then he sighed and lifted his eyes to meet Magnus'. "It's not any one person, you understand? It's… your vast past. It's that chasm between you and me. I feel it with everything because we're different but I'm mostly bothered about your… experience or my lack thereof." He rolled his eyes at himself and kept his gaze at the ceiling. It was maroon and he didn't notice that before. "It shouldn't matter. I can't help it."

Magnus hummed thoughtfully. "Will a person who mastered the sword be able to use the same techniques with a dagger?"

"What?" Alec lowered his gaze to catch brown ones and tilted his head in confusion.

"Humour me, Alexander."

"Um." Alec furrowed his brows. "Daggers require different techniques to swords. While there are general similarities –," He paused when the other's finger hovered over his lips and obediently closed his mouth.

"Imagine people as weapons, Alexander. I am the wielder and you are a weapon that I have never encountered before. Just because I've successfully been with a number of people in the past does not mean I will be able to expertly establish a relationship with you. There is no way to ensure two people work as there is no two persons who are the same."

"I can understand that." Alec crumpled his pants in his hand and shrugged. "That still doesn't change the fact that you are generally more skilled and less lost with this whole relationship thing because using your example, I haven't used any weapon."

"And so I am the experienced and you the observer because you are not my student and there's no such thing as an expert. Except that, while I have encountered many blades in my lifetime, you are a bow and arrow. A type of weapon so far from my range of experience that my experience means nothing at all."

Alec thought back in his younger days when he first started his training on his weapon of choice. The frustration, the inescapable fear of not being good enough, the anger at himself – "Which means, essentially, that we both don't know what we're doing and you only carry the illusion of being more experienced. And that brings you more frustration and pressure than good."

"Precisely." Magnus tipped his chin. "I am as lost and I am as afraid as you. Those symptoms I described to you before, Alexander, they are what I feel. And I am as overwhelmed as you if not more so because of everything I have already experienced. You evoke in me an emotion so much stronger than anything I've ever felt in the entirety of my immortal life. When we met, I barely knew you and yet I was so caught by you. I cared about you intensely, I bared myself to you, and I couldn't bear to lose you.

"All that before you kissed me at your wedding. I don't know what I did to deserve that then and I don't know where I stand or where I factor in your life now. Am I a new toy to play with or a crucible to overcome? Meeting me must have been akin to an angel appearing in the Institute. A shock but also not quite an impossibility. An unknown obstacle that is terrifying and yet altogether intriguing. Maybe."

Alec gave a sharp glare. "Don't call yourself a toy or a crucible or an obstacle. You are none of those. You are Magnus Bane."

"So glad you know who I am, darling." Magnus' lips were quirked up, smile on the side of teasing.

"Magnus."

"Settle down, my sweet."

Alec laid his elbow on his lap and leant his face on his palm. "I'm settled." He said rather petulantly.

"All my experience doesn't mean anything because you are you, Alexander."

"I understand what you're saying but it'll take some time before I stop feeling so inadequate beside you." Alec drummed his fingers on his jaw. "Meeting you was a shock mostly because a lot came out of nowhere. It didn't make any sense but it also felt right."

"I've learned that sometimes things don't make sense, Alexander. It just is what it is."

"I know." Alec smiled softly. "I learned that from you."

"Did you now?" Magnus raised his brows.

"Everyday."

Magnus leaned forward, a wide tight-lipped smile on his lips. "How so?"

"You remind me every single day that even though I don't know where or how my feelings for you started, it doesn't matter because it feels right and they are what they are. And what they are gave me you."

"You continue to surprise me, Alexander." Magnus' eyes sparkled brightly.

Alec bit his lip, his cheeks burning slightly from his earlier confession. "In good ways, I hope."

"Always." Magnus leaned in closer and tipped his head forward to land a chaste kiss. "Always."

---

Faint murmurs travelled down from the entrance hall, fuzzy to the ears, as Alec neatly arranged the placement of the tableware. There was only one thing missing and he went to the kitchen to look into the open cupboards. It should have been an easy task except Magnus had a vast variety of cups. He tilted his head and with a bit of uncertainty, he edged over to the mugs and grabbed two before re-entering the dining room.

Alec stuttered to a pause by the doorway, mugs in hand, at the sight of Magnus leaning over the dark wood table setting up the take-away dishes. A flutter erupted in his stomach along with the sunshine-warmth inside his chest at the domesticity of the scene. He stood there, for a second or two, smiling stupidly, and laughed softly when the warlock looked up to wink at him. He shook his head and sauntered over to place the mugs down. "Where do I get the water?"

"Sit." Magnus ordered then waved his arm proudly to present the food. "What do you think, darling?"

Alec obediently sat down and ogled the food. "Looks great." He replied sincerely.

Magnus rolled his eyes playfully. "Do you drink tea?"

"Yes." Alec confirmed and instantly, an elegant glass pitcher appeared on the table. "Iced tea?"

"Cold longjing tea." Magnus reached out to pour the drink into their mugs. "It is a variety of pan-roasted green tea. Personally, I enjoy Genmaicha when it comes to green tea – the smoky flavour always does it for me – but seeing as we're having Chinese, I thought this was more appropriate."

Alec smiled to himself. "Since when did you care about appropriate?" He murmured teasingly.

Magnus simply winked again before moving on. "You should start with this one, darling." He picked up a pair of wooden chopsticks and distributed the dumplings. "These lamb and summer squash dumplings are absolutely delicious."

"If you say so." Alec grinned and popped a piece into his mouth with a spoon. He bit down then moaned when the juicy meat spilled over his tongue. "By the Angel!" He turned wide eyes at the other as he chewed, touched by how good the dish was. "What are the rest?"

Magnus laughed.

Whether it was because Alec sounded ravenous and eager or something else, he honestly couldn't quite care. He was dying to learn about the rest of the dishes so he could bless his mouth and stomach with them.

"This one," Magnus dumped wontons on each of their plates. "Is called 'wontons in hot oil.' They aren't that spicy but they are cooked to perfection in oil. I'll show you how they do it sometime. It's fantastic to watch."

Alec eagerly popped the wonton into his mouth and came very close to reaching heaven. "By the Angel! These are so good." He gushed. "I need to share these with the rest the first chance I get. Our lunches will never be the same again."

Magnus raised a brow in amusement.

"We're still taking turns to grab lunch even though Jace can go out now since we're too busy to actually go out." Alec shrugged. "Lately we've taken to eating in the greenhouse though and that's an improvement to Jace's room."

"Sounds…" Magnus reached out and touched Alec's cheek. "Pleasant."

"It is."

Magnus grinned and moved on to the next dish. "These lamb chops," He pulled a rectangular container over and grabbed the bones sticking out of the dish with his bare hands. "Are braised for hours until the meat can fall-apart from the bones with a simple tug. Those – flakes,"

Alec glared at the pointed use of the last word. "I know what herbs and spices are."

"Of course, my sweet." Magnus replied cheekily. "Those flakes are cumin, sesame seeds and ground chili. Could be too spicy. Definitely worth it."

"Mmhm." Alec gave one last glare then focused on the lamb chops on his plate. They really did look worth it and he wasn't averse to spice so it should be no problem. He glanced to his side and gaped upon seeing Magnus eat the lamb chops with his hands. Before he could get a word out to express his shock, a torn piece of meat was thrust to his mouth in offering and he ate without a second thought. The heat that flared in his cheeks came much, much later whilst he chewed in awe of the insanely good food.

Magnus smiled over the lamb chop he held. "It's not graceful to eat with your hands but trust me, darling, it's much easier."

"Whatever you say." Alec grabbed the lamb chop with his hand and enthusiastically ripped a large portion of meat off then shoved it into his mouth. He sighed happily and leaned back on his chair with a blissful expression. "Angel. I'm going to eat dinner with you every day if I can."

"I certainly won't complain." Magnus put down his food and stared at Alec with a faint grin, eyes impossibly soft. The stare gradually intensified and the grin vanished to be replaced by a pout of concentration. "Darling," He used his clean finger to raise Alec's chin. "Why do you have a scar on your cheek?"

"Oh." Alec shook his head. "It's nothing. I was training Clary and she caught me off guard." He paused then, unsure why he wasn't divulging the whole story. "That's half-true." He amended. "Clary… has been creating runes lately."

"What?" Magnus let his hand drop to the side.

Alec pursed his lips. "It started on Valentine's ship. No, that's not it either. She says she's been seeing runes for a while now but the first time she used one was on Valentine's ship." He fiddled with the lamb chop and twirled it around. "It made the floor crack open. We tried the rune again later on and found that it works on any physical matter."

"That's how you got in." Magnus huffed though it lacked annoyance. "You blew Pandemonium's door apart – which I'm going to have to fix. I don't suppose she created a rune for that?"

"No…" Alec tried to look apologetic. "I'll help you."

Magnus waved it off. "What else has she created?"

"Portal rune."

"No." Magnus tilted his head. "We've seen Valentine use that so she didn't create it. It already exists."

Alec parted his lips to a perfect 'o'. "Right. At Camille's when he took Jace and…" He stopped that line of thought and huffed. "How did I miss that? Why did no one question it? The Clave –,"

"Probably uses it." Magnus cut in. "They keep certain runes to themselves much like the Iron Sisters and the Silent Brothers as you very well know."

Alec made a face. "I used to think it was because being one of them is a privilege." He ungracefully picked at the lamb chop and chewed on a piece.

"And now?"

"What's the point of keeping a portal rune to themselves?"

"Agreed." Magnus turned back to his plate.

"Doesn't matter now."

"I suppose not. Soon, I'm sure, you'll have a whole book's worth of runes that not even the exclusive runes of the Silent Brothers, Iron Sisters and Clave combined could compete with."

Alec shrugged noncommittally. He had no interest in filling up a book's worth of new runes with Clary. Granted, the runes she was making were very helpful but they still had to use them in secrecy so she wouldn't be put on trial and that made the runes quite useless most times.

"You don't seem too enthused, darling. Is something wrong?"

"Aside from the fact that if anyone finds out that Clary creates runes she'd be incarcerated?" Alec asked rhetorically without a lack of annoyance in his tone. "Yes." He reached out to interlock their greasy fingers together and smirked when the other flinched in disgust.

Magnus had his nose wrinkled. "This feels absolutely disgusting, darling. No offense."

"I've experienced worse."

"So have I."

"You aren't pulling away." Alec pointed out.

"With anyone else, I would, darling." Magnus winked and cleaned them up with a flourish. "There. Now, what's wrong?

Alec licked his lips. "Nothing should be." He directed his eyes to their connected hands. "Except Valentine. And the Clave." He added.

Magnus smiled.

"Remember when I almost lost my arm?" Alec winced at himself from how abruptly he had breached the next topic.

"I'm not likely to forget it." Magnus' smile turned brittle. "A few more seconds and…"

Alec made a shushing noise. "You saved me and I haven't thanked you for that. …Thank you."

"You never need to thank me for being there for you, Alexander. I always want to be there for you. I never want to lose you – be without you."

"That's what I felt when you walked away with Valentine like Jace did." Alec made a strangled noise when he felt Magnus tense. "I only meant that we share the same sentiments. Okay. Can we – Let's move on." He released a relieved sigh upon seeing the warlock's lips twitch in amusement. "Remember when Jace practically begged you to heal his face?"

"That was Blondie begging?" Magnus snorted. "He clearly needs to work on that skill."

Alec grinned. "I'll pass along the message that he isn't as all-around talented as he'd like to believe."

"No one ever is. But you're close."

"I'm sure you're saying that objectively." Alec rolled his eyes.

"Well, I am the High Warlock of Brooklyn."

Alec shook his head though he had a small, fond smile plastered on his lips while he did so. "Nothing is wrong per se." He started off. "That day, it just hit me that I've been missing out on a lot of things when it comes to my siblings. I had no idea that Clary asked her mom about Jace and her being siblings. Didn't even know my parabatai was agonising over asking Jocelyn. And I tried to be there for them these past few days but… that didn't go so well with all the attacks going around."

"They would always want you to be a part of their lives, Alexander. You're their brother and I've spoken to them enough times to know that you are a permanent fixture in their hearts." Magnus soothed. "No matter what it is that happened or is happening, they love you."

"But I haven't been a good older brother recently." Alec sighed. "I've been so busy with the Institute, Valentine, the Clave, training… you. And Jace! That day, that morning, he breached a topic that occurred months back when I was still blindly following the law. Months, Magnus." His eyes burned a little and it was suddenly hard to speak with the lump suddenly lodged in his throat. "He's my parabatai and it took months before he found the time to discuss things. Things that apparently had been plaguing his mind since he walked away with Valentine." He blinked past the tears that had gathered. "What does that make me?"

Alec took a deep shuddering breath. "And Izzy – Angel, we haven't spoken properly about anything unrelated to missions and patrols since I came clean to her about all the secrets I've been keeping. That was a month ago. Maybe two." He rubbed at his face tiredly with the back of his free hand. "It'd at the very least be reasonable that I'd been so absent with them if it's because I've been taking care of my duties but I've failed on that front too."

"Alexander –,"

"You were right." Alec interrupted, vision blurred. "You were all right to relegate the Shadowhunters with a minor role in the battle. I got angry with you and you didn't deserve that. I failed my people and I had no right to demand that we be given equal say in the plans when I didn't even have enough people for us to make any difference by being there. I've disapp –,"

"Stop." Magnus demanded. "Stop, Alexander."

Alec soughed and hung his head back. "I've missed you. So much." His voice cracked but he ignored it. "I didn't realise how much I needed you, how much you grounded me, until you – It was better last time when I could spend my days taking care of you. This time, I couldn't even take care of you and that - It killed me, Magnus." A few tears finally dripped down from his eyes and he inhaled sharply when a soft hand cupped his cheek. "It killed me."

"I'm so sorry, Alexander." Magnus murmured gently. "I won't let that happen again."

"I –," Alec breath hitched. "I try so hard and all I ever do is make things worse."

Magnus' grip tightened both on the hand and cheek. "I want you to listen to me very carefully, Alexander. You haven't made things worse. On the contrary, you have done your damndest to prevent the worst situations. It took Jace months before he finally had the chance to talk to you because you were busy creating a solid case with Lydia to prevent him from being branded a traitor and unjustly receiving punishment. You haven't talked to Izzy in a long while because you were taking care of your duties and being successful at it too."

Alec tried to shake his head but the hand on his cheek steadied him and didn't allow it.

"Yes, you were few in number during the battle with Valentine." Magnus allowed. "But it's because most of your people were confined to their beds in the infirmary not because they were dead. And yes, many of them did die but many more would have been had you not asked the Downworlders for help when demon activities spiked up. You didn't fail your duties as a Shadowhunter, the co-Head of the Institute or as a brother. You did your best and that's all anyone can ask for."

"I made mistakes though." Alec bit his lip. "I made mistakes."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Alexander. Everyone."

Alec leaned onto the hand that was warming one side of his face. "Did I tell you that I had Luke talk to my siblings about what my parents did back in their Circle days?" He closed his eyes. "I couldn't even tell them myself. I didn't want to see their reactions. I never found out how they took it either. They don't talk about it. Or maybe they do and I'm just not… present. Like always."

"There's nothing wrong with that, Alexander." Magnus whispered. "It's not your obligation to be the one to break it to them."

"I should've been there when they were told. I should've –,"

"No. You certainly did not need to hear what your parents did twice."

Alec slumped and opened his eyes though he kept them lowered. "You're right. I know you're right. Still…"

"You feel bad."

"Of course I do. I wasn't there for them. I haven't been there for them."

"I understand." Magnus eyes conveyed it. "You should also understand, however, that you have been there for them in other ways. Perhaps not in all ways but nobody's perfect, Alexander."

"You are."

Magnus lips parted and he blinked twice. "That is not even remotely true."

"That's a lie."

"I'm sure you're being very objective there, darling." Magnus teased, echoing Alec's earlier words.

"Well, I am the co-Head of the New York Institute."

Magnus winked. "Yes, you are, Alexander." He glanced at their cooled food and snapped his fingers; smoke escaped from the dishes. "You should eat up while we converse, darling. Unless you want dessert already?"

"Nope. I'm definitely finishing all these."

Magnus grinned in satisfaction. "I'm so pleased we have similar tastes in food."

"Yeah. Uhm. Magnus," Alec began with a light tone as he stabbed a dumpling.

"Hm..?"

"That morning when Jace and I had a talk, what – what did you overhear?"

"Who said I overheard anything, darling?" Magnus' tone was falsely light.

Alec popped the dim sum into his mouth and chewed slowly to savour the taste before replying. "Izzy saw you. She said you looked upset after overhearing us talk." He moved a piece of wonton around his plate. "I've been wondering if it was anything Jace or I said. Or if not, I still want to know."

"It wasn't anything in particular."

"Magnus."

"Alexander."

"I want to know." Alec pushed. "I don't want you upset with me again and me not knowing why. That's not fair and I can't… I won't accept that."

Magnus paused then set his utensils down and carded his fingers together. "I found myself reminiscing about my past, darling. Your bond with Jace reminded me of some things that I didn't necessarily want to think about. Really, Alexander. It's nothing."

"It made you upset. It's not nothing." Alec placed his hand over the other's clasped ones. "What stirred it? What did we say?" He shook the warm hands he was holding onto when the answer wasn't forthcoming. "Magnus, please."

"Alexander…"

"Please."

Magnus huffed and extracted one hand to run it through his hair. "I'm not getting out of this, am I, you persistent Shadowhunter?"

"No." Alec agreed with a hint of smugness underlying his concern.

"It wasn't any one word, Alexander. It was an emotion that both of you feel so very strongly for each other that made me reminisce." Magnus explained slowly. "It was love. Pure, reciprocated love. And don't you dare try to conceal that from me so as not to upset me. I assure you, if you do, it would have the opposite effect."

"It's brotherly love." Alec licked his lips nervously. "You know that, right?"

Magnus stared at him, thoughtfully, for a minute or two before he spoke. "Have you ever read Plato's 'Symposium'?"

Alec squinted. "Once."

"We talked earlier of emotions that arise from nowhere and that is something Aristophanes spoke of." Magnus looked at him from behind thick black lace lashes. "'And when one of them meets with his other half, the actual half of himself, – the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and one will not be out of the other's sight, as I may say, even for a moment: these are the people who pass their whole lives together, and yet they could not explain what they desire of one another.

"'For the intense yearning which each of them has towards the other does not appear to be the desire of lover's intercourse, but of something else which the soul of either evidently desires and cannot tell, and of which she has only a dark and doubtful presentiment.'"

A piece of paper appeared from blue sparks before Alec and he grabbed it. There was a highlighted part that he compliantly read aloud. "'And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called love.'"

"Aristophanes' whole speech is about the concept of soulmates." Magnus revealed quietly.

"Magnus." Alec lifted his eyes from the paper. "Jace and I. We aren't soulmates." He said blandly. "The thought that we share a soul is an idea. It's not even a fact. I know because I read everything about it before I went ahead with the parabatai ceremony. Besides, the idea of soulmates –,"

"Is an idea." Magnus interrupted softly. "A concept. I know."

Alec took in the downcast brown eyes, the sad curve of plush pink lips and the shadow of tense shoulders. "You don't mean Jace and I…" He trailed off with a slight lilt and air left him when he saw Magnus turn away. He swallowed through the growing lump in his throat and turned away himself when his eyes started to burn yet again. He hadn't known what to do with Magnus' confession of love and he sure as hell didn't know what to think of this.

Soulmates. By the Angel.

He trailed his eyes back and found himself staring into brown ones. There was darkness reflected inside those chocolate pools along with the ever-present light within. If soulmates were real, if they were… By the Angel, that would be worse than anything he'd ever have imagined for the both of them.

Immortality and mortality never felt more oppressive and depressing than in that moment as he contemplated on the implications of soulmates. He felt – finally –, with cruel and terrible clarity, that their lifespans weren't going to hurt just him. And he realised that he had hidden behind the lies of superficiality such as vanity to mask the true reason as to why he was so affected by Magnus' immortality and his own mortality.

Alec wondered whether there had been people who saw being soulmates as a curse rather than a blessing because he would want to know how not to be one of them. "Magnus." He forced a smile, soft and gentle as a candlelight, and tugged the other close so he could tenderly kiss the other on the lips. "I'd like to think so too." He settled back onto his seat, lips tingling from the tender touch of the other's searing hot skin and he repeated his words. "I'd like to think so too."

There was a brief pause wherein Magnus looked at him, dazed and surprised. Then the warlock smiled warmly and openly, brown eyes twinkling like liquid amber underneath the chandelier lights and Alec nearly cried from how breath-taking and angelic Magnus looked in that moment.

---

The night sky was empty of clouds and the stars were shining brightly alongside blinking airplane lights. It was a quiet, relatively peaceful night that Magnus overlooked from his balcony. His arms were crossed and leant against the cold stone railing, one hand occupied by a champagne flute. Its gold hued content bubbled effervescently.

An hour ago, his friends had been scattered behind him; Catarina stood by the balcony doors, Tessa with her own drink in hand, and a well-healed Raphael dressed in a new crisp suit that the Latino boy must have stolen from his wardrobe.

They were friends he considered to be his family and yet he had simply wanted them to leave him alone. Had wanted to escape into the slumbering arms of his Alexander who hours earlier surprised and warmed his heart by his honest confessions the last of which being their shared desire of becoming soulmates.

It was a foolish concept, a most naïve wish, a fairy tale. The only fairy tale he had retained as an immortal and one that he yearned for more fiercely after every harsh relationship he broke from. An idea he was beginning to believe he would never experience even in the least of ways.

He had mentioned it, used it to prod Alexander into frank answers regarding Blondie, wanting to hear what he knew from the boy's lips. And what he got was so far from what he was waiting for and yet much more rewarding. Infinitely more precious than words could express. He had gotten an answer to a question too soon to be poised but Alexander knew without needing to hear and that was… that was more than anything he had with anyone else.

There were doubts, naturally. The boy was young but he knew Alexander was a man that thought things over when it came to things of a serious nature. He would have hope and he would keep it. Time would be the bearer of news good or bad and he was an expert at waiting.

They had retreated back to the couch after a wondrous dinner to watch a movie on the television neither of them bothered watching with the volume so low it was a mere whisper. And they drifted off to an impromptu slumber as their bodies turned off to rest after an eventful past few days. It felt safe to be cocooned in the boy's warmth and secure to be held around the waist with surety and all came to a crashing end when his friends decided to wake him and ruin his beautiful night with their negativity, anger and accusations.

He could still hear their words ricocheting inside his mind as he stood there, alone, when he should be enveloped by Alexander's arms without thoughts incessantly running in his mind. But he couldn't. He was dwelling too hard on what had been said to him and he felt as if he had been swept by a whirlwind with no hopes of escaping.

"Alec looks well."

Magnus tapped his fingers on the stone railing. "Hmm."

"Almost too well." Tessa walked over to the side of the balcony into his peripheral view. "Considering the fact you nearly died healing his parabatai. Did he thank you?"

"He did, actually." Magnus replied icily.

"And that was enough, was it?"

Tessa's tone had been offensively derisive and it had become infinitely clear then when Catarina didn't speak up in defence of him that his friends were all on the same side and him on the other. It was a crappy place to be but he understood that they had every right to be angry with him though that hardly meant he would sit there and take it.

Still, they made him think hard about the fact that it was enough for him. He was always happy to accept even the slightest gratitude from the boy to the point that it could be considered foolish. But Alexander was unlike any other individuals he had been with before who were all self-confident and self-centred enough to never stop and think how much he did for them. And while it was sad, that made the boy's appreciation, however slight, pack much meaning for him.

Magnus took a delicate sip of his champagne.

Same could be said about everything the boy had poured out to him that night. It was an act that spoke volumes of Alexander's perception of him and to be handed that vast amount of trust was humbling as it was exhilarating. It had been so long since he was given so much of another person that he was toying, quite seriously, with the idea of sharing more of himself – his thoughts.

Because how long had it been since he had last experienced a healthy relationship such as this? There was no way he was going to make Alexander trek the unstable ground that came with exposing vulnerabilities to another person alone. He would have to embrace the unsteady nature of his position in the relationship, the new ground he was chartering, in order to hold the boy's hand so they could go through everything together.

"Magnus?"

Oh.

Magnus whirled around and set his eyes on the adorably crumpled form of one Alexander Lightwood. The boy's face was red and creased where it was pressed onto a pillow and drowsy hazel eyes gazed at him with unbreakable focus. "Alexander," He cooed and walked the length to cut the distance between them. "Up so soon, darling?"

"Why," Alexander broke off in a cute yawn. "Are you awake?"

"I'm… lost in thought." Magnus laid his hand on the boy's bicep and leaned in to place a kiss on the boy's flattened cheek. "Hello, Alexander." He greeted sultrily before resting his head on the boy's shoulder. A wide hand came up to curve around his neck and he released an inaudible sigh as his heart fluttered at the gesture.

"I'm a good listener if you want to talk."

Magnus turned his head up, returned the smile being directed at him, and promptly used the new angle to drink in every miniscule detail on the boy's face; from the morning glory that curled around the edge of the boy's left eye which he gently rubbed away to the tender low glimmer of the hazels directed at him and the upward quirk of full lips all the way to the slight stubble that scratched his palm as he cupped the perfectly sharp jaw and the – Ah. Alexander was smirking at him now. He let out a light chuckle at that. "I will, sweetness."

The twin hazel fires that were crackling lowly brightened up considerably in response and Alexander let out a soft, "yeah?"

"Yeah." Magnus whispered back in the affirmative. "You've shared so much with me tonight, Alexander, and I want to do the same." The boy's smirk widened into a winsome, boyish smile that was so incredibly charming Magnus drew himself closer to it like a moth to the flame. He slid his arm around the boy's shoulder, veering on the edge of clingy, and smiled widely when Alexander simply wrapped an arm around his waist to support his new position.

"You can tell me anything." Alexander assured simply. "Whatever you want."

"Oh yeah?" Magnus teased though his good mood quickly slipped as a thought crossed his mind. It was something horrible that he had an odd urge to follow if only to push the limits and know where the line laid; seemed tonight was a gambling night. "I killed a Downworlder while I was away."

The light in the twin hazel fires flickered into a darker glow. "I trust you."

"Even if I killed one of the Clave's men as well?" Magnus asked because how unfair of Alexander to reply with a non-answer.

Alexander tilted his head to the side and regarded him for a bit. "Whatever your decisions," He started slowly. "I trust your judgement as you do mine."

"I see." Magnus said barely audibly. His breath had left him abruptly. He couldn't help but smile faintly at himself perhaps in self-deprecation or in lamentation because of how the boy so easily gave what he wanted from countless others and yet he found it in himself a compelling obligation to discourage.

There were multitudinous reasons he had silently accepted his former partners' unwillingness to believe in him as he did himself and it was because he knew it was a dark and dangerous place to be in. And after his first-hand experience being in that horrible position with Camille, he would never wish it on anyone else least of all Alexander. He would put a stop to it now while their relationship was still young and he still could.

He retracted his arms, stepped away and made his way back over to casually lean on the stone railing. The unyielding coldness seeped into his skin and crawled in his bones as dread washed over him in a shower in perfect contrast to the delightful indulgence of being wrapped up in someone he loved.

Alexander was frowning with one hand stretched out. "Magnus."

"Alec," Magnus slid his neutral mask on quickly when he saw the crestfallen look that overcame the boy's face at the use of the nickname he so liked to refuse to utter. "I do trust you, darling, but you must keep your trust for me at arm's length."

"Why?"

"You have no idea what darkness lies inside of me, Alexander. No idea what unforgivable acts I'm willing to commit or have already committed." Magnus let his magic crackle in the air around them, dark and thundery. "There is no moral compass I cannot cross for you, for me, for my people. You're important to me –," He let his glamour fall and knew his cat eyes shined more brightly and looked deadlier under the moonlight. "– and so I protect those you love but you must never forget who I am."

"I would never forget who you are, Magnus." Alexander's voice hardened but it wasn't in anger or disgust or anything terrible. It was almost tender, really, and that was the most baffling. "You are the High Warlock of Brooklyn, the most powerful Downworlder I know. But to me, you're simply Magnus Bane, the man I'm learning to know, and I would do everything for you too."

A very dark and dangerous place to be.

"Magnus,"

A hand tipped Magnus' chin up and he willingly went with it. He was unsure when he had bowed his head, let his mask fall nor when his magic sizzled out. He wasn't quite sure of anything anymore. "Alexander, my eyes –,"

"Your eyes," Alexander's hazel eyes were twinkling. "I've seen your gorgeous eyes many times before. You never show them to me but I cherished each and every moment I got to glimpse them because I love them. I love your eyes so having you here, showing them to me… Magnus, I'm so honoured and happy."

Magnus stared into those sapphire gems he had fallen for and let the sincerity of the boy's words wash over him. He was rightfully apprehensive to show his cat eyes to anyone that wasn't his friends or himself when he wasn't thinking of anyone's reaction to it. He had been disappointed numerous times over by past lovers and interests whom expressed nothing but negative emotions. Alexander's claim of honour and happiness sounded absurd to his ears. "My eyes are a sign of my demonic heritage."

"Maybe, but I like them." Alexander shrugged. "Also, I know more about your demonic heritage than you think."

Magnus froze. "What do you know?" He didn't mean to sound demanding but Alexander sounded too much like a person who knew more than what the Clave's databases could have. As if the boy knew his secrets. Things that he would never want to see the light of day.

"I know you can hold a seraph blade, Magnus."

What.

"What?!" Magnus tried to pull away but then he realised he was stuck between the stone railing and Alexander's body which wasn't about to budge without magic. He sighed. Yes, he thought he saw Alexander's face for a second that time he stabbed the demonic Circle member. He had hoped against hope that the boy hadn't seen a thing from the speed in which Tessa flew the boy out of the ship but alas. "You didn't say anything earlier."

"No." Alexander agreed. "I didn't."

Magnus tried to glare. He really did. "Why not?"

"Because I don't care." Alexander kissed his forehead. "I'm dating Magnus Bane and you're dating Alexander Lightwood. That kind of information is not important to me. Magnus, what does it matter if I did see?"

"As a Shadowhunter it's important, Alexander. Why didn't you ask?"

Alexander sighed. "Magnus. I've always put my family's safety above the law."

"And where does that put me?"

Alexander blinked, his pupils dilated. "Above the law." He answered plainly.

Magnus gaped.

"You are a good person." Alexander murmured. "I believe in you. I trust you. I have faith in you."

"I haven't always been good, Alexander. I'm not always good."

"You've had a tougher life than I can ever imagine, Magnus. It doesn't mean I'll hold any of your actions against you." Alexander cupped Magnus' face with both hands. "Whatever you do, I'm sure you have a good reason. Even if you killed a Downworlder or Clave member while you were away."

Magnus floated a question into his eyes. "Doesn't that clash with everything you grew up learning?"

"No." Alexander replied bemusedly as if the question was absurd. Which. It wasn't. "I protect my family in whatever way possible and I consider you a part of my family."

Magnus lowered his eyes as much as he could with his face held captive in between warm palms. The last time he had been a part of a family was with Tessa back in London. "Family." He repeated softly, a startled smile formed on his lips.

"I grew up learning to protect my siblings." Alexander gave an Eskimo kiss. "Before this whole Valentine mess happened, I thought the law and my parents helped keep my siblings safe so I obeyed and I followed. But I was wrong. They failed me. It took me a while to adjust but I no longer have reason to obey or follow; I only have reason to work my way around them."

"That's –," Magnus scrunched his face in bewilderment. "Fair."

"I thought so."

Fair and highly logical. "Don't you want to know why I can hold a seraph blade?"

"Hm." Alexander grabbed his hand and deposited something.

Magnus gasped when red light emitted from below and he raised his hand to see a witchlight.

"I'm naturally curious." Alexander admitted then shrugged. "Your secrets are yours, though. I won't push and the few I know, I will keep safe." The boy plucked the witchlight from his hand and tucked it away. "This is a great example of knowledge I haven't told anyone because it is curious and I don't want to know what the Clave will do if they find out."

That triggered a memory. "Wait. Don't tell me it's my secrets that you're keeping from Izzy?"

Alexander looked at him.

"She's your sister, darling!" Magnus didn't sound hysterical. Hysteria is not something the High Warlock of Brooklyn would ever succumb to but he was starting to get a very clear picture of what he meant to Alexander and how much the boy had been protecting him and it was – not alarming per se but. Well. It was. Though mostly, he just didn't know what to think about the whole thing. "She's your family."

"I know." Alexander frowned. "I don't keep everything anymore. I just don't get into the details."

"Isabelle is your sister. Darling, won't she be mad at you for not trusting her?"

Alexander smiled. "I told all of them that it's not about trust. It's about risks. The higher the number of people who know things they shouldn't, the higher the risks. They all understand and they're all fine with not knowing the details. Everything is fine."

Everything is not fine. "They don't have any ill feelings at all?"

"They care about you as well, Magnus. They won't risk you either." Alexander explained simply.

"Oh." Magnus licked his dry lips. "That's – I didn't know I meant so much to all of you."

"We may not show it very well but we would go to Hell for you, Magnus. You're family."

Magnus let out a laugh. "Hell, huh? That would endanger your family, Alexander." He meant it as a joke but Alexander became serious-like.

"We would still do it because you're important. You're not any less important than the rest. No one is any less important than someone else. That's what family is."

"I don't know what to say." Magnus confessed. He was overwhelmed. "I would… I would go to Hell for all of you too, Alexander."

"I know." Alexander smiled and leaned in for a kiss.

"Are you willing to die for Alec?"

Magnus hung his head back slightly and leant more fully onto the balcony railing. "Oh, Tessa."

"Are you?"

"I love him."

Catarina's eyes turned almost pitying. "Magnus, love is not a magic word. It doesn't excuse you nor is it a blanket reason for anything."

Magnus fluttered his eyelashes and stared up into the teasing swirling hazels before him. "Alexander," He exclaimed quietly with an upward quirk to his lips. "I appreciate you thinking so well of me, darling, but I'd be remiss to fail warning you that doing so is both wondrously flattering and woefully perilous."

"I'd say the same to you." Alexander returned with devastating plainness. "You've endangered yourself far more times than I have for you. I know it's more than thinking well of me but that is a large factor, isn't it?"

"It is certainly one of the reasons I love you."

Alexander flashed a half-smile that faltered into a sad frown. "Your love is quite destructive."

"Destructive." Magnus raised his brows. "Are you speaking of the saying 'to love is to destroy' by any chance?"

"'To love is to destroy.' And 'to be loved is to be destroyed.' I don't really see much of a difference being the lover or the loved."

Magnus hummed and eyed the boy before him. "Are you saying that whether I am the loved or the lover, it has a destructive effect on me, Alexander?"

"I am not a philosophical person, Magnus."

"That is true. So tell me what you were trying to say before I swung the conversation sideways." Magnus took a sip of his neglected champagne. "My love is destructive..?"

"Quite destructive; the distinction is important to me." Alexander insisted. "And you should know I don't mean it in a bad way. My siblings know I sacrifice myself for them enough times so I understand where you're coming from and because of you, I understand where my siblings are coming from too."

Magnus wet his lips. "Where are they coming from?"

"Lots of ways. Where do I start?" Alexander kid with a grin. "You're important to me, Magnus. I don't want to always fear that you'll be in danger – for whatever reason. I want you to be safe. I need you to always be safe. That's where I'm coming from."

"I know where to draw the line." Magnus turned around to face the glittering Brooklyn city. "I have much reason to remain breathing and one of them is currently sleeping on my couch."

"Once upon a time, you said the same thing about Camille and we almost lost you."

"Camille saved my life once." Magnus shifted his head to the side. "I had more value to her alive."

"You have more value to everyone alive." Raphael snapped.

Magnus felt a fuzzy warmth trickle over his arms. "I will do my utmost best to stay safe, Alexander." He tucked a few strands of wayward hair behind the boy's ear. "Do you want to know why?" He received a nod and bopped the boy's nose. "I have an inviolable incentive to do so right in front of me."

"Me?"

"Best reason in the world."

Alexander's lips lifted into a gradual smile that was blinding and wide. "I –,"

Magnus slid his fingers over the grin and pressed a kiss to the side of the boy's five o'clock shadow. "I will live for you, darling."

"I," Alexander pulled the hand being used to cover his lips and lowered it to reveal a soft smile. "Will live for you too."

"Alexander is a good person. Do not make him out to be the opposite." Magnus warned.

"Good people oftentimes leave the worst scars because we never expect them to hurt us." Tessa said matter-of-factly. "Alec may be unlike Camille but he will hurt you and when he does, we don't know if we'll be able to pick up the pieces."

Catarina's eyes swam with deep sadness. "We are afraid of losing you. We are scared for you. We fear and that is fuelling our anger and our negativity. We aren't trying to influence anything, we are simply terrified."

"No queremos volver a verte con un corazón roto." We do not want to see you broken-hearted again.

"Seeing as I come from the same place as you, that's very good." Magnus' eyes sparkled mischievously but his tone was heartfelt. He trailed his fingertips over the boy's sharp jaw, enjoying the slight tickle of the rough facial hair. "What I did to deserve you, Alexander, I honestly don't know."

"Life isn't about what you deserve. It's about what people are willing to give you." Alexander stated shrewdly.

Magnus half-heartedly glowered. This is what he got for dating a Shadowhunter. "You tragically sucked out all the romance out of my sentence, darling." He soughed exasperatedly at the clueless look he was given but his lips were stretched with a fond smile. "You really did."

"Were you being coy again?"

"Oh, sweetness." Magnus patted the boy's cheek patronizingly. "I could wax poetic about you – though I'm sure anything I say will fly over your pretty – however tall – head. You brave, selfless, protective, loyal, caring, kind, loving –,"

"Do you really see all those in me?"

"You ignored everything else I said, didn't you?" Magnus questioned rhetorically with much affectionate exasperation. "I haven't finished listing all your great traits, mon amour." He let his hand sweep down from the smooth cheek to the boy's shoulder. "You are the purest, fiercest and most honourable being I've met, Alexander, and you have not begun to fathom how great you truly are but I see it and I want you to start."

Alexander's eyes glistered lowly. "I don't know how." He admitted softly.

"Oh, darling." Magnus edged closer and let the boy's warm breath wash over him. "I will teach you and I will remind you every single day how great you are."

"That's…"

"You don't have to say anything, Alexander."

Alexander shook his head. "I've noticed… That you need a reminder too. Once in a while. Can I do the same for you?"

Magnus blinked in surprise, not for the first time caught unaware in the sweetest of ways that night. "I wouldn't say no." He let out a startled laugh. "Don't do it in front of my friends though, darling. They'll think you're enabling my inflated ego."

Alexander laughed loudly, his whole face lighting up with joy. It was a wondrous sight to behold. "I'll keep that in mind." His laughter died down to a chuckle and a few hiccups. "Hey, Magnus?"

"Yes, my sweet?"

"I've been meaning to ask –," Alexander bit his lip and his cheeks stuttered to a heathy, glowing flush. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Time froze for Magnus as he processed what he had just been asked. He felt rather like the question hit him with the force of a whiplash. His heart thudded loudly in his ears and his magic shot purple sparks into the atmosphere in response to the overwhelming emotion that was rushing through him. Alexander was handing him one stunning shock to the next that made him feel younger and older at the same time.

A smile stretched on plush red lips before Magnus shifted to lay his grin over the boy's pulse so he could plant a kiss there. His eyes twinkled at the glossy mark he left on pale skin, happy to leave a possessive mark on Alexander's pale skin. "I would love that." He smoothed his hand over strong planes to curl around an equally strong shoulder. "Kiss me, boyfriend." He ordered huskily.

Magnus observed the flashily bright beam Alexander's face broke into before eagerly swooping in. He lapped at the wide full lips on his and gradually coaxed the boy to grant him entrance. Their tongues met for a brief but passionate affair and he was met with an explosion of sugar as he explored the other's sweet cavern. He drew back first to breathe the night air greedily; their breaths mingled between them in puffs.

"You looked at me."

Magnus, still dazed from their French kiss, smiled lazily. "I always look at you."

"You're also…" Alexander bit his lip then licked over the reddened plumpness. "Very you."

"I'll always be me too." Magnus purred, amused by the endearing ineloquence of the boy. He let out a pleased gasp when the boy leaned in and nuzzled into his neck then shivered from the contrast of the wet lips that dampened his collarbone and the toasty cheeks warming his shoulder. "Careful, darling." He groaned throatily. "You're devilishly enticing for an angel."

"You're angelically beautiful for a demon." Alexander murmured equally throatily. "You're sinfully attractive too but I guess that's appropriate."

Magnus chuckled as he ran his hands up and down the boy's side. "I guess so. And here I was, completely believing dear Isabelle that you aren't a warm and fuzzy kind of guy."

"I'm not…"

"You most definitely are, darling." Magnus snaked his arms around the taut waist under his fingers and hugged his boyfriend. "You most definitely are."

---

It was raining heavily by the time their more serious conversing came to a stop and they had migrated back to cuddling in the couch whilst enjoying the bubble of privacy that storms offered. Alec's eyelashes fluttered a few times and he stifled a yawn, knowing full well he was reaching the point in his drowsiness wherein he couldn't ignore it.

The constant pattering of fat raindrops on solid matter along with the sweetness of fruity shampoo wafted into his nose with every inhale was an effective somnifacient. He buried his nose deeper into the side of Magnus' hair until his lips glided down his boyfriend's – that felt truly great to say in his mind – side and he was able to kiss the copper neck he was endlessly captivated by.

"Alexander,"

Alec's cheeks flared warmly as he snuggled even closer into Magnus who was laid half over him like a giant majestic cat. A position that was not yet familiar but not entirely foreign either and one he was dangerously becoming addicted to due to the warmth, comfort and sense of home it was giving him as well as the swelling pride he felt from being granted the privilege. "I'm sleepy."

"Me too, darling." Magnus replaced the blanket over them into a thicker one and a few more pillows popped up cosily around them both. "Do you mind if we sleep together tonight?"

"I wouldn't move even if you wanted me to." Alec freely confessed without an ounce of shame that would have overcome him before he had met the glittery warlock that was currently using him as a pillow. He shimmied up more and dislodged the pillow that had been cushioning his back to push it into a different spot so he could tuck Magnus under his chin. "Much better."

"Hmm…" Magnus lifted himself up and placed his chin on Alec's chest. "Alexander?"

"Yeah?" Alec drew his hand down his boyfriend's back and slipped under the silk pyjama top Magnus had changed into before they settled back down on the couch. The skin underneath his hand was velvety and scorching hot, rousing even in his sleepy state.

"You make me so happy." Magnus smiled, his cat eyes sparkling. "I love you."

"I –," Alec paused then he lurched forward to kiss his boyfriend's cheek and depressed the soft skin under his hand as he pressed harder to eliminate whatever distance was between them. Eventually, he pulled back with a slight pout on his face. "I'm glad." He closed his eyes and connected his lips to plush ones. "Magnus, I promise I will repeat those words for you one day." It wasn't enough in reply but it was all he could give now.

"Oh." Magnus' cat eyes glittered with a delicately hypnotic mix of adoration, astonishment, disbelief – and hope.

The last riled up Alec's emotions in a rush. He grabbed his boyfriend by the nape and pulled Magnus down to deepen their kiss though he kept it innocent enough; suckling the saccharine moist lips into his own mouth and letting the sugar of the lip gloss his boyfriend wore dissolve on his tongue. "I will." He promised more forcefully.

"Alexander," Magnus whispered reverently. "My angel."

Something lodged itself in Alec's throat at the weight of the endearment and tone on top of his own emotions. His eyes fluttered as his face was cradled and his boyfriend's lips descended on his once more. There was creeping wetness by his eyes and he shut them tighter, overwhelmed by everything Magnus was trying to convey through the kiss and what he himself wanted to pass on to his boyfriend.

His breath hitched when he felt a wet drop on his cheek followed by another and another and another that he knew did not spill from his own closed eyes. He released his boyfriend's nape and gently wiped away the ever-flowing tears streaming down the other's cheeks without breaking the kiss as his heart tightened painfully inside his chest.

I promise I will repeat those words for you one day, Magnus. I promise.