Lol it's been a long time but hey Uni's hard. Hope this makes up for it, this fic has a clear endpoint (imma aim for 27 chapters) so there's that, it's all planned so hopefully it should get finished (it's literally been so long i swear). Honestly I don't know how this fic got to be so long, but bits of story just keep coming to me - there's so many characters and I just want to explore them all. Hopefully this will be updated semi-regularly (at least once every 2 weeks - or at least not 2 months again). Although I'm promising nothing - I've got so much work it's not even funny and second year counts lol. Writing takes sooo long lol. Anyway hope u enjoy :)

"It'll be okay Iz," Alec said softly, reaching out to hold her hand. The air was humming, an edge of frost still clung to the trees that hung above them, and all around them people were wandering, hands dug deep in pockets, scarves of all colours wrapped around their necks. The last cold of winter was starting to fade away. Soon there would be green again, the lake would melt and turn bright blue, and winter would be just a dream. Things would start again. Alec dug his hands into his pockets, feeling the familiar burn of the cold air, he jumped up and down a little in his boots, his breath a cloud against the blue sky. Izzy reached up to pull her grey beanie a little further over her ears, but her hands shook for different reasons.

"I know," she said, but Alec could see her fingers fumbling with the edge of her coat sleeve. Alec took Izzy's hands in his own and smiled, pulling her into his chest for a hug, her head fitting perfectly under his chin. Snug as a bug in a rug.

Max was meeting them at the park. By Alec's estimation he was three minutes late. Things had been progressing slowly, in every aspect of Alec's life. He'd been going for weekly meals at his parents' house, every Sunday there would be a dinner laid out at the table, steam rising and fogging at the windows. Four people sat around smiling, talking and asking for seconds, a perfect picture book setting. Like looking into an old photo from the fifties, here sits a classic American family. But they weren't. No family was. There was a film of glass, of ice, of fog, that hung over the table, cling film to preserve what once was and what could again. Their perfect family tree was still missing a branch. Alec had tried to talk to Izzy, but it was a delicate topic. Izzy didn't do genuine emotions, at least not her own, she was hurting still and she was willing to ignore the source, unwilling to confront it. Simon only shook his head sadly, when he asked him, Izzy was hurting and stubborn and hell and if she didn't want to move, there would be no moving her. And Alec couldn't blame her, reconnecting with his family hadn't been a breeze, far from it, it had been difficult and painful, and at times he'd wanted to give up. But one thing kept him going, the image of Max's small little face, looking up at him, full of innocence and faith and loyalty. He'd keep his promise, even if it killed him. Just like he kept his promises to Izzy.

Max turned the corner, a red bobble hat bobbing up and down on his head as he walked, and a football in one arm.

"Max!" Alec shouted, stepping forward, his hand still firmly clasped in Izzy's. Max saw him and grinned, seeming to quicken his step a little. "Hey little brother," Alec said fondly, letting go of Izzy's hand in order to ruffle Max's hair. "How's it going?"

"Good, good, beat Staten Island 3-0."

Alec nodded. He imagined this was what it was like when you went to regular house parties, ones that weren't hosted by people wearing golden scarves, who washed their hair in glitter. People who weren't Magnus Bane, king of the fashion world. What will he do next? The hushed whisper on the streets, round the circuit. Alec could feel it stressing Magnus, rubbing his temples as Alec pulled his head closer to his chest, running his hands through his hair. Everything will be okay. The small moments they were starting to get back again, little warm moments.

"Glad to hear it," Alec grinned. And he wasn't lying, there wasn't any amount of sports he wouldn't put up with to see Max's face light up. And Max talked a lot about sports.

"Who's this?" he said, stretching to see behind Alec where Izzy still stood, her face growing whiter by the second, her stance shifted, slightly off, her eyes twitching behind her hat. "Oh hi, Izzy." Max said, stilted. He hadn't seen her since the dinner where she left, eyes red and dress flouncing. And before that it had been years. He barely recognised her as the sister he lost. But it was there, in the tell-tale dark curls that escaped from under his beanie, from the bones that stretched across his cheeks, the oval shape to his eyes, a limitless tie.

"Hi, is it okay if I join in today?" Izzy said, stretching a half smile.

"Only if you play a good game," Max grinned, and Alec could see Izzy's shoulders relax, a more casual smile creeping across her face,

"I try," she shrugged.

Two games later and all three of them were lying in the frosted grass, panting, melting the snow fringed blades with their own exhaustion. Izzy wasn't lying, she had a certain flare for football that Alec had never seen, her balance impeccable, her kicks powerful, she wasn't half bad for someone who had little experience. Then again, Izzy always was good at everything. Like everything she touched turned to gold (or goal in this case.) But even Isabelle I-excel-at-everything Lightwood was no match for Max, quick as lightning, skilled footwork, he took on them both and beat them with ease (in a move he was later claim was him not even trying.) He was skilled, but more than that it was the smile that came across his face when he played, as if light was emanating from his skin, as if he were radiating with the pure joy of it. He recognised the look from when he saw Izzy walk the catwalk, or Clary paint, or Jace at his dojo. The idea that everything melts away, it's just you and the thing you love. Alec was so so glad Max had found it, and he was trying to push away the guilt. One step at a time.

"So how's Sarah then?" Alec said, grinning up at the crystal clear blue sky, the cold melting into his back. He could feel Max blush.

"Oooh who's Sarah?" Izzy smirked.

"A girl from school," Max answered, matter-of-factly.

"A girl Max likes," Alec grinned,

"She's okay," Max paused, staring at the clouds go by, "we walked home the other day."

"She likes you," Izzy said, knocking him on the shoulder slightly, making him turn a deeper red.

And they could be back there again. The three of them lined up, there were three in the bed and the little one said, roll over, roll over. Three faces staring at the chipped sealing, bonded and tied. A rattling downstairs as the three of them curled closer together,
what's that? A small whisper from behind Max's young curls,
it's just the wizard, probably got the spell wrong again.
There's no such things as Wizards, a giggle,
well how come there's one in our kitchen? Using all our sage and messing up the cupboards?
It's a naughty wizard? Came the big eyes,
no, he's just trying to do his spells, he doesn't have his ingredients at home. The shouting got louder, ratting like wind against the window, a branch jutting out, curling.
He's doing the chant now, round and round in circles, Izzy smiled. Here you do it. They both reached forward, curling themselves around Max like a cave. A refuge from the battering seas.

"Enough," Max said, but Alec could see a small smile, "What about you, Izzy's engaged, do you have a girlfriend?"

Time shifted a little and he was back at school, a rubber band twisted in his fingers, his back against the shelter, his friend by his side. The long grass curled at his ankles, and he looked up at the grey sky. School was never going to end, he would always be this small, powerless. He would always drift like a seed on the breeze, never quite finding his place, forever floating, tiny in a big, big world. How come you didn't want to do it, you know with Nicole? At the party. His friend had blond curls that bounced in the sunlight, and an itch to escape it was in high demand. I didn't feel like it, you know. Alec said, running his hands through his hair, his heart beating to the beat of what if. What if. What if. Whatif. Whatif. You never do. His friend stared at him pointedly but not unkindly, half of his face casted by sunlight. In that light he didn't seem real, like a floating entity, a blade of grass, a soft cloud, part of the landscape. Alec turned his head to the sky and said it, a feeling which had only ever existed within the rattle of his bones, which had scratched his inner surface, which had torn at his throat. A feeling which until right now hadn't even been real, not manifested, just floating, but which suddenly felt crystal clear. Of course. The penny dropped. Of course I hadn't been lying to myself.

Isaac, I think I might be gay.

I thought as much, his friend said softly, still picking at the grass, shredding it through the breaks in his fingers. Alec looked up at him, eyes big and mooned and full with all the shock in the world. Isaac looked back at him, locking his eyes, I still love you, he said, as he pulled him in for a hug. As cheesy as that is it's true.

The day was colder but the scratch was the same. It never seemed to dull for Alec, this moment, these words, at the tip of his tongue. He took a breath, smiled, and took a leap of faith, the arms of the very same sky holding him, reassuring.

"A boyfriend actually," Alec smiled, "his name's Magnus, he does fashion design."

"Ah cool," he paused, "I haven't heard of him." Max said before launching into a story about his maths' teacher's smack down of Regis, a boy Max couldn't stand. The universe had shifted ever so slightly as it does all the time, forever learning, forever growing; expanding. The air was still cold, his sister was still smiling and Max was still chattering on. And things were okay.

"Fancy seeing you here," Magnus grinned, staring at the three of them lay down in the frost, "trying to catch pneumonia are you?"

"Magnus!" Alec said, trying to ignore the jarring feeling of two worlds colliding, Magnus didn't need to be a secret, separate world. He could be here, stood chatting to his family in broad daylight in the middle of central park. Magnus extended a hand down to help Alec up, before Izzy stood up dragging Max with her. "What are you doing here?" Alec said, feeling warmer already.

"Walks clear the head, trying to come with the latest big design is taxing, to say the least," he murmured and Izzy looked at him sympathetically,

"Still no luck?" she said, reaching out to rub his arm.

"Sadly," he said, spying Max besides Izzy, "you must be Max." Magnus said, his voice quieter than his usual brazen tone.

"Max, this is Magnus, my boyfriend." Alec said, smiling at the both of them, and Alec swore he saw Magnus' mouth twitch into a small smile at the mention of the word; boyfriend.

"Good to meet you," Magnus said, extending a hand cloaked by a black silk glove, Max looked curiously at the outstretched hand, not unlike a puppy cocking its head, deciding to try and high-five it, his bright red mittens clashing oddly with Magnus' hands.

Izzy laughed, "I'm not sure twelve year old boys do handshakes Mag,"

"Course," Magnus chuckled, "it's been a long time since I was young,"

"I'll say," Alec grinned, subconsciously edging closer to him, as if drawn to his warmth.

Magnus spied the football, lying forgotten at Max's feet, "Like football?" Magnus asked.

"Love it," Max said, still unsure, but at the mention of football a small smile creeped over his face and Magnus knew he'd won.

"You know I have some spare tickets for the Yankees, next Friday. If you wanna come?"

Max's eyes lit up, "I'd have to check with my parents, but for sure," he said, and Alec swore he was vibrating a little where he stood.

"Then that's settled," Magnus smiled, rubbing his hands together like some kind of genie, "we'll all go," he smiled at Alec and Alec looked back up at him, his cheeks flushed from the cold, but he could only feel warmth. Izzy sensed a private moment,

"Hey Max why don't we go play?" she smirked, dragging him with her over to the goal posts.

"You didn't have to do that you know," Alec said, his face softening, lit up by a smile.

"I know," Magnus smiled, circling Alec with his arms, bringing him back closer to his chest, "I wanted to."

Alec looked at him, enclosed in his arms, the frost dancing across the trees, the grass starting to peak through the layers of snow, bringing back colour to the world, and he rested his forehead down upon Magnus'. Magnus was so larger than life, so brazen, that sometimes he forgot he was the taller one, even if only slightly. He liked little moments like this, close and warm and happy, that reminded him. He leant down to kiss him as snow began to fall again, small stars in the sky, falling from above to cover the earth in heavenly white, pushing back colour for another day. Alec wanted to travel back in time in that moment, back to that boy, back against the shelter, trapped, forever young, and tell him about exactly that moment. That one day he'd be kissing his boyfriend, who he was in love with as the snow fell in the middle of central park, not a care in the world. That he'd have a whole bunch of friends who loved him and supported him, with whom he could laugh and share and live. That he had a family that wasn't perfect but who were trying, that he could hug his sister and his brother and feel connected. That he had a job that he loved, that brought him closer to everyone he loved. That his life wasn't perfect, but it was happening, and he was happy. He moved to kiss Magnus deeper, filled with so much warmth and heart for the world he felt he might explode. He made a mental note to call Isaac, to thank him, to ask after him, both of them a thousand miles from that one moment of connection. He smiled into the kiss, trying to ignore the giggles of both Izzy and Max behind him. Happy.

Hope you enjoyed please leave a review if you can! Have a nice day :)