Chapter 21

Tosh sat close to Ianto, holding his hand in a vice-like grip. She wasn't sure if it was more for his sake or hers. She was trying valiantly to keep from turning and looking at her friend too often. The last thing Ianto needed was to witness the distress and anxiety that she felt sure were etched across her features. Not that she was finding it easy to look at Ianto anyway. The fear and pain in his eyes were almost too much to bear.

The minutes passed with interminable slowness. It felt like time had ground to a halt, trapping them in this horrible nightmare. As each second passed, she wondered if the next would be the final, terrible moment when Owen would open the door and tell them that Jack was no longer with them. She wanted to scream and rage at the injustice of it all. Jack didn't deserve this, Ianto didn't deserve it, none of them did.

Her mind wandered back to the day before when they had all been at work together, safe and unaware of what fate had planned for them. They had been standing around her desk when Jack made some silly, inappropriate joke. She'd laughed easily while Ianto had quirked an eyebrow, but his slight frown had been betrayed by the amusement alight in his eyes and the brief upward movement of the corners of his mouth.

Jack and Ianto. She was still reeling from the earlier revelation. Jack she could understand, although she was disappointed that he'd apparently been cheating on Gwen. She quickly admonished herself for jumping to conclusions when she didn't know the full story. For all she knew, Gwen was seeing other people too. Ianto on the other hand, was far more of a surprise. Her head was filled with questions and she wondered again how she had missed the signs that must have been apparent had she been more observant. But regardless of the details of how it had happened, it was clear that Jack had managed to capture a piece of Ianto's shattered heart.

Several hours had passed. Owen had checked in a couple of times, and she had left once to find some coffee. She'd brought a bottle of water back for Ianto and managed to coax him into taking a few sips, but he'd been mostly unresponsive since she had arrived. Ianto seemed to have retreated into himself, his face unmoving and emotionless, his body rigid and unnervingly still.

"Ianto, do you want something else to drink? Maybe something to eat?" she asked softly, trying to find anything to say to break the silence. She squeezed Ianto's hand a little to encourage a response.

"No, thanks," Ianto replied with a firm shake of his head as he seemed to regain some awareness. "But you should get something for yourself."

"No, I'm fine," she murmured. "Just looking for a distraction I suppose."

Ianto nodded slightly, and there was silence again. A few moments later, he turned and looked at her pleadingly. "Tosh, what if he doesn't make it?" he asked in a strained whisper.

"We can't think like that," she replied, trying to sound reassuring and desperately hoping her voice wouldn't break. She squeezed his hand again. "Not yet. Not until we know something definite."

"I can't help it. I just… what if we never see him again…" Ianto paused and sighed. Then he pulled back a little and looked at her searchingly. "You know, don't you?"

"What do you mean?" Tosh asked carefully, forcing herself to meet his gaze.

Ianto frowned. "About me and Jack."

"I'd wondered," she hedged and gave him a small nod. She didn't want Ianto to think that Owen had betrayed him, and in truth he hadn't, not really. "But I didn't know until today, when I saw how upset you are."

Ianto leaned back and closed his eyes, as if afraid of seeing condemnation written across her features. "It wasn't meant to be anything," Ianto mumbled as he let out a heavy sigh. "I didn't want this, not after Lisa. But I… he's… I can't explain it… I just… I like being with him."

He paused and opened his eyes again, catching her gaze briefly before looking down at their joined hands. "It's weird. I'd never imagined being with a man before, not like this. And I knew it couldn't last, not with someone like Jack."

Raising his free hand, he rubbed at the back of his neck and added quietly, "But it was nice… not to feel lonely. Just for a little while."

Tosh nodded in understanding. "I think he cares about you more than you realise. Perhaps a lot more than you want him to."

"Maybe," Ianto said indifferently with a slight shrug. "Last night, he… he said that he wanted us to be together," he admitted awkwardly.

"That proves it then," Tosh said firmly. "What about Gwen?" she asked tentatively. "Does she know anything?"

"I don't think so," Ianto replied, looking away guiltily. "Jack said he was going to end things with her. He said he thought she was seeing someone else."

"I wonder what she'll do now," Tosh pondered aloud.

"I don't know," Ianto said, looking back at her with a puzzled expression. "Why isn't she here? Owen said they haven't been able to reach her."

Tosh shook her head in confusion. She didn't have an answer for that. She just hoped that things weren't going to become difficult when Gwen eventually did turn up.

Two hours later, Owen returned and closed the door behind him. Ianto immediately jumped to his feet. Tosh quickly stood too, still holding on firmly to Ianto's hand.

"Owen?" Ianto asked anxiously.

Owen leaned back against the desk and exhaled wearily. "Jack's out of surgery. He's being moved to the neuro ICU upstairs. For the moment, he's stable."

Ianto collapsed into the chair and scrubbed his hands over his face. Tosh sank down next to him again and then gently reclaimed his hand.

"Is he going to be okay?" Ianto asked, looking up at Owen apprehensively.

"I've spoken to Jack's neurosurgeon," Owen continued. "He said the surgery went as well as could be expected. But the next few days are going to be critical. We'll keep monitoring him, watch for any complications, and hope that once he's had time to begin healing, he'll wake up."

Ianto nodded. "Can I see him?" he asked.

"Yeah, mate. Once they've got him settled, one of the nurses will let me know, and I'll take you up to see him." Owen looked at Tosh beseechingly. "Tosh, I'll take Ianto up first, and then I'll come back for you."

"Of course. Thanks, Owen," Tosh agreed with a nod, understanding Owen's reasons for giving Ianto time to see Jack first.

She turned to Ianto and gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. Jack was alive, and at least he had a chance of recovery. Now, at least, they had some hope. It was more than they'd had a few minutes ago.

A while later, Owen lead Ianto to the door of Jack's room. Before they entered, Owen stopped and grasped Ianto's arm, holding him back.

"Ianto, it's going to be hard for you to see Jack like this," Owen said quietly as he looked at his friend with concern. "It's going to be a shock, and you need to be prepared for the worst. He's face and head are badly bruised and swollen from both the accident and the surgery. And he's been intubated as a precaution. That's normal for severe head trauma as breathing can be compromised."

Ianto nodded absently but his expression betrayed his fear.

"Part of his skull has been left open to accommodate the swelling," Owen continued evenly. "And there's a tube attached to his head that's draining the blood from his brain to relieve the pressure."

"I understand, Owen," Ianto replied, still looking fearful but also determined.

"Okay, mate," Owen said. "Let's go in."

Ianto let out a gasp of shock as he stared at the bed containing Jack's unconscious and heavily bandaged body. Jack's features were almost unrecognizable due to severe swelling, and his skin was mottled with vivid purple bruises. An intubation tube extended from his mouth and was connected to the nearby ventilation machine which hissed ominously as it slowly rose up and down, pushing air into Jack's lungs.

A second tube trailed from Jack's skull, and was draining blood into a nearby canister. The pillow under Jack's heavily bandaged head was stained with blood. A catheter was hooked up to a bag hanging from the side of the bed. Multiple cardiac leads were affixed to Jack's chest and ran up to a monitor that beeped steadily overhead. Several bags containing fluids and medications hung from a pole and ran into the IV in his right arm. Jack's left upper arm was wrapped in a blood pressure cuff. It periodically inflated and deflated, adding to the omnipresent noise of the equipment surrounding the bed.

"Jack…" Ianto whispered as he stared in horror, neither moving closer nor turning away. A stray tear slid down his cheek as his eyes welled up.

Owen moved a chair close to the bed and ushered Ianto gently forward. Ianto collapsed into the chair, his legs seeming to give out from under him. Ianto began to reach out towards Jack's hand, but he stopped halfway and looked up at Owen as if to ask permission.

Owen nodded. "It's okay, Ianto. Just don't touch his head," he said quietly.

Ianto turned back to Jack. He carefully took Jack's hand in his own and entwined their fingers together. He stared wide-eyed at Jack's distorted face.

"I'm here, Jack," he murmured as he stroked his thumb across the back of Jack's hand. "I'll be here as long as you need me. Until you get better."

Owen sighed deeply. "Just don't expect a miracle, Ianto. There's no way of knowing how long it might take for him to wake up."

"I know," Ianto replied with a slight nod.

Owen gave Ianto's shoulder a reassuring squeeze and silently left the room.

"Oh, God, Jack…"

Ianto jerked his head up abruptly and immediately released his grip on Jack's hand as he looked up at Gwen's distraught features. Standing up, he began to speak. "Gwen…"

He didn't get any further as Gwen quickly moved closer and pulled him into a fierce hug, burying her face in his shoulder. "Ianto, sweetheart," she murmured as she held onto him tightly.

Ianto stood still, awkwardly accepting the embrace, and patting at Gwen's back uncertainly. After Gwen had pulled away, Ianto indicated the chair he'd just vacated and she sat down. He dragged the other visitor's chair closer and sank down into it.

"How is he?" Gwen asked quietly as she stared at Jack.

She started to reach out towards him, but then suddenly pulled back and looked over at Ianto.

"He's stable for the moment," Ianto replied. "They said the surgery went well, but they don't know how long it will take for him to wake up. It could be days, or weeks, or…"

"Or, not at all?" Gwen interjected apprehensively as tears filled her eyes.

Ianto nodded mutely and absently tugged a handkerchief from his pocket, passing it to her. They sat in silence for several minutes as Gwen dabbed at her eyes.

"Do you want me to…" Ianto began and waved vaguely towards the door.

Gwen shook her head. "No. Please stay."

"How long have you been here?" she asked, looking at Ianto with concern.

"Since I found out," Ianto replied with a shrug. "About lunchtime yesterday. I went home for a bit this morning just to shower and change."

Gwen nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner."

Ianto shook his head. "It doesn't matter. There's nothing anyone can do, Gwen. I just… I didn't want him to be alone until you got here."

They sat in silence, each lost in their thoughts. Eventually Gwen broke her gaze from Jack and turned around. "Ianto, we should talk. Is there somewhere we can go and get a coffee?"

"Er… there's the cafeteria downstairs," Ianto replied hesitantly.

"Okay," Gwen said, standing up and moving towards the door.

Ianto stood to follow, but wavered, glancing at Gwen and then back down at Jack. After a moment, he slowly moved towards the door.

Several minutes later Ianto placed a cup in front of Gwen. "Here you go," he mumbled and lowered himself into the seat opposite, putting down his own cup.

They were sitting at a small table in a quiet corner of the large, almost deserted space.

Gwen gave him a small smile of thanks and took a sip from her drink, screwing up her face slightly at the somewhat unpleasant taste. Lowering the cup, she looked at Ianto intently as he returned her gaze impassively. She cleared her throat and after a brief pause she began to speak.

"Ianto, I know about you and Jack."