Ah, why do I do this to myself? I about had a freakin' mental breakdown when I was trying to write the first part simply becuase I could see it so clear and yet couldn't put it into words. I still think it goes a little to fast and I realize that it seems repititious a little, but there's a different turn to it. So yeah. I'm gonna get myself beat up by Vincent one of these days just from doing all this crap to him. But lessee...what else...can't think of anything without givving stuff away. So, short one this time. Anyway, hope it works out good when it's read.
Chapter 20--To Hell and Back Again
The door slammed against the wall as Cid flung it open, stopping in cold terror. He was frozen. Red appeared behind him, Yuffie and Cait Sith soon following. The girl covered her mouth, tears forming.
"No." Cid could barely say the word as he forced himself to move. He knelt, fingers touching the burgundy liquid in disbelief. With a choked sob, he lifted the still body to himself, unable to speak. The crimson eyes were closed, black lashes against pale cheeks.
Barret finally made it to the door, almost tripping over Red as he stared at the scene before them. Blood covered the floor, the pool shimmering as a few drops fell from the gunman's limp hand. His eyes remained closed, his chest still as Cid hugged the body to him, sobbing into the black silk shirt. It was slick, crimson-stained from the wound in the man's chest. A gun lay beside his, a discharged shell glistening in the growing pool. Vincent had shot himself.
Yuffie turned and wrapped her arms around Red's neck, crying into his soft fur as he looked away, the sight just too much. A small black and white cat joined them, his own eyes sad. The big man shuddered as he saw the pool still growing by the second.
However, it was Cid who was affected the most. He held the motionless gunner close, pushing back the silken black hair framing the too-pale face. The sight of his lover's still body had stunned him into silence. Now the same thing broke him, his breath coming out in harsh whispers. "Vince, why? Why did you have t' do it?" Salty droplets gathered on his chin, falling onto the calm face. "Dammit, why did you have t'? Vince, Vince…" he lowered his face to the gunner's cheek, his breath falling unfelt. "Don't leave me." The whisper was too low to be heard, but he knew he had said it. It was the only thing racing through his mind as the sobs took over. His shoulders shook as he held the man closer still and gently kissed the cold cheek. "Don't leave me."
Barret bowed his head in passing respect as he laid a hand on Yuffie's shoulder. He silently motioned her and Red out of the room, Cait Sith following, his whiskers drooping as he walked. "Let 'im be alone," he said to them, his voice quiet. Amazingly, they listened and left, heading toward the cockpit in utter silence.
Blonde hair brushed the ashen skin as Cid laid his forehead on Vincent's chest. How did it all go so wrong? He felt a constricting weight grow around his throat, the sobs straining past it. I've already gone through this once Vince, don't do it again. Please, don't do it again. He brushed his hand through the black hair, his vision blurring through the tears. Choking, he ran a hand around the man's neck, brushing the stray hairs away. That's when it hit him. The necklace.
Desperation was replaced by hope as he felt along the man's throat. Any touch of the silver chain. That was all he wanted. Then he knew there might be a chance. It had worked before, why not now? But his hands encountered only deathly cold skin. Pulling back the front of the silk shirt, he knew all was lost. No gleam of silver or green met his eyes.
Glancing toward the bedside table, he felt his heart drop. There, hanging over the edge, was the thin silver chain. Vincent hadn't been wearing it. He had taken it loose before he had pulled the trigger. He had meant to die.
Cid was confused and hurt. His grief changed, morphed into saddened fury. Lightly shaking the still man, he hissed. "Is this what you wanted? You wanted t' die? You wanted t' just give up? Well, ya got it, didn't ya? I hope you're happy now, wherever th' hell you are. You better be fuckin' happy! I hope you regret this later. I hope…I hope…" he broke off. It was too much to keep up the angry tirade. "I just want you back."
He shivered as a cold breeze filled the room. Glaring around angrily, he stared at the window. It was closed. So was the door. Confusion filled him and he glanced down at the serene face of his lover. He was an angel when he slept; Cid had always thought so. But now, was he truly? "Why did you have t' die?" he whispered as he kissed the pale cheek again.
A small laugh chimed through the air. "He's not dead."
Cid's head flew up, his eyes landing on the pair of glowing green eyes. "You. What do you want?" He didn't want to see the boy right now. Not now. It just wasn't the time. Not with Vincent…this way.
"Hmm. So you don't want my help? Fine." The boy sitting on the bed flipped his silver hair behind him. "I only came to tell you the truth. But," he stood and began fading away, "if you're going to act that way I'll just leave."
"No, no wait! What do you mean 'the truth'? What're you talkin' about?" The pilot's voice was shaky yet he still retained a bit of his forcefulness. If the boy had something to say, he wanted to hear it. Especially if he could, as he said, help.
The boy came back into view, his green eyes thoughtful. "That's he's not dead. You've almost gone and buried him while he's still living. I believe that would be considered murder on your part." Absently he reached over and lifted the silver chain. "Understand me now?"
Cid's eyes returned from the swinging pendant to Vincent's face. Was he really still there? He desperately clung to the small hope that he was. But could he truly trust the silver-haired boy? No matter whether he was Sephiroth's innocence or not, he was still part of Sephiroth.
"Well?" The boy tilted his head before swinging the necklace into his hand. "Do you want to know how to save him?" The silky voice was calm, patient. After all, he had an eternity to wait. It was the others who had to worry about time.
"I…I…" The pilot let out a shaking breath as he brought the fallen gunman closer. "How?" He was willing to do anything, even if it was from the child. Just as long as it saved him.
The sound of shuffling cloth reached his ears and he glanced over, pain flaring through his arm when the boy gripped him. The translucent nails dug into his skin, drawing blood to the surface. He winced, biting his lip as he stared into the aqua eyes. "How much do you love him? How much would you risk to save him?" A dangerous looking smile played across pale lips. "Your own life, perhaps?"
He released his grip on the pilot's arm, crimson staining his soft fingertips. Cid watched uneasily as he reached down, stirring his fingers in the pool surrounding them. His blood mixed with Vincent's. But what would he risk? His own life? Did the boy know what he was asking? Silent, he turned his cerulean gaze downward, tracing a finger down the smooth cheek. "Yes."
Silver eyebrows arched at the whisper. He was willing to risk himself to save the man he loved. "Well then." His voice had taken on a different tone, one that felt of finality to the blonde. "If that's the case, then you only have to trade your life for his. Simple enough if you ask me. Even trade, quite fair really. That is, if you really do love him that much." He smirked at the serious expression on the pilot's face.
Testing. That was all he was doing, testing him to see if he would do it. But the pilot had caught on too soon. Cid narrowed his eyes as the boy sat back laughing. "You bastard. You think this is funny? You thing this is fuckin' funny?" He felt like punching the grinning boy and he would have if he had not been holding Vincent's body. "Fuck you," he growled.
The laughter drained from the aqua eyes. "Don't be so serious, Cid. You look as though you'd like to kill me right now."
"Maybe I do." His gaze was turning a dangerous shade of indigo, his fury rising at the boy. "Why are you even still here?"
A thin hand brushed a few silver strand of hair back. "That wouldn't be wise. To kill the only one who could possibly help you save him? Very unwise." He settled himself in front of the pair and leaned forward, silver draping over the gunman. "And why am I still here? Because you want my help and you know it."
Protectiveness kicked in and he pulled his lover away from the boy. But he was still trying to claim he could help? How? He didn't even see how Vincent was still alive. "How can you help? And without being th' complete asshole that you are." He turned his attention back to Vincent. He was as motionless as ever, his eyes still closed, his lashes still on the pale cheeks.
The child rubbed his forehead. "You realize while we are going in circles that he's slipping away, don't you? The longer we continue arguing, the closer to death he gets." Sighing, he stared the other man in the eyes.
"You—you want him to live?" Cid was shocked at the very idea. He had only thought of the boy using Vincent for his own purposes anymore. But maybe there was something more. He had to have a reason why he wanted to save the gunner.
Aqua eyes flared green for a moment. "Of course I want him to live! You think I'd be happy to just let him die? This hurts me as much as it does you!" he snapped, silver hair falling over his shoulders. His cheeks flushed at the outburst and he turned away, staring hard at the floor.
Cid felt first surprise at the outburst then shame for his own thinking. He had forgotten that the boy had loved Vincent also. And maybe he still did. Perhaps joking was his way of trying to deal. Shaking blonde bangs from his face, he looked at the boy. "I—I'm sorry. But tell me this. How's he still alive?" The question had been sitting on the tip of his tongue for a while but he hadn't seen an appropriate time to ask until now.
A sigh escaped the child. "When he was aiming, he was aiming for his heart. But when he actually pulled the trigger his grip slipped a little and he missed. It actually missed everything except for one of the major arteries." Glancing behind them, he pointed toward the far wall. "Went straight through, in fact. The only reason he's like that is because of the shock and blood lost."
Sure enough, a small blood-spattered mark graced the far wall, placing where the bullet had entered the wood. Instantly he placed his fingers against the gunman's neck. He had never been an expert at finding pulses. In fact, he hadn't ever found one. But right now he just wanted to feel the throbbing against his fingertips, just wanted the proof. Squeezing his eyes shut, he felt a tear slip out as he smiled weakly. There it was. The rhythm was far too faint and slow but it was there. He had almost given him up as dead. Almost laughing from relief, he opened his eyes to look at the silver-haired boy again. "But…what can I do?" He felt the relief slipping away little by little as he faced the facts. He knew nothing of how to save Vincent.
A soft tinkle of metal on metal brought his eyes forward as the pendant was hung before him. The green orb glowed slightly in the light and he glanced up at the hand holding it. Above that stood the boy, looking down upon him, his eyes clam and steady. Lifting one hand, he took hold of it gently. A wave of cold passed over his fingers as the thin hand released the chain, the pendant falling gracefully into the pilot's palm. "The only thing you can."
He started to place the pendant against the gunner's chest when he noticed the silver-haired boy disappearing. "Hey, no wait! Where are ya goin'?" The silver head turned, aqua eyes telling on him. "Why're you leavin' now?"
"I simply have no more time to spend here. I have to get back before it's found out that I'm gone. I've never tried to travel outside of the unconscious realms ever since Whirlwind maze and that was only for a second. I don't know what to expect by being gone for so long." He fell silent, his face softening as he gazed at Vincent. "Just…take care of him. Please."
Another question raced through Cid's mind and he reached out, ignoring the biting cold that ravaged his hand when he grasped the boy's thin arm. "You said earlier that you had a suspicion of what was botherin' Vincent. Was it right?" The boy nodded and he felt a spark of hope. If he found out what was wrong with the man then maybe he could help him through it. That was the plan anyway. "Wh—what was it? What did Sephiroth do to him five years ago?"
Silver shimmered as the head shook. "You should really be hearing this from Vincent himself. But, I will tell you." The words Cid heard next smashed into him like a ton of bricks. "Sephiroth raped him back then. That's what's been affecting him." Sighing once more, the boy disappeared, leaving a stunned Cid staring at the spot he'd been standing in.
Vincent? Raped? And then it all fell into place. That was why Vincent had reacted the way he did to Cid's first drunken advances. That was why he was constantly haunted by the silver-haired man. That was why he'd never allowed anyone else close to him before Cid. He'd been betrayed once and was afraid it would happen again.
Cerulean eyes watched carefully as he pressed the pendant to Vincent's chest, his head bowed in a silent prayer. If only he could be returned to him. He would swear to Vincent's face that he would never betray him. He would swear to never let another hurt him the way Sephiroth had.
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Black eyes traveled the room, the owner sighing. Yuffie was sitting on a small crate and swinging her legs. They had been waiting for over thirty minutes now. She glanced over at Cait Sith who was perched atop him moogle once more. "So…how much longer do you think?" The cat raised his head, flicking an ear in questioning. "How much longer until they come out?" She was getting tired of just sitting there and not knowing what was happening.
Around a half hour ago, Cid had dashed into the cockpit and told them that Vincent still lived. She didn't see how it was possible, but when they all checked to make sure Cid hadn't just gone crazy from his loss, they found he was right. Though his eyes were still closed, the gunman had been breathing. She still wondered at that. How had he come back like that? Was it just another false alarm like when they had found him dead in the maze? She huffed out a frustrated breath. It just didn't make sense to her. One of these days he's going to really be dead and we'll just leave him expecting him to wake up. Stupid man. Restraining the urge to just go yell at the recovering gunner, she stuffed her fists between her knees, clutching the wooden crate.
Cait Sith decided to finally answer her and perked up his ears. "I don't hear anything. Probably soon though. Maybe…one of us should go look?" He cast his green gaze around the small group.
"No. Leave th' man be. He's gone through a whole lotta shit lately n' neither of 'em need us crowdin' up th' space." Barret crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. He also wanted to know what was going on but he at least knew the first thing when it came to seeing someone recovering from something like that: you have to give them their space. And since Cid was still in there with him, that meant space for both of them. But still…he wished he could see what was happening.
His gaze wandered over to where Red laid with his head between his paws. The big cat had been blaming himself ever since they had first seen the damage. The only reason he was quiet now and not spouting his apologies was because Barret had told him to shut up. He had grown tied of hearing how if only Red hadn't delayed Cid then Vincent would have been caught and he never would have pulled the trigger.
The man sighed. If Vincent was going to do it, he would have whether Cid was there to stop him or not. That's just the way those kinds of things went. He winced, remembering how he had pleaded with Dyne not to kill himself. But in the end, he had watched as his friend jumped from the cliff, leaving his life behind.
A loud banging startled Barret and he turned to see Cid storming through the door. He slammed it closed and it shook from the sheer force. Pulling a cigarette free from his pocket, he stuffed it in his mouth, fumbling with the lighter. Frustration coursed through him and he finally managed to get it open and lit, the fire casting a strange light on his skin. Flicking it closed, he shoved it back into his pocket, inhaling deeply.
All four stared at him as he stalked to the front balcony; the small door was also slammed shut behind him. After silently motioning toward the pilot, Barret was chosen to speak with him. Grumbling inside, he carefully approached the disgruntled man. "Uh, hey Cid. Everythin' all right? Ya uh, seem kinda upset."
"More like pissed," the blonde growled. "Fuckin' pissed." He took another long drag, the smoke drifting away on the wind. He knew he should be happy that everything had turned out but he just wasn't. His gripped the railing, the scene replaying in his mind. "Dammit!" he shouted, slamming his fists down on the railing. Barret let go as the metal trembled from the impact.
"So, uh…what's wrong?" He couldn't see why Cid was so angry. Vincent was alive so what had caused his bad mood? He figured that when he finally saw the pilot again the blonde would be the happiest man alive. But what he was seeing was the complete opposite.
Cid's mind was racing as he stared down toward the earth. When Vincent had finally opened his eyes and spoken, he had just blown up. It was probably mostly the stress, but the words themselves were what set him off. What the hell gives him the idea he can just start saying things like that?
He still saw Vincent's crimson eyes clouding over as the words rang through him. "Why? Why did you do it? Why didn't you just leave me be?" Even though he had simply whispered the words they had impacted him, perhaps a little too deeply.
Whirling around, he pushed back through the balcony door without giving Barret an answer. The three waiting quickly scrambled out of his way as he shoved into the main hallway, shouted out to head for Mideel and started toward the rooms. His footsteps echoed through the lonely corridor as he stormed back, slamming the door open.
Vincent stared up at him from where he sat on the floor, his back against the wall. Still fuming, he stood over the man, glaring down at him. "What the hell'd you mean by just leave you be?"
Vincent pulled his legs beneath him and he pushed himself up, coming face to face with the pilot. "I wanted to know why you saved me." His voice was harsh as it slipped past his lips. "So tell me why I'm not dead."
"Why you're not—dammit Vincent! Did you think I'd just let you die? Is that what you thought? That I wouldn't even try?" He shoved the gunner back, ebony hair falling over his shoulder as he slammed against the wall. Wrapping his fists in the black silk shirt, he pulled Vincent close until he could feel the other's breath on his face. "What in the world possessed you to think that?" He had dropped his tone to a low growl as he shoved him away again, Vincent's back crashing into the wall.
Vincent took a shuddering breath, his own hands curling into shaking fists. "What possessed me?" He finally couldn't stand the feel of Cid's knuckles pressed against his neck. Bringing his hands forward, he forced the other man back, slamming him into the opposite wall. Now it was his turn to snap. "What the hell possessed me! Goddammit, Cid you should have just left me! I wanted to die! Don't you get that? I've had enough!" He pounded his fists against the other's chest once, his eyes flashing to black. "I've fucking had enough! I would have been happy! I would have been free! And then you had to go and…and…" his voice faded off as burning tears blurred his vision. "I would have been free," he whispered as his fists unclenched and fell to his side.
He felt defeated as he gave in to the tears and let his head drop. He didn't even fight the blonde when his arms encircled his thin shoulders, pulling him close. His forehead leaned against Cid's chest and he breathed in with its soft movement, hating the hot drops that traced down his skin. Still shaking, he slowly placed his arms around the pilot. "I could hate you sometimes," he whispered softly.
Cid almost pushed him away at the comment to stare into his crimson eyes. But he resisted and remained holding the man. "So why don't you?" He sighed. "Goddammit Vince, what am I gonna do with you?" Strangely enough his fury had melted away, leaving a feeling of exhaustion in its place. With a soft kiss on the top of the raven head, he pulled Vincent closer. If there was one thing the gunner needed right now it was someone to help him through it all. "Just…never do that again. Please."
The whispered plea struck Vincent. He shrugged away from the blonde and turned his back on him. "But you just don't…you don't understand." Raising his hands, he looked at the dried blood staining them. His blood, the very blood that he himself had spilt. How had it all gone so wrong? All he'd wanted was freedom, release from this life. He paused. Release? That's what the child said. He shuddered as thoughts of the boy entered his mind. "You just don't understand what…what…"
"What caused you to do it?" Cid pushed his blonde hair back, closing his eyes. "I know exactly what it was. It was that nightmare you had. That memory, wasn't it? But still, you didn't have to try suicide over it!" He reached out, turning the gunner to face him. Crimson eyes shot downward to avoid his gaze.
"Yes I did. You don't know what ha—"
"I know exactly what happened! That fuckin' kid told me! He told me how Sephiroth raped you! And yeah, add that in with everything else and it's a hell of a lot of shit to deal with, but I never thought you'd sink that low. Not enough to try that." He saw another retort from Vincent starting and he placed a hand over the pale mouth. "No, don't say anything! I don't wanna hear it right now. And you can also blame him, not me, for your bein' alive." Releasing the man, he opened the door and started out, but not before pausing right outside. "I could have helped you through it, you know. You were just too damn stubborn to see it. At least figure out your mistakes before you repeat them."
Vincent watched as the pilot left, shivering at the coldness in Cid's voice. He knew? How could he possibly know? And what did he mean about the kid? Not him…no. No other choice but him. And it would make sense that he knew first off since he was probably still part of Sephiroth, even if it wasn't actively.
He cringed at the thought of the silver-haired man. If only he could have kept on forgetting that he would have been fine. If only it had stayed in his memories, where it belonged. Where he didn't remember. Why had it even resurfaced? Was there a point or was his mind just torturing itself?
Vincent backed up until he felt the wall press against his back. Sliding down, he buried his face in his folded arms. He knew Cid was there for him. He even knew the others were also, to an extent. But he just couldn't take their help. The trust just wasn't there. Once upon a time he had trusted them, had even trusted Cid with his whole being. But now…how could he when he held no trust in himself?
Maybe he had made the wrong decision and Cid had been right. Maybe he had made a mistake. But at the time it had seemed his only option, the only way he would ever rise above the problems in this world and his own mind. Suicide was just another word to him that held no meaning. It was the action he cared for. The finality. But now even that option was gone.
Cid had made sure of that before he had stormed out of the room the first time. His guns were now somewhere; he wasn't sure where the pilot had stashed them. He had even hidden his own spears, afraid the gunman might slit his wrists. Which was probably the same reason he now was without his metal arm. The claws were sharp enough to tear through wood and steel so it would have been no problem to rip open his own wrists. However, the thought of suicide was now fading, retreating to a corner of him mind. That was until he glanced at the window.
Pulling himself up, he moved toward the glass, pushing it. It wouldn't open. Cid must have locked it, seeing the possibility. He was one step ahead of the gunner. He always was, wasn't he? He was always ahead, waiting for him to follow, waiting with a helping hand. Vincent just regretted that he couldn't take that hand. Not this time.
Silent, he fell onto the bed, his hands stretched out to his sides. Why was it so hard? He felt like he wanted to scream as loud as he could, just to get the anguish and pain out. But it caught in his throat. The inability to force it out made him furious and he turned over, shoving his face into the comforter.
As he lay there breathing in the scent of the cloth, he felt an overwhelming calm settle over him. He recognized that scent. It was soft, like cotton and snow. Clean. Raising his head, he allowed his eyes to travel the length of the bed. A shimmering thread lay near the edge and he reached out, pulling it closer. No, not a thread. A hair. A pure silver hair. But that would mean that the boy had been here. Wait. What was it that Cid said? 'You can also blame him, not me, for your being alive'. Wh…what did he mean by that?
Stretching the hair out, he felt it cut into his skin, tiny lines of red appearing on his fingertips. Then it snapped, the two pieces falling gracefully to the bed. He realized that it was how everything worked. How everyone worked. They're completely steady and strong, but place just that tiny extra strain on them and they snap.
He shuddered as he saw it explaining everyone he had ever known. Sephiroth had felt the extra strain sometime five years ago and had snapped by going insane and slaughtering an entire village. Cloud had felt it also, only recently, and he responded by doubting himself far too heavily. Vincent almost feared it could turn worse and he would become lost in his own mind. Even Cid had felt it, the strain of his whole life dragging him down into a slow spiral. Vincent could see it in the pilot's weary eyes, in his lined face. And here he was, probably making it worse with his own breakdowns. It seemed everyone reacted differently, some having better outcomes than others. But maybe that was just the way it was. And maybe his way had been wrong.
Taking a sharp breath, he slowly stood and walked to the door, allowing his hand to touch the handle before he turned it. He had seen it. The mistake he'd made. Those around him were going through much worse than him yet they still went on with their lives. They were strong. And here he was, standing on the brink of his life and he could feel the stares. Stares aimed at him, saying with burning eyes that he was weak, that he should just die, that he couldn't handle it. But as he turned the handle he smiled. He wouldn't go down that path, not after feeling those accusations of weakness. No, he would live. He would do it to prove them wrong. And maybe, just a little, to prove himself wrong.
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Vincent gulped, swallowing down the apprehension clouding his mind. The small burst of confidence he had felt earlier was fading fast as he entered the cockpit. Everyone's eyes fell on him and him alone. No doubt they had heard his argument with Cid. So now they probably though he was crazy. He could almost see a nonverbal contact going through them saying 'Don't get too close. He might go insane on you and do something stupid again.' Wincing at the tension in the air, he neared the ship's control center.
Cid had taken command not too long ago to give the trainee a break. He'd been doing it for some time without anyone knowing. It was usually at night when everyone was asleep, including Vincent. The only reason he was doing it now was to try and forget his anger at the other man. Flying took his mind off of it, if only a little. But sometimes a little was enough.
He pushed back a golden lock of hair as he corrected the path slightly, sighing. They were about a twenty minute flight from Mideel now. Then they would get Tifa and Cloud back with them and everything would change again. He hoped it was for the better. He didn't know how much more of it all he could take.
A black-haired profile appeared to his left and he jumped slightly as he turned. "Decide to finally come out?" His voice was steady despite the turmoil he felt inside. He wanted to be mad at the man, tell him off, give him advice and hug him all at the same time. Instead he merely waited for Vincent's reply.
"Yes. I…thought things over," he said softly. Twining a finger in his ebony hair, he glanced over at the pilot. "I saw my mistake."
"That so." Cid reached down with one hand and pulled a cigarette free. Patting his pockets he cursed. "Musta dropped it in th' room last time. Damn. Hey, Bar—" he cut himself off as a flame came into sight, hovering before the cigarette. Blue eyes wandered down to where Vincent's hand was holding his lighter. Nodding, he leaned forward and lit the tip, inhaling deeply. Damn. I can't believe after I got all that shit outta there I manage to drop my fucking lighter. He could have burned himself with it on purpose or some shit like that. I've seen it. How could I have just left it there? He looked over at the gunman. Maybe he has seen the other side of it.
The lighter flared as Vincent snapped it shut, dropping it into the blonde's jacket pocket. The movement was so quick that Cid didn't even know he'd done it until he felt the jacket move with the impact. Crimson eyes met his own as he looked up into Vincent's face. "I hope you can forgive me. I never meant for it to turn out this way. I never meant for any of it to turn out this way."
Cid shot a wary glance over his shoulder, satisfied that no one else was there. The others must have let, feeling that they needed to speak alone. Turning back, he stared straight ahead, not meeting the gunner's eyes. "Goddammit, Vince. No one means for these things t' happen. They just do. An' what th' hell do you mean by you hope I can forgive ya. You think I'm just gonna say no an' that's it? Sure, I'm mad as fuck that you tried somethin' like that, but it's not gonna keep me from forgivin' ya." He softly slammed his hand against the wheel. "I just don't work that way. An' I know you have a lot t' deal with, but what you did? That's no way t' fuckin' deal. That's just a way to run away." He fell silent, lowering his blue eyes. "I would know."
Shock ran through Vincent as he stared at the other man. "What do you mean by that?" He feared what Cid might say next. Maybe he knew a lot more about this kind of thing than he had let on before.
Cid rubbed his neck with a free hand, the other tightly gripping the wheel. "I did it once. Tried t' kill myself. Got drunk an' took a whole shitload of pills. Hoped it'd work, but that damned Shera found me. Right after th' whole Shinra incident an' all that shit. Thought I didn't have a reason t' keep goin'." He pulled his goggles free, blonde bangs falling into his eyes. "I know exactly what you're goin' through. So dammit, for th' love of anything, don't go tryin' t' sound like no one understands ya."
He kept his gaze forward and tried not to look at the silent man. It took everything he had not to yell at him to say something, anything. The urge was a little too strong but he was saved as Vincent finally broke the silence, his voice shaky. "I—I didn't know."
"Yeah, well, no one knew. 'Cept for me an' Shera. An' now you. No one else knows. Didn't need it goin' on my record that I was a potential suicide risk. Shit, though all the therapists had quite a fuckin' time tryin' t' figure me out." He smiled a little, actually relieved that Vincent knew now. At least he didn't have to hide that. One less thing to worry about.
A soft beeping alerted him and he glanced forward at the forest they were flying over. And there, peeking through the treetops, was Mideel. He sighed. Vincent and he would have to continue later. Pushing a small button, he just barely looked in Vincent's direction before leaning in close to speak. "Well, ah, guess you all should get your lazy asses in here," he said heavily. "We're here."
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Okay. I know there's no mention of Cid trying suicide anywhere. But hey. It's a different turn. Gives him a better perspective on the whole thing that if he was just an outsider to the idea. But I personally do believe in that little theory Vincent discovers with the hair deal. When you've gone through it a lot yourself, it's hard not to. But honestly, it just takes a little to push people over the edge. Maybe I got to thinking about that becuase of my english class and it's topic. It has to do with the same thing. But yes, Vincent lived. I couldn't very well kill off the main character of this story when it's no where near the end, now could I? And I don't think I could ever really kill Vince. Hmm...we'll just see. Anyway, that little trick lil' Sephy pulled was what I was referring to in the last chapter. Tricky little guy. Well, not so little. lol But it's interesting to look at the different ways people react to things. Even lil' Seph was affected. And yes, he's a little sarcastic here, but he is a hormonal teenager. lol Nah, that's not why. It's more like what Cid thought up there. His way of coping. Grr. Vincent's gonna drive everyone nuts by the time this is done, I swear.
Anyway, questions, comments, reviews? Please? I know I haven't been putting it, but ideas? I'm running low becuase of the part I'm getting to. Yeah, so---hold on. Vincent! C'mere! Okay. Now say something?
Vincent:...
C'mon already, say something!
Vincent: I hate you. There. But yes, please review so she doesn't kill me...again. :glares:
Well, guess I should have seen that one coming...