Let's Trade

Meg ran up to her room feeling angry at her boyfriend. Leeman ran after her, "Could you let me explain!" he shouted in unison with his three mouths. The response was a rather large slam on the door on his face. His shoulders slumped in defeat. This whole week he had been resisting temptation to do her mother yet still she got angry with him. Just when things couldn't get worse a fist came out of no where to meet his face. His body went tumbling down the stairs grabbing the attention of everyone. Leeman didn't die but, he personally wished he had. Meg's mother was coming after him ready to tear him limb from limb.

"You set me up you son of a bitch!" she screamed, suddenly gathering a strength of a body builder. The Cenobites watched in amazement as Leeman's body flew across the room against the wall like a rag doll. As strange as it sounds this was the most exciting thing they've seen in ages. The only ones not watching them fight was Peter and Butterball, not very surprising. Lois would have beaten Leeman to death if Bryan and Brain didn't pull her off of him.

"I…only…did it….for Meg. She was tempting me," panted Leeman slowly getting to his feet. His face felt like he kissed a fright train.

"That doesn't mean you have to sell her out to the leather freaks," defended Brain.

"Yeah, how would you like it if I sold Meg over to Christopher Carrion?" asked Bryan who was also feeling protective of Lois….along with other feelings. Leeman looked to the ground feeling very bad about the situation. "I'm sorry," he said humbly. Lois felt bad as well after all she was tempting him 24/7. Lois sighed as well, "I'm also sorry, Leeman. I would sell you to Hell too if you were trying to tempt me."

"We all know that's a lie," said Pinz under his breath.

"What did you say?" asked Lois.

"I said that was touching," he lied, "But we still need to take you." Lois's eyes widened in shock. Brian and Bryan held onto Lois protectively. Great, now I have a caterpillar wanting to hump me, he thought to herself.

"Wait a minute…I didn't open the box. It was my husband Peter!" she said pointing at Peter who for the first time was listening.

"Ah this sucks," said Butterball, leading an unwilling Peter to his co-minions. "Sorry, it isn't personal buddy."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa,whoa…whoa. Where exactly am I going?"

"You're going to Hell were tear your soul apart and stuff. Now let's get going before I miss 'Two and a half Men'," said Butterball, dragging Peter who was screaming. "No! No! Don't take me to Hell and without Charlie Sheen the show sucks!"

"Wait!" shouted Leeman, "What if we make a bargain?" Pinz rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Oh not this again."

"What if we gave you someone else. Someone that opened the box and made you a bargain." Pinz looked deep in thought finally considering with a smile. He knew exactly who and he had been saving her up for a threesome with his wife. He had told Leeman all about Kirsty along with all the dirty things he wanted to do with her. Thinking it was Kirsty he said, "Alright….who would that someone be?" Leeman was about to answer when Peter beat him to the punch.

"Mr. Putershmit!"

"What? You can't take my father!" exclaimed Lois in shock. It was time for Peter to smile, he had been waiting for something like this to happen. His father-in-law was a major asshole that wouldn't give him a dime and won't share the cure for cancer. As far as Peter was concerned Mr. Putershmit was already heading for Hell anyway.

"Oh yes we can, remember the time I was drunk on your father's birthday?" he asked with a flashback suddenly appearing. As usual Peter stumbles around drunk into Mr. Putershmit's private living room. His father-in-law jumps up with a puzzle box half done in his hand. "Get out of her, you moron!" he shouts throwing a bottle of wine at his face, knocking Peter out thus ending the flash back.

"How can you be sure? You were drunk," reasoned Lois when Pinz stepped in.

"I'm afraid it's true. Once he knocked out Peter he opened the box only to give us a deal we couldn't refuse."

"Which was?"

"Hitler's secret hiding place."

"Wait a minute, didn't he die in 1945?" asked Brian. Pinz smiled, "That's what they want you to believe. Let's just say he's my pet bitch." Everyone in the house that knew Hitler grimaced as they pictured Hitler on all fours taking it from the Prince of Pain.

"But….he's my father."

"It's either that or I take both of you. Take your pick," he said seriously. Knowing he meant business they took the lesser of two evils and went to met Mr. Putershmit.