Endgame

"LAUREN" SPOILERS!

Rating is for REAL swearing.

. . . . .

Chapter 21

JJ's the next one who comes through Hotch's office and considering how many people Emily's dealt with since arriving at the BAU she really should have realized the blond would be next.

"How'd it go?"

Three words with too many meanings and she offers JJ a bit of a look. The blond grins. And Emily sighs. "Where do you want me to start?"

"You make a good point," JJ says on a sigh and slid on to Hotch's couch. Emily is already there, trying to relax. Trying. God, Emily thought, this sucks. It all sucks. Her life sucks.

"I put them in this situation, Jayje. I… I asked them to run away. I promised them they'd always be safe." She drops her head back. "They're not safe. I don't know when the last time they…"

"Hey." JJ reaches over, rests a hand against Emily's elbow. "They will be safe again."

"You don't know that. I don't know that. No one can know that."

JJ pauses. "Em, are you ready for this?"

She considers the question carefully. Emily knows that despite the things JJ's seen and gone through, her life was still unicorns and rainbows compared to Emily's. She knows she doesn't mean it in a derogatory sense, nor to belittle the woman JJ is, but it is a relevant point in considering her answer. Because Emily's not sure JJ fully realizes what Doyle means, and the lengths to which Emily is willing to go to get rid of the man that's haunted her psyche for eight years.

More importantly, there's a lot of 'this' Emily's not ready for. She's not ready to face the prospect of the team abandoning her. She's not ready to face the ostracism she's sure is still coming, despite her work in apologizing. She's not sure she's even ready to consider the possibility of having to shoot a man in front of his son. She's not sure she's ready to kill, even though she knows she has to.

But she is sure of one thing: "I'm ready to take my life back."

Whatever that means, Emily will figure out in time. For now, it has to be enough.

JJ leans her arm against the back of the couch. "You know, I didn't want you to have to come back."

Emily doesn't start. She's been through too much in the last little while to do more than merely blink.

"You… You deserve a real life and I thought, just for a minute, that maybe this would be it." She snorts to herself. "Beyond the secret identity thing, of course."

Emily chuffs out something like a laugh. "I was never going to have a real life on the run, Jayje."

"Will you have a real life when this is over?"

Emily lets her eyes wander to the window. Beyond is the team, Hotch and Jack, everything she wants worse than she's ever wanted belonging. "I hope so."

"With Hotch?"

"Maybe." But even Emily knows there's a bright blush on her face. "I can't think that far ahead."

"Yeah, you can," JJ says with a smile. "You always can. Because that kind of want is exactly what pushes you to do what you need to do."

"And what's that?" Emily whispers. She's not sure she wants to hear what JJ says next. She can't get away from the protective instinct, the maternal one that hopes JJ stays as close to innocent as Emily can keep her. She's already seen, done and been through too much.

"Kill Doyle."

There's steel in blue eyes Emily knows so well and while she's a little surprised, she can't say she's entirely shocked. JJ's got a spine of steel when she needs it. "You don't have to be a part of that."

"Em, you're deluding yourself if you think any one of us isn't willing to take the shot. You're insane if you think we all don't want him to pay. We want him to do more than that. We want him to suffer, like we've suffered, like you've suffered. We're all going to be a part of it. We stand at your side, thick and thin. Morgan too."

Emily's known for five years that this is her family, this is where she needs to be. JJ's just put that feeling into words and it brings tears to Emily's eyes. It sparks tears in JJ's and as the women move towards each other for the oncoming breakdown, Emily can't help but think there isn't a damn thing Doyle can do to keep this from her. Not any more.

She's not going to ask for it back. She's not going to hope Doyle's just going to go away. She's going to take it back, with deadly force if she has to. Doyle will never be a problem again.

Ever.