Chapter XXI: Joker

Aladdin returned to consciousness gradually as his senses came back bit by bit. He was first aware of the touch of small hands on his shoulder, shaking him. He could hear Abu squabbling above him, but it was faint and echoing, as though he were listening at the end of a long tunnel. Finally he became aware that his cheek was resting on something soft. When he twitched his fingers against it, the thing he was lying on moved, raising him up until he was kneeling on the cold, hard ground. Aladdin swayed as pain lanced through his head but managed to stay upright with some help from the magic carpet.

He groaned as he reached up to cradle his aching skull. When he opened his eyes, he thought at first he'd gone blind, but then remembered where he was and why it was so dark. He closed his eyes again and waited for them to adjust to the low light that was coming from…somewhere.

When he finally looked up, he saw what he had both feared and expected. "We're trapped. That two-faced son of a jackal! Oooh…" He groaned again as his brief outburst made his head throb. He squeezed his eyes shut and dug the heels of his palms into them to try to concentrate on blocking out the pain.

Out of the frying pan, into the fire. Where had he heard that before? It seemed particularly applicable at the moment. He'd escaped from the dungeon only to end up trapped in an underground cave. Hard to believe that just days ago he was free and happy, not a care in the world…or at least, compared to now. Yeah, things hadn't exactly been a bed of roses before, but it was a hell of a lot better than this.

The worst part was that he knew he had only himself to blame. He'd been an idiot to think that he could ever trust Jafar even a little. He should have cut and run as soon as they left the dungeon. Sure he'd given his word that he'd help Jafar in exchange for his freedom, but that evil sack of slime was evidently planning on going back on their deal the whole time, so Aladdin really needn't have felt guilty about going back on his end.

All that aside, he at the very least should never have handed over the lamp before he was safely out of the cave. That had been really dumb. But he'd panicked and done the stupid thing. He wondered why Jafar wanted the lamp anyway. There were so many other treasures in the cave that the tarnished, dented lamp seemed insignificant in comparison. But Jafar was already rich—he must be, as the Sultan's Royal Vizier—so maybe riches weren't what he was after.

"Whatever it was, he's long gone with that lamp," Aladdin muttered, staring up at the closed cave entrance.

That's when Abu tugged on Aladdin's vest to get his attention. The little monkey was holding something shiny—the lamp!

"Hah! Why you hairy little thief!" Aladdin accepted the lamp from Abu, ruffling the fur on his head and feeling a swell of affection for the little monster. If he had to be stuck down here, at least Jafar didn't get what he wanted either. He eyed the lamp as he stood up, wondering again why Jafar wanted it so much. "Looks like such a beat-up, worthless piece of junk," he muttered to Abu and the hovering carpet. "Hey, I think there's something written here, but it—it's hard to make out." He rubbed the lamp with the heel of his hand to try to shine it up a bit, and that's when it exploded.

The lamp glowed as if it were red hot and began to shake so hard that Aladdin had difficulty holding onto it. He wasn't so sure that he should try to hold onto it when smoke and sparks began shooting from the spout and quickly filled the entire cave. Aladdin almost started panicking again when a deafening noise like a scream echoed around the chamber as something huge and blue emerged from the smoke. And then, to Aladdin's great shock, that something spoke.

"Oi! Ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck! Hang on a second." And before Aladdin knew what was happening, the blue man (for that's what it was) had picked him up and hung him by the back of his vest from an outcropping of rock. Abu and the carpet hurried over to help Aladdin down, but Aladdin kept his eyes on the…being that was currently turning its head all the way around on its blue shoulders.

"Wow, does it feel good to be outta there!" The blue man did not appear to have legs, but it did have a smoky tail that it picked up and began speaking into, for some reason. "I tell ya, nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen." Aladdin bumped to the ground and looked around to see who the man was referring to, but the cave was still empty but for him, Abu, and Carpet. Suddenly the blue man was shoving his tail in Aladdin's face. "Hi, where ya from, what's your name?"

"Uh, Aladdin," he said to the tail.

"Aladdin! Hello Aladdin, nice to have you on the show. Can we call you Al, or maybe just Din?" Colorful words appeared next to the man as he spoke, but though Aladdin read Arabic quite well now, these words appeared to be written in the Latin alphabet, which he had only just started to learn before—well, before he found out his teacher was a princess. He didn't have time to even try to translate them though before they disappeared and the blue man continued, "Or how 'bout Laddie? Sounds like, 'Here, boy!'" The man whistled and turned into a giant blue dog. "C'mon Laddie!"

Aladdin, wide-eyed, raised his hand to the back of his head. "I must've hit my head harder than I thought!" he said to Abu. That was the only explanation he could think of for what he was currently experiencing.

"Yo, rug man, haven't seen you in a few millennia, give me some tassel!" The magic carpet, which appeared to be familiar with this being, performed an interesting version of a handless handshake with the blue man's giant hand.

And then the man's erratic attention was back on Aladdin, and Aladdin wasn't really sure he wanted it to be. "Say! You're a lot smaller than my last master. Either that or I'm gettin' bigger. Look at me from the side, do I look different to you?"

"Wait, wait a minute." Aladdin had caught what the creature had mentioned in passing. "I'm your master?"

"That's right! He can be taught!" Aladdin momentarily found himself with a scroll in one hand and a strange square hat on his head, but they faded so quickly he wasn't sure if they'd even really been there, and besides, the man was continuing to talk a mile a minute and Aladdin needed to listen. "What do you wish of me? The ever impressive, though long contained, the often imitated, but never duplicated, Genie of the Lamp!" The strange man went through a series of transformations as he spoke that were so fast and confusing that it left Aladdin's head spinning. "Right here, direct from the lamp, right here for your very much wish fulfillment. Thank yooou."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Aladdin may not have understood much of what this odd man was doing, but he did catch that last bit. "Wish fulfillment?"

"Three wishes, to be exact. And ix-nay on the wishing for more wishes. That's it: three. Uno, dos, tres. No substitutions, exchanges, or refunds."

Aladdin nearly laughed out loud. This crazy blue giant was a genie, Aladdin was for some reason his master, and that somehow meant that the genie owed him three wishes? "Now I know I'm dreaming," Aladdin muttered to the monkey perched on his shoulder.

"Master! I don't think you quite realize what you got here." The genie waved his hands and Aladdin was swept off his feet and seated on a pile of rocks. "So why don't you just ruminate whilst I illuminate the possibilities."

What followed was a show-stopping song and dance number filled with lights and colorful dreams that the genie evidently conjured out of thin air in order to show his new master all the things he could possibly wish for. Aladdin, dazed and dizzied by what was clearly a display of immense magical powers, allowed the genie to sweep him up into one scenario after another. He quickly discovered that it was easier to relax and let the genie take him for a ride than it was to resist, and the genie certainly wasn't hurting him any, so why not? It had been quite some time since a sincere smile had crossed Aladdin's face, but this ecstatic creature was having too much fun for it not to affect Aladdin as well. He found himself getting caught up in the genie's world, so much that he applauded when the genie concluded.

"Wow! No wonder Jafar wanted the lamp," Aladdin said to himself. The genie, however, overheard.

"Friend of yours?"

"No way! That scumbag locked me up and then tried to kill me."

"Well, now you have the perfect means for revenge." The genie smirked. "What should I do to him? Give him a really high-pitched voice? Bad luck for seven years? Itching powder in his drawers?"

Aladdin smiled at the thought, but shook his head. "Nah, he's not worth it. Fun as that would be, I don't really care that much."

The genie arched one eyebrow. "He locked you up and tried to kill you and you don't really care?"

Aladdin shrugged. "I'd need a lot more wishes than three if I tried to take revenge on everyone who's ever tried to have me killed or imprisoned. Besides, I'm still alive, aren't I?" Although, come to think of it, he might not be for long if his circumstances didn't change soon. He was still trapped down here.

"So what'll it be, then, master?" the genie asked.

Aladdin thought for a moment. "You're gonna grant me any three wishes I want, right?" he asked.

"Uh, almost. There are a few provisos, a couple of quid pro quos."

"Like?"

"Uh, rule number one: I can't kill anybody. So don't ask. Or rule number two: I can't make anybody fall in love with anybody else. Rule number three! I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture! Other than that, you got it!" The genie was very graphic with his visuals during his explanation, which Aladdin was coming to understand was usual for it.

An idea occurred to Aladdin then, a possible way to get out of his current situation while testing the powers of the genie. He glanced at Abu. Abu looked back at him with a grin on his funny little face. "Provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes? Heh, some all-powerful genie! Can't even bring people back from the dead." Aladdin played up the skepticism even more as he rose from his seat on the rock and made to leave. "I don't know, Abu. He probably can't even get us out of this cave. Looks like we're gonna have to find a way out of here—"

He was stopped by an enormous foot slamming down in front of him. He looked up at the now rather irate genie. "Excuse me? Are you lookin' at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here, and all of a sudden you're walkin' out on me? I don't think so, not right now! You're gettin' your wishes, so SIT DOWN!" Aladdin sat down on the carpet immediately, cowed by the genie's anger. He took a moment to reflect that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to incite the wrath of an ancient, practically omnipotent being.

He didn't have to worry long though, for when the genie landed on the carpet behind him his good humor was completely restored. It was like he hadn't been angry at all. "In case of emergency, the exits are hereherehereherehere… anywhere! Keep your hands and arms inside the carpet. Weeeee're outta here!"

And with that, the carpet shot up to the top of the cave, rising so fast and steep that Aladdin nearly slipped off backwards. He had a moment of panic when it looked like they would slam into the ceiling, but they instead passed right through it and burst out into the bright morning sunlight.

"This is your captain speaking. The temperature is eighty-four degrees, wind speed seventeen miles per hour north-northwest. Perfect weather for flying! Your flight attendant will be along shortly—"

Aladdin tuned out the genie's nonsensical ramblings and took a deep breath of fresh air. Free at last! He let the profound relief wash over him. No more dungeons, mystical caves, or treacherous nobles. He had a magic carpet, a genie, and his best friend Abu, and he was free to go anywhere or do anything he wanted.

The question was, what did he want?

His first impulse was to get as far away from Agrabah as possible. He was still a wanted fugitive—or at least he would be after they found out that he'd escaped. But more than that, he never wanted to return to the place that was currently the source of all his pain. He had the chance to start over completely and he knew he should take it. It was definitely the best choice.

So why did he feel so conflicted about it?

"Thank you for choosing magic carpet for all your travel needs. Don't stand until the rug has come to a complete stop. Thank you! Goodbye now! Goodbye, thank you, goodbye!" The genie, who was now wearing some strange costume and using a high-pitched voice, had brought the rug to a stop at an oasis. He ushered Aladdin and Abu off the carpet and then changed back to his normal self with a puff of smoke. "Well! How 'bout that, Mr. Doubting Mustafa?"

Aladdin grinned, looking sidelong at the genie. "Oho, you sure showed me! Now about my three wishes…"

"Dost mine ears deceive me? Three? You are down by one, boy!"

Aladdin's grin widened. "Aaaah, noooo, I never actually wished to get out of the cave, ha! You did that on your own."

The genie's mouth fell open in astonishment. "Well I feel sheepish," he said, suiting action to word and turning himself into a sheep. "All right, baaaad boy. But no more freebies."

"Fair deal. Sooo, three wishes. I want them to be good." An idea struck Aladdin in a sudden flash of inspiration. "What would you wish for?" he asked the genie. Surely the genie had granted many wishes before. He would have the experience to know the difference between a wise and a foolish wish.

The question seemed to genuinely surprise the genie. His eyes popped open and he sat down suddenly in the sand. "Me? No one's ever asked me that before. Well, in my case—" he started, but then cut himself off with a sigh. "Ah, forget it."

"What?"

"No, I can't, I—"

"C'mon, tell me!" Aladdin's curiosity was aroused by the genie's evasive manner, which wasn't at all like him in Aladdin's short experience of him.

The genie looked back at Aladdin with earnest longing on his face and said just one word: "Freedom!"

Aladdin was caught by surprise at the genie's response. He picked up the lamp again and looked at it. He hadn't thought of that before. "You're a prisoner?"

"It's all part and parcel of the whole genie gig. PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER! Iiiiitty bitty living space!" The genie squeezed himself into the tiny lamp to make his point.

Aladdin's heart sank. "Aw, Genie. That's terrible." He couldn't help but feel sympathy for the genie. He knew exactly what it felt like to be a prisoner—he'd been one until very recently after all. And hadn't the genie said he'd been trapped in the lamp for ten thousand years? What would it be like to spend ten thousand years as a prisoner? Aladdin couldn't even begin to imagine how that must feel.

The genie, however, was caught up in imagining something more pleasant. "But oh! To be free! Not to have to go *poof* 'What do you need?' *poof* 'What do you need?' *poof* 'What do you need?' To be my own master. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasure in all the world!" For a moment, the genie smiled at the thought of his freedom, but he quickly sank back down to the ground. "But what am I talking about? Let's get real here, it's not gonna happen. Genie, wake up and smell the hummus!"

"Why not?" Aladdin asked. He didn't like the way the genie slumped in defeat. Could it be that the genie had given up on his own dream? What kind of life would that be, granting the wishes of others but never being allowed any of your own?

The genie scowled. "The only way I get out of this is if my master wishes me out. So, you can guess how often that's happened."

Aladdin smiled. Now that was a wish he knew he could do something about. "I'll do it. I'll set you free."

"Uh huh, yeah, right." The genie turned his head into another with a nose that grew rapidly. Aladdin didn't know what it was supposed to be, but the meaning was clear enough: the genie didn't believe him.

"No, really, I promise. After I make my first two wishes, I'll use my third wish to set you free." He offered the genie his hand.

The genie looked skeptical, but reached out hesitantly to shake Aladdin's hand. "Well, here's hopin'," he muttered. "All right. Let's make some magic! So how 'bout it? What is it you want most?"

And there was the million dinar question again. Aladdin cast his eyes over his surroundings, hoping for inspiration, and noticed something familiar about the place they had landed. The oasis…He'd been here before, it was—

It was the first stop on their journey when he'd escaped from Agrabah with Yasmin almost two years ago. The first time he had run away to start a new life, this is the place he'd run to.

The memory of that night swept over him with such clarity that it was as though it had happened yesterday. They almost hadn't made it, he recalled. They'd walked an entire day past when they should have found this place and well into the night before they'd finally stumbled upon it, injured, exhausted, and dehydrated. They'd held each other under the stars and talked about the future.

That's when Aladdin realized why he couldn't wish himself away. He couldn't imagine a future without her. He still loved her, despite everything, even after the lies and betrayal.

He wasn't as sure of her love now as he used to be, but that's what he had to find out. He couldn't live with himself if he just took off. The doubt would eat away at him for years—he would carry these questions with him forever if he left now. He had to know. Even if it turned out she didn't love him the same as he loved her, he had to know.

And then there was Jafar to consider. For what purpose had he needed the genie? What was the man planning? Whatever it was, Aladdin didn't think it boded well for the princess. He would save her from Jafar's machinations if he could. She at the very least had to be warned.

So that's it. He had to go back. He had to find out why she'd lied to him, how she really felt about him. Maybe there was no future for him with her, but he'd never know unless he tried.

"Uh, hey Al, hate to break up the brooding silence, but did you forget the question?"

Aladdin sighed and looked over at the genie, who had sprouted a long, white beard and wrinkled face to emphasize how long he'd been waiting. "No, that's the question that's on my mind. I think I know what I want, but I'm not sure how to—how to put it into a wish."

"Well kid, maybe I can help you out with that. I am pretty good at wishes, y'know." Aladdin grinned at the genie and the genie grinned back. "So…what do you think you want?"

Aladdin's smile turned into a frown. "Well…there's—this girl—"

The genie interrupted then, pressing his nose and making a noise like a panicked goat. "Aaagn! Wrong! I can't make anybody fall in love, remember?"

"I remember, and that's exactly what I don't want you to do, so don't worry."

The genie's eyebrows lifted a bit, as though he were surprised.

"I guess…I guess what I really want is to know whether she loves me, and why—why she did what she did."

The genie chuckled. "I don't suppose you could make that any more vague?"

Aladdin ignored him. "But I don't want you to just tell me what she's thinking. I want to hear it from her. But…I don't think she'll tell me the truth." He sighed and muttered, "She certainly didn't before."

"Sounds like you've been unlucky in love, my boy," the genie said, turning himself into a matronly woman. "Why don't you tell old Genie all about it, hmm?"

Aladdin shook his head. "I don't want to go into too many details right now, but… I met her on the streets of Agrabah. I was a thief and she was a runaway. We lived there together until the guards chased us out of town. Then we traveled from town to town for the next two years, working odd jobs, making the odd friend. Things were going okay until one day the Agrabah city guards show up again and place us both under arrest. Turns out she's the daughter and only child of the Sultan of Agrabah, and she never told me." Aladdin watched the genie's eyes bug out with some small satisfaction that he was able to shock the strange creature.

"So the Royal Vizier hauls us both back off to Agrabah where I'm informed that I'll get to languish in prison for the rest of my life while she marries a prince and provides him with heirs to the throne. After a few weeks, the Royal Vizier comes to visit me in my cozy little cell in the dungeon and offers me a shady deal to get me out of there. I agreed, so he brought me to the cave and pushed me inside, and now here we are."

The genie let out a long, low whistle. "Wow. That story's so crazy it has to be true."

"Crazy doesn't even begin to cover it. It's just—I thought that she loved me. But if she loved me, why did she lie to me? Why didn't she set me free from the dungeon? Was I just—convenient to her?" Aladdin saw the genie wince as he said that. "I just want to know."

"So that's it?" the genie asked. "That's all you want? Just to know what's on her mind? You don't, say, want to maybe win her back or anything, do you?" The genie raised an eyebrow with a look like he thought he already knew the answer to that question.

Aladdin sighed. "All right, fine. Yes. I do want her back, even after everything. I still love her, Genie."

The genie just shook his head, a soft smile on his face. "Of course you do," he said, almost as though to himself. "You're the Diamond in the Rough."

Aladdin frowned. "The guardian of the Cave said that too. What does that even mean?"

The genie only smiled wider. "I suspect you'll find out sooner or later." Aladdin opened his mouth to insist on an explanation, but the genie headed him off. "So what's the plan for wooing the little lady?"

"Well, that's not exactly going to be easy. She's the princess. To even have a chance I'd have to be—" The lights came on in Aladdin's head. "Hey…can you make me a prince?"

"Uh, let's see." The genie, dressed in a frilly apron, began to consult a book that appeared to attack him every time he turned a page. "Chicken à la King? Nope. Alaskan king crab—ow! I hate when they do that! Caesar salad—Aaaah! Et tu, Brute? Nope. Aha! To Make a Prince. Now is that an official wish? Say the magic words!"

Aladdin took a deep breath. "Genie, I wish for you to make me a prince!"

"All riiiiiight!" the genie whooped, pumping his fist. "Hold on to your fez, kid. We're gonna make you a star!"