Chapter 21 – Stay Still
Reflections on the Battle with Athena at Amphipolis and the loss of Amarice and Yakut in "Lifeblood."
Xena:
These Gods are relentless. All of this because they fear mortality? So much so that they would kill an infant. Violence following me is one thing; but violence following my child? I can't put it out of my mind. It is always there. I am used to this, but now everything has changed. Everything.
Gabrielle amazes me. She hasn't wavered, not even once. I've never seen her so determined. Seems like we have come full circle. I am the one who is constantly worried and she is the one reassuring me. She doesn't like to tell me when something is bothering her, not lately. All of energy has been focused on protecting us, on protecting Eve - and I know that losing Amarice is affecting her. She hasn't said much but I've caught her playing with the necklace she had given Amarice when she thinks I am not paying attention.
I think that it is good that she has some time to act as Queen here. Good to take her mind off all the other things in her life. It feels good not to be looking over our shoulders for a bit; waiting for Ares or waiting for some God to attack us. It's good to get some rest. It won't last long. That is all I CAN be sure of.
Gabrielle:
Amarice. I am so sorry. I wish you could see Eve. She is perfect, big bright eyes just like her mother. I was looking forward to introducing you; to come here and find this…
Sometimes I don't know what to think. I know that I love Xena and Eve but I wonder where I fit. I am not Eve's parent. Who am I, really? What am I? At least here I feel like I am needed and I know that we are safe, safe at least from the Gods. Xena is more relaxed these last few days than I have seen her in so long. She actually sleeps.
We are always traveling, always moving and even more now with the Gods after Eve. I wonder sometimes if we will ever be still again. Sometimes, I just want to be still.