Dean's heart was hammering in his chest. He idly wondered whether their protection had made him even more attuned to his vessel; but, really, did it matter with Cas in front of him? He brought his hand up to cup Cas' face. He had seen humans do this countless times, and he had never understood how they could look at one another as if they were sacred, as if they were staring into the face of God; he knew now.

Cas' cheek was warm, soft. He leaned into his touch.

Dean knew or rather suspected some of his siblings had... enjoyed certain pleasures despite the punishments that had met their brothers millennia ago when they had lain with humans; whether Sam or Bobby had ever done something similar, he had never contemplated, or rather, never dared to ask.

But he could understand it now. Understand that getting to know a human, even if one could no longer see his soul (and now and then, he mourned that Cas' flesh hid the bright light that had guarded him in Hell), getting to know him, was enough to tempt any angel; and that his siblings had fallen into an all too sweet trap.

Dean had never tasted the forbidden fruit. But he really wanted to now. And he could. It was clear Cas wished him to. Or at least he didn't have anything against it.

Dean leaned forward.

For a second, Cas was going to let him kiss him. He wanted to, had wanted to almost as long ys he had known Dean. When Dean leaned forward, his body responded.

Their lips were almost touching when he remembered.

Not only was Dean an angel - and it was entirely possible that he was committing a sin with Cas - but he was not in his right mind. They didn't know what the other angels had done to him; he might have been ordered to... seduce Cas... to make him more vulnerable. And even if this was not an order implanted into his mind, could Cas trust that this was what he wanted? He didn't think, didn't feel like humans; he might mistake sympathy, comradeship for something more.

So he moved back, regretting it even at that moment. But he would have hated himself if he had let it happen, let Dean kiss him, if the angel hadn't wanted him. And really, who would want him? He was a hunter who had nothing to offer but the prospect of an early and violent death, he well knew; and for an angel of the Lord, a being who had seen civilizations fall, to wish to be with him...

Dean had never really propositioned a human before, but it was not difficult to figure out what it meant when Cas frowned and moved away.

He had been wrong. The hunter didn't want him, and he had tried to -

He swallowed and looked away. Should he apologize? Would it only make Cas angry?

"I -" he began, stopped.

"You need rest" Cas interrupted him. "Just call out if you need anything."

As soon as the door closed behind the hunter, he cursed himself. Call out if you need anything? Really? Dean was an angel; he could probably conjure up anything he needed just by will force alone.

And then there was... the other thing.

Cas had almost allowed Dean to kiss him. He'd wanted him to. And then he'd realized what he was about to do.

Dean couldn't have meant it. Not in the way Cas had. He had never managed to keep a single soul with him, not even his own family, so why would an angel be interested in him? Why would an angel want to kiss him? And did Dean even understand what it meant? Maybe ne had just been thankful because Cas was looking after him. Maybe he didn't grasp what it meant. If he had, he would never have tried to -

Cas wasn't worth much. He had still trouble to accept that he was the Righteous Man, destined to stop the Apocalypse. Why should Dean, why should a being as pure and good and old as Dean, want to kiss him? There was no reason. There could be no reason. Maybe he had realized Cas' attraction towards him and had thought it right to respond. Maybe he bad wanted to be kind. And maybe...

Cas' blood ran cold.

What if their almost kiss was a result of what Dean had been through? Maybe they had ordered him to do anything to make Cas trust him. In that case, he really had never wanted to kiss him, and he almost had -

Cas leaned against the wall. He was disgusted with himself. He hoped it had just been a mistake of dean's. It was infinitely better than the alternative.

Until he knew for sure, he would keep what had happened to himself. He knew of course that he should have told the others; but he couldn't stand the thought. He was aware that, no matter how he told them, his feelings would be open for everyone to read (more open than they already were, anyway) and he didn't want that. No, until he absolutely had to tell them about their almost kiss, he wouldn't.

Dean wasn't sure what had happened. Had he done something wrong? Cas had acted like he had. But he had leaned into his hand, didn't he? That must mean he liked Dean too.

If only he understood humans - not just how they aced, but why. He could easily pass off as human, his frequent excursions to earth having made sure of that; but when it came to the finer stuff, like emotions, he was lost. Why had he tried to kiss him in the first place? Cas probably wanted another human. Someone who could truly understand him. Dean was a renegade angel who liked to play at being a man. And Cas... He was the Righteous Man. Destined for great things. Dean never had been. Dean had always been a solder, and now he wasn't even that. He had rebelled. He was nothing.

Of course Cas didn't want him. Why would he?

Father, I am sorry. Just give me the strength to protect him, to help him stop the Apocalypse. I don't care what happens to me afterwards.

Sam didn't know what had happened, but Cas looked... panicked when he came back down. sad. Sorry.

It was a strange mixture of emotions that had to mean something had gone wrong, but if Dean had taken a turn for the worse, Cas would undoubtedly have told them immediately.

Therefore something must have happened between them. He didn't know what; despite all the time he had spent on earth, he couldn't read humans well; normally he would have asked Dean, with how often his brother snuck away to have some fun; but he couldn't very well do that now.

He traded a worried glance with Bobby. Zachariah might have been able to help them, but he hadn't looked up from the book he was reading. Chances were he hadn't even noticed something was amiss.

"How is he doing?" Bobby asked finally. Cas looked up, blushed.

"Better. I told him to stay put."

Bobby nodded. "The kid needs it."

"I wouldn't count on him staying there for long, though" Cas added, looking strangely guilty.

"We just need him to rest long enough to..." Sam began, but broke off. To... do what, exactly? They couldn't undo the damage the other angels had caused Dean. They didn't even know what it was. He could lose his mind any second. He almost had when they met.

Cas seemed to think the same. He wouldn't meet Sam' eyes. Although that could have been a side effect of whatever had just taken place between them.

Sam would have thought that they would be happy to be together again, with Dean (for now, at least) in control of himself.

Humans. Feelings. He was starting to think they would always confuse him.

Dean tried to rest, he really did; and for the first time, he was envious of the human need to sleep. Right now, sinking into unconsciousness didn't sound so bad. But as it was, he was lying on the bed, his Grace almost humming with restlessness, wishing he could just fly somewhere, anywhere. But his friends thought he should stay here, and he didn't really have an option where to go, considering pretty much the whole of Heaven as after he escaped prisoner.

A few weeks ago, he had been a good, honorable soldier; now he was nothing but -

He shook his head to clear it. He might have been a soldier, but he had never been good or honorable. they must have put that thought it in his head. But at least he had recognized it. That gave him hope. if he could identify the thoughts they gave him, he was definitely back in control.

And that meant he could help Cas.

If only he could have remembered what they didn't want him to know! It had been important to get Cas because - because - his mind felt fuzzy again and he forced himself to stop. He didn't want to freak his friends out again by going into another seizure. But there had been an important reason why he had received orders to get Cas to follow him; he was sure of that.

"The question is" Bobby announced, eyeing Cas, "Why they should wanna kidnap you in the first place. Don't get me wrong, you're the Righteous Man whose coming was foretold, you are definitely important, but what can you possibly do against the Apocalypse? Despite everything, you are just a man."

Cas nodded, his face blank. Bobby wondered what he and his boy had talked about. Whatever it had been, Cas was not happy about it, and Dean certainly couldn't use any stress right now.

However, Bobby wouldn't have let the hunter upstairs if he hadn't been convinced that all was well between them; so what had happened? What could possibly have happened in an hour?

He reminded himself that, as far as Heaven was concerned, they were no living like humans and therefore at human time, and the answer was simply a lot.

He really wanted to ask, but he knew it wouldn't be welcome, so he decided to tackle the other problem at hand, and that was why the angels had wanted Cas to begin with. If only he had pulled his head out of his ass sooner, instead of being content to stay in the library and read obscure manuscripts! He had lost touch with what exactly they were planning up there centuries ago, although he had now and then heard rumors (and how good that he had, otherwise they would never have been able to help Dean).

But as to the daily workings of the host, the plans to bring on the Apocalypse... he had lost touch with that because he had realized how blindly his brethren was willing to follow every written line instead of thinking for themselves - in fact, that was considered disobedience.

So now they had to figure out for themselves why Cas was special.

"Any chance you got a prophet in your family? A seond cousin twice removed or something?"

The names of important bloodlines were ingrained into his mind; he was, after all, considerably older than Sam and Dean. Sadly, Novak didn't ring a bell.

Cas shook his head. "My father's family have always been hunters. and I don't think that my mother's has anything to do with this."

"What was her last name before she was married?" Bobby asked, more out of desperation than because he expected that it would lead to something.

And then Cas said, "Godson. But I don't think -"

He stopped talking when he saw Bobby's face.

"Bobby? What is it?"

Godson. Son of a -

"Don't freak out" he explained carefully, "but you might be Michael's vessel."