Author's Note: Anyway, in regards to this chapter, I had to re-watch the "Goodbye" scene to write this flashback, and I cried before I started watching it. Ugh. I cut some parts out, so sorry if it's a little choppy (it's a dream, anyway, so, yeah). Admittedly, I couldn't watch all of it without turning into a blubbering baby, so… At any rate, this chapter is going to be pretty heavy duty. All flashbacks are in italics. This chapter's title is from "Ever the Same" by Rob Thomas.

Also, on a totally unrelated note, I have a new story up called You Can Take My Breath Away. Please check it out and tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

"We're not getting married."

"You don't want to marry me?"

Rachel was so confused, and Finn could see the hurt forming on her face. He didn't want to think about what that beautiful face would look like in a few moments, though.

"I want to marry you so badly I can't go through with it," Finn admitted. "The thought of you being stuck here for another year because of me... it makes me sick." He couldn't stand the thought of keeping Rachel from her dream—the one she had before she even met him. He couldn't do it. "You're going to do amazing things."

"Wait a minute." The tears were forming in Rachel's eyes. "Wait a minute—"

"Just listen to me," Finn pleaded, interrupting her.

But she talked over him anyway. "Wait a minute. Are you breaking up with me?"

Finn paused before softly saying, "I'm setting you free."

"No," Rachel snapped. "I'm not going. Not without you." But Finn couldn't let her do that. He was just going to hold her back, no matter what she did. He refused to be the reason that Rachel Berry didn't achieve her dreams. She was meant for so much more than Lima, Ohio… and she was meant for so much more than him. It was too bad that she was the only girl he was ever going to love.

"I'll go wherever it is that you're going!" Rachel exclaimed.

And here it was. The moment of truth. "Fort Benning, Georgia?"

The look of absolute heartbreak on her face was almost enough to make Finn take everything back… almost.

"You're joining the army? Are you insane? I can't believe that this is happening right now." Rachel turned and curled into herself as the tears streamed down her face. Finn wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms, but he stopped himself from doing it.

"You're going to get on that train," Finn said firmly. "And you're going to go to New York, and you're going to be a star." Because there was nothing else that Rachel Berry was meant for. She was born to be up on that stage. She was born to amaze everyone with her talent. "Without me. That's how much I love you."

"And if we're meant to be together, we're going to be together," Finn said as he took her hands and turned her towards him. "Whether it's in a shoebox apartment in New York or on the other side of the world." She was still crying, but he kept talking.

"I love you so much," Rachel gasped out between sobs.

"I love you," Finn whispered in return. He would love her forever, no matter what happened between them. And he couldn't resist cupping her face and going in for another kiss.

With a gasp, Finn jerked awake. He was panting and tears were streaming down his face as sat up and dragged his hands through his hair. The memory of one of the worst days of his life lingered in the back of his mind, and a surge of sadness and incredible anger swept through him at the same time.

Rolling out of bed, Finn saw that it was early in the afternoon. He had slept for much longer than he normally did, and he could pretty much bet that it was because of the horrific nightmare he had just had. Nightmares about his time without Rachel were getting interspersed with the nightmares about the attack more and more often.

A sudden, overwhelming urge to see Rachel suddenly overrode anything else Finn was feeling. He quickly threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, jamming his feet into his sneakers as he climbed up the stairs. He snagged his car keys off the counter and took off towards his car without anything to eat or any coffee.

It was finally time to tell Rachel a few things.

Rachel hummed a song from Rent as fixed her lunch. She still couldn't believe that they had approached her about the part, but she was so excited. It was one of her dream roles, after all.

She moved towards the fridge, thinking about the dinner she was going to have with Finn tonight. Her fathers were out on a business trip this weekend, so she had invited him over. She was going to make dinner and then they would have the rest of the weekend to do whatever they pleased, if Finn wanted to stay. She really hoped that he wanted to, because she wanted him to. She really had come a long way since she had first seen Finn a little over a month ago.

A knock on the door interrupted her musings. Still humming quietly, Rachel wiped her hands on a dish rag and made her way towards the front door. When she opened the door, she was surprised to find Finn standing on the other side.

"Finn?" Rachel stepped back as he walked past her without a word. "What are you doing here? What's wrong?"

Finn paced back and forth in her living room, tugging on his hair as he went. The look on his face was unreadable, but his amber eyes were flashing with a whole myriad of emotions. Rachel reached out and put a hand on his arm.

"Finn," she repeated.

Suddenly, Finn stopped and swiveled around to face her. Grabbing onto her hands, he said, "Rachel… I have some things to tell you."

Rachel's heart was pounding in her ears. She bit her lip and tried to calm herself down. She was having some pretty intense flashbacks of the day he put her on the train. But he had already promised that he wouldn't do that again. And more importantly, she wasn't going to let him.

"When you were in New York, I visited."

Well. That was the last thing she had expected to come out of his mouth.

Rachel blinked at him. Finally, she managed, "…What?"

Finn squeezed her hands. "Kurt kept me updated on all of your auditions. I was so… I was so happy when I found out that you got the part of Elphaba. I knew that you could do it. I was so proud of you, Rach. When it was opening night… I took some downtime and went to see it."

Finn's amber eyes were misty as he spoke. Rachel had to take several moments to register the words that had just come out of Finn's mouth. Suddenly, a memory came to the forefront of her mind from that very night.

It had been completely exhilarating.

Rachel came back from her curtain call feeling better than she had in a long time. She had gotten a standing ovation, her friends and fathers had been in the audience, and they had been her loudest supporters.

She paused on the way to talk to her cast members, complimenting them on a good show. She was practically glowing as she made her way into her dressing room.

There, sitting on her dresser, was a large vase of pink tulips. Beaming, she walked over to them and checked for a card. She figured that they were probably from her fathers, or maybe even from Kurt. But when she did find a card, all that was on it was a large gold star.

Rachel gently touched one of the pink bulbs, rubbing her fingers over the soft petals. A soft smile came onto her face and her heart squeezed in her chest. Somehow, she knew that these weren't from her fathers or Kurt.

"The tulips," Rachel suddenly said with a gasp. When she looked at Finn, she saw the look in his eyes and she just knew. "You sent me the tulips."

Finn slowly nodded his head. "I did."

"You… were there on opening night."

"I was."

The full meaning of Finn's words suddenly hit her. It felt like she had been punched in the gut, or like her heart had been ripped out of her chest. On that night, Finn had been there. He had been so close, and she could have seen him.

"Finn," Rachel gasped. She pressed a hand to her chest as her eyes filled with tears. And despite her best efforts, she couldn't hold them back. They started to roll down her cheeks as she let out another gasp. "Finn, you were there."

Finn reached out to her. "Rachel, I—"

Rachel dissolved into sobs and staggered back. She sank to the floor, her sobs were so powerful. She completely curled in on herself as her body shook and the tears streamed down her face. It felt like she couldn't breathe, she was crying so hard. She hated this. She hated breaking down like this, completely losing it, but she couldn't stop.

Finn's revelation had finally broken the self-control she had had on her emotions. All the anger and sadness she had felt since Finn had left her five years ago suddenly flooded forward. She never really had the chance to show or tell Finn how she felt. It just hurt so much.

Suddenly, she felt Finn's strong arms wrap around her. He pulled her into his chest, threading his fingers through her hair and rubbing her back in large, comforting circles. He held her and rocked her as she cried. Rachel clutched at Finn's shirt and held on to him for dear life. Finally, her sobs subsided enough that she could actually get some words out.

The tears still streamed down her cheeks, and she gasped with the effort of speaking. "Y-you were there. A-and y-you didn't see m-me. You p-p-put me on that t-train and l-let me go. I didn't want t-to let you g-go, Finn. I n-never wanted to let you g-go."

Rachel could feel wetness on her own neck. She pulled back from Finn's chest enough to see that he, too, was crying. The tears were slowly sliding down his cheeks as well.

"You don't get to come back here and pretend that everything is okay," Rachel gasped. She was trying desperately to speak around her tears. "You don't get to pretend that you didn't shatter my heart when you put me on that train. I can't…" Rachel let out another gasping sob and buried her face in his chest again.

"God, Rachel," Finn whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'll never let you go again, I swear. Never, Rachel."

Rachel didn't know how long she and Finn sat there on the living room floor together, crying. But eventually, they must have fallen asleep. When Rachel opened her eyes, she was still wrapped up in Finn's arms and it was dark out.

Rachel stroked her fingers down his cheek before she stood up and stretched. Her movements caused Finn to wake up as well. He stood and kept his eyes on her, but she didn't say anything as she made her way upstairs and changed into some pajamas.

When Rachel went downstairs, Finn was sitting at the kitchen island. She sat next to him and took his hand. After her break down, she was able to think more clearly about what she wanted to say to Finn.

"I knew that you loved me," Rachel finally said. It had been five years since she said those words out loud, but she swallowed and pressed on. "I knew it, because I could feel it. It took me a long time to realize it, but I knew that you weren't giving up on us when you put me on that train." Finn opened his mouth to speak, but Rachel pressed her fingers to his lips. She wasn't done, and the tears formed in her eyes again.

"But you were giving up on yourself. And that hurt more than anything else. You couldn't see the amazing man that I—and everyone else—could see. You couldn't see that you deserved everything you ever wanted and more. God, Finn."

"Rachel, I was just going to hold you back," Finn said. "You were dreams were so big, but you were going to stay in Lima for another year and I just couldn't let you do that. You're meant for so much more than…" He trailed off and dragged his hand through his hair, closing his eyes.

"You. That's what you were going to say, wasn't it?"

Finn opened his eyes and looked into Rachel's. He was surprised to see the fury burning in them, along with the silent tears that streaked down her cheeks. She grabbed both of his hands in hers.

"You were going to say that I was meant for so much more than you. Well, that's what you're wrong, Finn Hudson. I get to decide what my dreams are—who my dreams are. I've been hoping that you would come back into my life for the past five years, even if I didn't want to admit to myself. Because going to NYADA, being on Broadway… I loved doing those things. But it didn't mean anything if I wasn't happy. And I'm at my happiest when you're with me, Finn. I just am."

Finn pulled Rachel into his arms. She let him hold her for just a moment before she took his hand and led him upstairs. They slowly undressed each other, their hands and lips everywhere. Finn gently laid Rachel out on the bed, stroking his hands down her body. He kissed her as he pressed into her. Rachel rocked against him, meeting him thrust for thrust. Breathy moans and promises slipped from their mouths as they moved together. Finn kissed Rachel's tears away as she arched up, but his mingled with hers anyway. They cried out each other's names as they came.

Completely spent, Rachel pressed her ear over Finn's heart. "I was made for you, Finn Hudson."

Author's Note: I figured it was time that Rachel had her breakdown. I promise, this is the last time she'll be crying like that. This chapter definitely had a lot of emotions in it, too. It was difficult to write, given that I'm dreading the fourth episode of this season (I'm excited for Finn's return, however!). As always, thanks for reading!