Greetings! I know it's not a big deal but I must say I'm proud of myself for making it on time. This is the long awaited final chapter. I hope reading this story gave you joy, it sure made me happy to write it:) Thank you for your continuous support. I hope the end satisfies.
Note: This chapter is a little different from usual because I didn't want to skip anything.
I don't own the characters or the songs used, just the ideas.
She blinked a few times and tried to gather her thoughts together, tried not to let anger come trough though it seemed it won't be happening any time soon. Just like she expected he had to go and ruin everything.
''I cannot believe you just said that.'' She hissed, voice laced with anger. He decided not to hold back either.
''One of us had to and we both know it wouldn't be you.''
Her eyes widened at the accusation ''What's that supposed to mean?'' she yelled consumed by her anger. In all truth, she felt pathetic because she knew what he meant and she damn well realized it was true.
''It means you're never upfront with me-'' once he started he couldn't stop ''-you go around acting like everything is goddamn fine all the time, like you don't feel a thing, you're constantly shutting everyone out-'' the accuracy of his words sent a sharp bust of pain trough her chest ''-what are you so afraid of?'' he shouted, he never raised a voice at her before, he was out of control and simply mad at her for being like this, he just wanted to shake her by her shoulders, make her look at him, tell her that he never stopped being in love with her, that his feelings were so strong they were tearing him apart.
''You-'' her voice broke ''-I'm afraid of you.'' her statement finally shut him up. He stood there mouth slightly opened, not sure what it meant or how to react, but the thought of him being her biggest threat was enough to make his stomach clench.
''We say we're good but we're not. We can never be, there's too much shared history. And I try to move on but it's impossible because you keep coming back to my life-'' she took a deep breath to prevent herself from crying ''-and I don't blame you for it, I blame myself. Because I'm the one who let it get this far.''
He looked devastated with her admission and felt even worse, yet there was so much he wanted to know, he figured now would be as bad a time as any to ask.
''You didn't move pass Serena and I, it was a long time ago and we supposedly cleared it out, but you still hate us, don't you?'' he asked with devastation in his eyes. She blinked rapidly a few times and shook her head getting up from the sofa. She hugged herself and looked like the most fragile thing in the world to him.
''I don't hate you and I don't hate her either, but I can't pretend that it doesn't bother me. I used to think it was just a phase, that it would pass as the time went by-'' she shook her head lightly ''-it didn't and it never will. There are things you never forget no matter how hard you try and, you know, we can all hang out and act friendly but there will always be a lump in my throat whenever the two of you exchange looks or simply talk to each other. I will always wonder what our lives would be like if you didn't slip and we stayed together for the whole time. Would we still be together, would we even talk to each other anymore?''
He sat back, his brows furrowed and he tried hard to think of the right thing to say, there was one person on his mind all throughout their conversation.
''It must be what Dan feels like every day.'' He barely pushed the words out, the pain in the pit of his stomach increased, his head and his heart were pounding insanely.
She swallowed hardly and stopped pacing around the room. Eventually a tear escaped her eye signalizing she could no longer keep herself sheltered from everything.
''Yes, I believe he does.'' She winced as more tears fell without her permission. ''So does Serena.'' She added bluntly, earning a surprised look of his.
''What? Why?''
She answered immediately not giving him any time for more questions ''Because she's in love with you.''
Nate almost laughed at her statement, it took a while to realize she wasn't kidding. He just stared at her in disbelief ''She's not in love with-''
''Trust me Nate-'' she pronounced every word with force ''-she is, and it's killing her.''
''We don't even talk anymore, I barely see her.'' He tried to make a valid argument but it seemed pathetic even to him.
''Come on Nate-'' she laughed sarcastically ''-you can't be serious, like you didn't know.''
''I didn't!'' he replied immediately. Was he really that oblivious to everything that was happening in his life or was everyone so good at hiding themselves, he wasn't sure and he hated the load of new information she provided him with.
''Well it's true. She would never admit it to herself, let alone anyone else-'' she pinched the bridge of her nose ''-it's like every time she sees you her eyes gloss, she's always glancing at you when you're together, she hasn't had a real relationship ever since you guys broke up, she always refers to you as a perfect boyfriend-''
''-Okay, stop. Stop.'' He had to cut in, he couldn't listen to her anymore. It was torture for both of them and with the fragile state she was in he had an impossible urge to just hold her close and kiss her with all he could muster. His hands balled in to fists, it took everything he had in him not to get up and press his lips against hers.
''You know-'' she breathed heavily, the thing she was about to say next would be the death of her but it had to be said ''-I always thought the two of you would end up together, it makes sense.''
Hearing her say that made him want to reach over and shake her by her shoulders.
''No-'' he protested
''-yes-'' She fought back ''-she's your girl.'' What are you doing Blair? She was consciously pushing Serena towards him and she couldn't bring herself to stop. Maybe it was the guilt of always standing in the way of her best friends one chance of finding true love, maybe it was the fear of what might happen if she actually admit she still had feelings for him, and maybe, just maybe it was the fact that she had to find it in herself to push him away for the sake of her heart and all the heartache he would bring her.
He shook his head at her ''You're talking nonsense, she'll never be-'' she wanted to cut in but he was faster ''-and it's not because I'm afraid I'm not good enough for her, it's because she'll never be number one to me, no matter how much she wants to be and no matter how much you want her to be. I know-'' he ran a hand trough his hair and started pacing around, he couldn't bring himself to look at her afraid he would crack ''-that she is your best friend and you still want to protect her after everything, but you can't.''
''Why?'' she yelled in desperation
''Because I never stopped loving you.'' he shouted back, his voice filled with frustration. She stood there mouth agape, not daring to move. Her mind immediately drifted to her 17 year old self, the one who waited so long just to hear that words from him, the one who would throw herself into his arms and kiss him senseless, ecstatic with that admission of love. But she wasn't 17 anymore and he'd broken his promises so many times before and even though she believed what he said was true and she felt the same, she couldn't let history repeat itself.
''No-'' she spoke silently in denial ''- and what if you are? You thought you were so many times before and you know how it ends? You get bored and I get heartbroken. You once said yourself that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different outcome.''
''It's different this time.'' His jaw clenched
''Yeah?-'' she couldn't believe how stubborn he was ''-The only thing different now is the girl you're with while you're trying to get with me.''
She spoke with so much poison it sent chills down his spine. This wasn't going the way he envisioned, on the other side it was just what he was used to. He tried to relax his body by easing the grip he formed with his fists and taking a deep breath, either dealing with Blair got harder or he's gotten weaker. She was about to leave when he grabbed her by her arm and swung her around to face him, his hand still gripping her upper arm gently so she couldn't slip away.
''I don't care about Belle, I want you.'' he spoke as he looked directly in her eyes which were glossed with tears she was holding back.
''Prove it-'' she hissed quietly ''-prove that this isn't yet another one of your stupid games.''
He released her and removed his gaze, just as she was about to lash out on him for backing down and lying he reached in to his pocket and pulled out a velvet box. He opened it up to reveal a stunning cushion cut diamond ring.
''It was meant for Belle, I planned to propose tonight, but I couldn't and I won't.''
She stared at the damn thing as if her life depended on it.
''Do it, propose, her you have a chance with-'' she cautiously looked up at him ''-with me, you don't.'' with that she released herself from his grip and ran upstairs. It was the last he'd see her in a long time.
''How long does this last?'' she asked with shaky voice, her hands were moving frantically to wipe her tear-covered face.
''Wha-what are you talking about?'' he asked, it was hard to pinpoint the thing she was asking about with so many things he came clean about.
''Don't play dumb with me Nate, how long?-'' her voice cracked , more tears followed as she went around the room and madly stuffed her clothes in to a suitcase ''-how long have you been in-'' she winced ''-love with her?''
He didn't even bother with sugarcoating the truth, it was way too late for that ''I've never stopped. But I didn't lie to you either, everything I've ever said to you, I meant it at the time-''
''-But no longer?'' she stopped for a while and when he didn't answer she angrily slammed her suitcase shut. ''Is she the reason you didn't propose tonight?'' she caught him by surprise, was he that obvious with everything? She laughed sarcastically ''Of course she is.'' She put on her Burberry trench coat and headed for the door.
''How did you know?''
''I found the receipt.''
''Belle-'' he came after her in to the hallway ''-I'm really sorry it ended like this, I know it sounds pathetic and stupid but I never meant to hurt you.''
With tears in her eyes she turned around ''I really hope you get her, Nate.'' And with that she was gone out of his life.
Her last words to him haunted him for months.
Three weeks later
''Mister Nate.'' A voice he was so used to getting lately greeted him. He smiled poorly at the maid and stepped in to the hallway. Three weeks and she still refused to have any contact with him; his calls were sent to voicemail, his messages neglected and she cancelled herself from the only time they got to see each other- when he came over to pick up Alex. Dorota shoved a dark blue backpack in his hands while balancing Alex on her hip. The boy smiled as soon as Nate picked him up.
''Miss Blair is working.-'' Dorota commented noticing his disappointment ''-Blair is very busy with new clothes and everything.''
He nodded, appreciating her effort to get Blair out of this.
Three months later
''What do you think of this one?'' she asked pulling her hair up and pressing the dress against her. Serena rolled her eyes and shifted from her stomach to her back and sat up on the bed.
''Like it matters anyways, I though you said you didn't even want to go on this date.''
''It is not a date-'' Blair immediately hissed, followed by a smile ''-it's a business dinner.''
''Yeah, a business dinner with an insanely hot guy.'' Serena poked at her ribs ''Just admit, you like him.''
''I do not.'' Blair sounded like a five year old.
''It's okay if you do-'' Serena chimed ''-it's okay to move on.''
Blair nodded in agreement ''I know-'' she threw away the dress she was holding and took the one of Serena's preference, the one with a much lower cut ''-he is kind of handsome.''
''Very much.'' Serena agreed with a smile playing on the corners of her lips. Suddenly she turned serious ''Are you still ignoring Nate?'' she asked carefully. Blair closed her eyes the minute she heard the name slip from her lips.
''I'm not ignoring anyone, I just decided that I don't need him in my life anymore, as simple as that.''
''That's all? You decided that you don't need him and that's it?-'' sometimes Serena found it insanely hard to understand her best friend ''-but it's you and Nate, I mean don't you think Alex deserves having his parents get along?''
''It's too late for that now, isn't it?''
Serena remained quiet for a while, she struck a nerve and she had no intention of making it worse.
''I'm meeting Dan tonight.''
This time Blair was the one who remained quiet.
Five months later
''Oh my god-'' she gasped in awe ''-I can't-I don't know-'' she was dazzled ''-when did this happen? Was I around?'' Blair chuckled as she observed her best friends long fingers enhanced by a pretty stone.
''Yes you were around-'' the blonde answered with the biggest smile Blair's ever seen her wear ''-you just weren't paying attention, you were too busy being mad at Nate to notice, also your new boyfriend is pretty good at stealing you away from me.''
''Brett is not my boyfriend and oh my God-'' she shrieked with happiness ''- I'm so happy for you, I really am. I know I wasn't supportive at first but-''
''It's okay Blair.'' Serena tried to ease it on her, but she knew it wasn't okay to always let people make it easy for her.
''No, it's not okay.-'' she said honestly ''-I was just mad with everything that was going on in my life and I felt guilty for mistreating Dan in the past, to be honest I was cold because I was scared of facing him, Nate and I messed him up completely-'' she looked in to her friend's warming blue eyes ''-I'm just glad you two found each other, you fixed him and I really believe it'll work for the two of you.''
''I hope it does B.'' she hugged the brunette close ''You'll be my maid of honor of course, right?''
''I wouldn't have it any other way.'' Blair smiled with all she could muster, she was genuinely happy for the first time in a while.
''Aaaand you're bringing Brett to this wedding, right?''
Blair rolled her eyes at the persistency her friend possessed ''Yeah, sure, he can tag along.'' Brett and she were dating for a while, she didn't want to make a big deal out of it mostly because her son was still her highest priority and he was the only man she was willing to give herself completely to. Brett was good, he made her laugh, they drank wine together, he was a good kisser, but his kisses never seemed to taste anything like that mixture of toothpaste and pot she was used to and it slightly annoyed her. What was even more frustrating was the fact that she was still oh so very much remembered the taste of those damn kisses.
''Serena.'' She called all of a sudden; she decided to put an end to the torturous guilt she felt for so long. ''You're marrying Dan after you've just been together for a few months, do you love Dan?''
She thought Serena would reasonably get mad at her for asking such an inappropriate question, so the blonde's response caught her by surprise.
''Dan and I have been together for years, that time before doesn't just disappear, it adds up.''
Blair's brows furrowed in confusion ''So you're saying that-''
''-Yes, of course I love Dan, I never stopped loving him, not since we broke up years ago.''
And then it hit Blair. She in fact had something to feel guilty about, but she got it all wrong. It wasn't Nate she took from Serena, it was Dan. It was Dan all along.
''You're not in love with Nate then?'' she asked quietly. Serena looked at her with horror.
''Why would I be in love with Nate?''
''Coming.'' He shouted and quickly pulled on a pair of sweatpants.
''Hi.'' A bubbly voice greeted as soon as the door opened. He stared at her wide eyed.
''Serena?''
''Yes, glad to see you too.'' She chuckled at his just got out of bed look ''Can I come in?'' she asked and tilted her head to the side.
''Um yes, sure.'' He had no idea why she was at his place at-oh it was already noon. It was his day off work and Alex was at Blair's so he really had no reason to get up earlier.
''Can I get you anything?'' he offered but she ignored his question
''I came to invite you to my wedding.'' She said casually as if she was inviting him to grab a cup of coffee. His eyes widened in surprise.
''Your wedding, you're getting married? To who?'' so obviously he missed a chapter ….or ten.
Serena chuckled at his reaction. ''Yes, Dan and I are getting married.'' His surprised frown turned in to a shocked one. Dan as in Humphrey, as in Blair's Dan?
''Whoa, when did that happen?'' his brows furrowed. Serena just kept smiling.
''Boy does that sound familiar.'' She commented more to herself, but when she noticed his confusion was still there she felt obligated to explain. ''It's actually been happening for almost half a year now, you just weren't around to notice Nate-'' it sounded harsher than intended to ''-but I understand, Blair and everything…I'm sure you've had your reasons. But you can't skip this. We want you at our wedding.''
''We? As in Dan and you?'' he asked quizzically ''Are you sure it's not just you?''
She rolled her eyes, why did she think he would be easier to convince than Blair? ''We've moved on Nate, that's what people do, they move on.'' He nodded in agreement.
''So, stop asking questions and say you'll come already.''
''Fine, fine-'' he finally cracked a smile ''-I'll be there.''
''To Serena and Dan'' a loud voice of Rufus Humphrey and everyone cheering brought her back to reality. She happily finished her wine off and searched the room for Dorota and Alex. When she made sure everything was alright she took the opportunity and snuck upstairs to the rooftop balcony. She needed some time alone from all that people desperately.
''I thought you weren't alive anymore.'' A soothingly deep voice behind her spoke. She smirked and turned around.
''I'm not, see I'm actually a ghost and I came here to haunt this wedding.'' She joked and they both laughed. God, it felt so good to hear her laugh again. He shamelessly checked her out from head to toe and nodded approvingly. ''If ghosts were as beautiful as you are people would change their minds about them.''
She tried hard to compose herself, but she couldn't help the blushing in her cheeks. He still had it.
''Very smooth Mister Archibald.'' She smiled. It was so late and she was so tired, not just from the day, but from all of the months she spent trying to get away from him, what was the point of even trying to stay put?
They spent the rest of the night chatting on the rooftop. People were wondering where they were, Serena mostly. The best she came up with was Nate getting bored and leaving, and as for Blair, she was probably on the rooftop, making important life decisions she was in no condition to make. Classic Blair.
It took three glasses of scotch to finally gather the courage to switch the topic from their son and the cliché wedding to her.
''How have you been lately?-'' he wanted to leave it at that, but the devil inside of him was restless ''-You here with someone? I heard you were dating this guy.''
Of course you did. She tried to remain still but his presence was making it impossible for her to calm down. She wanted to come off as careless as he did so she simply shrugged with her shoulders ''That's done, it didn't work out.''
And not even the force of the entire universe could stop him from smiling at that.
''Why are you smiling?'' she asked with an amused expression ''Do you find my misery entertaining?''
''Oh not at all, I'm very sorry.'' He tried to sound as apologetic as he could but it came out with so much sarcasm ''Why are you smiling?''
She shook her head ''I don't know. I feel happy I guess.''
All of the cards were on the table and he had no intention of ruining that. To hell with everything, what's the worst that could happen?
''Blair-'' he put his glass on the fence top and turned to face her completely, she was so close he could feel her heat radiating on him ''-what would you do if I kissed you right now?''
For some reason she was not at all surprised with the question, in fact she was glad he asked. She smirked and poked at his chest ''I would slap you.''
He returns with a smirk of his own ''I can live with that.'' And it was the last thing he said before his lips were over hers, at last.
At the end of the night her palm didn't end up on the side of his cheek, it ended up curled in his hair while she came undone under him for the third time.
Sure it was dawning and it was as cliché as it could get, but it was also love and it was meant to happen and she would have no second thoughts after that, for all she knew as long as she had him and Alex her life was perfect.
She tapped her foot nervously against the wooden floor of the coffee shop, where was he? It couldn't be possible that he was bailing out on her again, not after that night five days ago. Just as she was about to give up the door flew open and a handsome guy in a perfectly fitted Armani suit entered. She couldn't contain her smile as she saw him smiling at her from across the room.
''Daddy!'' her son rambled happily from his highchair. Nate approached their booth from the crowd and bent down immediately to kiss Alex's head.
''Hi, baby boy, I brought you something-'' he said and pulled out a plushy Paddington bear, which was Alex's favorite cartoon, he sent Blair an apologetic look ''-that's why I was late, I'm sorry.''
She smiled in relief and nodded ''It's okay. She's been mentally preparing for this conversation in the past few days, but it was different when he was present. He looked so good and even though they were supposed to have a thorough serious conversation that should settle everything she was aware that they both hated those conversations and in her heart she knew that he felt what she felt and no complicated conversation could ever be better than that.
''I think we need to talk-'' she started but was quickly cut off.
''-no we don't. Blair all these years all we ever did was talk, talk, talk and look where it brought us. I mean we both know how we feel don't we.'' After she remained silent he almost had a heart attack.
''We do feel the same right? Because if you say no, I think I might die.''
''No-'' she almost shouted ''-I mean yes, I feel the same, of course I do. I just have to know for real this time-'' she took a deep breath, damn it, she wasn't that emotional before the baby came ''-are you in this for real or not, because if you say you are and change your mind…I don't think I'll ever be able to move on from that.'' Her eyes were tearing, he couldn't stand to look at her like that. He took her hand in his and kissed her knuckles.
''I've changed, I won't break your heart again, just give me a chance to prove myself to you, please.''
She pretended to ponder about it even though she's already said yes in her head five times.
''Okay-'' she said almost shyly ''-yes.''
His eyes widened, he couldn't sustain his happiness. Blair and he weren't the type of people who would treat everyone to a PDA session but he couldn't care less about that when he leaned in over the table and crushed his lips to hers.
''You won't regret this, I promise. I love you.'' he said lovingly. This time she actually believed him.
''I love you too, always-'' she turned to their son and pinched his chubby rosy cheek ''-and I love you too.''
''God, he looks so much like you.'' Nate commented watching their adorable exchange.
''Me?-'' she asked with a grin ''-I think he looks just like you, I mean the eyes and the smile-'' she took a dramatic pause ''-the hair-'' she purposely teased ''-I mean you two are probably the only guys who can pull off bangs and make them look manly.''
Nate stretched out his hands over his head and gave her his smartass smile ''Well he gets it after his dad, as for me, I'm a natural.''
''Well I just might be the luckiest girl alive.'' And she most definitely felt like it.
The end
There you have it guys! Once again thank you so much for every follow/favorite/review you've given me and also your patience. I couldn't have done this without you and I hope you'll stay with me for the future stories. My next project is called ''Insufferable'' and it is AU, it will mostly be focused on Serena/Blair/Nate (not the show kind and not the book kind), it is Serenate, Dair, Derena, minor Chair and of course Nair, because I am aware that a lot of my readers ship multiple couples and I wanted to thank everyone by writing some multi-ship cuteness/drama/smut. That been said, my readers also know where my heart really lies so you're probably aware this will be very Nair related. I'm taking a vacation next week, so the first chapter of Insufferable will be posted in two weeks. Let me know what you think of this in the review section below, I hope you're on board for this new adventure with me. Till next time, xoL