Naruto
It had taken roughly six days, fourteen hours, twenty two minutes and some odd seconds when the pain came back. Twice as bad as before. Not that it fully went away, but it had stayed at that tolerable level for a while even after Gaara had left.
Oddly, I welcomed it at the time. The pain helped distract me from my thoughts. My regrets. My...
A deep ache tore through my heart. That. But that was a month ago, six days, fourteen hours and twenty three minutes ago and now, Shikamaru had tracked down the old woman who had given me that damned wish. After he had berated me for doing whatever it was I did to the Kazekage because once again, Temari didn't get to visit her little brother, and her visit with Kankuro was cut short because of it as well. Now he had to deal with an irritable wife and all that. Like I cared about that. The only thing that mattered was questioning that damned old woman.
Maybe I could get answers before I ripped her limbs off.
Or ordered somebody else to. Dang, I was tired though. Clones were getting harder to conjure every day and I had lost another inch or two. After finding the picture, I started marking the wall in the apartment in the Hokage tower. I was, in fact, shrinking. What the hell? Every day, I would stand as straight as possible, put the marker to the tip top of my head and it would steadily be just slightly under the last line.
There was something very wrong with that. So that was my first question.
The second concern was my constant sickness. I was getting really tired of emptying my stomach almost constantly in spite of barely eating anything in fears that it would trigger another bout of hugging my toilet until everything was out of my body again. At least without eating, I only threw up a few times a day. Not that it was all that acceptable to me, but it was less than if I had eaten anything now.
The third concern was the pain. It felt like my entire body was breaking down from the inside out. Like I had a large number of broken bones and ripped muscles that were continuously breaking and healing. It was driving me completely mad.
And the last, and possibly most concerning was my complete lack of useable chakra. People were starting to notice that there weren't a ton of me running errands around Konoha every day. I hadn't accepted an interview in a couple of weeks either.
People were starting to notice that there was something going on with me.
I needed answers.
I splashed water in my face to try and refresh myself and stared in the mirror. Man, I was looking off. Even without eating, not being able to train seemed to make me gain some weight somehow. My stomach, my chest, they were getting a bit fatty, the lines where my muscles had been almost completely gone.
I looked at my stomach, the spiral seal pulsed a couple times before disappearing again. That too. That was concerning. It had been doing that for a little while now, every once in a while I could feel his chakra running through me. My chakra was so far gone that I seemed to be almost constantly siphoning Kurama's.
Damn I was tired though. If it wasn't for the fact that Shikamaru was bringing that damned old woman to my office any minute, I would be sorely tempted to force out a clone to do my job and go to sleep. I was sorely tempted to do it anyway. I sighed into the sink. Forty seven stairs.
Forty seven stairs and roughly ninety six steps before I reached my office, depending on how far apart my feet were placed between each step. Why did it have to be so far? Surely just conjuring a clone would take less energy than getting into my office, the fact that eventually I would have to return.
No, this was a personal matter, no clones today. I shoved myself away from the mirror and stumbled out into the room. I hadn't left this room in nearly a week. One clone a day. I had managed one clone a day to go up to my office and do my work for me while I stayed down here being miserable.
Every day was worse. I swear I was actually dying.
I should ask Sakura to help me, but I wanted answers first. I wanted to know why the jutsu would do this. Maybe it was because it had a reaction to Kurama?
I would just have to ask.
I stared at the door with dread. I could do this. I took a deep breath and slowly headed my way to the door. Every step was like walking barefoot on broken glass and pain shot through my legs up to my hips. I gritted my teeth. Just a few more and...
I opened the door with a sigh of relief. Got there. Now then, the end of the hall. Come on Naruto, it isn't that far, you can do this. I took a painful breath and repeated the positive mantra in my head as I tried to ignore the pain and nausea of moving forward. I leaned on the wall. Half way there. Keep going. Answers, I needed answers.
When I reached the end of the hall, I looked to my left. The private stairs. There were three extra stairs, twelve extra steps, but it would lead me not too far from my office, and I could recover from moving without being stared at by anybody that would be moving around in the hallway around me. The last thing I needed at that moment was people becoming more worried that their Hokage wasn't able to protect them.
They wouldn't be wrong, but I didn't want them worrying about that.
Hell, I could barely move let alone fight. Damn.
Maybe they would train Konohamaru to be Hokage after I died from this shit. He would make a good Hokage. Sarada probably would make a good one too, when she was old enough. Reminded me of her old man, the jerk. Hadn't really seen much of him since I had been kidnapped by that psychopath during the chunin exams. I think those exams are cursed. Bad things always seem to happen while they are going on. Orochimaru's attack, though it let me meet Gaara. Gaara mentioned once that someone tried to extract Shukaku from him while they were in Suna during my training, though he got to make a friend with Fu. Not that it lasted though, he had a tear streak down his face when he had mentioned her, so I never brought it back up. I hoped that she had died quickly. I somehow doubted it though.
Stairs... yay. I took a deep breath. This was the part I dreaded most. Lift... leg. Shift forward and-
I cried out a little before I could swallow the sound.
Damn damn damn damn. Freaking hell this sucked. Did I really have to go in person? Couldn't I just send a clone again?
Another deep, painful breath. That was one step down, only forty six more to go. I gulped down the surge in my stomach as I looked up the stairs that seemed to go on for miles. Don't think, just do.
I gripped the railing and fought through the pain, step after step, breath after breath and finally, I collapsed at the top of the stairs, my body shook in pain and exhaustion, sweat dripped down my face and I gasped for breath. Worse. Why was it always getting worse?
It took me a few minutes to compose myself after dragging myself back up to my feet. Almost there. I couldn't get rid of the shake that was present in my arms as I opened the door. I forced my feet forward, my eyes zeroed in on the door to my office. Once there, only about ten steps to my chair, ten steps and I could sit down, and not move for hours. Maybe, after I was done with the old woman I could take a nap there. That would be nice wouldn't it? Twelve more steps, then a little bit of talking, then some much deserved rest.
That sounded nice.
Spurred on to my own promise of rest I found myself in my office, in my chair after only about ten more minutes of pressing forward.
I really was getting to be useless. I sighed and decided I would nap. Nap until Shikamaru woke me.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
I woke to a sharp pain on the back of my head. "Sleeping on the job, you're completely useless Naruto, the audacity of it."
I groaned and rubbed the back of my head. Pain erupted through my shoulder at the movement, but I forced myself to keep a straight face. This is something normal Naruto would do. Pretend to be ok, don't grimace, don't act different. It was easier for my clones to pull it off, they didn't seem to have the same pain or nausea I did. "Man, you didn't have to hit me so hard, did ya?"
He stared at me and I stilled. He did hit me pretty hard... Didn't he? "Hey, uh, that old woman is here. You going to tell me what all this is about or are you going to just continue to keep it to yourself?"
"Keep it to myself." I paused, knowing I probably answered a bit too quickly for his question. Deflect. "I just have a few questions for her is all. Nothing major, just curious."
He frowned at me and headed to the door. He paused there, his hand on the handle and turned his head back to me slightly. "Curiosity doesn't spend a small fortune on high level squads in order to hunt down someone to answer a few questions. You're hiding something, Naruto Uzumaki. Don't think you will be able to keep that up without somebody finding out." With that he opened the door and let the woman in.
I gave Shikamaru a glare. I knew that I would have to confide in someone soon, or else I would die mysteriously and the village would be in a panic over a lack of a Hokage. I didn't need the reminder. "I would like to speak with her alone."
"Fine, I thought as much." He closed the door behind him as he once again left.
I kept my eyes steady on the woman in front of me, my hands clasped on my desk in front of me. She still wore a simple small brown tunic like before, looked more frail than she probably was. In a way, she reminded me of Granny Chiyo. "Lady Akemi." I had been staring at her name since sending out the squads so actually remembered it. Go figure.
"You have questions."
I kept my gaze steady. "Yes." I didn't need to play act with her. I had no energy to smile, to hide behind my usual antics, to be even remotely energetic. I hurt too much for that.
She gave a sigh and took it upon herself to sit down across from me. "Should have known you would have problems. It is always in the eyes."
I furrowed my brows at her. "What exactly?"
"Happiness can be seen in the eyes, or the lack of it. Your eyes, they are duller than your outward appearance. Happiness. Asking that question, it is part of my jutsu. Haven't used it in years. Wouldn't have if I hadn't been paid to. Tsunade is someone I trust, in spite of the debts she had."
I froze. Wait. "Had? She paid you?" That didn't sound right.
"Plus interest. Condition for the interest was to give you a wish. Warned her about it, but she insisted that she trusted the benefactor, and in turn I trusted her judgement."
My heart dropped to my stomach as my heart raced at the news. Benefactor? Maybe Gaara had been correct in his assumption that somebody wanted to off us after all. Or at least me. Definitely me. "Grandma Tsunade didn't hire you? I thought you said she did."
The old woman leaned forward, a smile on her face. "But she did. She is the one who paid, she is the one who asked. However, it was on request. That does not make this person the one who hired me, so think about such things before accusing old women of lying." Her eyes narrowed and I could feel her chakra rise.
"No need to fight me granny, you would win even without any jutsu." I raised my hands, not hiding the shake they took on as I did. "I have a reason I asked you here, you know."
She left her eyes on me a moment as she considered my words then slowly sunk back down into her seat. "I cannot help you."
I tensed. "What? What do you mean you can't help me?"
"I mean exactly that. I cannot help you. The wish, it acts on its own. It is used as both weapon and gift. Sometimes, people wish for obvious things, wealth, power, love." She took a deep breath. "They get it, they always get it. But that isn't the point of the jutsu. Things come at a price, happen in a way that is unexpected. Wish for wealth, and a family member dies and leaves you their fortune, power and someone suddenly has no control of their own body as they slaughter the royal family to take control."
I swallowed. Twisted. "Why... Why would someone want me to have a wish then?"
She leaned back. "That is not my question to answer, son. It's the reason I say that wishes are a double edged sword, wish for something that means nothing, the wish will be a weapon. Wish for something that brings happiness however..." The old woman trailed off, a far off look on her face.
I leaned forward as I felt my patience for what she was telling me slip away. I was too exhausted, I was hurting too much to drag out the conversation. Every question I had prepared fogged in my mind. "What in the hell did you do to me, why in the hell is this wish, or whatever it really is, making me so damned sick? Why does it feel like it is tearing me apart from the inside out? I made the wish over three months ago, something backfired." I grit the words out, my body shook as I raised to my feet, pain surging through my legs as I did.
Her eyes widened slightly. "Three month ago?" She stiffened in her chair, "Wishes are temporary, unless.."
"Unless what? Will you just freaking say it already? I swear I am dying here, and unless I know what in the hell is happening I won't know how to proceed."
"You haven't been examined yet, have you?"
"No."
She gave a small hum.
"Damn it, grandma, what the hell? You don't give me answers and you will be-"
"No need to be testy, boy, I'm getting to it." She relaxed into her chair, a small frown showed on her lips. "Every wish, it is different. Depends on the wish, depends on the circumstances. Wishes are temporary. But, there is a secondary part of the wish jutsu. It is why so many people risk everything to seek it out. The risk for most, didn't outweigh the possibility."
"Possibility for what?" I fell back into my chair. Finally, she was getting somewhere.
"Happiness. The wish jutsu is considered the greatest of all the jutsu for the land of fortune. It can go very bad, but it can go very good. Just like a bet. Win or lose." She moved her hands like a scale, palms upwards. She lifted her left hand. "Lose, your wish wears off, you deal with the consequences. Wealth that fades, an uprising and loss of the power the wisher so desperately wanted. The wish wears off the person you wanted to fall in love with you and they despise you for what you had done."
"What happens when you win" I was feeling tired again. Already. Damn.
"I'm getting there." She gave a small glare and switched the scale, her left down, the right hand up. "If you win, the wish made leads to happiness, and if that happiness spurs a second wish, that wish will last a lifetime. It never wears, it never fades. It gives the ability to maintain that happiness, but it must be true. So, if I might ask, what was your second wish? It's the only way to know for sure what is going on with you. Physical changes, not common, but something the wish can force."
I froze. Second wish? Had I made another one? What could I have wished for that would do something like this? "I... Don't know."
She gave another hum and stood up. "I might be able to help a little, just by finding out what you wished for exactly. It may be to blame for what is happening to you."
I stared at her. She wasn't exactly my first choice as my first confidant in what had happened to me. "My first wish, it wasn't a good one." My heart ached as I remembered. Gaara. I only had three more weeks before he came. Hopefully.
"Perhaps. But, it may have led to something that made you happy while it was still active. There is about a five day window after a wish has been made for it to happen, and if during this timeframe, you make the second wish, it stays."
I stared at her a moment. Could I trust her? Grandma Tsunade seemed to have, but then again... No, I needed to know. "You... Won't tell anyone?" The very thought that she would spill the details of my first wish made my stomach lurch.
She regarded me a moment. "There is a reason you wanted me first, before being looked after."
"Will you or won't you?" I narrowed my eyes at her. I really couldn't remember what I could possibly have wished for that would cause me so much pain.
"I will. Stay there, I will come to you." She stood, walked around the desk and proceeded to fly through hand signs, muttering words I could barely make out. Then her hands were on my chest, a burning sensation filled me there, like when she had originally gave me the wish.
I hoped I was not going to regret this.
Her eyes widened. "You..." She stood back, a look of shock etched deeply into her featured. "The Kazekage, you..." She braced herself on the desk. "I see." She took a deep breath, a blush faint on her cheeks.
I growled at her. "I know. I said it wasn't a good wish."
"That isn't it. Your wish, you wished..."
"WHAT? What is so wrong that it has you freaked out so bad? Do you know why I am sick?"
"You wished..." Another breath, "You wished that you would be able to be with him like you were."
"Like..." I trailed off. Like I was? What sense did that make in how I was feeling? "I don't think I understand."
"You need to see your medic, right away, Lord Hokage."
I stared at her. "What is wrong with me?"
"I need to be here when the medic arrives. You need to call for one. It is... It is important."
My throat was dry. It seemed, I might not be able to hide what was going on with me, if she felt it so serious. She knew, she knew what was happening. "Why won't you just tell me?"
"Because I want to be sure what I think is correct. If I am... I do not want the blood of a Kage on my hands."
"I could die, then?" I felt sick again. I had feared that might be true. I thought about it on and off since the pain had started.
"I do not know."
I nodded, feeling a bit numb all of a sudden. Death. Gaara would kill me. I snorted at that. He would never forgive me if I went and died on him. "Fine. I will get Sakura."
My body ached. I felt numb. This meeting, it was not how I thought it would be. I wished that the moment would last... They way I was...
Did that mean...
No, it couldn't.
I wouldn't accept it.
Could I?
I had been a woman, then. If that was what was happening, I would lose everything. My position, my kids, my life possibly, even Hinata. It was probably wrong to have her on the end of my priority list. What had happened between us? My heart ached for what we were, for what no longer was.
I swallowed and asked the woman to have Shikamaru bring me Sakura.
This was going to be a long, very long day.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
I had convinced Sakura to carry me down to my apartment, and the old woman had followed behind us silently. She knew right away that something was wrong, even told me that she had known I was sick in some way but didn't want to press the matter. She trusted that I would say something when I was ready. I wasn't ready. I'm not sure I ever would be ready to tell her what was going on. I really just wanted to keep it to myself. To myself and Gaara. It shouldn't have been anyone else's business. But no, I had to make a wish that would make it obvious there was something going on with me. Way to go.
She set me down on the bed and I groaned at the impact. At least, with her carrying me, I wouldn't have to make the trip myself. It was almost, almost, worth it.
Almost.
She sat down next to me. "Naruto, I will need you to lay back. Relax, it will only take a moment, ok? You don't need to tell me anything, if you don't want, but at least let me do a quick check to see if I can help."
I tried to relax. Laying back like that only made me want to go back to sleep. Her hands hovered over me, her chakra flowed slowly into my body, starting at my head, then my arms, then my chest. She stopped there, pulling her arms back, an odd look to her face. "Sakura?"
"You..." Her brows were drawn together, her lips turned down. "Why... Why haven't you come to me sooner?" Her hands fell down to the bed and she clenched her fist, grasping the sheet below. "Why would you do this to yourself?" She shook her head and I watched as a tear slide down her cheek as her hands went back to my shoulder. She touched lightly and...
Oh goodness, that felt nice. I gave a small moan as the pain ebbed away from the area she was touching. She moved her hands away. I looked over to her with a sigh as she sat back. I should have talked to her sooner. This was heaven.
I screamed. I could almost feel the bones in my shoulder shatter as the pain came back, worse than before.
Shit, freaking hell. I gave out a cry and gripped at my shoulder with my other hand. I fought for breath as I tried to compose myself. Sakura moved forwards but the old woman stopped her. "Don't!"
I couldn't focus on the words, the only thing I could think of in that moment was the pain. I vaguely heard their voices in the background as I clutched at the fabric over my shoulder. Make it stop, just make it stop. It took a moment, but the pain dulled back down to normal, which still wasn't much better, but at least I could calm my breath, focus on what was going on. I panted, feeling as though I had run a marathon. I focused my attention back on them.
Sakura noticed my movement and turned back to me. "I don't get it. It should have... What the heck did you do? Almost all of your bones are fractured, some of them are fully broken, most your muscles seem to have torn. How in the hell are you even moving? Screw that, why are you even moving?"
I just groaned in response. Well, that at least explained the pain.
She brought her hands back to me. "Ok, no more trying to heal you. I don't get it, but I won't hurt you. I am just going to finish my exam. Make sure your seal is in tact, see if there is anything else immediate we need to worry about." Her hands returned to my chest, then lower and hovered over my abdomen. She drew her hands in quickly with a breath. "That can't be right." She took a breath, her hands hesitated then returned to my abdomen. "This... This is wrong. Impossible."
"I think I'm right then."
Both Sakura and I turned to the old woman, neither of us having a voice to ask.
"When you made your wish, you were a woman. It was a selfish wish, yes, but you somehow managed to reach a moment of real happiness. You are changing. Faster than I would think would be possible. I've seen something similar, but the transformation was gradual, took years."
So it was true then. I felt cold. What would I tell Hinata, my kids? Hell what would I tell the people of Konoha.
What would I tell Gaara? What would he think of all this? Would he be disgusted with me?
If he ever talked to me again. I groaned and Sakura gave me an empathetic look. That quickly changed to anger as she comprehended what the old woman was saying.
She shot a look to the old woman. "What do you mean woman?" Then back to me, "What is going on? Wish? What wish? What in the hell is going on, Naruto, what have you done this time?" Sakura shot me a look that I was used to from her. An accusatory one.
Well, it was my fault. "She used her wish jutsu on me. Made a stupid wish by accident, it came true and now this."
"What did you wish for?"
I swallowed. I... Didn't want to say. I looked away from her.
"The Kazekage." I closed my eyes as I heard the words come from the old woman next to me.
Only silence followed.
I wished it would last.
Unfortunately, I wasted all my wishes already.
"That doesn't make sense, why would you be a woman for..." There was a moment of silence before I heard her gasp. "You wouldn't. Naruto... But... What about Hinata?"
I refused to look at her. Hinata. What about Hinata? We really were married in name only anymore it seemed. Maybe she would be relieved. "I don't know, Sakura. I don't know." I kept my eyes trained on the wall. I refused to see her look of disappointment. Her scorn. Not from her.
I heard a sigh and then I felt a hand entwine into mine. "I'm not sure what I can do, but I want to figure it out. Tomorrow, I will come back, do a better exam, figure out why this is happening so fast, see if we can stop it. Reverse it. I can't lose you, Naruto. I don't care what happened between you and the Kazekage, ok? You need to rest. For now, just rest. Don't worry. I won't tell. I promise." She squeezed my hand.
I dared look over to her, the movement sending a small shock of pain through my shoulder. Her head was down and tears dripped down her nose and chin. She was crying. Crying for me. I hated that, I didn't deserve it. "Hey, don't you worry about me, Sakura. It will take more than me turning into a girl to kill me off. I've been through worse, right? I am sure I have. So don't worry. I'll be fine." Tired. I felt so tired. I felt my eyes droop shut. "I will, I promise, on my word. It's my nindo, so I have to keep it." I'm not sure if I actually said the last words or not, the grogginess I felt overloading my senses. I couldn't keep my eyes open.
I gave into it, feeling just slightly better after the burden of my pain was no longer completely secret. Sakura...
Maybe, Sakura could fix me. Stop this pain. Maybe...
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
Author's Note
Yeah, I think that these two need a small miracle to happen to actually get them together because both of them are a bit inept in the feelings department. ;)
I looked up that song by little mix, and it officially song #70 on my playlist. It was kind of sad and I have a weird obsession with sad things so I think it adds to it.
I have the next two days off! Hopefully another chapter or two shall be done in this time, I already am around 500 words into the next one mwahahaha!
Anyway, as promised- My used playlist for this story, Some are for lyrics, others for mood:
Hunger in your haunt - crywolf (the opening line to this song feels so right for this as does most of the song. Came across it about a week ago and it is at the top of this list for a reason. -I saw in the corner of your smile there's been a darkness there a while- then after the next verse -where are all the things that you have toiled all your life for? Was it me you wanted when you said you wanted something more than what you knew?- Pretty awesome.)
Gone - Bakermat
Opium - Dead can dance
Heal - Tom Odell
Pyramid Song - Radiohead
True Loves - Hooray for earth
Blessa - Toro y moi
Gone away - Madi Diaz
I don't know - Peter and Kerry
Mr. Watson - Cruel Youth
Fainleog (wanderer) - the glooming
Freak- Lana del Rey
Curse - Viktor Taiwo
Lost Boy - Ruth B (This is just a personal favorite but fits the tone and always inspires me no matter the project)
My last day - Gary Numan
All Mine - Portishead
Beginning to blue - Still corners
Set the fire - Swimming tapes
Genghis Khan - Miike Snow
Life on Mars - Aurora
Blood and Stone- Audiomachine
God knows I tried - Lana del Rey
Parenthesis - Tricky
Low - Trace
Breathe - Fleurie
Honey - Trace
I am dust - Gary Numan
Art Deco - Lana del Rey
Stuck - Day Wave
Music to watch boys by - Lana del Rey (Can't tell who some of my favorite artists are by this list, can you?)