Chapter Twenty

She dreamed that night. She dreamed that she was chasing Sokka through a field, running joyously through billowing green grass under the bluest sky she had ever seen. Aang sped by her atop an air scooter, a flash of yellow and red, laughing musically. She jogged after him, smiling at the sunlight. She didn't know why she was running, but it felt perfect. She passed Toph laying on her back, making an angel in the grass with her arms, and stopped in front of Zuko. He looked down at her with that little half-smile, and she beamed up at him, hardly even noticing his scar as she gazed deep into his amber eyes. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she even knew what she would say, the earth shook.

"Toph?" She turned to look at the spot where she had last seen the earthbender, but she was gone, and as she looked across the field the green, green grass began to wither and dry into brown straws. She gasped, spinning around and reaching for Zuko, but he was gone too. She looked back down at the ground, backing away from the approaching deadness, but it was encircling her, closing in. "Aang!" she called, looking up into the air. She couldn't look away. The blue was bleeding out of the sky, running down in inky streams to a spot hidden behind the horizon and revealing a gaping black ugliness. Heart pounding, Katara screamed as the earth jolted again.

Looking down, she realized the ground itself was growing black and cracking beneath her. She was growing dizzy, and suddenly she felt the ground start to suck her in. She couldn't move, although she flailed her arms and strained with all her might. Slowly, so slowly, the black deadness sucked her down - her ankles, her knees, her hips, and higher. She sobbed, shoving at the quicksand, but it caught her arms and pulled them in, holding her mercilessly frozen. She craned her head up as she felt it close around her neck, gasping for breath before it finally covered her face.

She woke with a scream stifled in her throat. Zuko's voice came instantly as a hand stroked her hair. "Shh, it's okay. It was just a dream." He was there. He hadn't disappeared. The sky hadn't imploded into a vortex of darkness. But then she sat up, and she remembered. The nausea and dizziness and emptiness came flooding back to rest inside her ribcage, and she shook convulsively. It was wrong, this feeling.

Zuko pulled a blanket tightly around her shoulders as she shivered. He rubbed her back gently, murmuring softly. "Katara, I'm so sorry." Tears scorched her cheeks. She moved to pull the blanket closer and jerked as the bracelets met with a dull clunk. She held her hands out in front of her, dropping the blanket, and reaching for Zuko. Her fingers met nothing. Gently, he put an arm around her and moved closer so that she could feel him sitting beside her, pulling her close. One of his hands held hers, warming them. He sent a pulse of heat through his body and into hers, and she was amazed how nice it felt. But it didn't help everything.

"Take them off," she choked out before she even knew what she was saying. She turned her face, trying to point it towards his. "Zuko, you have to. I can't do this. I- I feel like I'm dying." Her voice broke into a sob. "Please." His pained voice came from a place near her ear, and she jerked her face farther around.

"Katara, I can't." His words were strained, and his grip on her hands tightened. "I would, you know I would, if -"

"You're a firebender!" she cried, pleading with him. "Melt them off. I can't - I can't!" Her hands shook, and he pulled them closer to his chest.

"Katara, I would burn you. There's no way to take them off without -"

"I don't care!" she screamed. "Zuko, please, you have to!" She started to pull away from him, jerking her hands out of his grasp. She scooted out from under his arm, feet scrabbling weakly on the mat as she stood unsteadily. "I thought you cared about me - you have to see this isn't right!"

"They would kill you!" He yelled back at her. "If I took those bracelets off, they would kill you and they would kill me, and maybe Djang and any other firebender in here! Is that what you want? I want to help you, Katara, but it's not that simple! Don't make me the bad guy here!"

"Please," she repeated in a sob, shaking her head with eyes squelched shut.

"Is that what you want? For everyone to suffer?" His voice, while still loud, was gentler now. "Katara, I know what you're feeling. I had to wear them, too. I know. But I can promise you, it will get better. Never back to normal, but better than you feel right now. I'm sorry I can't take them off. You know I would, if I could." He stepped close to her again, and she didn't resist as he pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry," he repeated.

As he squeezed her tight, she pressed her face into his shoulder. He rocked her a little, then seemingly with no control broke into a bitter whisper. "You know what I would do to those soldiers if I could. You know I would fight back, and help you fight. You know that, Katara, even if you can't see it now. You know I want to rip those bracelets off your wrists and go after whoever put them there. But I can't, and it's not exactly easy for me, either." As he spoke, he clutched her harder and his arms grew hot with anger. She pulled her face back just a bit, sniffing weakly.

"I know that," she whispered. "I'm sorry. It's just so hard. I'm sorry." He stroked her back.

"It's okay, Katara. I know." He helped her lower herself back down onto the mat. "How do you feel? As bad as yesterday?" He sounded hesitant.

"I don't know," she answered hoarsely. "It still hurts so bad." She pressed one hand to her sternum and the other to her ribs. "All in here. And I'm blind again, Zuko." She choked back another pitiful cry. "I'm so lost."

"You're not lost," he replied firmly. "You're here with me. And here, drink this." He pressed a bowl into her hands, and she raised it clumsily to her lips and drank. The cool water soothed her dry throat and helped soothe her emotions. "How bad does your face hurt?" Zuko continued.

She set the bowl down and ran a few fingers over her swollen jaw and cheek. "Not bad." She winced. "Only if I push on them." She managed a weak chuckle, surprising herself.

"I'm glad they don't hurt," Zuko said dryly. "Because they look terrible." She smiled timidly.

"Thanks." Sokka always used to tell her that whenever she got hurt. "Zuko?" She let her voice trail off for a long moment. "I didn't mean what I said before. I know you want to help. I know you don't -"

"It's fine," he interrupted. "Don't worry about it." He reached up hesitantly to run a palm against her bruises. "I'm so glad you're back," he admitted. "You have no idea how worried I was when I came back and you were gone. And then last night, when they threw you through the door - it was awful." He tucked her hair behind her ear, brushing his thumb against her scars. Settling both palms against her cheek and jaw, he told her, "tell me if this helps," and started to warm his hands. The heat tingled against her swollen face and began to soothe the dull aches. She sighed in relief, having not realized quite how much pain they were actually giving her.

"Thank you," she murmured as he removed his hands. "It helped a lot."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Zuko asked. "About what happened out there?" She shook her head.

"I'm sure it will make its way through the grapevine," she told him, trying to joke about it. "If there's anything you doubt, I'll clear it up for you." She imagined she could feel his eyes on her. "Can we walk?" she asked suddenly, shocking him.

"You feel well enough to walk?"

"I want to try." He held her arm as she pulled herself upright, but she only made it four steps off the mat before her shaking knees gave out and he had to catch her. With Zuko half-carrying her, she returned to her seated position on the mat. He sat with her for a while, then rose with a comment about needing to find something.

When he returned, he settled next to her with a thud, pushing an armful of materials in her direction. "You need to take your mind off of everything while you get used to things. Here." He took her hand, pressing a length of soft cord into her palm. "You know how to weave with your hands, right?"

"You mean braid?" she asked with a halfhearted smile. "My grandmother taught me. It's useful at the South Pole." She rubbed her fingers up and down the cord, remembering those days as a child sitting on the floor of a cold hut. Much like this moment, she thought, sitting on her mat in this cold, dark room. "Why this, Zuko?"

"Just try it," he insisted. "If you can just numb your mind for a few hours, I'm sure you'll feel much better. How many do you need?" He handed her different thicknesses of string until she stopped.

"Give me four of the same thickness," she requested, "with one set of ends tied together." When he handed her the bundle of thin strands of yarn, she started on the first pattern she had learned, a simple, boxy knot. Her fingers were awkward and hesitant at first, but as she twisted and looped the strands, she became more confident. She kept up the pattern until one of the pieces of yarn ended. Tying the end carefully, she squeezed the knotted band between her fingers, feeling its bumps and loops. "It's not even," she commented as Zuko took it from her.

"It looks great," he said. "Do you want to try another?" She nodded, and he handed her another set of strings. This time, she was careful to make each knot tight and even. Zuko was right; she started to lose herself in the easy work. She kept weaving and braiding a few simple patterns until her fingers cramped, and she thought she could already tell a slight improvement in how she felt.

That night, she thanked Zuko again for his help and comfort. "That's what I'm here for," he told her, unfolding his blanket. Katara's was already wrapped around her; the temperature in the dungeons had barely warmed that day. As Zuko laid down, she thought for a moment before speaking in a quiet tone.

"Zuko?" He acknowledged her with a hm?. "Do you think - I mean, could we sleep, you know, like we did last night? Just because it's cold?" She didn't want to be on the opposite side of the mat from him. And it might not have been only because of the cold; as corny as it sounded when she thought it to herself, he made her feel safe. And she really needed that feeling right now.

"Of course," he answered instantly. He got up and moved next to her, removing the blanket from her shoulders and layering it with his own. He covered them with both blankets as they lay down. She hesitated for just a second before tucking her arms up to her chest and snuggling close to Zuko. She was warmer instantly.

Her head rested under his chin and one of his arms draped over her. "Thank you," she whispered into his chest. Her jaw and cheek ached and the gaping hole was still there inside her, but suddenly she knew Zuko was right. It could - and would - get better.