Chapter 21 – Going Home

I wasn't sure how long I stood there for, just staring blankly in the direction Edward had disappeared in, but at some point Emmett placed his hand gently on my shoulder, making me jump.

"Whoa, it's ok. I'm not going to hurt you," he said quickly.

I took a deep breath. "No, I know," I told him. "I'm just…" I let my sentence trail off because I really had no idea what was going through my head at that time.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten on you like that. I wouldn't change my beliefs just because someone told me to either…But I'm not going to give up. I will continue to try to convince you…even if it takes the rest of your life."

I looked at him, and gave him a heavyhearted smile. "I wish more than anything that I could just believe," I said honestly. "It would be so much easier. I'd have you…and him, and I could be turned and live happily ever after. I do want that, but…"

"I know, it's hard," Em said sympathetically. "But if you really love that bronze haired freak, maybe you should take a leap of faith. I mean, I'm not saying you should become a vampire, but it wouldn't be the worst thing imaginable like you're thinking. I certainly don't want to watch you grow old and die."

"Bronze haired freak?" I asked with a giggle despite myself. It was a typical Emmett type of comment.

He shrugged. "The guy is a little off. I mean, he's all pompous and Mr. Tough Guy one minute, and the next he's pure mush. I really don't know how you keep up with his mood swings."

"Wow, I thought I was the only one who noticed that about him," I joked.

Suddenly there was a bloodcurdling scream, so Em automatically grabbed me securely and prepared to defend me from any danger. "What the fuck was that?" he asked as we both looked for the source of the horrid noise. It wasn't until that moment that I realized Jasper and Alice were nowhere in sight, so it quickly became obvious that the scream was Alice.

"What's going on?" I asked in a panic.

Em kept his arm in front of me protectively as he listened intently, and then he suddenly sighed and relaxed.

"What?"

"It's just Alice freaking out."

"Freaking out about what?" I asked anxiously.

"I don't know, something about losing her vision," he said carelessly.

"You can hear her talking?" I asked, listening carefully but hearing nothing.

"Yeah, she and Jasper are about a quarter of a mile away. They went to go look for Edward about two minutes ago, but I guess they stopped."

"But she's ok?" I asked concerned. It amazed me how loud the girl could be from so far away, but I figured that whatever the issue was, had to be pretty bad for her to risk giving away our location in that way.

"She's fine…at least physically. Everything's cool, really. Jasper is calming her down."

I started walking in the direction of the scream, but I guess that move just confused Emmett. "Where are you going?"

"I need to make sure she's ok," I said, not understanding why that wasn't obvious.

Luckily, I didn't have to go find her, because she and Jasper quickly returned, both looking a little distraught. "What happened, are you ok?" I asked Alice concerned.

She shook her head looking absolutely lost. "I can't see," she said absently.

I waved my hand in front of her open eyes, and she blinked and looked at me questioningly. "You can see," I said confused.

"I'm not actually blind, but my vision is gone. I can't see any of our futures anymore…What the hell does that mean?" she asked in a state of panic.

"Can you see anyone else's future?" Jasper asked her gently.

"I can still see the leaders'…But when we were looking for Edward, he just disappeared…and then we all disappeared."

"Well, maybe he just made some kind of stupid decision that ended up killing all of us," Emmett suggested.

Alice shook her head slightly. "I don't think so."

For a reason I couldn't tell, the three vampires turned their head towards the south at the same time. I followed their lead and looked in the same direction, but couldn't see anything…at least not at first. A minute later two figures appeared in the distance. As I tried to make out who they were, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett suddenly took an aggressive stance in front of me, leaving me even more bewildered than before. I looked towards the figures again, and was absolutely shocked by who they were.

"What the fuck is he doing?" Jasper seethed.

"Maybe he wants to see what a newborn is capable of?" Alice said.

"Hey, I know that dog," Emmett spat.

The two figures coming towards us, were none other than Edward and Jacob - walking side by side as if they weren't mortal enemies, and I wasn't even between them making them be cordial. What the hell was going on?

"Jacob?" I said with a forced smile when they reached us. I gave my best friend a hug, because I was beyond grateful he was ok, but I quickly pulled away and looked at him baffled. "What's going on?"

"Nice group of friends you found here," Jake said casually as all three vampires hissed at him…including Emmett, which Jacob seemed to find amusing and disturbing at the same time. "Hey there, Emmett. I'd say nice to see you, but…it's not, at least not like that."

"Oh yeah, fuck you!" Emmett snapped.

Jacob shook his head at him, and then looked back at me. "I'm sorry for your loss. I'm not sure what I thought would happen, but losing your brother like that never even entered my mind."

"Who the fuck asked you!" Em shouted at him. "You're nothing but a disgusting slobbering mangy mutt!"

Jacob ignored him; in fact, he didn't even give him a second glance. It was if my vampire brother wasn't even there at all, which actually made me feel like crap because I knew how much it probably upset him.

"Wait, is he the reason why my vision isn't working?" Alice asked slowly. "Damn it! I can't see past that disgusting flea bag!" she screamed.

"What are you doing here, Jacob?" I asked, getting suspicious of his sudden appearance. I glanced at Edward, who appeared to be wearing some kind of cold mask of indifference, and then I looked back at Jacob and waited for his answer.

"I've been tracking you…well, not you exactly, I mean, your scent disappeared a ways back – Edward said something about how you got into a car? How cool was that?" he asked excitedly. When I just glared at him instead of answering, he cleared his throat and then continued. "Well, anyway. I found my way to the mating colony easy enough, and then I waited for a couple days. Eventually I saw Edward emerge with Emmett and that other male vamp, and figured that if you were still alive, he'd be meeting you somewhere. I actually caught up last night, but decided to hold back and just watch from a distance for a while to make sure you were ok."

"Can someone call the dog catcher please!" Alice interjected.

"So…why did you come forward now?" I asked Jacob evenly. I'd always love Jacob as a friend, or even a pseudo brother, but I really wished he'd just go home. I could never return his romantic affections, and I hated hurting him.

"Look Bella, I saw Emmett vamp over there, and I just wanted to make sure you were ok. I was planning to leave after today, but then Edward woke me from the nap I was having and said you were ready to go home."

Every muscle in my body seized, and suddenly I felt like I was drowning. My vision became blurry and noises sounded like I was hearing them from underwater. But the numbing haze wasn't entirely consuming; I almost wished that it was because my chest felt like it had been ripped open and stabbed repeatedly.

The pain was too much, so instead of letting it kill me, I allowed anger to take over and fight that battle for me.

I turned to Edward and let my tears catapult my fury. "You're a fucking coward, do you know that?" I shouted at him. "I told you that I love you, and you're too fucking scared to accept it, so you're pushing me away!"

Edward shook his head slowly. "Go home, Bella."

"No, I'm not leaving you. We both agreed that I couldn't go home anyway."

"That was before, when we thought Jake went back there and told everyone about us. But obviously he didn't…and he won't. So go home!" he said sternly.

"No! Nothing's changed. I'm not leaving."

"Fine, stay here then, but I'm going…and trust me, you won't be able to keep up."

I took a deep breath, and decided on a more calmer approach. "Look, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you with my beliefs, and I hate that I did that because you're the last person I ever wanted to hurt."

"Wait, you think you hurt me?" he said with a dark laugh. "You're nothing more than a pathetic weak human. Humans can't hurt vampires! Or did your idiotic father brainwash you into thinking otherwise? And I thought the people in Texas were fucking nut cases."

"Maybe my beliefs are crazy; I wish more than anything I didn't feel that way, but I don't know how to just turn it off either."

"Go home, Bella. Jacob is here, he can safely escort you."

And of course my panic returned, making my anger take front again.

"Oh, ok, so are you still planning the fight to the death thing? Is that what comes next?" I asked condescendingly.

"Um…Actually, I'd rather not," I heard Jacob say from behind me. We all took a time out to listen to his stuttering. "I mean, I could beat him…maybe….if I was lucky, but there are a lot of vampires here, and I'd be a bit out numbered. Besides, even if it stayed one on one, Emmett knows where our village is too, so… I mean, I certainly can't take on both of them, even one at a time. I think it would be best to just go home and warn the others…Maybe we should move the village altogether."

"Well, there you go," I said, turning back to Edward. "I guess you just lost your out. You can't just let Jacob kill you, so now what are you going to do?"

"I'd never let him kill me, that's just something I told you so you wouldn't worry so much about your pet," Edward said coldly.

I shook my head at him. "So that's it then? We go our separate ways and never see each other again?" I asked bitterly. "Is that really what you want."

"The truth is, after more than a decade of solitude, I was bored and you and mutt entertained me for a while. But guess what, I'm bored again," he said coldly. "So yeah, I'm done with this and I want you to leave."

"Fine," I spat. My insides were crumbling, but I refused to show it. Being numb was better than some blubbering pathetic idiot, and I absolutely refused humiliate myself any more than I already had by begging or any of the desperate pathetic urges I had at the moment. So I turned to my debatable brother, and said my goodbyes. "Take care of yourself out there," I told him with a forced smile.

"Wait, what?" Emmett asked confused. "No way, I'm going with you."

"No, you can't Em. The wolves back home would kill you, and even if they trusted you enough to let you go, you couldn't stay there," I tried reasoning with him. "You belong with them…Your gifted, so you can be a Cullen."

Emmett scowled and then looked at the vampires to the side of him, before quickly looking back at me. "Nope. I'm staying with you. I'll just stay out of the wolves' territory and spend the rest of eternity just hunting in the woods alone. I'll hang around in case trouble ever threatens the people," he said somberly.

And even though I couldn't force my beliefs to change so quickly, I stepped forward and placed my hand gently on his cheek. I wasn't afraid of him, and whether he was my brother or not, it seemed as though he had a way of growing on me. "You're going to be fine," I told him softly. "You'll find your place somewhere…Maybe you'll find a mate."

He shook his head, and then pulled my hand from his face but kept it securely in his grasp. "I've always protected you. That's who I am, and I don't know how to be anything else. As long as you're alive, I'm going to be around."

I pressed my lips and forced another smile. "Well, I guess I came all this way with a vamp and a wolf, might as well go back home the same way," I said with a sigh. So Emmett and I took a moment to say goodbye to Jasper and Alice. Edward sulked in the distance, and I did my best not to look at him. I couldn't break down…I wouldn't.

"You guys ready?" I asked my two pseudo brothers.

"Lets head west," Jacob said excitedly. The three of us walked away from the Cullens, and none of us looked back. We'd probably never see them again, but I suppose that was just the way things were, and there was nothing to do about it.

We walked for two or three miles with me in the lead, and Emmett and Jacob bickering behind me...

"Damn Jacob, have you always stunk like this, or did you roll around in manure and get skunked for my benefit?" Em asked him.

"You should talk. You smell like a fucking leech…oh wait, maybe because you are one. Bella, we're not really bringing this demon home, are we?"

"Do you want to fight him to the death, Jake?" I asked absently.

"Uh…no."

"You better say no, because I'd rip your fucking howler out," Em threatened.

"You know what, you just proved the fact that vamps lose their human souls," Jake said unexpectedly, making me freeze in place. "I mean, I was starting to have my doubts because…well, how the hell did that Edward freak not kill Bella all that time, especially when they started…you know. A soulless demon would never care enough to do that, but now you've proven the opposite."

"How has he proven that?" I asked slowly.

"Yeah, how have I proven that?" Em echoed.

"Because, you're a fucking prick. The old Emmett and I used to be friends, now all you want to do is kill me."

"Don't flatter yourself, it's instinctual, I can't help it," Emmett grumbled.

"No, the real Emmett would have been strong enough to rise above instincts," Jacob argued.

"You're not dead, are you," Em seethed. "If I didn't care, I would have killed you already."

Emmett and Jake began walking again, but when they passed me and I didn't move, they stopped and looked at me questionably.

"We're not going home, are we?" Jake assumed.

"I think that's a good decision," Em agreed. "Dad would seriously be pissed if he knew about me. I say we get a boat and see what's across the Atlantic. I mean, what the hell is over there?"

"Europe," Jake stated, as if Em was a moron.

"Shut up!" Em snapped at him. "I know what the geography is, I just wonder if the world is as fucked up there as it is here. Maybe we could find some humans for Bella that don't have a rational fear of vampires, and would be ok with me hanging around for the next century."

"You're an idiot," Jake told him.

"You know Jacob, I don't hate you because we have a past and all, but you're really starting to get on my last nerve. Jasper said newborns are unpredictable, so maybe you should stop antagonizing me," Em warned.

They continued bickering, but I stopped listening to them. In fact, I stopped hearing the world around me completely, and my sight went fuzzy. Everything began spinning, and suddenly, without even deciding to do so, I had turned around and began running in the direction we came in. I ran as fast as humanly possible for the entire way back to where we left the Cullens, but I never felt the pain of exertion. I was in some strange daze and I had no idea what I was even hoping to accomplish, but when the three vampires came into view, my vision became clear again.

None of them had moved. They were in the exact same positions we had left them in an hour before, but when I zeroed in on Edward he had a strange mix of anger and relief written all over his face. I didn't care. He could push me away, or decide it was easier to kill me, or whatever the hell he wanted, but I just needed to be in his arms one more time…so I slammed right into him at full speed.

I hit his stone body with an audible clunk, but I ignored the pain of impact as I clung to him for dear life. I suppose I wasn't past desperate begging the way I thought I was, but when I opened my mouth to start pleading for him to keep me, he leaned over and planted his lips to mine.

His lips began moving with frenzied passion as our kiss deepened into the neediest one yet.

"What the fuck just happened?" I vaguely heard one of the guys say from somewhere out of the bubble Edward and I were in. But all outside sounds quickly faded away, and Edward and I were left floating in a world where nothing else mattered.

"Take me somewhere," I mumbled into his mouth.

He didn't answer me verbally, he just held me tightly against him and whisked me away. When we came to a stop, I didn't even look around to see where we were, I just immediately went for the hem of his shirt, and pulled it over his head. We both scrambled to get undressed completely, and then he laid me on the ground quickly but gently.

He couldn't get inside of me fast enough, and when that connection was made, I felt like everything finally made sense in the senseless world. I had planned to go home, and that's exactly where I was. I belonged with Edward, whether it was only for a few minutes, or for the rest of forever. It didn't really matter how long we were together for, we were together right then, and that's all I cared about.

We held each other so tightly that it was impossible to get any closer, and as he thrust into me, he varied his pace between slow and tender, to hard and desperate. We both put everything we had into those moments, and even if it would never be enough, we were temporarily satisfied as we came undone together.

He rode out our climax with continued thrusts, but when he slowed to a stop, he just stayed inside of me and rested his head against mine. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, almost incoherently.

I ran my hands through his hair and then down his neck, between his shoulders, and continued down the length of his back. "Edward," I whispered. "Please…just keep me."

"It'll be over too soon," he said softly.

I rubbed my hands back up his torso, and let them come to a rest at the nape of his neck. "Just give me…two years," I asked, coming up with the idea at the same time I was speaking it. "Two years to be…like this. You were twenty one when you turned, so…I'll be close to that then."

"But -" he was about to argue, but I cut him off.

"Two years," I repeated. "It's longer than I expected to live anyway, so if becoming a vampire kills me, then you'll still have the whole demon me chick…and if Emmett is right, and the soul never leaves, then we'll be together forever. Just give me two years."

He sighed, and then kissed me on the forehead. "Do you honestly think I wouldn't know the difference if you were replaced?"

"It wouldn't be her fault, so you'll just have to love her regardless."

He smiled at me and shook his head. "I'll never love anyone other than you."