OKAY!
Surprise! An early Christmas present to you guys!
A shitty chapter!~~
Yeah sorry for not updating in… What, over six months? Ehe…
Sorry, I'm not abandoning this fic, guys, I still have a little bit more to add, geez!
So yeah, enjoy. BTW just a warning, there might be a few things that might be triggering(?), mostly the mention of a stillbirth, and an attempted suicide. Nothing too major.
And lots of chatlogs.
And the use of the 2nd person for the whole chapter. Sorry, I've been so out of ideas with how to go about writing this again so I just opened up Zenwriter and blurbed a lot of this. BUT I have a good idea of how to continue to the next chapter, so goodie me!
AND ALSO I should add, I use a kind of crappy translate thing, sorry about grammar with the Russian, guys!
Anyway, thank you always for all of your support, I love you guys!
Sitting by on the airplane, you just got way too impatient. It's time to troll the stupid forums again and call on more idiot's inabilities to comprehend rational thought. Like usual. Ah to be 15 and not have anything else to do on a plane ride back to America. It was nice, visiting Kursk again, but mother just has a long history of annoying the fuck out of you and dad's so overbearing it's painful. He sent you to stay with a cousin for a few weeks before he came back to the states himself and you had to go back to school after a relaxing/boring summer break.
It's a tough regimen, but mother perfers Russia, she prefers her homeland. You prefer that one person you consider a friend who you barely talk to anyway, and the other douchebags at your school you would rather not facilitate with. But you still prefer them. Enough said.
Rubbing your eyes, you consider skipping the forum prowl for a well-timed plane nap. No, you're tired, but jetlag will ensure that you get plenty of sleep when you get home. Signing in, carcinoGeneticist was once again on the attack. You typically kept up with the Minecraft forum, answering questions to newbies and ranting to other cyber-bullies, outsmarting trolls that PMed you, and wrote back a few actually decent people.
Hmm. You didn't normally check the personal forums much, too many people complaining about their stupid emotional problems and their need for an endless stream of attention.
Not many of the threads interested you, as usual, but there was this one.
twinArmageddons : hey anyone have 2ome adviice for an iidiiot?
Psh. Idiot is right, this self-proclaimed idiot types like a tool. Well the forum is rather recent, might as well read it and see why this guy can't think of creative world designs, or doesn't know about Creative Mode.
hey anyone have 2ome adviice for an iidiiot?
ii've been notiiciing iit a lot but at certaiin poiint2 ii can thiink at fiifty miile2 per hour, but at other2 iit'2 liike fiive.
iit'2 cray. liike ii try to concentrate but ii can't and ii ju2t get iinfuriiated and then my miind come2 up with more iidea2. liike my braiin can't 2top and iit know2 iit can't 2top 2o iit keep2 tryiing over and over.
but duriing my 2low tiime2? ii can't get my2elf two thiink right.
(did this guy seriously just use two in place of to? What a douche.)
ii 2uddenly don't want to do anythiing. or thiink. ii get horriible migraiine2 and 2ometiime2 get real 2iick.
ii don't know what to tell my folk2. ii thiink ii'm lo2iing my mind. ii have to tell 2omeone before ii flip out and ju2t try to eiither overthiink my2elf to iin2aniity or 2tart doiing 2ome 2eriiou2 damage two my2elf when thiing2 2low down and the 2elf-depreciiatiion ju2t overflow2 wiithout me wantiing to do anythiing about it.
look ii know thii2 ii2 the kiind of forum people 2kiip but ii'm at the end of my rope riight now, iit'2 the end of the fa2t part and yeah.
ii diid 2ome re2earch on iit my2elf but ii really doubt iit'2 what ii'm thiinking iit ii2.
2o yeah. any adviice doucebag2? 2hould ii talk to liike a doctor or 2omethiing about thii2?
[twinArmageddons]
You gave it a good re-reading before just sitting there in your seat wondering about the possibilities. Only one thing comes to mind. Bipolar disorder. Yeah the whole manic-depressive thing is a typical response but this does sounds a hell of a lot like that. Should you really reply to this idiot? He's done the research. He probably knows just how much of a complete ass he's making himself sound, maybe he's got it all figured out himself. Well, the curiosity got the better of you. Reading the thread once more, you open up WebMD. And take a look for yourself.
Not much to say, besides this guy should at least speak to a therapist about this. Even if it's a school therapist or something.
You were just about to type up a response when your mother sends an e-mail.
Сына я просто хотел сказать, заботиться о себе, хорошо? Patiricia будет любить быть с ней нового братика, когда придет время, и я всегда очень рады видеть вас. Спасибо за всегда быть такой замечательный сын, я люблю тебя.
(Son I just wanted to say take care of yourself, alright? Patiricia will love being with her new baby brother when the time comes, and I am always so happy to see you. Thank you for always being such a wonderful son, I love you.)
Like usual, mom's obsessively reminding you of how a WONDERFUL SON you are, and how happy Patiricia will be to have her amazing brother Karkat when she's actually born. Wonderful. You go ahead and wait on responding to her. Maybe for a few days, if you can. Right now you should respond to that thread before you forget about it. No one else has replied yet. Might as well.
RE: hey anyone have 2ome adviice for an iidiiot?
YEAH, FIRST OF ALL, YOU TYPE LIKE A MAJOR TOOL.
THAT SHOULDN'T BE TOO UNEXPECTED THOUGH, AT LEAST YOU HAVE A FIRM GRASP ON THE ENGLISH TRAINWRECK CALLED GRAMMAR. YOU MIGHT BENEFIT FROM LEARNING SOME NEW LANGUAGE THOUGH. WHO KNOWS IT MIGHT BE JUST WHAT YOU NEEDED.
AS FOR YOUR EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS, HERE'S MY OPINION ON IT. YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, DID YOU EVEN PROOFREAD WHAT YOU TYPED AT ALL OR IS THE MANIC PHASE JUST MAKING YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL RIGHT NOW.
DO YOU ALWAYS CONFUSE PISS FOR APPLE JUICE YOU DIMWIT? OBVIOUSLY YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. MAYBE IF YOU JUST PULLED THE STUBBORN SPIKED DILDO OUT OF YOUR ASS YOU WOULD SEE THAT. YOU HAVE SOME MAJOR EMOTIONAL ISSUES AND AS FAR AS I CAN TELL, YEAH I'M JUST GONNA SPIT OUT WHAT EXACTLY I'M SURE WE'RE BOTH ASSUMING, IT'S BI-POLAR DISORDER. BAM.
YOU HAVE TIMES WHEN YOUR THOUGHTS ARE DOWNRIGHT *MANIC* AND OTHER TIMES WHEN YOUR MIND CAN'T KEEP UP AND THAT MAKES YOU FEEL *DEPRESSED.* MANIC-DEPRESSION, PROBLEM SOLVED.
THOUGH I'M NOT THE PERSON TO GO TO FOR A REAL DIAGNOSIS. THAT'S NOT EVEN MY AREA OF EXPERTISE, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I SPEND ALL OF MY TIME ON A *MINECRAFT* FORUM OF ALL PLACES?
GO SEEK HELP. PARENTS, A DOCTOR, A THERAPIST, EVEN IF IT IS A SCHOOL THERAPIST, FUCKING *ANYONE.* JUST BUCK UP AND TALK TO SOMEONE.
DON'T TRY TO *FIND* SOME DESPERATE JUSTIFICATION FOR YOUR OWN MENTAL HEALTH TO BE TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION, YOU DIMWITTED BAFOON. GO GET SOME GODDAMN HELP.
[carcinoGeneticist]
You only wait for a few seconds before you realize that the plane's going to be taking it's only stop in around three hours. Might be a good time to take a nap now? you have the means to. You only give a moments glance to your long-winded response before rolling your eyes at the screen and signing off.
Nothing else you can do right now. So you let the quiet airplane lull you into a calming sleep after putting your tiny ass notebook safely away. No need for stressing yourself out before having to deal with the Maryam's for a few infuriating weeks.
You nap, and even though it's a short nap you wake up to find a stupid response from the two jerk on the forum. Naturally he wouldn't respond like a reasonable adult. Who could blame the guy though.
It's been about five months since you came home from your visit to Russia and that jerk who was asking for advice isn't actually that bad. You contacted him again afterwards and kept on his case, until he inevitably told you he went already. After a little while you got his trollian ID, which you should have guessed was the same as his forum name.
You'd see him on Minecraft once or twice and you'd say hello and ask how he's doing. And he seemed to be alright. Yeah, you could kind of consider him a friend? Like some weird anon kid that you've been consistently keeping tabs with.
He told you he went, and it was bipolar disorder, and he started on medication for it after a while. You just berated him then and went about chatting about a bunch of shit.
He bugs you about coding more than anything. You post anything even close to programming related and he's on that forum like fly to honey. He's a real jerk about it, but you suppose he has that right. You kind of suck at it anyway, and he seems to be pretty fucking good. Like you would admit to that.
TA-as you call him-isn't that bad outside of the forums and Minecraft though. You're minute skype chat ended with you bringing up your parents and he asked you to stick around, actually interested in your life. He thought it was weird how you always brought up the english language like it was your second one (which it is) and actually assumed you were german for some stupid reason. Nope!
TA's had his own problems lately. His girlfriend has been hinting at maybe leaving him, and he's been concerned about that. You tried to offer relationship advice but somehow you let it slip that you've never actually been in a relationship so he doesn't take it. Like that was really something he could base how trustworthy or not your advice is. How stupid.
TA stays up late just like you even though his medication sometimes makes him go to bed at a semi-reasonable hour. Your insomnia is nothing to laugh about either, so you tend to stay up with him. You only like a state apart apparently, but he's wanted to go to a certain college here. You haven't thought about which one you want to go to yet, but you'll handle that later.
It's nine already but you've really been down all day, something this whole week has been complicated and dad had to take the week off to fly to his wife in Kursk just to make sure things were okay with Patiricia.
... You finally stopped crying. Patiricia didn't make it...
You were going to have a new baby sister.
Were.
You didn't want to, but it was just too temping to talk about it with him. Hell you helped him out of a lot of situations by now, maybe he could help you?
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
CG: HEY FUCKWAD, YOU DIDN'T PASS OUT IN FRONT OF THE COMPUTER OR ANYTHING, DID YOU?
TA: oh look my favoriite diip2hiit wiith hii2 u2ual 2appy friiendly bull2hiit.
TA: buzz off man today ii2n't a good day.
CG: IT REALLY ISN'T. BUT THAT'S BEYOND THE POINT AND FUCK IF I'M NOT SURPRISED AT YOU TURNING DOWN A SHIT FLINGING CONTEST OF WITS, BRAINS, AND SARCASM.
CG: WHAT'S UP?
TA: you wouldn't really care. you're ju2t an a22hole who helped me 2ee that iit2 better two go 2ee doctor2 when 2hiit ii2n't healthy.
TA: 2o why do you bother even doiing thii2 2hiit anymore leave me alone to be pathetiic on my own.
CG: I SAID WHAT'S UP, WHY WOULD I ASK IF I DIDN'T REALLY CARE?
CG: LOOK, YOU AREN'T THE ONLY BASTARD THAT WISHES THEY COULD JUST CURL UP INTO A FUCKING BALL AND DO ENOUGH DESTRUCTIVE THINGS TO THEMSELVES UNTIL SHIT GOT BETTER SO LET'S JUST BE OPEN ABOUT EVERYTHING AND GET SHIT FUCKING BUSINESS OVER WITH.
CG: SO WE CAN MOVE ON TO OUR OWN HAPPY *OH-LOOK-A-MOTHERFUCKING-BUTTERFLY* LIVES.
CG: GODDAMN IT THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR INVOLVING MYSELF IN SOCIAL INTERRACTION, ISN'T IT?
CG: WELL FUCK.
TA: you really haviing that bad of a day.
TA: 2ound2 liike iit to be hone2t.
TA: what happened wiith you you're u2ually telling me to perforate my dick with a grilling fork by now?
CG: SOMETHING I REALLY DOUBT COULD BE LESS TERRIBLE THAN TODAY'S MELODRAMA WITH THE OVERZEALOUS CODING FANATIC DUALITY GUY.
TA: ii have a name you know.
CG: SAME.
TA: iit'2 2ollux. don't 2pread iit around.
CG: KARKAT. SAME.
TA: no 2hiit?
TA: weiird name2 all around.
TA: alriight KK 2o what happened?
CG: KK? IS THAT SOME SHITTY KNICKNAME OR SOMETHING?
CG: AND YOU FIRST.
TA: YE2.
TA: and fiine.
TA: my giirlfriiend fiinally left my 2orry a22.
Oh. Well you guess that's kind of bad. But really you haven't been that good today either. Especially since finding out about Patiricia this morning...
TA: your turn.
CG: I DON'T KNOW. LOOK IT'S REALLY FUCKING BAD AND I WASN'T REALLY GOING TO TELL ANYONE, I JUST WANTED TO GET MY MIND OFF OF IT, ALRIGHT?
TA: diid 2omeone diie?
CG: YES.
TA: who?
You didn't respond for a few minutes, it was hard to even type. But he was apparently patient, and not telling you "iit'2 okay don't 2ay iit iif you don't want two" or something stupid like that. You finally just send your response.
CG: MY BABY SISTER.
TA: diidn't you tell me you were an only child?
TA: oh
It's been about two years since that trip to Russia where you first encountered Sollux Captor. Ever since Patiricia's death he started talking to you more often. Nowadays you talk to him every day, maybe get a few texts from the guy, and give a lot in exchange. You really want to meet him face to face one of these days; he's kind of the best friend you've ever had. You're finally getting closer to finishing high school, too, and you've both arranged to eventually meet and enjoy a congratulatory celebration thing. You're really excited but he's never even shown you his real face. You're not much to look at either, your eyes freak some people out, and you're short and grumpy and now have a bitching piercing that you still enjoy thoroughly.
He says his hair's dyed with these thin white tips over his black hair, he says people either love or hate the new look but he hasn't had a bully problem since middle school. You agree that middle school is the worst idea ever and it's a horrible place.
After the stillbirth your mother moved back to the states, and she's a dedicated stay-at-home wife who consistently dotes on you day in and day out. Sollux says it's cute how much you complain about something so typical. Mom's just so overprotective now, though. She's been thinking about the college plans a lot lately. For you. I mean seriously mom, this is kind of something you had to do for YOURSELF!
Sollux's had some ups and downs lately, three months ago his ex girlfriend, who he's still very close friends with, tried to kill herself due to emotional problems and difficulties with schizophrenia. Sollux has been so shaken up about it, but she's alive, albeit kind of a ghost with how she acts apparently. Sollux still has troubles moving on from it.
You've been helping, as far as he always says. You two started a collaboration program assistance thread series on that dumb forum but you both hardly check that damn thing anymore. Sollux still plays Minecraft, too. Which is fucking ridiculous to you! You've moved on to RPGs, like the Tales series, and Final Fantasy. And a bunch of other innovating games that you just really, really love. You've sort of developed a passion for this shit, especially the design and writing.
He says that that's cool and all, but it's just not really his thing. He liked coding. A lot. It's infuriating, and really obnoxious, but he loves it. He's such a masochist, oh god.
After a while your short conversations turned to daily discussions, to skype calls, to a few meetings after a month or so. Things were pretty good. He got a new girlfriend recently, which was kind of nice, and you had finally been on a few dates. This one girl Jade is really amazing.
Things seem to be going almost too well.
It's been five years since first meeting this douche. He's been back to discussions about college recently, and after a long three hour bitch fit about it, you decided to go to the same school, and probably room up together. And you've been having some rather awkward situations go by in your chats... It's really difficult, you've just really kind of wanted to kiss your best friend.
You've never cared about sexuality, but he's just seriously attractive to you. At least a few of your chats recently have ended really awkwardly, with you logging off quickly with a new 'problem' to deal with.
It's been going on for quite a while, you think you really like your best friend. Okay so that's really obvious to you but most likely not to him, right?
Six years now, and why the FUCK did you let that asshole into your life?
You've kind of been wanting him HARDCORE since moving in to the dorm with him, but he's ALWAYS with Feferi. They're almost always making out right in front of you, or pretty much any time. THIS is how things end up? The occasional hanging out and tough college classes and stupid guys having sex every time you just want to come home and sleep?
You've really had trouble with your relationships lately. Let's just say things with Jade ended in a mutual respect for never attempting to date again, and you've really been questioning yourself. It hurts seeing him with her all the damn time, and you've been trying to figure out why that is.
Your stoner friend is kind of good at helping things seem clearer though. So is the blind hottie you are only really attracted to out of spite. But a couple of times with that polyamorous mind-fuck party and you decided maybe you should change roommates. And then you come home to them in YOUR bed. He's on top of her and you can't see her at all but you know they're way deep in that shit.
You haven't gone back to the dorm yet. You don't want to. Your best friend is disgusting and you hate him and the worst part is that you wish it was actually you underneath that skinny form, and not that fishy bitch who's actually really nice and sweet and would be WAY better for him anyway.
You wonder if you'll ever forgive him. School's been really dragging you both down, but he's still done all of this bullshit. Even if he takes some time out of his day to be there for you, and to hang out with you. FUCK IT!
You still talk to him online after moving out. But only online, you refuse to tell him where you live now and to let you hang out with him.
That stops at the end of year six and around the time you get out of college. By the time year seven rolls by you wish you could still forget about him. At the same time your boyfriend is being really affectionate right now. It's so rare, you're smiling even though you know it's just because he's drunk off his ass and too tired for sex.
You should probably trust his affection more, but it's hard to do that. He hasn't said a lot of I love you's but he did today. You can let this slide, you kind of love him too after all.
Then year eight…
You don't like talking about the end of year eight.
Year eleven. Giving an annoyed grunt, Karkat rolled out from under the usual wiry arms trying to keep him in bed. That obnoxious alarm wasn't going to shut itself off though, was it? Nope, it definitely wasn't.
"KK leave it. Don't make me get up yet." His voice is raspy and grainy from how tired he is. It's adorable. You nuzzle him a little, and he takes that as enough incentive to think you'll let him sleep in. Fuck no!
Damn, it's been quite some time already. Eleven years since he met Sollux Captor. His best friend, his college nightmare, that guy with the really nice ass... Your nerdy subordinate.
"We have a meeting in an hour, get the fuck up or I'll make you sleep in your suite for the next month."
"Love you 'two' KK."
Your partner. Boyfriend, whatever the fuck you two could call it. Dating? Shit this is giving you a headache. You try waking him up once again, but lucky him the phone's interrupting you. He should be happy for that. You recognize the number almost immediately. "Father?"
"Сын, твоя мать погашения в течение нескольких недель. Вы все еще подходили к свидетелями рождения?" (Son, your mother's due in a few weeks. Are you still coming up to witness the birth?)
wow sorry, hope you weren't looking forward to this shit or something.
Merry Christmas!