21. Virgil and Gordon – Decoy
decoy: noun
1. a bird or mammal, or an imitation of one, used by hunters to attract other birds or mammals.
"I don't think this is going to work."
"Trust me, Virg. It'll work."
Virgil closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. It wasn't going to work. It was never going to work. And yet Gordon was still going to try.
"If you say so," Virgil said, "but don't complain when I get to say, 'I told you so.'"
"Silence," Gordon said as he handed over the string. "Have faith, padawan."
Then he was off, loping across the kitchen with giant steps, leaving Virgil behind. Alone, now he crouched behind the kitchen counter with the string in his hand. And tied to the other end?
A bagel.
This was never going to work.
His legs were going numb when he heard the tell-tale trip that signalled John was on his way. Alright, Gordon, Virg thought. Here we go…
John was whistling as he entered the kitchen. He threw something down onto the table – it sounded heavy but also had a flutter to it. No doubt, it was a book.
Virgil tensed as the footsteps drew closer. By now, Gordon would be in place. There was a delighted little 'ooh' when John noticed the bagel. As soon as Virgil felt pressure on the end of the line, he tugged.
"Huh?"
There was pressure on the line again; Virgil pulled.
"What the heck?"
Please forgive me, John. He made me do it… Virgil pulled on the bagel again. Now that John's attention was fully absorbed in the decoy, it was Gordon's time to strike.
"NO REGRETS!"
"What the – AAAAAAAAAH!"
Clad in a superman style cape and a pair of John's own rocket boots and wielding two cans of silly string, Gordon flew across the kitchen to barrel straight into the red head. And down they went, kicking and screaming with colourful string spraying in all directions – with Gordon's manic laughter a chorus to it all.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY IS THIS?"
Daring to peek around the corner of the counter, Virgil jammed a hand over his mouth to stop the laugh from bursting out. John was covered in orange and green string, half-cocooned in the cape with Gordon straddling him, spraying more string into his hair.
"NO REGRETS!" Gordon cried again.
"GORDON TRACY, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU – AND WHOEVER WAS ON THE OTHER END OF THAT BAGEL!"
Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. I'm not going down for this, Virgil thought as he cast the string aside. Sorry, brother!
Thankfully, Gordon had become an effective decoy for his escape. John was still blinded by string and tangled in a swath of fabric. The time was right. The opportunity was there. So Virgil ran.