Chapter 20

She could feel the rain against her, beating her for what she had dared to do—for hurting both of the boys she cared about it. She didn't cry out when the rain began to flog her, knowing she deserved every bit of it. The rain only served to remind her of what she had done and what her father had done to her and her mother.

"Sirius, her fever is getting worse," she heard a worried voice mutter. "We've got to get her to the castle as soon as possible."

"I know," a male voice answered. "Just distract the shopkeeper and I'll get her into the passage. You can wait for James and the others here right?"

There was a pause before the other voice spoke again. "Yeah, I suppose, but take care of her."

"You know I will."

The cold hit her skin like a ton of bricks. She had no idea where she was, but it was dark and gloomy. For a moment, she thought that Bellatrix or someone from Regulus' family might have found her, but she pushed the falsehood away, because if Bellatrix had found her, she wouldn't be alright. Then Sirius' face appeared in her line of vision.

"You're burning up," he muttered.

She wanted to scream at him that she wasn't hot at all, but quite the opposite in fact. He didn't seem to notice that she was awake. She tried to grab any part of him she could reach, the words to tell him how sorry she was on the tip of her tongue, but the ache was too unbearable. Moving any part of her body seemed like an impossibility right now.

"You're awake," Sirius sounded surprised. "Listen, Marlene, I've got to get you into the passage under Honeydukes so we can get you to Madam Pomfrey. If you can, will you help me?"

Marlene was able to nod before everything went black once again.

An urgent voice met Marlene's ears. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but she did hear one word clearly. It was 'fine'. She tried to open her eyes, but that seemed like yet another impossible task so she opted to keep them closed. Then she felt a warm hand in hers.

"Mars?" Lily's voice rang in her ears. "Can you hear me? If you can, could you just. . . .squeeze my hand or something."

As much as it pained her, Marlene managed to squeeze her friend's hand. She could hear Lily gasp and then call to someone though she didn't catch the name. Then her other hand was taken and she knew immediately whose hand this was. It was the hand that had that had held hers for some many years, through the good and the bad, thick and thin.

"Are you sure?" Alice asked.

"Positive," Lily replied. "I felt the pressure. I wasn't imagining anything."

"Alright, girls, I know you want to stay with your friend, but she's had quite enough for one day," Madam Pomfrey's stern voice called to them. "She needs rest and so do you."

Marlene blinked at the bright light that was streaming into her eyes. Her dreams were muddled with reality until she couldn't make out truth from fantasy. She remembered that Lily and Sirius found her in that alleyway, but beyond that there wasn't much she can go on. She sighed and threw her legs over the bed, supposing she was going to have to find out what happened on her own.

"Now, now, Ms. McKinnon," Madam Pomfrey scolded her when she noticed that her patient was stirring. "You shouldn't be up so soon and don't give me any excuses about feeling just fine. I still need to make sure you're completely healed before you go."

Marlene rolled her eyes as the lady began to fuss over her. She wanted to leave and go find Lily, but she was stuck in the Hospital Wing with Madam I Like to Make Things More Complicated Than They Are. When Marlene was finally released, she was told that she could skip classes today because they had already started and there was no use in troubling Professor McGonagall. So Marlene went up to Gryffindor Tower, completely and utterly bored.

When she reached the tower, she found it deserted. When she wanted to talk someone, of course, no one was there. Without her friends to answer her questions, her mind began to drift to the one thing that she didn't want to think about ever again. Her father.

She didn't want to see him ever again, that was for certain. Even though her mother had urged her not to hold this against her father, Marlene knew she would never be able to look at him again and consider him the same man she had called 'daddy'. She wondered what the other woman in his life were like. Was she tall, short? Blonde, brunette? Bubbly, quiet? Thousands of questions raced through her mind, but she had the answer to none of them. The only person who did was her father.

How does one forgive such a transgression? she thought. Of course, it wouldn't be easy for her, but she knew she had to talk to him. She couldn't hold something like that against her father, when she was guilty of almost exactly the same thing. It was wrong and horribly hypocritical. She was already a coward; she wouldn't be made into a hypocrite.

Just as her thoughts threatened to overwhelm her, the patriot hole swung open and Mary tripped inside. Marlene bolted up from the couch as if it had burned her.

"Oh, you're alright!" her friend exclaimed, before throwing her arms around Marlene's neck. "I'm so happy. We were so worried about you!"

Marlene nodded and let Mary hug her. She felt sheltered in her arms. If she stayed here, then she wouldn't have to face what her father had done—what she had done. Sadly, life always goes on, whether we like it or not.

Once all of her friends were done hugging her, they dragged her up to the girls' dormitory to talk some place that was more private. Marlene allowed herself to be pulled along with the other girls, not minding a bit, because she couldn't help it. She had missed them. They sat her down on her bed and Alice flicked her arm.

"If you ever try to run out on us again, I'll kill you," she told her.

"Sorry," Marlene muttered, rubbing her arm. A blush crept onto her face as thought about childish and immature she had acted when she had received the letter. There was no running away from your problems, she had realized. You could only face them.

"I'm so sorry about your parents," Lily told her, a sad smile etched on her face. "I know that it must be hard, but on the bright side, it's not like you have to see the woman or the children he fathered since they don't live in the country. Unless you want to meet them."

Marlene shook her head. "No. No, I don't. But now that I know about them, I think I'll always be curious about them. I've never had siblings so I don't know how I should react to suddenly having so many brothers and sisters. Mum said that there were at least two that she knew of. I don't know how many there are that she doesn't know about. I just don't want to talk about it at all. I hate what he did to us."

"Well, what you said isn't completely true," Dorcas pipes up. "You've got us and we're as close as sisters. We might not be blood, but we are your family, just as much as your mother or your father."

"Dorcas is right," Lily agreed. "You've still got us and we aren't going anywhere."

Marlene hesitated before she asked the question that was weighing on her mind. "What exactly happened when I left? I remember you and Sirius finding me in that alleyway, but beyond that I don't really remember much."

Lily sighed. "Well, Sirius and I went to Honeydukes and I had to wait for Alice, James, and Remus at the shop. Sirius took you to the Hospital Wing and you were passed out by the time that Alice and I got there. Madam Pomfrey said that you were just running a fever and that you'd be better today. Obviously, she was right."

"Obviously," Marlene muttered. "Anything else I should know?"

"No," Alice answered. "That's all. Well, there was the part where you almost gave us all heart attack."

"Sorry about that," the blonde sighed.

"We better be getting back to class," Mary told the other girls. "We're going to be late if we don't leave now. Unless you want us to stay, Marlene."

She did want them to stay if she was being honest, but she wasn't going to make them miss out on their lessons for it, so instead she waved them off. With the girls gone, she pulled out a book from under her bed and tried to read, but failed miserably. Her mind was too excited to pay attention to the words that were running across the pages. Sighing, she put the book on her nightstand and decided to go down to the common room for a bit. Before she reached it though, she heard voices that made her stop on the stairs.

"Don't be this way, Lily," James pleaded. "How are we supposed to sort this out if you won't talk to me?"

"James, there's nothing to sort out," Lily sighed. "You know it as well as I do. I'm sorry."

"Don't say that," he told her. "Don't talk about us like we're already over. We're not. Everyone goes through hard times. I know we can get through this if we try."

"No, James, we can't," there was tenderness in Lily's voice. "You know it as well as I do. Because it's not about you and me. It's about our loyalties. I don't blame you for taking Sirius' side. He's your friend, but you have to remember that Marlene is mine as well. If I asked you to choose between me and the other Marauders, I know what the inevitable outcome would be. You'd choose them a million times before you would choose me. They're your family and I'm not going to ask you to choose your family over me. I'm not judging you for that, believe me. I would do the same thing."

"Lily, please don't do this," he ground out through his teeth. "Don't end it over something like this. I can live with the fact that Sirius and Peter dislike you a bit. Remus is still found of you. Don't make this about them. It's not. It's about us. We were over before we even got started."

Marlene could hear the tears in Lily's voice. "James, don't make this any harder than it is. Maybe it's better that we end this on more civil ground. I don't want to continue this only to have a messy break up with you two weeks from now. I will always cherish the time we had together. It was. . . .beautiful, but everything comes to end. I'm sorry, but this the end for us. Believe me, when I say that I wish it wasn't."

James sighed. "I'm not going to change your mind, am I? For what it's worth, I cared a lot about you. More than I've ever cared about any other girl. If you ever want to talk about giving us another chance, I will always be open for that discussion. Got it?"

"Yeah, James, I get it," Lily replied. There was silence then Marlene heard a shuffling sound. Suddenly the sound of lips meeting lips filled the air. Then it was silent again. "Goodbye, James."

Lily's footsteps echoed out of the common room and after a few minutes, James' followed. Marlene slid down the wall. How had she managed yet again to destroy something so pure and innocent before it had even begun? It seemed that everything she touched was destroyed.

Standing up, she realized what she had to do. No matter the outcome, she had do what was right. So she pushed her pride and her feelings aside for the time being. Marching up the stairs, she found a ponytail and pulled her hair back. Once she had straightened her clothes in the mirror, she turned and climbed down the stairs, prepared to face the mistakes she had made over the past school year.

Her walk to the dungeon was a slow one. Marlene's feet dragged across the floor the whole way. Her posture resembled exactly how she felt. She didn't want to do this, so she was making every effort to prolong the process. Finally, she reached the dungeons and Professor Slughorn's classroom. The fifth years were filing out of it, chattering about this and that. Marlene spotted Regulus immediately. He was taller than nearly everyone in his class.

"Regulus," she said as she snatched his sleeve. There was no need though; he stopped dead when he heard her voice. "I need to talk to you."

"Go on," he told his friends. "I'll be there in a minute. What do you want?"

Marlene stepped back at the harshness in his tone. "I needed to tell you that I'm sorry-"

"I really don't care," Regulus interrupted her, holding up his hand. "I don't want to hear your apologizes. They mean nothing after what you did to me. I can't forgive you for it. At least, not any time soon. I need my space, Marlene. If you can give me that, then maybe we have a shot at being friends later on."

"Ok, I can do that," she nodded. "But first can I at least say what I came to say? It won't hurt you to hear it, will it?"

Regulus looked skeptical. Honestly, she didn't blame him, but she needed to tell him this. She was prepared for him to walk away from her. What she wasn't prepared for was for him to deny her the right to talk to him. She needed this chance since it was the last she would probably ever get. She needed him to listen to her now more than ever. Finally, he nodded as he bit his lip.

"Thank you," she breathed. "I know what I did hurt you and I'm truly sorry for that. You trusted me with your heart and I was careless as you never were with mine. I was cruel and careless and for that I am sorry. However, I didn't make up any of the things I said to you. All of that, every last word, was real. I hope you know that. I would never have faked my feelings for you. I'm sorry we didn't work out and I really wish that things could be different, but they can't. So I guess I'm just sorry."

Regulus bit his lip as he stared at her. She thought that after her speech, he would leave or give her a tongue lashing, but she hadn't expected him to stay and not say a word. It was a bit unnerving. Shifting her weight from foot to foot, Marlene tried to read his face, but it was impassive. For a minute, she thought he was just going to stand there and she was going to have to say something else to make him move again when he finally spoke.

"You can't just say stuff like that," he burst out. "You can't just come down here and blurt out your heart to me anymore, Marlene. We're not engaged and we're certainly not friends. You don't know what I'm going to do with the information you just gave me. I could use it against you one day, if I had the mind to. I could get into your good graces and try to kill you once you let me through the door. Besides, it's not fair. I'm left feeling all these things that I don't want to feel for you and you're going to go riding off into the sunset with my brother or whoever else falls for your charms!"

Marlene looked down as she realized what he meant. His words made her hate herself all the more. She wondered just how much damage she had down to the boy in front of her. Merlin knew, she didn't want to hurt him. However, here she was standing guiltily and here he was with his heart shattered to pieces. What a cruel woman she was indeed.

"I do love you," she mumbled.

"Yes, I know you love me, but not the same way I love you. I wish you weren't my whole world. I wish I wouldn't have to look into your eyes and only want you. Because now that reality woke me up, I realized I have to deal with the fact that you're gone and you can never win back my trust."

"Never say never."

"Marlene, why are you still here?" he asked tired.

"I wanted to know if maybe we could be friends," she admitted. "Obviously not now while we're both hurting from this, but later in life when all of this is in the past. Because honestly, I want to be your friend again one day. You're a good friend, Regulus."

"I don't know," he replied. "The future has a way of unraveling itself and we can't control what it has in store for us. I don't know if we'll ever be friends again, Marlene, but I won't say that we won't. Maybe one day, really, really far off, we'll meet again. And maybe on that day, I won't be mad at you for what you did to me. I don't know. It's just something we'll have to wait out. But for now, I can't be around you and I hope that you respect my wishes."

Marlene nodded, stepping back. The least she could do was respect his wishes. Regulus looked at her with surprise in his eyes before turning away from her and walking down the corridor to his next class. Marlene wondered if he knew how hard this was for her. Letting him go was like letting a part of herself walk away. Sadly, she had to do it.

Turning around, she trudged back to Gryffindor tower, hoping that her friends hadn't rushed back from their classes to see her again. They would worry about her if they found that she wasn't in the dormitory.

Once she reached the tower, she climbed the stairs to her room. Pushing the door open, she found her bed and fell face down on top of it. It was like all of the energy had been drained from her body after her talk with Regulus.

She knew that he wouldn't want to talk to her anymore, but it still hurt to hear him say it. Regulus was kind and sweet and she had broken his spirit like her father had broken hers. She couldn't bring herself to cry either, because she knew it was unfair. She was the one who had done this to them and now she was paying the price, even if she didn't like it.

Slowly, she let herself drift off into unconsciousness, not realizing just how tired she was until this moment.

When Marlene awoke from her sleep, the last bit of sunlight was trickling in from the window. Sighing, she sat up and looked around. It seemed that girls weren't anywhere to be seen. She wondered if they were down at dinner or if they were in the common room because they hadn't wanted to disturb her. Silently, she crept down the stairs. Voices meant her ears yet again, making her stop.

"She's out cold," Lily was saying. "She needs her rest and we should leave her alone. Tomorrow is going to be a big day for her. Those rumors are brutal. Especially, since nearly every Slytherin fifth year saw her with Regulus earlier today."

Marlene winced. She hadn't thought about what everyone else would think about her coming to see Regulus. Of course, she was a bit preoccupied by her guilt at the time so it might have thought about the consequences of her visit with Regulus. Everything she seemed to lately only caused her trouble.

"She's fragile right now," Alice spoke up. "We have to make sure that no one hurts her. We have to protect her from everything that they're saying. All those horrible things."

Marlene's mouth feel open. She couldn't believe Alice had just said that about her. She was far from fragile, at least, that's how she hoped she presented herself. She was not a child that needed to be protected. Her friends were some of the best people in her life, but she hated it when they treated her like a child. It had happened more than once throughout their years at Hogwarts. Lily always felt like she needed to mother someone and sometimes she dragged the others in with her. She'd done it to Mary in fifth year when her first boyfriend broke up with her. Now she was going to try and do it to Marlene.

"What about Sirius?" Mary asked.

"What about Sirius?" Lily repeated annoyance, seeping into her voice.

"Don't we have to protect her from him to?" Mary explained. "I know he helped you last night, but that doesn't mean he's forgiven her. He could still be mad at her and he could spread rumors about just as easily as anyone else. He knows a lot about her."

There was silence in the common room before Lily spoke again. "No, he wouldn't do that. Even Sirius isn't that cruel. Besides he cared for her a lot."

"That doesn't mean he's going to keep his mouth shut," Alice replied.

"He's not going to say anything, Alice," Lily snapped. "Just drop it."

There was steel in Lily's voice, darling the other girls to challenge her. Alice was the only who might consider it, but she stayed quiet as well. Finally, there was rustling.

"Did you talk to him?" Dorcas asked.

"Sirius?" Lily questioned. "No. I haven't spoken with him since last night. Actually, I think he's been avoiding us."

The portrait opened and the girls feel silent. Marlene strained to ear who it was.

"Is there a reason you're all in the common room?" Emmeline asked, but her voice didn't hold it's usual bite. Instead, she just sounded tired.

"Letting Marlene rest," Lily answered. "She needs her sleep."

"And you're planning to sleep down here all not because she can't stand to have someone walk in the room?" the sarcasm was back.

"Look, Emmeline-"

"Forget it," she interrupted. "I'm going to bed. You guys can whatever party you want down here as long as you don't wake me up when you come up to the dorm."

Marlene heard Emmeline move forward and scrambled up the steps. Quickly, she jumped into bed and pulled the covers her. She tried to make her breathing as even as possible even though her heart was hammering wildly in her chest, like a bird trapped in a cage. The door creaked up and Emmeline stepped inside the door shutting it softly, before moving in the direction of her bed.

Marlene tried not to shift when her nose started to itch. These things always seemed to happen at the most inconvenient times. There was the rustling of clothing; the blonde assumed that Emmeline was changing into her night clothes. After a minute, she heard the bed across the room creak and then a light was turned on from across the room. Doing her best not to blink, Marlene tightened her blanket slightly around herself and willed her nose to stop itching. It didn't work; that only made her nose itch worse.

"Marlene, you might as well quit pretending," Emmeline spoke up, bored. "I know you're awake."

Marlene sat up. "How did you know that?"

Emmeline raised her eyebrows. "Because I'm smart? Besides, I saw you running up the stairs. You're not that fast."

"So why did you say anything to me?" she asked.

The brunette shrugged. "Because I know how it feels. Tomorrow isn't going to be some joy ride. People are talking and they'll continue to talk until some other scandal breeches these halls. I know what that's like and trust me it's not fun. Especially when you're seen as the bad guy."

"Well, thanks for the warning."

"Marlene," Emmeline called to her as the blonde was about to lay back down. "They're going to try and baby you, you know?" When Marlene nodded, she continued. "Don't let them. They're your friends I understand that, but they're not always going to be there to shelter you from the world. You're going to have to do that on your own. It's time you start learning."

Marlene looked at the other girl—really looked at her—for the first time. She knew Emmeline didn't have the most charming life, but she had never thought about Emmeline's life at home. Something had caused this girl to become as hard as a rock over the years and for the first time, Marlene wondered what it was. She wondered what could have possibly hurt Emmeline.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because there's a war coming," she stated simply. "There's a war and petty school fights don't matter anymore. I don't care anymore if we were fighting or if we hated each other. Out there it's going to be us against them and I'd much rather have someone who I knew was going to fight beside me make sure that I was alive rather than do a half job at trying to save me because I didn't settle a school fight."

Marlene realized just how correct Emmeline was in her thinking. They were going into a war, like it or not, and they were going to have to fight together or fall apart at the seems. That thought scared Marlene more than anything.

A/N: Hey, guys! So I had trouble writing this chapter. Not sure why, but I did. Finally finished it though. Hope you like. Review!