Tiniest Notion
The car ride back is an awkward one. Between the kiss and getting called a slut, I just don't know what to say. Spencer insisted I still wear the blindfold so that doesn't help. I move my hand and blindly feel for Spencer's.
"It's on the wheel"
"What?" I reply. I know what she is talking about, but I need to hear her voice.
"Both of my hands on the wheel even if I did have a free hand; I wouldn't let you hold it." She's being cold to me and I miss the Spencer that grabbed my hand before the party.
"Why is that?"
"Because holding your hand would make it harder"
"Make what harder?" I hear the engine cut off and I realize that we have stopped.
"Telling you to get out of my car" I feel her hands untie the blindfold and I come face to face with the saddest blue eyes I've ever seen. Spencer leans in close enough to the point where our lips barely touch. She closes her eyes and leans her forehead against mines.
"Spencer", I whisper. She doesn't open her eyes, she just tightens them. "Spencer." She opens her eyes and at this moment they remind me of Jessica's, holding the slightest bit of innocence. "Why is Glen so against you?"
"He's not against me, just the idea of you with me"
"Glen and you are just alike"
"We are siblings", she says in a duh tone.
"Not all siblings are alike, look at you and Amy." Or me and Kyla, I think to myself. Spencer pulls away from me and sits back in her seat. She grips the wheel and stares off somewhere.
"I wish I was like Amy", she states. "Amy wouldn't have done what I did, she is a better person than I could ever hope to be"
"You have a warped vision of what makes a good person." Spencer hits the horn and I jump from the noise. "Plus you seem like an amazing person."
"If you think that maybe you're the warped one"
"You're taking care of some girl's little brother while she is god knows where. So yeah, I think you are."
"How do you know I didn't do something to her? How do you know its not my fault that she is gone?" Spencer yells. She turns to glare at me and her facial expression is fierce.
"Did you?" I whisper. "Is that why you adopted him?" Spencer looks away from me and focuses her attention on the steering wheel.
"Ashley, why did you kiss me back?" I sigh to myself before looking out the window.
"I wanted to know what your lips feel like", I confess.
"Was it everything you thought it would be?" She says it sarcastically and it bothers me.
"If I said yes, would you do it again" I don't know where the courage to ask came from, but I'm not about to take it back. My head turns slowly to see Spencer's reaction. She looks as she is having an internal debate. "It's a yes or…" I'm cut off by a pair of lips that I've become addicted to feeling. I think it's because I know her kisses are rare, something I won't get too often and that's if I get another one. Spencer doesn't tease like Jessica; she doesn't bite or lick my lips. She kisses them like she is trying to savor the flavor. Her hand land on my thigh and I almost explode from her gentle touch. Spencer's lips leave mines for air, but I'm quick to claim them back. I know that if either of us stops kissing long enough our thoughts will get in the way. It may sound selfish, but I don't want to think about the consequences. I just want to keep kissing Spencer until I die of lack of oxygen. Spencer, however, has different plans because she pulls away completely.
"You should go", she says calmly. I'm desperately searching for words to save the moment, anything that will get her wonderful taste back on my lips. "Don't say anything, just go. I can't do this with you Ashley. You have a girlfriend and I'm… meant to be alone. Go home and be with Jessica and forget about me."
"Um… I guess" I want to be mad at her for kissing me one second and kicking me out the next. Then again I am the one doing wrong, so can I really be mad at her? I reach for the door handle, but I'm stopped by Spencer.
"Let me get that." She opens her door to get out, but I stop her this time.
"I can open the door for myself"
"I know", she replies. She still gets out of the car and comes around to open my door. I get out with her assistance and step out of the way while she closes the door.
"You make it hard to hate you when you're being so polite" I stick my hands in my pants and kick the dirt below my feet. She chuckles to herself and looks me straight into my eyes.
"Drive safely…… Ashley Davies" The way she says my name attracts me to her more than I can explain. I'm about to go in for another kiss, but Spencer walks back around the car to get in the driver's side. Within minutes I am watching her Porsche's taillights fade away. I stand in the same spot, replaying tonight through my head.
"I am so confused", I say to myself.
I arrive at Jessica's house, hesitant to go inside. The thought of seeing Jessica after being with Spencer… I just don't know. I decide to get out of the car and go into the house. The front door is open so I just walk in. I look around and see a movie playing on the TV. Thinking that someone forgot to turn it off, I walk over to shut it off. I hear strange noises and when I look towards the sound I see Kyla and Aiden kissing.
"What in the…" Kyla jumps off of Aiden and they scramble to fix themselves. "I mean I heard you to were together, but wow"
"I… we… I should get home" Kyla stutters. I hold my hands up and start walking towards the stairs.
"Don't stop on my account" I reach the stairs and start up them. Halfway up the stairs I stop and look back at them. Aiden is brushing Kyla's hair behind her ear and she is giggling.
"You are really something special Aiden Dennison", Kyla says. Aiden pecks her lips and she pushes him back down on the couch. I have this strange feeling that they will be together for a long time. Slowly, but surely I walk up the stairs and to Jessica's room. She is asleep on the bed and the DVD is still playing. I walk over to the bed and lay down in front of her. Her eyes flutter open and she gives a small smile.
"Hey you", she whispers with a raspy voice.
"Hey", I whisper back. "How long have you been sleep?" She turns her head to look at the clock.
"A couple of hours, I missed you Ashes"
"I know you did", I reply.
"Did you miss me too?"
"You should go back to sleep Jesse"
"I will when you tell me you missed me", she responds. She drags her fingers across my arm.
"Yeah, I missed you"
"Good to know." With that said she kisses me and goes back to sleep. I stay awake uncomfortable with the lie I told.
Morning came and I'm lying in Jessica's bed trying to avoid getting up. All last night I kept thinking of Spencer and wishing I could see her again, thinking of those ocean blue eyes and mysterious demeanor. I wondered about her lips and how they managed to convey feelings I've never felt before. Those thoughts plague me again at this moment. I need to see Spencer right now, but I know I shouldn't. On the side of me there is a note from Jessica saying she went out with Aiden to get some fresh air. The note ends with her telling me she will be back in a couple of hours and she loves me. Her note has a heart at the bottom with XOXO next to it. I remember when I use to love getting these notes and I saved every single one of them. Now I'm looking at her note and feeling nothing, but guilt. Guilt for letting someone be close to me in a way that only Jessica should, being kissed by someone who wasn't my girlfriend, even more guilt for liking the kiss. My thoughts soon leave Jessica and focus fully on Spencer. I try to think of everything I know about her and come to realize it isn't much. The only way to find out more is to talk to her, but I'm sure she wants nothing to do with me. I wonder if I should let it go, let her go and go back to the way things were before. Then I realize it is way too late for that so I get up and get ready to leave the house and see Spencer.
The drive to the cliffs is a short one thanks to my running a few red lights. I park close enough to walk, but far away enough so Spencer cant see my car. My feet make noise against the gravel as I make my way into the parking area. Spencer's Porsche catches my eye and I become excited at the fact that she is here. I walk up the hiking path and see Spencer sitting on the edge of the cliff, playing her guitar. She strums a tune that sounds familiar so I stay behind and listen.
"Love of mine, someday you will die, but I'll be close behind. I'll follow you into the dark. No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white. Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark. If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied and illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs. If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark." She keeps playing the same chords, but stops singing. "I know you are there"
"Is that why you come here? To sing?"
"And to think, it's a great thinking spot, but you already know that" I walk towards her and sit down as close as possible. "What are you doing here?"
"My original plan was to lie and tell you that I'm here to talk to my dad, but I can't." She sighs, but continues to play. "I came here because I really wanted to see you." Spencer doesn't say anything she just nods her head. "Say something"
"You have a girlfriend", she says in a monotone.
"I know, but does that really mean we can't… I don't know… hang out?" Spencer keeps playing random chords. "I just really don't want to stop seeing you." I stop her from playing and grab her hand.
"What would you tell Jessica?"
"The truth… that I'm hanging out with you"
"I'm not much fun." She looks at me with a smirk on her face. I grin at her comment.
"I'll be the judge of that." She shakes her head and let's go of my hand, to put the guitar on the side of her.
"Ashley Davies, you are one persistent girl", Spencer jokes.
"Is that a good thing?" I question.
"Yeah it is"
"So… what are you doing today? If you don't mind me asking"
"My family is having a barbeque", she states.
"That's nice, is today a special occasion?"
"Its Sunday, my family has a barbeque every Sunday. My parents started this tradition a couple of years ago when we all started to move out of the house. They said they wanted to make sure that we didn't drift apart as a family" I nod my head and secretly wish that I had a family tradition like that.
"Why aren't you there now?"
"I was hoping my date would show up", she replies. I visibly deflate and feel disappointed, even though I have no right to.
"That's cool… you're going on a date, that's good. Dates are a good thing they allow us to meet new people and form new relationships" I clap my hands together and rub them. "You would probably want to get out there in the dating world" Spencer chuckles and I stare are her in confusion.
"Are you done?" she asks. I nod my head and she reaches behind her to pull out the blindfold. "Good because you were going to make us late" I grin at her and immediately feel stupid for my rant. "Don't feel stupid for the rant, it was cute" She stands up with her guitar in hand and offers me the hand with the blindfold in it. I take her hand and she pulls me up so I end up close to her face. "We have to stop meeting like this", she jokes.
"Let's get to your car" She shakes her head in agreement and we start walking to her car.
"Speaking of your car, how can you afford it?"
"That's a pretty blunt question"
"I'm just curious"
"My family is wealthy; we own a lot of businesses in L.A." This information catches me off guard.
"How did you come into all this money Miss Carlin?" I nudge her with my shoulder, but she doesn't seem fazed by it.
"My family has always had money; it started with my great grandparents. They invested into some stocks and by time it got to my grandparents the stock was worth a lot of money. My grandparents sold the stocks and invested in some businesses, passed those down to my parents"
"So what do your parents do with all this money?" We reach the car and she puts the blindfold over my eyes.
"They put majority of it into trust funds for Amy, Clay, Glen, and I. We all got our money when we turned eighteen, you know, except for Amy" She ties the blindfold and helps me into the car. I wait for her to open the driver's side and get in. When she gets into the car she continues talking while she drives. "We put a lot of money into grants and donating to charity. Once a year we even send an aspiring artist to attend school in Paris. It's a full ride and the only thing we ask in return is that they attend a couple of family Sundays"
"Wow that's amazing. You family is really generous, but if they have all that money, why work? At the coffee house"
"My mom really wanted a place that would serve as a getaway for people. She also requested that only family work there"
"So you, Glen, Clay, and Amy work there?"
"And Madison and Chelsea… we're here." I remove the blindfold and frown.
"What's wrong?" Spencer asks.
"Yesterday" Spencer shakes her head in comprehension.
"It was just yesterday that that whole mess happened. Don't you think its too soon to be bringing me around again?"
"I admit that yesterday wasn't the best, but I talked to Rowan and Amy" I roll my eyes at the mention of Amy. "Rowan promised to be on his best behavior if you ever came around again"
"And Amy?"
"Amy promised she wouldn't verbalize her thoughts, but will continue to give you dirty looks"
"I can deal with dirty looks, but what about Glen?" She looks puzzled.
"What about Glen?"
"Is he going to continue to tell me to stay away from you?" She doesn't miss a beat in responding.
"Yes and he is right in doing so" I scrunch my face up in a frown and she sighs. "But if it would make you feel better, I'll ask if he can lay off a little"
"A little?"
"Yes a little, he's only looking out for your best interest. You can't really be mad at him for doing that" She's right, he really does seem like a nice guy. "He is a nice guy" I look at Spencer with an eyebrow raised.
"Can you read my mind?"
"No, but I wish I could, not just yours, but everyone's. Then I could figure out what my family really thinks of me, of the things I've done" Spencer lies her head on the steering wheel and lets out another sigh. I take my hand and rub small circles on her back.
"It can't possibly be that bad", Spencer flinches from me with a visible scowl.
"What do you know?" her voice just got a little higher, but I don't let it bother me.
"I know that someone who sings so beautifully can't possibly be that bad"
"You really are young" she whispers before getting out of the car. She comes around and opens my door. I get out of the car and take a minute to look at what she's wearing. It's the same hoodie and another pair of black jeans.
"Is it a rule in your family that everyone wear black or something?"
"Not everyone in my family wears black all the time. Amy, Chelsea, and Madison don't wear it all the time. What's wrong with wearing black?" She looks down at her apparel.
"Looks like you're going to a funeral" We start walking to the front door.
"Who knows? Maybe I am" We reach the front door and stand in front of it.
"Okay, but can you at least get rid of the hoodie. I like your hair out in the open" She takes off the hoodie and underneath is a plain black shirt. I laugh at the plainness of her shirt and she tilts her head in confusion. There are certain moments in my life that made a huge impact on my life. My first kiss with Jessica, the first time she said I love you, my dad dying, but I'm telling you right now that none of those things seem to compare to right now. When Spencer tilts her head and the sun catches the side of her face I swear to you my world shook. I thought her kisses were amazing, but wow, seeing her do that one move accompanied by a small smile that practically knocked me on my ass. At this moment I knew that Spencer Carlin was no joke, she would be the end of me. This girl would kill my relationship and most likely break my heart, but I couldn't care less.
"Are you okay?" Spencer questions. I try to shake out of the trance, but I can't.
"No", is all I say before taking a step forward and kissing her. She seems shocked by the sudden action, but it quickly passes and she wraps her arms around me. I kiss her with more passion than I knew existed in me. She tries to pull away, but I cup her face and pull her more into it.
"Spencer"
Spencer finally breaks free and gazes into my eyes. I don't break eye contact; my gaze is just as intense. I'm out of breath so my breathing is heavy, her breaths match mines.
"Spencer" She looks away to look towards the voice that interrupted our kiss. I recognize the person to be Rowan, in his swimming trunks. He looks hurt for the most part, but tries to hide it. "We were waiting on you, I got worried. Hello Ashley"
"Hi Rowan"
"Are you coming inside?" he asks in a begging kind of way. Spencer pulls away completely and walks towards the door. She walks up and hugs Rowan before motioning for me to follow her. I start to walk inside when Rowan stops me; he closes the door and looks at me. His eyes rake over every part of my body and I instantly feel uncomfortable.
"Rowan?"
"She likes you a lot, she didn't tell me, but I know. I haven't seen her, this happy since my sister. She may not show it… or any emotion at all really, but she is. Don't hurt her okay? She's all I have" I take this opportunity to fish for answers.
"What happened to your sister?" Rowan appears put off by my question; as if I wasn't suppose to ask.
"You don't know already?" I shake my head side to side. "My sister is…"
"Rowan" Spencer's voice cuts him off mid sentence. "Your grandparents need help setting up out there, how about you go see what you can do?" Rowan looks at Spencer and nods his head and heads inside the house. "Plan on staying out here forever?" Spencer inquires.
"No, I was just talking to Rowan" Spencer pulls me inside and closes the door behind me. "Spencer what happened to Rowan's sister?"
"She met the wrong girl" Spencer says nonchalantly. She takes my hand and takes me to the backyard where we had our first kiss. When we step outside I see Mr. Carlin at the grill with Mrs. Carlin hanging onto him, laughing at something he said. Amy and Rowan are playing in a pool I didn't recognize before. Clay and Glen are tossing around a football while Madison and Chelsea watch them. Spencer takes me over to her parents and they turn to us with a smile on their face.
"Spencer honey, I see the beautiful Ashley is back. Glad to see Amy didn't scare you off dear, she has a tendency to do that. Our paperboy actually went on strike because of her", Mrs. Carlin jokes. Spencer hugs her parents and I mimic her actions. "Go relax, the food will be ready soon" Spencer pulls me away from her parents and over to the hammock we were in the night before. This time I get in with ease and Spencer lies next to me.
"I like your parents" I murmur. Spencer positions her left arm around my shoulders and I lean into her. She hums in response and I settle into her chest.
"Hey Glen, what do you think about an adult dating a high school girl?" Amy's voice attracts my attention and I try to peer over Spencer's chest to watch her.
"I think that if that adult was truly an adult, they wouldn't date a child" Spencer's eyes stay closed through out this whole exchange between Amy and Glen. "Right, Spencer?" Spencer eyelids stay closed, but she opens her mouth.
"I think some people are too involved in other people's business", she responds.
"And I think some people need to be in other people's business. Then maybe certain things wouldn't happen which causes certain people's parents to pay a lot of money to bail that certain person out of trouble" Glen proclaims.
"Glen", Mr. Carlin shouts. I look at Spencer and she's not even breaking a sweat.
"No dad, we were all finally getting over it and she brings this girl around. This girl who has no idea about anything, do you expect me to stand by and watch something happen to her too?" Then just as quick as lightning, Spencer is up and standing in front of Glen. I'm in shock at how smoothly she got up from the hammock, I barely felt it. They have some sort of staring contest and neither of them back down. "Tell me Spencer, how do you live with yourself? Knowing what you did"
"Glen I advise you to leave this subject alone" I get off the hammock and walk over to the two siblings. Glen looks like he is thinking about Spencer's words.
"I still don't get how mom and dad would help you hide what you did. If it were up to me you would be in jail with all the other criminals" I expected some sort of fight or any reaction from Spencer, but she just takes a step back.
"You and me both" she replies. With that said Spencer walks back into the house.