Chapter 20: Gifting this Lonely Girl with a Fake Boyfriend!
...
Editing and supervision: LordVTP
...
Part 1
"...Let's talk."
Megumin said as she sat on the desk.
Her hair had grown longer these days.
They would hang over her eyes when she tilted her chin down.
But her bright red eyes still shone through her bangs.
"No, wait. Can we have a redo? Let's switch places. Here, stand over here, and I'll sit over there."
Confused by my request, Megumin still did as she was told and switched places with me.
I took her spot, sitting atop the desk while swinging my legs back and forth.
To Megumin who was still looking at me in confusion, I tilted my head down.
With my bangs hanging down over my eyes.
"...Let's talk."
"Wait, that's what you meant?! Why are you reenacting it?!"
Megumin finally lost her facade of composure as she wailed on me.
"It's not fair if Megumin takes the initiative all the time, right? So it's only fair if I take the lead this time, right?"
"There is no way that Kazuma is not aware of how ridiculous you're sounding right now! Just shut up and get down from there already!"
Even though I'm just trying to make things even between us.
"Anyways, let us not digress. I know how these things can go with Kazuma. Let's not make it any more complicated than it has to be. Here, I brought a diagram with me…"
After lecturing me, Megumin took out a rolled up poster paper from out of nowhere.
She unfolded the poster paper.
There was a complex looking diagram drawn on the blueprint like paper.
"This is a comprehensive diagram detailing the progression of our relationship."
"I see, I see. So Megumin is blaming me for making things complicated and then you go ahead and do this."
"It's… It's easier to follow than it seems! Here, let's follow the first stage over here. The first night we spent together in my hometown. I feel this is where it really started…"
"Ah, the first of many blue-balling nights. Yes, I remember it well."
"Don't make it seem like all I do is play with your emotions! I told you that was just a misunderstanding! Regarding our nightly routine, I just wanted to improve our relationship in a way that was still considered chaste and appropriate…"
Ah, really. This maiden.
This is the difference between guys and girls.
Megumin can act like she is on a high ground.
But I'd like to see her deal with the 'hardship' my 'son' always causes me.
As she explained, the diagram detailed the various times when our relationship 'progressed'.
For her it seemed that these events were monumental accomplishments.
For me they were just one blue-balling mishap after another.
"...As you can see, at this point in time, I think we have advanced through enough stages… Does Kazuma know what this means?"
Keeping track of the flags and progress points.
What did Megumin think this was, an eroge?
"I think you're going too far with this diagram, but I understand what Megumin is getting at."
Common sense dictates that she's saying something like 'let's date'.
The others already know about this 'thing' going on between us.
We haven't addressed the matter as a group, but it's pretty much out there.
And as Megumin said, we've progressed past the point of uncertainty.
Awkwardly stealing glances at one another.
Clumsily flirting while worrying about personal boundaries or going too far.
Toiling away with internal conflict and personal insecurity.
All those cliche events, I've had my share already.
If I was a normie, I imagine that things would be much easier.
Those normies who search for love via smartphone dating apps.
Having correspondence for a week and then already meeting up IRL.
And then after another week, they're practically married.
Meanwhile, it's already been several months since Megumin and I acknowledged that there was 'something' going on between us.
At the same time, allowing ourselves to entertain the idea that things may develop further.
Good grief.
I'm in an alternate world where magic and cliched fantasy creatures like dragons and goblins exist.
I'm no longer the NEET I was back in Japan.
I'm still a NEET at heart, but I am supposedly a badass hero right now.
A man who is renowned and wealthy shouldn't be brooding over such juvenile concerns.
I should be drowning in women.
"..."
But I'm not that kind of person.
Freaking out over one girl.
I guess that's the kind of herbivore male I am.
However.
Rather than a beta male…
I'm already like 'Chad' now, aren't I?
Successful in all aspects of life.
Whether it is in the financial sense or in terms of reputation and legacy.
Not Scum-zuma or Crap-uma.
Call me Chad-zuma.
And so…
"...I've decided."
I suddenly turned to Megumin.
Face to face with one another.
Her eyes were wavering, but she didn't retreat.
"...Kazuma?"
Looking her right in the eyes…
"...I'm tired of being a herbivore beta male."
"E-Eh?"
"...I'm a carnivore now. Give me some of that Megu-meat. Rawr."
"What the hell are you saying?! Kazuma spent quite a bit of time staring into space in deep contemplation and this is the result?! Why can't you ever be serious for once!"
"Now, what is the price for this lavish cut of meat, oji-san? This tenderloin that has a nice meaty shade of crimson. Oh, there's a barcode somewhere I can scan? Where is it? Here?"
"Where are you touching?! By 'barcode' does Kazuma mean the tattoo that every Crimson Demon clansman have in their body since birth?!"
Somehow this somewhat serious moment turned into the usual harassment.
While backing away from me somewhat, Megumin sighed and said,
"If Kazuma is already saying all that, then you get where I'm going with this, right? Progressing further… Something like that… Ah, but I'm not talking about going so far as to immediately engage in mature activities, like Kazuma was passionately ranting about last time. Something like that… Come to think of it, we haven't even had a proper date, have we?"
Going on many tangents, Megumin breathlessly arrived at that conclusion.
"Hold on, talking about going on a date, so am I really… Like 'that' with Megumin now?"
"...Let's not go that far… Something like… More than friends, less than…"
"Wah, wah, wah, I can't hear you!"
I covered my ears with my hands.
"What is… What's wrong with Kazuma now?!"
"I know where you're heading with this! I refuse to be friend-zoned! I don't want to be a Beta male anymore! I'm already red-pilled, OK?!"
"Friend-zo…? I don't really know what that means exactly but I have a good idea… That's not what I'm saying, though! Recklessly jumping into things… Isn't it a good idea to go a bit slowly…?"
"Slowly?! What do you think the last half a year of prancing about and toeing the line between 'friends' and 'lovers' have been if not slow?! Ah, I admit that I'm indecisive at times, too, but I've already had enough of that! If Megumin is willing to say it clearly now, I promise to stop acting like those goddamned cliched MCs who haven't got an ounce of assertiveness in their body! Megumin should know a bit of what I feel already right?! Haven't you already been bragging to everyone about how good your 'love life' is already?! Your tall tales are getting published by Arue as we speak! Why is Megumin so conceited in her bragging with everyone else but she turns into a naive maiden whenever it comes time to actually do anything?!"
It all came out.
Breathless from my long speech, I started panting.
"...I-I understand where Kazuma is going with this but… If I just go on ahead and say that we are… lovers, I know that Kazuma will get too excited and expect all sorts of things from me… Physically, I mean. You won't be able to help yourself. But… If you agree to being 'more than friends, less than lovers'... We'll be able to take it slow, I mean with the intimate, mature activities. Starting out with holding hands… Or cuddling. Stuff like that."
Blushing heavily now while her eyes were sparkling a dazzling red.
Megumin started muttering at the end of her explanation.
"...So you're saying that if I agree to be 'more than friends, less than lovers', I'll be able to do standard couple stuff with Megumin, like hugging and holding hands? Will… Will you really?"
"Yeah, I promise… It'll be a give-and-take exchange for your willingness to wait."
"...I refuse."
"W-What?!"
"One of my absolute favorite things to do is to tell someone who I think is blue-balling me, 'no'."
"?!"
Faced with my emphatic rejection, Megumin just stared at me with her mouth hanging.
"...I can't just agree to that! That's crazy! Has Kazuma finally gone insane?! You always bully Aqua about her intelligence but you're the real idiot aren't you?! I don't care what kind of epiphany you had about being an 'alpha' or whatever, it's not like I'll go all the way just because you suddenly act a bit more assertively! Eh, what's Kazuma doing…?"
It's finally happening.
The alpha male genes that have been latent in me is finally awakening.
And I've been working out recently, too.
I've become 'swole'.
"Haaaaahhhh! Haaahhhh!"
While flexing my muscles I started roaring with masculine ferocity.
"?!"
Megumin stood and started retreating towards the window.
She looked at me with growing apprehension.
"Kazuma?!"
"I've surpassed my Beta male form and ascended to an Alpha male! And this is to go even further beyond! Ahhhhhhhh!"
"Kazuma you're scaring me! Calm down! Gah…!"
Megumin yelped a little as she backed up all the way to the window.
A dead end.
"Ahhhhhhhh!"
"Ah, somebody help me!"
While roaring, I charged towards Megumin.
"Steal! Steal! Steal!"
"Stoooop! Noooo! I'm going to be assaulted!"
With Megumin's clothing in my hands, she was now clad only in her underwear.
Seeing a half-naked Megumin that is mine for the taking, my heart started pounding.
Adrenaline coursing through my veins.
"I can't… Take this anymore…!"
At the peak of my sexual repression I leapt into the air.
And then I dove towards my prey!
"...Wait a minute. I'm stronger than Kazuma with my stats, right?"
"...Oh, right."
As I was descending upon her, Megumin came to that realization.
Smiling smugly, she stuck her hand out.
"Mmph!"
She squashed my face and stopped the momentum of my dive.
"Ora!"
And then she heaved me over her head…
...Towards the window.
"Wah!"
Crash!
My body was sent hurling through the broken glass of the window.
"Ah…"
I made eye contact with Megumin just as I was at the apex of her throw.
She stared at me in shock as if just realizing what she had done.
"Kazumaaaaa….!"
She cried out as she peeked her head out of the window, stretching a hand towards my falling self.
"..."
At this point, I had faced death so many times that I didn't feel any despair.
"Gack!"
That didn't stop me from making that sound when I finally hit the ground.
Part 2
"...Hello, Kazuma-san."
"...Long time no see, Eris-sama…"
Rather predictably, I ended up in Eris-sama's realm.
She is pouting at me and didn't look pleased at all.
Perhaps she had seen me lose my cool and attack Megumin?
If that's so… Ah, how embarrassing.
"...You guys didn't visit me…"
"...Eh?"
"Hmph!"
She turned her head away while pouting.
...That's actually kinda cute.
"I don't get it. What's Eris-sama mad about?"
"Hah?! Did you forget already?! Aside from my identity as the chief goddess of this nation, I'm also your big boss and friend, Chris, right? You don't remember?! It's me, it's me!"
"Yes, I know that. I didn't forget."
"I see. Now, tell me, Kazuma-san, you and your party, where are you staying right now in the real world?"
"...The capital…"
Oh, that's right.
I just started to remember.
"Did you actually forget?! Even after we had that touching goodbye, and it seemed as if senpai actually started to care about me, saying such sweet words like 'We'll visit you in the capital soon!', the natural assumption would have been to seek me out as soon as you arrived in the capital, right?! How could you! You guys are monsters!"
"S-Sorry…"
Unable to provide any valid excuses, I bowed my head.
With everything that was going on…
We forgot that Chris had stationed herself in the capital.
"...And don't think I'll overlook your little stunt with Megumin-san. Ah, really. A sinner like you, tell me why I should let you come back down again!"
"I can't tell if Eris-sama is joking right now so can you please stop?!"
Just when I thought Eris-sama was actually being serious, her lips twitched into a smile.
"Tee-hee-hee… Puwah!"
Unable to contain it anymore, her laughter escaped.
"...Ah, don't get me wrong. I'm still mad that you guys forgot about me."
"Oh. Right…"
There was a bit of an awkward pause.
"So… You and Megumin-san, huh?"
Eris-sama asked while smiling slightly.
If everyone already knows about it, of course a goddess would as well
Why can't everyone just mind their own business?
"S-So... What has Eris-sama been up to in the capital?"
I was eager to change the subject to a less awkward one.
"...I have been trying to hunt down this devil I encountered in the capital… One with a weird mask…"
"O-Oh, is that so…?"
By that, she doesn't mean…
"An annoying and arrogant devil who claims to see the future… That smug bastard! When I get my hands on him I'll XXXX and XXXXX and XXXXX until he XXXXX!"
"Eris-sama?!"
The normally gentle Eris-sama unleashed a torrent of foul words.
She then left me alone and asked me to wait.
When she came back, she was pulling with her a cork board on wheels.
Pinned on it were various pictures.
A red string was tacked on and appeared to connect certain pictures to one another.
It looked like something straight out of some cliche detective movie.
Eris-sama pointed to a blurred picture and said,
"...Look at this. The profile… The arrogant demeanor. It's clearly him. The devil I'm chasing. He was seen here, and then here. And then if you follow the trail... I'm convinced that he lives here! He can't fool me! I'm always a step ahead! I'm woke!"
She turned to me with her eyes popping out.
"I'm certain! That devil. I swear to god… I swear to myself. I will XXXX and XXX and with my XXXX I will XXXX until he XXXXX and even XXXXX."
Is this goddess right in the head?
The usually composed Eris-sama started acting like Aqua would when encountering an undead.
No, Eris-sama is much worse.
Wait… Devil… All seeing...
Don't tell me that she happened to encounter that part-time devil?
The masked one working in a certain shop that is always on the verge of bankruptcy.
Eris-sama obsesses over devils and undead for some reason.
Entering a state of lunacy when the subject of devils and undead come out.
If she did meet that condescending, con-man devil…
I understood why she is now panting and giving me crazy eyes.
Jutting her finger on random blurred pictures while saying 'look, look, it's him!'
I don't want to choose sides between these two dangerous individuals.
Siding between a creepy devil and a lunatic goddess.
So... I will not say anything about the matter.
Eventually, Eris-sama regained her composure.
"Ah, sorry about that.
She got so riled up, that she even needed to adjust her pads.
Thank you for giving me a free show.
"...Oi, Kazuma! I'm done healing your body! Tell kouhai to bring you back!"
When Aqua's voice boomed throughout the room, Eris-sama's face twitched.
"...That senpai! Oi, senpai! How come you never bothered to visit me in the capital at all?!"
Eris-sama then looked to me.
She expected me to relay the message.
"Aqua! Eris-sama wants to know why you never bothered to visit her in the capital!"
There was a pause.
"I forgot!"
"I know you forgot! What I want to know is why?! Am I really so nondescript and my presence so insubstantial that I am forgotten so easily?! Please tell me, senpai!"
Eris-sama looked towards me again.
"Um, she seems very mad, Aqua!"
"The whole thing! You have to say the whole thing!"
Please leave me alone already.
I'm not sure what to make of this strange encounter with Eris-sama.
So I just went along and relayed her message.
Eventually, Eris-sama began to come down from her rage.
"...It seems like senpai is just about done healing Kazuma-san. Right now they have all teleported back to Axel. And… Um, I'll let Kazuma-san find out himself."
That sounded very ominous.
"...Sorry again for forgetting about Eris-sama."
"It's OK~ Just don't make it a habit or even I will get mad~ Tee-hee~"
Eris-sama isn't your face kind of twitching right now?
And it doesn't matter how cutesy you make your voice sound.
I can tell that you're actually quite mad?
"Farewell, Kazuma-san! Don't forget about me next time!"
This time, Eris-sama's adorable wink sent shivers of fright along my spine.
...When I returned to consciousness in the real world.
I found myself before the three girls.
Looking around, I saw the familiar sight of our living room.
I tried to move, but found that my movement was restricted.
A tight grip around my torso…
They took the rope I use for the 'Bind' skill.
Tying me up with it.
And here I am, kneeling before them.
"Kazuma…!"
Darkness said while seething.
Aqua was cracking her knuckles while looming over me.
Her eyes were glowing…!
Megumin was the only one who didn't seem like she wanted to beat me up.
But she was still avoiding my gaze.
She seemed content in allowing those two to have free reign on me.
"Wait… Ah, you three must be angry about that little incident! But, wait, I can explain…!"
"It's alright to kill him a bit, Darkness. I can always bring him back from the grave."
"Ah, that's right isn't it? Then I will rely on you."
This is too scary!
"...Um, seeing him like this is a bit sad. Maybe we can hear Kazuma out? He seemed desperate at the time. Maybe Kazuma wasn't in the right state of mind…"
I was saved by this little blue balling temptress.
Even though she got me into this mess in the first place.
Darkness and Aqua eventually saw reason.
I was still tied up but at least the mood is less hostile.
But…
Darkness asked us to give her half an hour to get something.
Then she returned with a familiar looking item.
"That is…!"
"...Let the trial begin."
"!"
Presented before me was the troublesome magic lie detector from before.
Part 3
"...And that, your honor, is why I think Kazuma is the biggest scumbag and disgrace to decent human beings everywhere."
Aqua said as she finished her testimony against me.
Somehow, a trial to determine my innocence was commenced in our living room.
"Thank you, Aqua. You clearly spent a lot of effort thinking about this. I see you even have a pile of manuscript readily available for this impromptu testimony. However, I don't see what any of your personal grievances against Kazuma's character has to do with what we're doing right now..."
"Oh, sorry. I just felt that this was a good opportunity to vent."
"Ah, I see. So someone doesn't mind selling croquettes again just to get by, huh?"
"I'm sorry Kazuma-san!"
I pushed away the lunging Aqua who intended to embrace my legs.
"Ahem… I think that concludes Aqua's testimony."
"Wah! But this is fun! I want to keep going!"
Aqua complained like a brat who was excluded from an activity.
Which is essentially what she is.
"We should just move on to the interrogation."
Turning to me with a cold gaze, Darkness said,
"...Kazuma… Did you intend to force yourself upon Megumin…?"
She started off with a hard question…!
"No..."
Ding! Ding! Ding!
"..." x 4.
"In that moment I lost my cool! Really, that's all it was! I'm not like that at all!"
We all looked at the bell.
It didn't ring.
"So it's really like that after all. My intuition as a Crimson Demon is never wrong."
Megumin said as she nodded to herself.
"...But still… Now that we have the opportunity… There are important matters that need addressing..."
Darkness said while smiling shrewdly.
Megumin and I both sensed what was coming and looked at each other in a panic.
"The 'secret' is already out. Megumin admitted as much during our 'Girls night' sessions. It's only Aqua who hasn't pieced it together until now. The point is, we haven't talked it over as a group yet. And from the conflict earlier, it looks like you two haven't completely figured everything out, either. So… Care to tell us what exactly is going on between you two?"
What had been an interrogation suddenly turned into some kind of marriage counselling.
As if just remembering about the epiphany she had last night…
Aqua stood up from her seat and looked between Megumin and I.
"That's… That's right! It somehow eluded my keen perception all this time, but there's some kind of romance brewing between the loli and the pervert, isn't there?!"
I was feeling so tense that I couldn't retaliate to Aqua's insult.
It was the same for Megumin who was not used to unexpected situations.
Trembling violently, she started walking away from us.
"I still haven't unpacked my luggage so I should go and do that!"
She started to run away.
This loli is actually leaving me to fend for myself!
"Hold it!"
The workhorse Darkness caught up to the sprinting Megumin.
Even with Megumin's increased stats.
Catching the retreating Megumin in a hold.
"Let… Let go of me Darkness! I'm a woman already! Don't treat me like a child and let go of me this instant!"
Darkness did not relent and held on to the squirming Megumin.
"...A real woman doesn't run away from her problems! Now, stay still!"
"No!"
"Very well then… You leave me no choice… Hehe…"
"...'Hehe'?..."
Part 4
...A few minutes had passed.
"..." x 2.
Standing over us was Darkness and Aqua.
"Is this really necessary? Kazuma, your hand is touching a weird place…"
"Darkness, we promise to behave, so untie us, please. And Megumin, your hand is also touching a weird place, so just bear with it like I am right now."
"So you say, but isn't Kazuma enjoying this?"
Just a little bit.
Darkness decided that it was necessary to tie us up.
Back-to-back, our torsos were tied together.
"Hehe. I'm so jealous… I… I mean, now then, let us begin with our discussion…"
Darkness seemed to be enjoying herself as well.
Meanwhile, Aqua was standing by the side with a notebook and pen in hand.
"I'm writing notes so I won't forget a single detail! I must report to the others at the guild!"
And now the situation has completely gotten out of hand.
"What you must know is that I am not doing this to humiliate you two. Consider this as an intervention. As your friend, I want to sort your relationship problems out. Now, as I said, from our 'Girls' night' and from what I've observed or discussed with Kazuma, I know about the attraction between you two. However, I don't know any of the specifics. S-S-S-So, w-w-w-who confessed first?!"
She sure dropped that act quickly.
Aqua was also watching us intently, scribbling into her notebook.
The magical lie detector and a person scribbling down everything thing I say.
This feels too familiar.
"..."
From behind me, I can feel Megumin's small frame shuddering.
Even though Megumin acts tough, sometimes she acts her age.
Very well.
I have no choice.
I will deal with Darkness.
"This loli here was the first to confess to the great and charming me."
"Eh?! What is Kazuma talking about?! Scumbag!"
Darkness wasn't affected by Megumin's screeching and forged on.
"...I can believe that. Kazuma is too weak willed. He will not take the chance even though the opportunity is presented to him. This is what I've been saying to the female fans who became interested in Kazuma after he became famous…"
So that's why I haven't been popular with females at all?
"Oi! I can't just ignore what you said!"
"I've also been doing my part making sure Kazuma doesn't get a big head! If he gathers too many female fans, he will act even more impertinent than he does now!"
Aqua also admitted something I can't ignore.
Megumin who had been squirming all this while suddenly froze.
I could feel the cold sweat soaking through her clothes.
Has everyone here contributed in cock-blocking me?
"Ahem. Let's get back to the important matters…"
No. This matter of my popularity is also important to me.
Darkness began to circle Megumin and I.
Looking down while walking around us…
She's kind of scaring me.
"So, Megumin confessed first. But how did Megumin start feeling that way, in the first place?"
"...Um, despite what Kazuma said it wasn't really a confession. I just wanted to confirm with Kazuma that there was a certain mood developing between us…"
Ding! Ding! Ding!
"I didn't lie!"
I didn't understand why the bell rang, either.
I was just joking before.
Megumin was the first to acknowledge that there was 'something' going on between us.
She initiated that discussion.
It wasn't really a confession, though.
But, couldn't it be...
While we didn't consider is anything more than a hesitant acknowledgement.
Megumin herself… And I did as well…
We subconsciously accepted it as a confession this whole time.
The magic item sensed our lies before we were even aware of it.
Darkness continued hawking over us.
With the magic item there…
We had no option but to tell the truth.
As if accepting this, Megumin sighed.
I felt her tense shoulders give way behind me.
"...Kazuma… Is the only man I am close to… In that way, due to proximity alone, some attraction will inevitably develop."
I awkwardly turned my neck to look at Megumin.
But, she had her face completely turned away from me.
"If it was just that alone, I wouldn't have allowed my attraction to get in the way of my friendship with him, and more importantly, the ties we have together as a party… The comrades who accepted an inadequate mage like me. I wouldn't have risked injuring the relations of our party just because I developed a little crush."
What… What's going on?
Isn't Megumin pouring her heart out right now?
"...My first impressions of Kazuma was that of a somewhat unreliable but honest person. He seemed innocuous at first. But then, for some inconceivable reason, he started advancing in the ranks of the 'pervert' class."
Wait, isn't she just insulting me?
Even when I started to get my hopes up.
As I was about to tell her off, she continued.
"But then, I began to see the good sides of Kazuma. The parts that aren't obvious, that someone else might take for granted. Even though he has the weakest class, he has taken on many tough opponents. Even though he's regarded as a pervert and scum, he cares about his comrades. Even taking time out of his day to accompany me on my explosion routine. This conflicting part of Kazuma… I became a bit obsessed trying to decipher him."
I just noticed that Darkness and Aqua are now sitting in front of us and eagerly listening.
I couldn't help but be mesmerized by Megumin as well.
"When we went to my hometown, as you both know, Kazuma and I happened to share the same room. Kazuma made a mistake with the accommodations and forgot to include Rain-san."
"..."
"That night, we talked about how we had defeated the devil king. About how surreal that felt, and how it was hard to believe that it actually happened. We also talked about how it would be great to spend our lives in peace, now that we've accomplished our goals and dreams. However, what came after that was the realization that instead of pursuing a distant goal like defeating the devil king… Suddenly I had the rest of my life to worry about. Forming my party, challenging the devil king… Proving myself not only to the world, but myself… I've done all those things. But, what comes next? Where does my destiny lie beyond that of Megumin, Axel's Number One mage, one who has mastered explosion magic?"
She repeated what we talked about that night.
But now I have the full picture of Megumin's thought process at the time.
There were quite similar to my own.
Thinking about 'what comes next'.
"Among other things, I naturally considered the possibility of romance… And beyond that… Making a family. Of course, that is the next stage. And… When I was considering this possibility, it just so happened that I began seeing Kazuma as a prime candidate for all these things. I didn't even notice how he wormed his way in to my considerations. It just… Happened. That, on top of the intimate moments we had in my hometown, including the second night we spent together in my old room… I was so panicked and guarded that night, accusing Kazuma of having malicious intentions. In retrospect, I think I was beginning to accept my feelings, and I knew in advance that if Kazuma were to try something… I wouldn't have been able to resist it… And that scared me a little."
I was the same as Megumin.
Thinking about the next stage of life, making a family.
I had no problems considering Megumin as someone I wouldn't mind making a family with.
I even said to her face 'I want to make babies with Megumin in the future'...
This happened that night when I had the lust of a succubus inside me.
That time when I was backed up and going crazy from my blue balls.
Megumin acted oblivious at the time.
Acting like a total maiden.
Attributing my desire to make a family to my pent up lust.
As if the idea of me wanting her in that way is completely foreign.
But from what she's telling me, Megumin is not completely innocent.
"So… All this time, if I had done something, even with Megumin refusing… Something good could have happened?!"
"Sigh… Kazuma doesn't get how a girl's mind works. We can't simply confess to having those kinds of desires..."
Darkness said this like it's an obvious fact.
Disregarding my status as a clueless virgin.
As if lost in her own world, Megumin was indifferent to our bickering.
"… Beyond all that… Admitting that 'something' was going on between us… Spending the nights talking in bed… Although, apparently Kazuma didn't appreciate the gesture and even went so far as to call my attempts at intimacy a 'blue-balling torture'. And then when we bathed together for a second time…"
Why did she have to mention that now?
Darkness started glaring at me but I avoided her gaze.
"...After all these events… Well, it comes to this now."
Finally, Megumin raised her head.
She turned it.
She looked over her shoulder.
Meeting my gaze.
As we were still tied up, with our heads turned to each other…
Our cheeks touched.
"...I made a mistake. Instead of asking Kazuma if he would like to be 'more than friends, less than lovers'..."
Her eyes shining brilliantly, her lips formed into a breathtaking smile.
"...Kazuma… Come, now, and walk the crimson path of romance with me!"
A stunning declaration.
A heartfelt confession that came out of nowhere.
My heart skipped once before pounding relentlessly.
What is this feeling?
Like… I'm so happy that I could die?
Wait...
"...Hnnnnng!"
I really am dying?!
"...K-Kazuma?! Eh?! Something's wrong with Kazuma?!"
"Breathe, Kazuma! Breathe!"
"Heal! Heal! Heal! ...Nothing's working!"
...Eventually, Darkness and Aqua cut the rope tying us together.
They let me lie on the couch.
"...I knew keeping this little one would come in handy!"
Aqua returned from a quick trip to her room, carrying a jar.
Inside the jar was a snow sprite.
Probably the same one Aqua insisted on keeping after my fatal run in with the Winter Shogun.
"...Hah… Hah… Aqua, you promised to kill that thing. We really needed the money at the time."
"Let's… Let's not worry about matters of the past. Here, let this little one calm you…"
"Ah…! Kazuma often says that Chomusuke is an existence that calms his soul. Here, let Chomusuke rest against your chest…"
Aqua is pressing the jar containing the snow sprite against my forehead.
Meanwhile, Megumin placed Chomusuke on my chest.
"Ahhhh…"
"That was quite the scare. But seeing Kazuma have such a strong reaction to Megumin's confession… Even though Kazuma normally acts like a brute, to think he has such a sensitive side…"
Darkness said while smiling wryly.
"This part of Kazuma is very cute."
Megumin smiled as well and reached down to stroke my hair.
"...Hnnnnng!"
"Megumin! I know that you feel liberated after finally getting all your feelings out of your chest, but if you keep assaulting Kazuma with moe, he will die of a heart attack! So stop it already! Heal! Heal! Heal!"
"Gack… Hack…!"
"Kazuuumaaa!" x 3.
Part 5
...I almost suffered from a cardiac arrest.
Somehow almost murdering me with moe.
How dangerous.
Including explosion magic everything about that girl is lethal.
After tending to me, Aqua left me on my own.
I'm in my room now.
"..."
Thinking about what had just transpired…
"YAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I screamed into the night.
From next door…
"Is Kazuma having another heart attack?! Hold on, Kazuma, I'm coming!"
"Sorry, false alarm!"
"Ah, I'm coming…!"
"I told you I'm fine!"
Wait. The first voice belonged to Aqua.
But the second belonged to Darkness.
And when I listen closer, I can hear the sound of a bed creaking.
...Let's not think too deeply about that.
I found myself laying in bed with my eyes wide open.
Hearing the ticking of my clock.
...What happens from now on?
No, it's obvious what will happen.
Megumin will finally teach me how to use 'explosion' magic.
No, no, why is it always the lewd stuff I latch on to?!
Everytime I bring up lewd things, it always scares Megumin away.
Come to think of it, the specifics of our relationship aren't defined yet.
Even though Megumin already confessed.
The limits of what we can do and what we can't haven't been laid out.
The way this usually goes, this matter will go unaddressed for the foreseeable future.
...But, at least we are making progress.
I would be stupid not to have known that Megumin had those kinds of feelings for me.
But hearing them out loud is a relief.
...No, actually I almost died.
"Uwaa~ Megumin~ You're so forward~ Kyaa~!"
I said while hugging my pillow and rolling around.
"..."
For a man to do this.
Isn't this kind of disgusting?
I placed the pillow back to its place and returned to my normal position.
I couldn't sleep until several more hours.
...The next day.
"...G-G-Good morning, everyone!"
"A-Ah! H-Hello! It's good to see Kazuma is looking better…"
"Ah, yes! Thanks for taking care of me, Aqua…"
"...O-Oh! It's good to see Aqua and Kazuma are up early for once! Haha…"
"Yes… haha…"
"...Why are you all acting so weird?"
"?!" x 3.
The only one who wasn't feeling awkward the next morning was Megumin.
Even though she was the one who confessed.
Taking a pitcher of juice and pouring it into a glass.
Megumin looked at us with her eyebrows raised as she sipped on her drink.
"H-Hold on! Megumin was the one who said all those embarrassing things yesterday! Why aren't you acting like a complete maiden right now?!"
I lost sleep while going 'kyaa~!' last night.
Meanwhile, Megumin is here casually sipping juice.
"I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Kazuma should try getting everything off his chest, too. Come to think of it, I didn't hear Kazuma's response yet. Ah, but it doesn't matter. There is no pressure. I expect a sincere and heartfelt response when Kazuma is ready."
Like a monk who had reached enlightenment.
This loli seemed to glow!
"Some… Somehow I sense a holy aura from Megumin! It's so bright! It hurts!"
Aqua said while covering her eyes.
"...Uwaa… This feels so strange. So I guess Kazuma and Megumin is a thing now…"
Darkness said while shifting her gaze from me to Megumin.
"That's… That's right isn't it…?! Um, I don't mind if you two do naughty stuff in the house. In fact, if you have stains that just won't go away, make sure to ask your resident goddess for some effective cleansing water…"
Aqua said something that sounds like a sales pitch.
"Aqua's holy water might suffice, but I also know some home remedies. Ah, I got this remedy from a friend, by the way…"
Despite our panicking, Megumin merely shrugged as if to say 'what can I do'.
"Don't worry. I don't expect much to change. Ah, however, I do wish to finally go on a date with Kazuma."
"A-A-A date?!"
"Kazuma, are you sure you're ready for this?!"
"I-I don't know!"
"Ahhh! Quick, we need to see if the tailor shop is open! Wait, what kind of outfit do you wear on a date?!"
The three of us started yelling into each other's ears
"Really, really. This isn't that big of a deal. As someone who is already in a relationship, I find your worries quite amusing."
I am one half of that relationship you're talking about, though.
...And what relationship is that again?
Somehow it feels like nothing has changed at all!
Part 6
"A picnic after an explosion. This is nice."
"Y-Yeah."
After using 'Drain Touch' to give Megumin enough Mana to walk on her own.
We went atop a small hill to enjoy the scenic beauty of Axel.
This has been our routine lately.
Three days after Megumin's confession, we started started having these picnics.
Rather than 'date', it feels like the same routine as usual.
"Kazuma, here's a sandwich. I made it using grilled purple-fin walloper. It goes well with the Crimson Demon specialty spicy beer… Or at least that's what I'm told. Ah, it might be a bit early for the beer but Aqua normally drinks at this time. It should be alright."
"T-Thank you. Um, sorry. Excuse me. I'll be right back."
Without waiting for a response, I left Megumin.
"W-W-What should I do?! Megumin made me this food. Should I compliment her? Is that too weird?!"
"C-C-Calm down, Kazuma! I think complimenting her a little bit is fine!"
"More importantly, did you compliment her outfit already? Don't forget!"
"But it's just her usual adventuring outfit."
"Even better! Say 'you look as lovely as always'."
Hiding behind some random bushes was my support team.
Aqua and Darkness who were as equally freaked out with the recent development.
They went so far as to accompany Megumin and I during our 'dates'.
Often sneaking around and hiding in foliage like they are now.
"Kazuma? What are you doing in those bushes? If you need to do your business, then take your time. But you can always use this empty bottle over here if you needed to go that badly."
What did she want me to use that bottle for?
After receiving some more frantic advice from my support team.
I went back to Megumin.
"Ahh… The air is so nice. Isn't this relaxing? The weather is perfect, and the sky is so blue…"
Megumin looked up into the clear skies while breathing in the air.
Instead of dating...
It feels like we are two elderly couples sunbathing on the balcony.
Enjoying the weather while sitting on our rocking chairs.
We are engaging in all these placid activities.
And we are supposedly 'dating'.
Yet I'm being blue-balled to an extent I couldn't have imagined before.
And Megumin was even going on before about doing standard couple things like kissing and hugging.
What happened to that?
I feel a bit cheated!
"Alright. I think we've lingered here long enough. Let's start heading back."
"...Right."
As we started packing up, I began thinking.
Megumin said it as much herself, didn't she?
If I had pushed Megumin down when the mood was right, she wouldn't have been able to resist.
She would have went along with it.
And even though Darkness is now part of my support squad and is panicking like I am…
She confirmed that girls don't mind doing lewd stuff.
They are just hesitant to admit to having those kinds of desires.
By that logic…
I should pounce this blue-balling loli right now shouldn't I?!
"Hm? Kazuma, what's wrong?"
Turning around and showing me a serene smile.
"...I was just thinking we should walk around the town a little bit more~!"
"If that's what Kazuma wants, then I'm fine with it."
In the end, I couldn't do it.
I must protect that smile.
Megumin and I finished packing up.
As we made to leave...
I vaguely heard Darkness and Aqua shuffling along the bushes as they followed us.
Somehow, we've come to this sad state of affairs.
…
…
"Even though I said all those things and often teased Kazuma for being a man who won't cross the line even when he has the chance… I'm sorry! I retract my statement! For a Christmas cake of a woman like me who will die as a virgin spinster, I'm sorry for saying such unnecessary things! This is much more difficult than I made it out to be!"
Upon arriving home, Darkness, Aqua and I convened for a strategy meeting.
"I really don't know what to do about this, Kazuma! My primary instinct is to tell everyone in the guild, but I also want to help you out! I'm very conflicted! And in terms of romance, I really don't know what to do! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you and Megumin are in a relationship!"
This has been the pattern recently.
Due to the changes in the party's dynamics, the three of us will share our anxieties.
Darkness who had previously been teasing me and pretentiously imparting love advice.
Acting like an experienced onee-san even though she is as clueless as me.
Then there's Aqua who is slow to understand things as usual.
We'd spend our time worrying about the change in my relationship with Megumin.
Meanwhile, the girl in question seems to be enjoying the recent development without any anxieties.
"So what does Kazuma plan to do from now on?! Another date? Will you take her somewhere else? How about a restaurant. Ah, but that might be too much for only having been dating for three days. How about something casual like meeting up at a cafe? Or how about the theatre? But Megumin is a girl who appreciates unique situations. She might not enjoy such conventional scenarios… Gahh! Courting is way too stressful!"
Darkness gripped her head and started screaming.
"...Bwah… Gah… Bwah…"
Making these weird noises, what looked like steam started blowing out of Aqua's ears.
While these two were malfunctioning from the stress, and as I was about to join them myself…
Knock! Knock!
The sound of someone knocking on the front door.
"...Who is it?"
We could hear Megumin call out from downstairs.
Curious, I went to my room's window, where we convened.
I looked down at the doorstep.
Standing there is a frantic looking Yunyun.
From what I knew of Megumin, she was most likely showing off about her love life again.
Especially to her rival in all things, Yunyun.
And from what I knew of Yunyun, she probably came here in a panic.
Desperate to determine the validity of her rival's boasting.
We went downstairs quickly.
In order to stop any conflicts between those two rivals.
"Ah, Kazuma and everyone. As you can see, Yunyun is here. I will make some tea. Please entertain her."
Smiling gently at us, Megumin left for the kitchen.
For some reason she was wearing an apron.
"Don't tell me Megumin is doing some kind of housewife roleplay?"
Aqua whispered to me as we watched Megumin put on a display of elegance.
One that seemed a bit forced.
Yunyun is also watching in bewilderment.
I studied the Yunyun whom I haven't seen in a while.
Ever since she tried to go for an image change and cut her hair short, she had let her hair grow.
However, she was the same Yunyun as always.
"H-Hello, everyone…!"
Stuttering as she greeted us.
We exchanged the customary greetings and Megumin served tea to everyone.
Then we gathered in the living room.
"...So, Yunyun, what brings you here today?"
Megumin said while crossing her legs and drinking tea.
"Some… Something seems a bit off with Megumin?"
Yunyun studied her rival intensely.
She knew Megumin the longest out of all of us.
She was quick to notice the inconsistencies in Megumin's attitude.
"Let's just say that… Due to recent events I've had the opportunity to grow as a woman…"
"A-A woman?!"
As expected.
Megumin couldn't help but show off.
But from what it seems like…
Yunyun wasn't baited here by Megumin's bragging.
Megumin was just beginning to leave not-so subtle hints now.
"Yunyun, is there a reason why you visited us today?"
Yunyun had been unleashing questions on the coy Megumin.
Her face had been flushed with indignation at Megumin's coyness.
But, when she looked at me, her face seemed to grow even redder.
Her shoulders trembling…
She looked up at me with upturned eyes.
Wait.
Could it be that Yunyun somehow sensed that I am dating (?) Megumin?
Something like her competitive spirit awakening?
Uwaa…
Even though I had fantasies of being adored by many women.
A successful riajuu like me who already has a gf will only be troubled.
To think I would become a heartbreaker.
"...K-Kazuma-san!"
Standing up suddenly, Yunyun stood and faced me.
"...Listen, Yunyun…"
As I was about to gently reject this girl, however...
"Kazuma-san! Please go out with me!"
Part 7
After that declaration, Yunyun stared at me dead in the eyes.
Blushing and breathing hard.
Hold on.
My suspicions were on the mark?
"Wait… Wait a second! I don't know if Megumin told you this, but I'm already…!"
Before I could finish, Darkness and Aqua suddenly stood in front of me.
Spreading their arms and forming a wall.
"We can't let you do that! Do you know how much it took for these two to get together?! We can't let Yunyun sink the ship so soon!"
"Yunyun is a homewrecker! I will tell everyone in town that Yunyun is a man stealing hussy!"
"Eh?! Please don't do that Aqua-san! Wahh!"
"Wait, everyone. Let's not jump to conclusions. Knowing this socially awkward Yunyun, there must be another reason for…"
As per usual, Megumin acted as the voice of reason.
"No, I actually do need Kazuma-san to be my boyfriend."
"I'll kill you!"
"Megumin please stop! It hurts!"
What a total disaster.
To think Megumin is the jealous type.
She broke the calm and dignified housewife act she had been putting on until now.
We pried her apart from Yunyun.
"Let me at her! Let me at her!"
Gnashing her teeth, Megumin struggled against our hold.
"Follow your own advice, Megumin! It's true that Yunyun might have meant something else!"
"But… But, I really do need to have Kazuma-san date me! I need to have him talk to my father!"
"I'll bite off those absurdly big breasts of yours!"
"Eek!"
Megumin started thrashing around even harder.
Class change to the 'Berserker' class already, you brute!
...Finally, miraculously, we managed to regain our civility.
"Ahem. I'm sorry about that. Does everyone want another round of tea?"
"..."
And Megumin had gone back to her very unconvincing act.
Even though her hair is a mess.
And there was some dried drool on her chin, as she had been salivating during her rage.
"From… From how Megumin reacted… So… It's like that, huh?!"
Yunyun figured out why Megumin had flown into such a rage.
Looking at the two of us while blushing wildly.
"Megumin always shows off about her 'love life' and has confided many things to me, but to think that any of her boasting would actually have any truth in them!"
"It seems that Yunyun does want another round of tea after all~! Please enjoy this tea~! Served extra hot just the way Yunyun likes it~!"
"Don't… Don't! Megumin don't pour that hot tea on me!"
"!"
We had to resort to tying Megumin up in her chair.
For the safety of poor Yunyun, we had to resort to these measures.
"..."
With a blank look, Megumin silently sat there in her bindings.
"...Let's go back to the matter at hand. Yunyun keeps saying that she needs to date Kazuma and to have him talk to her father. But from the way she said that, it seemed a bit unnatural."
"That's right, Darkness-san! Rather than actually dating Kazuma-san… What I need is... Actually, let me explain! Um… If Kazuma-san remembers, during our trip to the home of the Crimson Demons, I had a lengthy conversation with my father about my life ever since I became an adventurer… And in certain aspects, I might have embellished a little..."
I did recall that happening.
However, rather than embellishing only a little.
Showing off to her father about having saved us from a griffon and manticore.
Even though she was referring to the Giant Toads from that time.
In one instance, Yunyun even went so far as to lie to the village chief about having a boyfriend back in Axel.
...I see.
So that's how it is.
All this talk about needing me as a boyfriend.
And having me talk to her father.
Yunyun is asking me 'please pretend to be my boyfriend'.
Confirming what I had already figured out…
Yunyun explained to the others about her predicament.
She is being called back to the home of the Crimson Demons.
Due to important business as the next in line to be the village chief
This important business being…
The visit of the King of Belzerg.
"...As a gesture of appreciation for the village's reintegration into the kingdom, after Kazuma-san convinced the chief to disband the village's declaration of sovereignty… The king expressed his desire to visit the village, and renew the friendship between the peoples of this kingdom and the Crimson Demons..."
I suddenly remembered Prince Jatis hurrying after Arue and the girls just as they were teleporting.
He also entrusted Arue with a letter from the king.
So that's what that matter is all about.
"I've never heard of this from any of the noble circles. This must be a personal decision by the king, rather than an official one…"
Darkness commented as she stroked her chin.
"How come Yunyun was notified of this, but I wasn't? This seems like a pretty big deal!"
Megumin said as she protested her apparent exclusion.
"...That's not important right now! What matters is this…"
Going back to the whole 'boyfriend' business.
The chief is insisting on meeting this supposed boyfriend of Yunyun's.
Since she is going back home, anyways.
He asked her to bring this mystery boyfriend as the king is visiting.
It does indeed seem like a fitting way to finally meet his daughter's lover.
"But the chief has already met Kazuma. Wouldn't he be suspicious that you had neglected to introduce him right then?"
"I can just say that I was too shy to introduce him at that time… But, at this point, if Kazuma-san and Megumin is like… like that, then I shouldn't be asking Kazuma-san for this kind of favor. I'm sorry to bother you all! I will just have to apologize to my father for lying to him…"
"That would be the mature decision."
"Gah!"
The ruthless Megumin did not have any comforting words to spare.
"...While pretending to be Yunyun's boyfriend is indeed a bit too much, I do remember saying something like 'I will ask one of my male friends to act as Yunyun's boyfriend'... Something along those lines."
Though, I said that as a joke.
"Y-Yes! Kazuma-san did indeed promise that!"
No, I didn't promise anything.
As Yunyun's spirits had begun to rise, Megumin shot me a reproachful look.
"Kazuma, this girl needs to face the consequences of her actions. Don't bail her out with your sneaky methods. Otherwise she won't learn."
"Not everyone can be as mature as the former honor roll student Megumin. Sometimes people make white lies. It is unavoidable to make such mistakes."
"...And your solution is to make even bigger lies to cover up the initial white lie. What a great plan. Well, good luck with that. But please untie me already. I promise not to interfere with Kazuma and Yunyun's scheming."
Faced with Megumin's sensible words, I began to have second doubts.
But Yunyun was already hopping around excitedly.
"Ignore her, Kazuma-san! Megumin always feels the need to be contrary! I think it's a great plan!"
Looking up at me with sparkling eyes, Yunyun held my hands in hers.
"Why you! Hands off my man! Nom!"
"Eek! Megumin wasn't lying about biting them off?! Stop! Stop pleeeeaseee!"
Just as Darkness untied her, the wild beast was unleashed once more.
Part 8
After all that commotion, I met with Yunyun at the guild the next day.
These days, the guild is very busy.
A lot of unusual monsters started appearing in the wilds located on the outskirts of town.
As a result, quests that no one wanted to take on started piling up.
These are called durian quests.
Among these were kill quests targeting creatures like silver wolves, haunted tanukis and morphing golems.
There were even rumors of a young wyvern that was seen flying around.
But I wasn't interested at all in these high difficulty quests.
Someone as rich and accomplished as me has nothing to prove by taking on such challenging quests.
Or so I say, but I have an equally challenging task before me.
"...Is that you, Yunyun?"
"Please… Please don't say my name so loudly! For now, please refer to me as Nuynuy."
An even weirder name than 'Yunyun' came up.
"I refuse to call you by that ridiculous name. Now, aside from Yuyun's strange behaviour, why are you wearing that cloak?"
Sitting all by herself, Yunyun was attracting a lot of attention by wearing a hooded cloak.
"I'm doing this for Kazuma-san's benefit. Won't it be troublesome for Kazuma-san to be seen with another woman when he's already dating Megumin?"
Just because a guy is in a relationship doesn't mean he can't even speak with other girls.
And aside from that, we haven't really told anyone outside of Yunyun about our relationship.
And after that debacle with Arue's novel, I doubt that Megumin would make the same mistake of spreading the news around.
I convinced Yunyun to remove the cloak.
"Puwah! It was quite hot in there…"
Yunyun had begun sweating underneath the cloak.
The white shirt she is wearing underneath had begun to stick to her skin.
The cloth had also become transparent, and I could see something purple bleed out from the chest area.
Not good.
A few days after Megumin and I started dating (?) and these flags were already showing up.
I averted my gaze from the oblivious Yunyun.
There was no need to get myself caught up in a love triangle.
But aside from that.
This defenseless girl really doesn't have a boyfriend already?
How is that even possible?
I'm sure that some bad boy would have taken advantage of her right now.
"Oh? Isn't that Yunyun? And I see you're with Kazuma as well."
And a bad boy appears.
Standing in front of us was the town's infamous blond troublemaker, Dust.
He yawned loudly without bothering to cover his mouth.
"It appears that Dust-san hasn't been drinking even though it's already noon. This is quite remarkable!"
"Well, I'm a bit too broke to afford beer at the moment is all. What's up with you two?"
It appears that Yunyun is already acquainted with Dust.
I don't even want to imagine how such an event occured.
Dust sat with us without waiting for an invitation.
I noticed that Yunyun was looking at Dust intently.
But then she shivered slightly and then shook her head.
So even the lonely Yunyun had standards.
"Kazuma-san and I are 'hanging out' as people who are 'chill' with one another tend to do. After all Kazuma-san and I are f-f-f-friends…?"
For some reason, her sentence ended as if she were asking a question.
This girl is too pitiful.
"I see. So Yunyun found someone else to stick to. That's a bit lonely, but I understand."
"Ah, no! It's not like that! This is just a misunderstanding, Dust-san!"
"No… I get it. Even though I've put up with Yunyun who was desperate for company all this time… You've found someone better…"
"Dust-san!"
Eventually, Dust stopped teasing the pitiful Yunyun.
He joined us at our table, and somehow convinced me to buy a beer for him.
"Ah… Although this crimson beer has a peculiar spiciness, it's not that bad."
The peculiar spicy beer that originated from the home of the crimson demons was added to the menu.
Ever since Megumin's contributions in defeating the devil king, the culture of the crimson demons became more and more popularized.
"That poor imitation doesn't compare to the original! The original crimson demon spicy beer packs even more of a punch!"
"I get it, but why is Yunyun getting so excited?"
Yunyun is normally ashamed of her heritage as a Crimson Demon.
However, after her last visit, Yunyun gained an appreciation for her heritage.
She felt pride towards her brethren who worked together in vanquishing the remnants of the devil king army.
Really, those lot can accomplish great things if they stop fooling around.
"So… Why don't you two just spit it out already?"
"Eh?"
Dust suddenly said this as he wiped froth from his lips.
"I've actually been watching the two of you for a while. Yunyun was wearing that weird cloak and acting suspicious. Furthermore, I am versed enough in the criminal ways that I can tell when there's a scheme going on. Well? Out with it. You can tell senpai."
Dust easily analyzed the situation.
Yunyun and I looked at each other.
In response, I shrugged.
It was Yunyun's business and I only got dragged along for the ride.
I don't even know exactly why I'm helping Yunyun.
Megumin was right in saying that schemes like this won't do any good.
However, when faced with this pitiful Yunyun who is now being easily enticed by the delinquent Dust.
And the fact that she is even acquainted with him in the first place.
I just can't ignore this girl!
In the end, Yunyun decided to let Dust in on our scheme.
"Why doesn't Yunyun tell her dad that she broke up with her boyfriend? Add some tears and sniffles and he will certainly fall for it."
Dust offered an easy solution.
I don't know why I didn't come up with that myself.
"No… No! That can't happen! I told my father that me and my boyfriend are very much in love and is even considering a long term commitment! And my father wrote back that he almost died of happiness when he read that! It will break his heart if I suddenly announce that I broke up with this boyfriend!"
Why is this little girl toying with her own father's heart to such an extent?
This unassuming girl is actually really manipulative?
"Alright. If it's gone this far, then you should just ask Kazuma to pretend to be your boyfriend. That's a simple solution, right?"
"I… I considered that, but…"
Oi.
If you look so suspicious like that, this surprisingly perceptive Dust will certainly catch on.
"Hm? I don't get it? I guess Kazuma just can't be bothered, huh? Tch. Kazuma is a bad friend. Can't Kazuma see that this girl is very troubled?"
I shouldn't have overestimated him.
He finished the last of his beer, down to the last froth.
After placing the glass down on the table, he said,
"Very well, then. You know what, I'm kind of broke recently. Like, really broke. If Yunyun is willing to pay, I can pretend to be your…"
"Sorry. Not happening."
"Huh?!"
In a rare occurrence, Yunyun put her foot down and refused Dust's offer.
"Why? Isn't Yunyun desperate right now? What's the problem?"
"I'm sorry, Dust-san. You are someone I get along with, but you are not the type of character I can introduce to my father! Furthermore, I described my boyfriend as one who is like the hero in fairy tales. Like one who rides mighty dragons into battle… Someone like that…"
At the end of her speech, Yunyun's eyes became unfocused as if she were in a daydream.
"Dragons? I guess if there's one around I could… I-I mean, aren't Yunyun's standards too high?! And why did your father easily believe that this antisocial little girl managed to land herself an elite like that?!"
"Even… Even though I'm like this in Axel, I am quite respected in my village!"
Until recently she was regarded by her clansmen as a strange girl, though.
"By the way, Yunyun, you never really mentioned this, but when are you expected to arrive in the home of the Crimson Demons?"
Somehow I forgot to ask about this important detail.
And Yunyun had forgotten to provide it.
Looking somewhat concerned, Yunyun reached into a purse-like bag.
After taking out some miscellaneous belongings, she pulled out an envelope.
"Actually… I had quite a hard time reading this letter. So I don't know all of the details."
She showed us the letter her father had sent for her.
I glanced at it.
"..."
As expected, the important details were hidden under the usual chuunibyou.
I started reading the letter.
Hail! Daughter of crimson, valiant Yunyun! One who bravely faced the daughter of the devil king with thy saber of glorious light…! The pride of my…
"We… We can skip this part!"
Yunyun blushed and urged us to skip the embarrassing parts.
I also skipped the information we already knew about.
The king's visit…
Asking Yunyun to bring her boyfriend…
And then finally…
Somewhere near the end, my 'Detect Magic' skill activated.
"This part here is obscured from sight by some kind of illusion magic."
"To go to this much trouble… The customs of my clan are really troublesome!"
After complaining, Yunyun used 'Dispel Magic' to get rid of the illusion.
Suddenly, new words started forming at the bottom of the page.
If you're reading this… Then you must have seen through the illusion. Well done.
"!"
The tone of the letter suddenly changed.
"Maybe something bad is going on? Why would my father need to go through all this secrecy?"
With concern rising in our chests, we read on.
Read this carefully… For the information I am about to impart is of vital importance, Yunyun…
This really got serious all of a sudden…!
Our eyes drifted further down to the page…
And then…!
Please come to the village as soon as you receive this letter. Oh, and tell Megumin to come, too.
XoXo
-Your loving daddy~!
Chuuuu~!
"Gahhh!"
Yunyun quickly took the letter and ripped it to shreds.
"..."
"Uwaaa~! Waaaa~!"
Dust and I patted the shoulder of the crying Yunyun.
"That… That delinquent Dust and Scum-zuma is making that girl cry!"
Some outsiders made the wrong observation.
"Isn't that Yunyun? The girl who is always by herself? Don't tell me those perverts chose to prey on that naive girl?!"
"That girl is always being tricked by older adventurers into wearing revealing outfits, right? They tell her things like 'If you show some skin, you will be able to make a lot of friends'. I chose to turn a blind eye before but… I must stand up for her now!"
Why are these guys only choosing to act when I'm involved?
"Oi, go to hell you white-knighting bastards! Even I can't ignore the cries of a cute girl, you know? Don't think I'm the type to prey on helpless little girls!"
"Shut up you delinquent! And my class happens to be that of a 'white knight'. You got a problem with that?!"
With a few more provocations, a fight started in the guild.
Amidst the chaos, I took Yunyun and used 'Lurk' on the both of us to escape.
Part 9
"What am I going to do, Kazuma-san? I received the letter yesterday. I should have arrived at the home of the Crimson Demons by now."
Three hours had passed ever since we escaped from the brawl.
In order to cheer Yunyun up, I took her to the many amusements this town offers.
But that didn't do much to improve her mood.
In the end, we took to idly walking around.
We didn't have any destination in mind so we ended up wandering into the outskirts of town.
"I don't think you should take the contents of that letter too seriously. Your father couldn't have known when you would receive the letter. Saying something like 'come as soon as you receive the letter' might mean that he wants you to come as soon as you are able."
"Be that as it may, I don't have a lot of time! Perhaps Megumin was right. I should be honest and admit to my lies."
"...That may be true."
In the end, Megumin is right after all.
Digging yourself deeper into a web of lies never works.
But... This lie of Yunyun's is not even truly malicious.
It was done out of the intention to impress her father.
And a bit of it might have been inspired from her insecurity towards Megumin.
All of a sudden, her rival who could only use the worthless explosion magic is now the country's strongest mage.
And I didn't know what exactly Megumin tells Yunyun.
But Megumin's bragging about her 'love life' ended up making Yunyun resort to all this.
"..."
Wait. Isn't all this simply Megumin's fault?
As I walked pace to pace with the downtrodden Yunyun.
We eventually came across the wilderness just outside of Axel's boundaries.
The place that is housing a lot of 'durian quest' level monsters.
As Yunyun and I made to change directions…
"Wait, Kazuma-san! Isn't that…?"
Yunyun suddenly grabbed my shoulder as she pointed to the wilderness.
"I know that it is the duty of high level adventurers to take care of any powerful monsters they encounter, but please don't drag me into a fight with tough monsters, Yunyun."
"No, but… It's… It's Dust-san!"
"...Huh?"
I turned towards the forest.
True to Yunyun's words…
I saw Dust behind some foliage.
He was swaying and stumbling around.
Last time I saw him, he was taking advantage of the chaos of the fight to drink other people's beer.
He probably got drunk out of his mind and wandered here into this forest.
"...For some reason Dust-san is not equipped with his usual equipment! Instead of a long sword, he's carrying a spear! Quick, Kazuma-san, we have to save him before he gets into any trouble!"
Nodding to Yunyun, we made our way to Dust.
"Dust-san! Please come over here! It's not safe!"
"Uweeh? Ish that Yunyun? And Kashuma, too? Ahh… Thish wash supposed to be a shurprise but you found meeee~! Oh, well~!"
"Don't you realize the danger you're in, Dust?! Come over here before any troublesome monsters show up!"
"Ish OK Kashuma old buddy! Ish OK!"
This guy…!
Yunyun and I made to move towards him, but…
"Skreeee!"
All of a sudden, there was a loud, shrieking sound…!
With great speed, flitting around behind the covers of the trees was…
"It's… It's a wyvern!"
The wyvern that was rumored to be seen around these parts.
Wyverns aren't the most dangerous monsters.
Especially the young ones like this creature here.
But they were very fast, had high dodge rates and some are capable of breath attacks.
And unfortunately, this youngling as one of those with a breath attack.
"Shaaaa!"
The wyvern dashed out of the cover of a tree.
It exhaled once and released a jet of fire towards Dust.
I can feel the feet even from a distance.
"Dust-san…!"
Yunyun raised her wand.
But…
"Ara… This one is especially feisty…"
"!" x 2.
I could barely follow his movements.
One moment, the tip of his spear was pointed to the ground.
In the next, it was raised high and had slashed clean through the wyvern's flames.
The fire dispersed until it was nothing more than a heat wave.
Yunyun and I covered our eyes as it washed over us.
"Ah… Thanks to that, I'm completely sober now! Wait, what am I doing here again?"
He suddenly came back to his senses.
Dust surveyed his surroundings and then looked towards us.
His gaze settled on Yunyun.
"Oh…! Right. I felt so sorry for this child that I just had to do this stupid stunt. Ara… After all this time and I'm still going out of my way for the sake of cute girls. I haven't learned my lesson, it seems."
I noticed that Yunyun blushed a little after Dust said 'cute'.
...Oho?
"Alright. I suppose since I've already gone ahead and did all this while I was drunk, it can't be helped if I show you two a little bit of my awesome self. I might be a little bit rusty, though."
After that cocky speech, Dust lowered himself into an unusual stance.
I am not an expert in spear combat, but I can tell that his movement is very polished.
And then…
As the wyvern flew in, lashing its whip like serpent tail at Dust…
Meeting the lightning fast whip attacks, Dust's spear moved even faster to deflect the strikes.
The shaft of Dust's spear seemed to bend in my vision.
Thrusting and swinging, rising and falling.
Finally, after deflecting one last strike, the wyvern stopped its attacks.
It eyed Dust carefully.
Just when I thought that Dust was about to counterattack…
He planted the tip of his spear on the ground.
He then stared at the wyvern directly in the eyes.
"Dust-san, don't let your guard down!"
Yunyun said as she made to move towards Dust.
"No, it's alright. This child is a bit of a tsundere but she's starting to come around. They always do."
"Eh?"
As Dust said those words, the wyvern started slowly approaching Dust.
And then it flapped its wings once and landed on Dust's shoulder.
"Kree~! Kree~!"
The wyvern's killing intent completely vanished.
It started nuzzling against Dust's cheek while cooing tenderly.
We watched Dust in awe.
"You told your dad that you were dating some badass who can ride dragons, like in those fairy tales, right? Sorry, I can only get this little one for now. But rest assured, my dragon is usually much bigger than this."
"No, well, yes… I mean, eh?"
Completely confused, Yunyun stuttered over her words more than usual.
"Hm? Why is Yunyun so flustered now?"
"Ah… No, I…"
Smiling slightly, Dust slowly advanced towards Yunyun.
"So. Tell me, 'Yun-chan'. When do I gotta meet your old man?"
…
…
Chapter 20 END
Next chapter: Gifting this Home of Chuuni Mages with a Royal Visit!
...
...
A/N: Quick shout out to my proofreader and resident Scum-zuma, LordVTP. If you're looking for a konosuba fanfic to read that is 'Lit AF', as the cool kids say, check out his work 'Archaic Records of this Bastard Goddess!'. He and his co-writer, Uranophane, did TL work for the konosuba light novel fan translations, so they know what they're doing.