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Chapter 21

It wasn't long before Jude caved and started asking Tommy for musical advice. She had thought for a brief time that she was supposed to do it on her own, but she realized that that didn't make sense because wasn't Wayne there helping, albeit not much or well? She learned that most producers did not fill the dual role of producer and co-writer, in that she had gotten lucky with Tommy. Jude shook her head, that had sounded dirty even in her mind. He had always been the one who got what she wanted to say the most. It became a habit of theirs to call if either of them was stuck on anything musical. Jude had even been able to help Tommy a few times with his artist. He was producing a singer/songwriter by the name of Drew Waters and although he had experience helping Jude write her music the dynamic was off for him and Drew. Jude had wound up helping more than he had anticipated. It was almost like they were still working together and he thought back to the late nights in the studio where he had been, surprisingly, content. He had wondered when he left Toronto, if he would eventually stop thinking about Jude so much and move on, but it didn't seem like he had, not even a little. He had no good experience with relationships and in some ways he had been learning with Jude, even though he had never told her so.

Jude was pleasantly surprised to learn that Tommy's hangover trick had worked yet again, mostly. The pain in her head was only a dull ache and she was fine as long as she kept her sunglasses on and of course the car she was driving warranted sunglasses anyhow. She thought back to last night as she drove to meet her friend. Now one more person knew some of her secrets and it felt freeing somehow, not to have to hide that part of herself away. Who knew hardcore types played drinking games too.

.

Jude sat at one of the tables of the chain with Patsy's ex Iggy, her occasional drummer Curt, Marigold, seriously that was how she was introduced to Jude, and Wayne. They were all a little buzzed and a little bored as Patsy suggested they play I Did, which Jude learned was Patsy's own twisted version of I Never. If anyone had done the thing that was mentioned they got to drink. It was also a good way to hoard liquor if you had done a lot in your life. Jude looked apprehensive as she stared at her new friend.

"Honestly Patsy, what could I possibly have done that you have?" She was only 16 after all and had never been all that wild and crazy. Patsy grinned at Jude a little evilly.

"You're not nearly as innocent as you look Red. Ol' Pat's can tell." Patsy tapped her head. "How's this? I did have sex with an older man." She winked at Iggy who Jude thought was at least in his late twenties if not older. Jude looked around the table warily, but didn't think any of these people would care or remember her secrets. She knocked back a long sip of her Long Island Iced Tea, joining Patsy and Marigold. Shay had told her once that the drink actually had no tea in it, but something like 5 shots of different liquors. Jude shrugged to herself; it still tasted good to her, strangely like a version of tea.

"Aww I knew it! Your virginal act isn't bad, but I see the way you smile when guys check you out!" Patsy almost yelled in triumph. Jude had to laugh. As the game progressed, Jude's inhibitions were mostly gone after she finished off her potent drink and was working on her next.

"How's this? I did have a song written about the way I gave head?" Jude said unabashedly as she took another drink. The whole group was laughing at that one although no one else drank, predictably. Patsy asked Iggy how come he had never written any songs about how she screwed. Later on after the crowd had thinned, Jude and Patsy sat at the bar while, Iggy and Wayne stayed at the table.

"Pat's have you ever been in love?" Jude asked bleary-eyed as she stared at her equally smashed friend.

"I think so. Why?"

"How do you get over it?" Jude said more sadly than she realized. When her defenses were down like this the ache from missing him was almost unbearable.

"Is it that older guy?" Jude nodded and found her head slipped from the hand it was resting on. "Was he good to you?"

"Yeah..."

"Dunno Red. The asshole I was in love was, was...an asshole." Jude laughed. Patsy did have a way of making her feel better. Patsy called Spied to come get Jude after she finished yet another drink. Who knew that skinny girl could hold that much liquor in her. Patsy rolled her eyes at the frown Spied gave Jude when he got there. Patsy liked being free without a guy to tell her what to do. He stumbled out, supporting most of Jude's weight.

In the car he tried to ask Jude what was wrong, but she mumbled incoherently. Sure they had drank some on tour, but he had never seen her this drunk before. Jude curled into a ball against the door, as if trying to ward off some unseen force. When in fact she was trying not to think of another man. Even Jude in drunken stupor could tell Spied was not happy with her as he helped her up to her room, trying to be as quiet as possible, afraid that her mom would wake at any moment. Maybe she should have told him she was hanging out with Patsy.

.

She screeched to a halt in the parking lot of a pizza joint right outside the city limits where she had told Kat to meet her. She couldn't chance anyone seeing her drive the Porsche in town after all. Jude rolled down the window and grinned at her best friend, who was leaning on the hood of her own beat up car, dubbed the Katmobile. Kat looked at her with her mouth wide open.

"Hey baby wanna go for a ride?" Kat quickly got into the passenger side and looked over at Jude.

"He let you use his Porsche?!" Jude shrugged as she pulled out onto the road. "I thought you guys broke up."

"We're still friends Kat." Jude remembered what she had said to Tommy the last time they had met. They couldn't be friends...So what were they? She frowned for a second, but put it away not up to analyzing their relationship.

.

It was a beautiful Fall day and the girls had the windows rolled down and the radio blasting as Jude sped down the highway to the mall that was an hour out of the city. They sang along to cheesy 80's music and their laughter filled the air. Jude was glad Kat didn't seem to be giving her the cold shoulder or anything. Her friend had seemed upset that Jude was spending time with Patsy, not understanding what she saw in the other girl. In fact Kat had asked Jude if she wanted to go to a movie last night and Jude had said she had promised to see Patsy play at The Chain, but Kat was welcome to come along. Kat had declined rather coldly and Jude had cajoled Kat into going out today instead.

There were major sales going on at the music store at Westlake Mall and also in the clothing stores, but because of the distance of the place they had never discussed going in previous years. Kat had said her car wasn't safe on the highway and Jude had said she had a loaner she could use. Kat snorted remembering Jude's words about a loaner. She was still a little upset at Jude for spending time with that walking goth nightmare, but at least Jude had kept her promise about today. It had been hard for Kat lately, with Jude always so busy and Jamie....Ugh she didn't want to even think about that boy.

"You must be really good in bed." Kat said as she scanned the luxurious interior, running her small hand over the dashboard. Jude looked over at her with her mouth open.

"Kat!" They stared at each other and burst into laughter.

.

The day had been a success. Kat had gotten some great deals on fabrics and clothes and Jude had found some awesome Indy rock Cd's and even gotten a few articles of clothing herself at Kat's insistence. They were headed back to Toronto to catch dinner and a movie and both girls felt good about their friendship again.

"I wonder how fast this baby goes." Kat commented as she turned her head to look out at the trees blurring by. Jude had opted to take a country road, since the day was still so nice and although it took a little longer to get home the scenery was beautiful. Jude grinned at Kat and shifted as her foot hit the gas. The rush last only a few minutes as Jude's eyes widened in horror. She saw the flashing lights in the rearview mirror.

"Ohmygod! Kat what do I do?!" Jude practically screamed at her equally panic stricken friend. Kat had never been stopped by the cops before either.

"Pull over!" Jude braked a little too hard as she slowed to pull off on the side of the road. Dust was actually clouding the air around the Porsche. "Okay Jude a little charm. There's a reason why women get less tickets than men." Kat reached for Jude's chest and unbuttoned two more buttons before Jude thought to stop her. "Lick your lips." And Jude did, not even bothering to wonder why she was listening to her friend at all. Jude Harrison was no vixen!

"I don't know how to flirt with him!" Jude saw the officer approaching from the side mirror. Kat reached inside the glove box and got the registration as Jude took her practically new license from her bag. She looked at it a second time to make sure it was the real one and not the one she had used last night.

"You rocked the world of the most eligible bachelor in Canada. Use it!" Kat commanded and if the situation wasn't so scary for Jude she would have laughed. Jude had the window rolled down as he got to the car. She was afraid to even look at his face, but when he asked for her license and registration she finally found her nerve and let her lashes brush the skin beneath her eyes, before she raised those big baby blues coyly up to meet his gaze. He stared down at her through his sunglasses and although she couldn't see his eyes, she was surprised to see how young he was, no more than his mid twenties at most. He also appeared kind of cute in that preppy military way, with his buzz cut and straight posture. He took the paper she handed him, but his gaze did not leave her face as he studied her features. She bit her lip nervously, remembering how Tommy had once told her how provocative that gesture could be.

"Did I do something wrong officer?" She said a little breathlessly, channeling Marilyn in her heyday and Kat looked at her in stunned amazement. Who knew Jude had it in her, well besides Tom Quincy that is. The man's face was all serious and stern as he eyed her, but then he removed his sunglasses and a smile cracked his lips. He handed the license and registration back to her.

"You were going 123 in a 80 Km/h zone Ms. Harrison." Jude tried to look surprised.

"I was?" She said innocently. "I'm soo sorry it will never happen again. It's just, this is the first time I've driven such a fast car." Okay that was a blatant lie. She had driven Tommy's Viper after all, not that she had been allowed to go much past the speed limit with Tommy sitting beside her.

"Sign this please." He handed her his clipboard with notepad on it. She looked at him in confusion. "I'm a fan." Her mouth opened in an 'O' as she took the proffered clipboard.

"Call me Jude. So what's your first name?" She said as she glanced at his nametag. M. Martine.

"Matt." He grinned at her as she signed the paper with a standard line about best wishes or some such. She handed him back the paper and pen, trying to smile as her heart still raced. "Hey I was wondering if you could do me a favor." Jude gulped and smiled again.

"Anything..."

"My sister was a huge fan of Boyz Attack. I was wondering if you could get her a signed picture from Little Tommy Q. Her birthday's coming up and I'd be the best big brother ever." Apparently he had noticed who the car was registered to even though he had barely scanned the page. Jude nodded mutely as he wrote down his sister Beth's name and address on the same notepad before handing her the slip of paper. "Oh and my number's at the bottom if you ever need anything." He said it with a spark in his eye, even someone who wasn't so used to men flirting with her, could ignore.

"Okay..." Jude was not quite sure what to say as he walked back to his car. She looked over at Kat who looked as stunned as she felt. The laughter took a moment and they both felt better afterwards.

"He was so totally flirting with you!" Kat accused as they drove back, at a more sedate speed this time.

Jude walked into the house after a brief stop at the studio on Sunday morning to hear her mom calling her from the kitchen. She went in and saw Victoria sitting at the table with a stack of bills in front of her, the checkbook out and her reading glasses on.

"Would you care to explain to me young lady how you managed to go over your 500 minute allotment by 400 in one month?! And these numbers you keep calling. Who is so important in New York that you can't go without talking to them for more than a few days at a time? " Because the calls were out of country they didn't list the name of the person being called, only the state itself. Victoria waved the cell phone bill at her daughter. Jude bit her bottom lip and shrugged. She just hoped her mother did not look too closely to the times a lot of those calls were made, since they were way past when she should have been asleep. Jude had actually fallen asleep in the middle of a conversation more than once, waking in the morning with her phone leaving an imprint on her cheek.

"Jude just because you've made some money with your music does not mean you can spend it all as you like. You need to save some of that for University." Jude's eyes whipped up to her mother who was busy rifling through another stack of envelopes. They had never discussed Jude continuing her education; high school was torture enough in Jude's opinion. It wasn't like she was gifted academically like Sadie was; her interest had always lain elsewhere. Jude was wisely silent, knowing mentioning her mother's plans for university would gain her nothing now. She had only just started her junior year after all. There was plenty of time to fight about it later, especially since her mother still seemed so fragile these days. Sure she had gone out on a few dates, but Jude had a feeling the men had not been able to make Victoria feel better about herself. Maybe it was too soon. How long did it take to get over a man you once loved with your whole heart? In that instant she wasn't thinking of her father.

"Could you maybe upgrade the plan?" Jude asked instead and her mom sighed and nodded in defeat. She knew Jude would not stop calling her friends simply because she did not like it and Jude was paying for it herself. Her youngest daughter was growing up so fast in that music world Victoria could not quite understand or empathize with and she barely seemed to need her at all. She was always out with her friends or working or with her new manager and Victoria would have worried if Jude hadn't told her Ian was gay and had a partner as he called JP.

"Jude you know you can always quit if it's too much for you right? I know your father expects you to make music, but it's up to you." Jude gave her mother a small distracted smile as her thoughts went to what Tommy would say when she asked for his autograph. She had not called last night, figuring he would be out on a Saturday night and she and Kat had gotten home after midnight, after watching a late show.

"Mom it's all I've ever wanted." At least it was until she had met a certain blue eyed ex-boybander. Victoria nodded, accepting her answer. Jude had always been into music, ever since Stuart had first played his vinyl collection to his barely one month old daughter. She had always seemed to stop crying when Pink Floyd came on as her father had learned early on. He however had not shared that piece of information with Victoria until she had snapped during one of Jude's crying fits. Even as a baby Jude had had quite the set of lungs on her, barely seeming to need to stop for air before she continued bawling. Victoria had looked on with stunned amazement when Stuart put The Wall on the turntable and as soon as the notes started Jude became silent.

"So who's so important in New York?" Victoria asked the dreaded question. Jude had never been good at lying to her parents.

"Tommy..." She uttered, not having the nerve to look her mother in the eye. Phone calls didn't have to mean anything did they?

"Tommy? As in your ex-producer Tommy Quincy?" Victoria said in a stern voice and Jude nodded. "What could a grown man possibly have to talk to a young girl about? And for hours at a time!"

"Mom! He helps me with my music...Wayne's a good producer, but he doesn't do the songwriting bit. Tommy's taught me so much." And wasn't that the truth. "And I'm not a kid anymore! When are you going to see me?" Jude hated it when anyone mentioned her youth, because it was all anyone seemed to see when they looked at her and of course because he had left because of it.

"Jude...Honey...Of course I see you..." Victoria said with concern. She reached her hand out to rub Jude's arm. She sighed deeply as she tried to think of how to explain her actions of late. "What your Father did Jude...It still hurts...But more than that...It made me question myself as a woman...I'm soo sorry I've been lost in my own problems..." She studied her daughter intently. "You are growing up so fast Jude. You can take it slower you know?" Victoria couldn't know it was way too late for that. True heartache will change a person and Jude couldn't tell her mother they had that in common. Jude nodded and gave her mother a small smile, hoping the Tommy issue would not come up again.

"Hey."

"Hey girl. What's up?" Jude leaned back among the cushions of her couch, tucking her knees to her chest, cell phone to her ear, as she let his voice sooth her.

"Do you have any old publicity photos lying around? Preferably Boyz Attack ones?" Jude asked in an embarrassed tone.

"Well Harrison I didn't know you were a fan."

"Tommy! I need an autograph. Do you have a pen and paper?" She recited the address she had been given.

"Care to tell me what this is about?"

"I kinda met this guy...And his sister is a really big fan of yours and I promised I'd get your autograph for her birthday."

"And how exactly did he knew we were connected."

"He might've seen your registration..." She mumbled so softly he had to strain to hear her. Thank goodness for the self-adjusting volume on his cell phone.

"You mean the Porsche registration?"

"Maybe..."

"Harrison! Who was this guy?"

"A fan?"

"And?" Tommy rolled his eyes. Sometimes it was like pulling teeth when she didn't want to answer a question. She was so stubborn, of course he had been accused of that himself more than once.

"A very nice police officer?" Tommy sighed. He had been afraid something like this might happen. She had improved her driving, but was still so inexperienced.

"Is the Porsche okay?"

"Fine....I was just going a little too fast..." She explained what Kat had said and what she done in response.

"123 doesn't seem that fast." Tommy grumbled, wondering how much her ticket would cost him.

"In a 80 Km/h zone?"

"Jude! How much is the ticket gonna cost?"

"What ticket?" Tommy opened his mouth in shock, glad no one could see him in his living room because he was sure he was doing a pretty good impression of a goldfish.

"He let you go with a warning?" He asked in utter amazement.

"What warning?" Jude asked innocently.

"Let me get this straight you were going 43 Km/h over the speed limit and got pulled over. The cop didn't give you a ticket, but asked for my autograph instead."

"Well he asked for your autograph for his sister. He asked me for mine for himself. Then he gave me his number in case I ever needed anything." She added a little wickedly, knowing that would get his attention.

"He was hitting on you?!" Jude grinned to herself, hearing the faint note of hysteria in his voice.

"I guess. Kat thought he was."

"How old was this guy?"

"I dunno, maybe a little older than you." Tommy put his head in his hand and groaned. Jude Harrison should not be allowed to be released out in public alone. They moved to other subjects, having always been able to talk comfortably to one another.

"Are you dating anyone?" Tommy asked, getting Jude to sit up from her half lying position on the couch, where she had been twirling her hair through her fingers.

"Spied and I kind of got together at the end of the tour." She said reluctantly. She had wondered how he would feel about that, but he gave nothing away.

"Surfer dude? Your guitarist?!" She didn't want to explain it to him, so turned the topic to him.

"Yeah...What about you? Are you seeing anyone special?" She didn't know if she wanted the answer. Even though they weren't together she still felt a claim on him.

"Girl you know you were the only one I've been monogamous with." Jude relaxed again, slumping back against the back of the couch.

"Should I congratulate you on your restraint? We were only together a few months." She said in that sarcastic way that used to get his blood boiling, but now simply found he missed.

"I miss you." He said surprising her. He usually avoided mentioning anything too personal or emotional. They both did. "Wait if you're dating Spied, who is White Lines about?" She had played the song for him to ask his opinion. Even though he wouldn't admit it, it had bothered him to hear her sing such a beautiful love song written about someone else. There was a long pause before she answered him.

"No one...It's just a song..." Jude said quietly.

"Come on I know you better than that. It wasn't about pencil neck was it?" She gave an involuntary laugh, even though she was feeling impossibly vulnerable.

"Jamie? No..." She proceeded to tell him about the airport scene before she flew to New York and coming back from tour already together with Spied. He continued to cajole and tease her, trying to get her to tell him who the mystery man was.

"It's about you!" She finally blurted, sick of their little game. She had managed to render him speechless. "When we first went on tour I was...home sick. I pretended you were still in Toronto waiting for me to come back. It made things easier somehow."

"Jude..."

"I know...It's pathetic..."

"No it's not. I understand. And honestly I'm glad."

"Glad?" She asked in bewilderment. What was there to be glad about?

"That it was about me."

"Ego much there Quincy? You have enough women telling you you're so great and hot and a good lay." He had to hide a laugh at her choice of words.

"But you know better Harrison?"

"I know enough Quincy." And she did. She probably knew more about him than she thought, more than anyone else did.

Jude's eyes roamed around the room, as Portia worked on her hair and makeup for The People's Picks awards, where Jude had been nominated for Best New Female Artist and Best Album by a New Artist. She was fidgety as Portia snapped at her once again to stay still. At least she would have the support of her friends and family. Spied was her date for the evening, Mason was taking Kat as a favor to Jude. Her friend still seemed a little hung up on Jamie and Jude had a sneaking suspicion Jamie was seeing Patsy. She still thought that was a strange combo. Since Tommy wouldn't be coming as her producer Kwest was taking his place and bringing her sister. Who knew they would hook up? Apparently they had gone on a date before Sadie had left for Italy and her sister had finally told her when she got back. But who was Jude to say anything as long as Sadie was happy. Ian and JP were the last couple to make up the two tables reserved for her. She was glad they would all be there even if the one who this album half belonged to couldn't be. She still missed him terribly sometimes and when it got bad she would put on his sweatshirt and fall asleep to his scent clinging to the cloth.

Jude held the bouquet in her hands in amazement. She had been handed the flowers when she went to accept her award for Best New Female Artist. No one had ever given her flowers before, but even she, not a girly girl in the least, knew what these represented. Maybe it was because she knew the sender so well, even without reading the card. Even though he had not been able to make it, he hadn't forgotten. There was only one person who would send something so typical as roses and still be able to distinguish himself in front of her eyes, for they were a sea of large, long stem white and amongst them one red, a little bigger than the rest. White for friendship she had heard once from Sadie and red at the center, for love. She inhaled the flowers deeply, surprised to find they actually had a scent and smiled once more out at the audience before making her way off stage via the side steps.

Spied watched his girlfriend, looking so beautiful tonight and wondered who had sent her the flowers. No one his age would think of doing something like that and not with what that bouquet probably cost and it was odd how they were all white with one red rose. He glanced over at Ian and JP and Ian shook his head. He had sent the obligatory flowers, but to her house and not here. Sadie shrugged helplessly as Kwest avoided his eyes, for besides Kat he was the only one at the table who could guess the sender of the extravagant arrangement. Jude was distracted the rest of the night, in one of those places Spied could not reach and he wondered yet again when had Jude Harrison had gotten so mysterious.