Try not to miss me too much tonight, Daryl's words from hours earlier rang in her ears the second she walked into the empty apartment.
She replayed the entire conversation. Ha, I'm going to enjoy every second of the peace and serenity, Carol had replied.
Don't worry, I'll call you later. You'll be ready to hear my charming voice by then, I know it, he'd teased her.
She had rolled her eyes at him and he'd given her one of his sexiest smiles. Just text me when you land safe. Carol was a bit of a worrier and she always felt better when she knew he was safe on the ground again. They had sat there looking at one another for a while, double parked in front of the building where she worked. A cop could have come along any second and shooed Daryl away but she had made no move to get out of the car and he'd made no indication that he was ready to leave. From the corner of her eye Carol had seen the continuous stream of people walking by and knew, even in the car, they were in the public eye.
I really want to kiss you right now, Daryl had said, his eyes drifting to her mouth. Carol could still distinctly hear his groan when she'd darted out her tongue to wet her lips, then lightly bit her bottom lip, staring at him innocently. You'd better stop teasing me, because I care far less than you do who sees us, he'd warned.
Carol couldn't help but flirt back a little, You had your chance first thing this morning. I really thought you were gonna join me in the shower.
Fuck, he'd grumbled. I almost did. Daryl had looked at her with a pout.
Carol had given him a little shrug. Gotta go, she'd said giving him an evil grin before reaching over and boldly grabbing his package. She'd rubbed him briefly, knowing her touch, even fleeting, was gonna leave him half hard. See you tomorrow night. With that she'd released him and started out of the car, squealing when he pinched her ass in retaliation. Both their intimate acts had been out of sight, but if anyone had seen the flush on her face as she waved goodbye they would have known something was up.
She'd composed herself on the way inside and threw herself into her work for the day, pushing the encounter out of her mind. But now that she was inside the apartment, facing the prospects of dinner alone, she was definitely missing the company. Carol was very used to spending huge chunks of time alone, one evening shouldn't be a big deal - but it was.
She made her dinner and called a good friend back home. Of course Carol didn't mention anything about living with Daryl while she worked in New York since any time she mentioned a guy her friend perked up and she got excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future. If she knew she'd been living with Daryl since she arrived in New York her bestie would be starting the seating plan.
By the time she hung up she was finished eating. Carol looked around the living room and saw him everywhere. "Well duh," she muttered out loud. "It is his fucking house." She was feeling rather annoyed with her pining and decided to rationalize it. Carol realized that she hadn't spent this much time with anyone in a very long time. There were long days on set at work when she was filming, but she'd always went home alone at night. She drove to work alone, she went home alone, and she slept alone. Now, here in New York, she had Daryl in the morning, she had him in the evenings after work… and there had even been those couple nights she had him beside her while she slept. The baffling part of the whole thing was not only that she missed him, but why she wasn't feeling suffocated?
She should be enjoying the freedom, just like she told him she was going to. But one more look around and she knew it wasn't going to happen. Carol turned on the TV for a distraction and some background noise and started to browse social media on her phone. She had barely made a dent in scrolling through her twitter notifications when her phone started to buzz with an incoming call. It was Daryl. She hadn't heard a thing from him other than a quick text when he landed. She took a deep breath to calm the giddiness and answered, "Hey."
"Hi. What's up? Am I interrupting anything?" he asked in his usual flirty tone.
"Yep," Carol replied without elaborating.
"Really?" he sounded surprised, which was both cute and annoying. "What are you doing?"
"Are you trying to initiate that phone sex thing again?" Carol sighed dramatically.
"No…" he started. "Well… not unless you want to?"
"Maybe some other time," she laughed.
"Seriously," he persisted. "What was I interrupting? Are you naked?"
"Stop," she giggled.
"What? You're the one who said you were gonna walk around naked," he chuckled. "Listen, before you admit you're in the buff and this conversation completely derails… I need you to do me a favor."
"Oh geez… I can't wait to hear what this is gonna be," she teased.
"It's actually something serious for once," Daryl chuckled. "Can you go in my room? I need you to get something and bring it to me tomorrow."
Carol started to wander towards his room. "Okay… what do you need?" she asked when she was inside. She tried to ignore the flashes of memories of what had happened in the bed in front of her, but it was no use. In a matter of seconds the images were so vivid she could almost feel him touching her. Daryl said something, but she was too distracted to hear him. "Uh…pardon?" she muttered.
"The drawer in the nightstand beside my bed," he said each word slowly in a tone that told her he was wondering what was up with her. "There's a box of Nicotine patches. I only have one for tomorrow but I need a couple more to get me through the weekend." Carol pulled open the drawer and silently took a couple out of the box. "Don't judge me," he muttered. "It's the only way I can make it through the day with only a couple breaks for a smoke."
"Hmm," she said thoughtfully. "You know… you could actually use these to try and quit…"
Carol could practically see him rolling his eyes. "I suppose I could… someday… when I'm ready," he replied. His tone was neutral, which relieved her. She was never one to harp on him for his smoking, he had enough people who did that. It didn't bother her in the sense that he smelled like smoke because Daryl was always careful to cover up the smell by smoking outside, chewing gum, etc. Of course she worried about what it was doing to him health wise, but Carol was a realist and she knew no one could force him to stop - it was up to him.
Before she shut the drawer something caught her eye. "Daryl... is this… a journal?" she asked lifting out a large black notebook.
"Put that back," he said quickly.
"What? Why?" she teased, dying to open it up. "We don't have secrets from each other, do we?"
"Carol… you won't understand… don't open it…" Daryl sounded quite freaked out, which piqued her curiosity even more. If he insisted she wasn't allowed to open it Carol would respect his privacy, but she was damn sure gonna try to get him to let her look.
"Oh come on, what is it? And what won't I understand?" she pushed.
Daryl sighed. "It's something I've been working on for a long time. An art project. But Carol… it may never happen… and you won't… you just won't get it…"
"I love your art," she replied, unable to accept that there was something artistic that she wouldn't understand.
"Look if you want," he said, letting out a long breath. "But don't say I didn't warn you."
Carol opened the cover slowly. "Oh…" she gasped. On the first page there was a photo of a woman sleeping. The covers were partially covering her body, but you could see a breast and the full length of one leg that was not covered by the sheet. The strange thing was… it didn't look posed at all. It was a woman sleeping. It was completely natural. And even with the nudity it wasn't uncomfortable, it was, well… quite beautiful. The woman was most likely a model with those long legs and lean body. But it didn't look like a model posing for a photoshoot, it just looked like a pretty girl sleeping.
She quickly flipped a couple more pages and realized the book was filled with similar photos. The women were all in bed. And they were all asleep. It wasn't until she recognized one that something struck her. She was staring at the sleeping form of one of Daryl's exes - a woman she'd actually met a couple times. "Daryl... what is this?" she started slowly. "These women… are they all… women you've slept with?" Carol felt a bit sick to her stomach. "Is this like some sort of scrapbook of woman you've fucked?"
"No," he said sharply. "No…" he voice softened. "It's not like that at all. Please Carol, I'm a pervert and an asshole sometimes, but I'm not like that. I'm not that disgusting."
"Then what is it?" she asked, closing the book and putting it back. "Something you pull out to jerk off to?"
"Fuck, no," he hissed. "I told you, it's an art project. An idea I had several years ago… So I've been collecting pieces for it."
Carol felt goosebumps prickle her body. "I don't… I don't understand."
She could hear him suck in a breath. "Are you still looking at it?" he asked. "If not, take it out and open it to the first photo."
With a slightly shaky hand she reached for the book and opened it to the first woman she'd seen. "Okay…"
"Tell me what you see," Daryl said gently.
Carol studied the picture and admitted exactly what she'd noticed the first time. "It looks natural. She's sleeping. She's a peace. And she's beautiful."
"Flip to another one and tell me what you see," Daryl instructed.
Carol skipped a couple of pages and looked at the blonde woman with her hair messy, no makeup, a half smile of blissful content on her lips. "Same thing," she replied. "She looks relaxed, calm, happy even." Speaking the words out loud to him Carol quickly realized what the project was about and she instantly felt like an ass for doubting him.
"I took a picture of my girlfriend sleeping a really long time ago. When things got bad between us or when I was mad at her… I just looked at that photo and saw her in such an innocent moment…" his voice trailed off. "It reminded me of what was truly on the inside, even when we were screaming at one another." Carol felt goosebumps again, but for a very different reason. "None of them know I took their picture," he admitted. "I've never told them. If I wanted to do the photography show I would have to contact them all and get permission…"
"Oh, awkward…" Carol jumped in.
"Exactly," Daryl replied. She knew it wasn't just the fact the woman didn't know, but the fact he would have to track them down and talk to them in the first place when many of the breakups didn't even leave them on speaking terms. "But, I've continued to collect the photos in case… someday… I get the balls to go for it."
Carol realized that she now knew a secret about him that no one else knew. He'd trusted her with the knowledge of something intimate and special - something that was potentially embarrassing, something he hadn't believed she would even understand. Yet he trusted her still. "Thank you," she said softly. "Thank you for letting me look."
"Thank you for understanding," he replied, just as softly. There was a moment of silence as they both took time to ponder what had just happened. "Carol," he interrupted the silence. "Sleep in my bed tonight, please?"
"Oh… um… why?" she asked, not agreeing or disagreeing.
"I'd love to say it was something completely perverted," he laughed. "But… it just makes me feel closer to you knowing you're in my space." Daryl was missing her that badly? The realization was too overwhelming to think about.
"Okay," she agreed, opting not to tease him or crack a joke. It was a sweet sentiment and it just didn't feel right to poke fun at him for it.
"Thanks," Daryl said. "I guess I should probably go. But Carol… my camera is on the dresser. I recently took my very favourite photo yet. Please promise you won't delete it, okay?"
"I promise," she whispered. "Night Daryl. See you tomorrow." After hanging up she made a beeline for the dresser and turned on the camera. Even though she had a damn good idea of what she was going to find Carol was still shocked to see the photo of herself. Just like one of the last photos she'd looked at in his book there was a tiny smile on her lips. It was weird to see herself like that. She was very good at looking at people, at reading their faces and getting a glimpse into their thoughts. If she analyzed the woman she was looking at right there in the viewfinder of the camera she would say that she looked perfectly content, like she hadn't a care in the world, maybe even a bit euphoric… which wasn't too surprising given that she knew what this woman had done hours before the photo.
The part that was difficult to wrap her mind around was the reason she looked that way in the photo. It was difficult to admit it was because of him. It was difficult to admit that it wasn't just because of the sex, as good as it had been. It was so much more and that left her absolutely terrified once again when she looked away. But a glance back at the camera in her hands and she was reminded that when her guard was completely down… when she didn't have the opportunity to shield her thoughts or emotions… she was perfectly content. She was peaceful, happy, and zen… with him - with Daryl. But what the hell did that mean?