Charity flicks the last of the downstairs lights off before heading up the stairs. She hates being on closing, but at least tonight she knows Vanessa's waiting for her in bed. She'll probably be asleep by now, but there's something really comforting about the thought of slipping under the covers and curling around a warm, familiar body. She sighs and shakes her head at herself; she's really got it bad this time.

She stops by the bathroom to brush her teeth, noting that it's more untidy than usual. There are puddles of water and towels all over the floor, the toilet roll holder's been knocked over and several bottles of shampoo and shower gel are lying on the bottom of the bath. She shrugs. That's not her problem. It's Chas that gets all agitated about that kind of stuff, so she can fix it in the morning if she likes.

Yawning, she makes her way to her room, surprised to find the door open and the light on. A smile curls her mouth; Vanessa must be waiting up for her. The fatigue lifts from her shoulders as she imagines the things she's going to do to Vanessa's body. She grabs the doorframe, swinging into the room.

"Well, babe, this is a nice surpr-" She freezes in place, eyes wide, mouth dropping open in shock at the sight before her. Paddy gapes back at her, his face scarlet.

"Sorry," he says. "Probably not quite what you were expecting to find, eh?"

"That, Paddy, is what is known as an understatement." She wrinkles her nose as her eyes slide down his body and back up. "Is there a reason you're naked in my bed?" She leans against the doorframe, cocking a hip and an eyebrow.

"I'm not naked," Paddy protests, lifting a hand and letting out a distressed whine of pain. He gestures vaguely at his crotch. "There's a...you know...a thingie."

"I'm sure there is, but I can't see it for that face cloth you've got over it," Charity says, enjoying herself now. "And anyway, I'm flattered, Paddy, but I'm spoken for."

"This isn't...I'm not…" Paddy splutters. "This isn't how I seduce people!"

"No. Alcohol's probably involved too, I imagine," Charity nods. "A lot of alcohol." She presses her lips together to keep herself from laughing. "It's a good job you're not trying to seduce me. I mean, I know she's tiny, but I'd put my money on Vanessa in a fight between the two of you."

Paddy looks like he might protest, but ends up sighing. "Yeah, so would I, actually."

"So, if you're not trying to tempt me into an illicit affair, why are you in my bed?" Charity asks.

"He fell getting out of the bath and put his back out again. This was the furthest we could carry him." Vanessa's voice comes from behind her and she turns to see her girlfriend approaching. She's wearing a pair of Charity's silky pyjamas, the bottoms are too long and dragging on the floor. She's cradling a bag of frozen brussel sprouts in the crook of her elbow. "I'm surprised you didn't hear him from downstairs. Proper bringing the house down he was."

Charity lets out a cackle as Vanessa squeezes by her into the room. "Oh, Paddy. You really are an eighty year old woman trapped in a man's body, aren't you?"

"Charity," Vanessa warns. She dumps the sprouts and a towel in Charity's arms. "Wrap them up. We're going to have to get them underneath him."

"No!" Paddy says, shaking his head. "No, no. That sounds like it involves me moving and I don't think that's a good idea right now."

"Too bad," Vanessa huffs, clearly fed up of this whole situation. She looks over at Charity. "Well, come on then."

Charity approaches the bed, slowly, sizing up the task. She hands over the cold compress. "Why are we doing this? Where's Chas? Isn't this her job?"

"Chas was on the phone to NHS 24." Chas comes into the room and stops beside the bed, glaring at Paddy. "And Chas couldn't her herself think in here because someone kept wailing and crying."

"I was in pain!" Paddy protests. "The painkillers hadn't kicked in at all then." He twists his neck as best he can to look at her. "What did they say?"

"Exactly what Vanessa said before you insisted I phoned them," Chas says, yawning. "Ibuprofen. Cold compression pack. Get moving as soon as you can."

"See?" Vanessa throws her hands up. "You don't have to be a doctor to know that."

"Better safe than sorry," Paddy mumbles.

"Right. Are we gonna get these sprouts under him so I can get back to sleep?" Vanessa asks, moving to the other side of the bed. "If the two of you roll him towards you, I'll stick them underneath."

"I really don't think this is a good idea," Paddy says. "Let's just wait a bit for the painkillers to kick in, eh?"

They all ignore him, moving into position. Chas nods. "Right. You take the bottom half and I'll take the top half."

"I think you should take the bottom half!" Paddy interjects. "You'll need to...hold the thingie in place."

"Oh Paddy, get over yourself," Vanessa snaps, irritated. "I spent all yesterday up at Veronica's stud farm. If you think I even noticed your dangly bits, you've got another thing coming."

Charity laughs, swapping places with Chas. "Yeah, and anyway, Vanessa's not into dangly bits, these days."

"No? Could've fooled me." Chas mutters.

Charity frowns. "What's that mean?"

"Well, she's pretty fond of your bangers, i'n't she?"

Charity gasps. "You cheeky bi-"

"Right, you two!" Vanessa yells. "It's one o'clock in the morning. I'm knackered. Can we just get this done, please?"

Chas and Charity glance at each other, smirking guiltily. "Yes, Ness," they chorus, earning an eyeroll from Vanessa.

With minimum fuss, and managing to keep Paddy's dignity intact, they get the cold compress to where it needs to go, lowering Paddy back down. He sighs in relief.

"Thanks, girls. That feels brilliant."

Charity nods, wrapping her arms around Vanessa when she comes and leans her whole weight against her. She frowns. "Uhhh...where are we going to sleep if he's in here?"

Chas flops down onto Charity's bed, making it bounce a little and causing Paddy to yelp. "Sorry," she mumbles, eyes closed. "You can take our bed."

"Fine," Charity says. "But we're having a lie in in the morning. Vanessa's shattered and I'll need time to deal with the mental trauma of being forced to think about Paddy's tackle."