My hands fly to my locket, but they are stopped in their tracks by a cold white hand. Felicity.
"You cannot go on your own. It would not be safe for one young girl to approach the gypsy camp with no one else."
I think of the events of the night, and decide not to answer.
"I shall accompany you." She decides, and I love her for it. It seems that Pippa, however, does not.
"Oh, no, Fee, you can't! You mustn't! You have to stay here with me and care for ... Evelyn."
I know why Pippa is saying this. I know it all too well. She does not want to be abandoned by Felicity, does not want to be left with the responsibility of my sister on her shoulders. She is weak and cowardly, and secretly I pity the man who will marry her.
"No, Pip, because that would mean Ann were to go with Gemma, and she is so timid that she would be of no use." Ann nods vehemently as Felicity utters these words, and I can see the tension ease form her body. She does not have to be brave, after all.
Pippa looks as though she is about to start sulking, but I have no time for her. I have no time for any of them. For anyone apart from my sister, who I left alone, cold and broken, my selfish heart doing the easy thing, as always. I regret it bitterly; feel my remorse in the pounding of my heart and the flow of tears down my face. Fee embraces me, on finger between us on the locket, and I concentrate, and we are away, collapsing in a heap on the cold dead marble of the great hall. Our legs and arms and hair are tangled, and we run towards the doors half joined together. We are in but our nightgowns, and I think of the looks and leers we shall receive at Kartik's home, but I care not. I care for my sister, and for no one else.
We approach the camp, hear the laughter and music and feel the flickering warmth of the fire through the branches. Fee steps forwards warily, trying to gain as much view as possible, without being seen herself. I can see the awe, the life and excitement flicking away inside of her, and, I confess, I feel it too. I long to stumble merrily down here after the long stuffy days, learning how to be a lady, are over, long to come and dance and sing and love and live.
I cannot wait for the rushing feeling to pass us by; I hurry into the camp and scream his name desperately, not caring who sees me, who hears me. He is seated around the fire tonight, dressed in traditional gypsy clothes, his face relaxed and his eyes soft. I can see my fearful reflection reflected in them.
"Kartik, Oh God, Kartik, you have to help me, please, it's my sister." The words come out in a rush, and I fling myself upon him desperately, plucking at his clothing, tugging at his arms. He has been drinking slightly, I can tell, and he feels warm and peaceful. His arms close around me, and he lifts my head so that he can place a tender kiss on my mouth. But when we break apart, he can see that I am crying.
"What is it, Miss Doyle?"
"My sister. You have to come. I don't know what to do."
He follows me, and I grab Felicity's arm as we hurtle back to the school. Halfway there, I realise that there probably isn't time, and that we could go from anywhere. I slow my speed, catch hold of Felicity, and bade her place a finger on the locket. Kartik does the same, looking confused and sceptical in a way that infuriates me, but I pay it no heed. I place a trembling finger one the locket once more, and then we are rushing and falling through time and colour, life and death, dreams and nightmares, smoke and shadow, a thousand dancing mirrors. We have returned.
His eyes widen in shock, but there is no time for him to explore. I drag him to the place where my sister lies still. Pippa steps back, her eyes round and fearful as she takes in the sight of Kartik, and Ann nods shyly in recognition. Kartik's gaze does not linger on Pippa, and this makes me love him even more.
He only has eyes for me.
Doesn't he?
But it does not matter, because he is checking her breathing and her pulse, rolling her over and peering into her blank eyes. He looks up at me, his forehead knitted in concentration and worry, and speaks the following words gravely.
"I do not know what to do, Gemma. I think she might be-"
"She is not dead! She's breathing!" My words come out in a desperate scream, like a mother who has lost her child and does not know where to find it.
"Gemma, she died 16 years ago. She has been living here ever since. Who knows what the rules of life and death are here?"
"But what can I do?" I glance wildly around the garden, my eyes brimming with tears that I will refuse to let cloud my vision and blur my brain. My eyes whip past the hanging vines and I have answered my own question.
"Mother."
I begin walking towards the vines. I can hear Ann gasp and Pippa cry behind me, hear the pounding footsteps of my two closest friends, feel Fee's cold hand on my wrist as Kartik catches me around the waist. The combined efforts of their strength sends me reeling around, falling in a heap on the fresh sweet fresh of this hellish place. I want to leave I want to leave IwanttoleaveIwanttoleave.
Kartik reaches for me, fighting against my struggling hands and wild eyes. He places one hand on my neck, gently pinning me to the ground. I have nowhere to look but into his liquid velvet orbs.
"Gemma, listen to me. You cannot risk all of this. I will not let you."
"I will do whatever I bloody well like! Get your blasted hands off me!" My language is appalling, but is shocks him enough to make his hands slack and loose, and I push past him and delve behind the vines, wincing in the brilliant light that appears as if from nowhere.
"Gemma, my darling."
"Mother."
I stand before her, the tears falling down my cheeks and the invisible hand clenching tight around my pulsing heart. I feel time stand still, hear nothing but the screams I have caged up inside. I gaze upon her face, the face that has been gracing my dreams and haunting my nightmares ever since her fateful death. I do not know whether I love her or hate her. And that is perhaps what is meant to be.
"Gemma, you found her."
"I did."
"And you told her."
"I did."
"And she ... she told you?" This is not a statement but a question. She does not know.
"Yes, mother. She did."
I can feel it growing now, but this time it is inside of me, and I know I have the strength to fight it, to break it. The darkness, the blackness, the bleakness is overwhelming, overpowering; I do not know whether to run from it, or embrace it. I stand still, gazing resolutely at my mother but never really seeing her at all. I concentrate, wishing hard upon that power that was instilled in me at my birth and Evelyn's death. I wonder if I can win.
I wonder if I ever could.
But as I hear my mother's sweet, lulling voice, and gaze at her face through my curtain of tears, I understand. At last.
At long last.
It is not about knowledge, or power, or victory. It is not even about forgiveness. It is about truth.
And I know that I can speak it to my mother.
"Mother ... I ... I ... I forgive you."
And I know that it is true.
The darkness is flooding my eyes are I whisper the last, churning word. I can hear the howl of a thousand thwarted creatures, used to getting their own way and bending people at their will. I smile, partly in triumph, but partly because I can see my sister begin to live again. She steps through the curtains and is no longer grey and dull and defeated. She is strong and vibrant and full of hope.
But not alive. I know that much.
My sister died the instant she stepped under the waterfall. That water, which should be giving life, destroyed it, and I now know that there are things beyond all comprehension at work here. There are thousands of worlds, some similar to the one that I know, some so different that I could not begin to understand them. I will never see them all.
I will never see it all.
But I have seen enough.
My mother, unfrozen and soft, embraces my sister with tears in her eyes and hope in her heart. I wonder what it must be like to hold your daughter again after 16 years, and pray that I will never know that feeling. They turn to me, and I follow, unsure, almost reluctant at first. They approach the waterfall, and then turn to me.
"Mother ... Evelyn... could you come back with me now?"
But Mother smiles, and shakes her head.
"It was my time, Gemma. It always was. My life is gone now, finished. In that world, at least. I am back with my daughter."
But you are leaving another.
"Gemma, I failed Evelyn once. I could not do it again. You know how much I love you. And I always will. But my time now is for Evelyn."
The words aren't meant to be cruel, but they sting nevertheless. It is like losing my mother all over again, and I cannot bear it. The tears are tumbling, warm and salty, down my face, and I do not care who can see it.
"But mother ... please."
She embraces me, and I inhale her scent for the last time. My mother.
Evelyn approaches me. "Gemma, darling," she says, for one last time, and her eyes fill with tears. She smiles, though, a smile full of hope and wonder and beauty. "Oh, how I will miss you. I knew you for so little time, but you had always been with me, and you always will. Thank you. Thank you so much. We will be waiting for you."
My heart is breaking, but I think of the mission that I accomplished for her. "Evelyn, there is something I must tell you. I found your gypsy. I found him, and I told him you loved him. He said he loved you too. He always will." Mother does not hear, and Evelyn's eyes are once more filled with something that I do not understand.
"Oh, Gemma, thank you. Thank you. And ... and I presume that this," and here she motioned to Kartik, standing awkwardly averting his eyes from our reunion, and also our goodbye, "is your gypsy boy."
And for once the words make me proud. I nod, and she smiles and embraces me once more, holding me tightly, until she kisses me one last time and turns to leave.
"Let me come too!" I cry, and race after them. They are on the stepping-stones now, and turn as I follow them. Kartik catches at my waist, and I try to beat his hands off, but this time he is too strong. This time he means it.
"Gemma, your time has not yet come." Mother calls to me, her hair lifted softly by the velvety breeze. But I cannot think of anything apart from my mother and my sister leaving me once more. Kartik is screaming my name now, his arms so tight around my waist that I am pressed against his chest. I have never hated him more.
"Let me go! Let me go! You have no right to keep me here! I want to be with my family!"
"Gemma." It was my mother, one last time, standing inches before the sheet of water, silky and molten glass. "Gemma, this is your family now." And she motions to Pippa, and to Ann, and to Felicity, and to Kartik. And she gives me one last heartbreaking smile and steps through the water with Evelyn.
"No!" the scream that passes through me is not human, nor is it English. It is savage, wild and fierce, hatred and love and burning desire mixed together to form something broken and deadly. I wrench at Kartik's arms, but he seems to have acquired the strength of ten men, and he holds me fast. His hands are around my waist, their warmth seeping through into my skin, into my soul, until I am spent, and crumple, weeping, into the grass at his feet, his hands holding me still, awkwardly at first, but then more smoothly, stroking my hair and caressing my face and kissing my lips, red and swollen with tears and sorrow.
"I hate you." I whisper jaggedly, repeating it like a lullaby, like the cruellest of prayers to a unforgivable god. His breath is in my ear, murmuring back to me the words that I need to hear.
"I know you do."
And I stand, shaky and forlorn, and grasp the hands of my friends, placing them on my necklace, and cast him one last venomous glance, and place a finger on my necklace.
And place a finger on Felicity. She has stopped me, her gaze seeking out the life in me, the hope and laughter and compassion.
"We are leaving no one behind."
She says it with a certainty that makes me believe her. Kartik approaches me, and I seem not to notice as he touches the necklace, and then we are home.
And they are gone.
Dum dum duhm! is it the end for Gemma and Kartik (at least in this version of events)?
will update soon ... story is by no means finished yet.