Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin

Chapter 21

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Kenshin kissed me... Kaoru's subconscious mind reminded her for the nth time.

And each time, her fingers runs automatically through her lips where Kenshin's lips had linger.

And every time, there's that sudden rush on her cheeks, she suddenly felt hot.

She was so stunned back then as if God had forbid her to react to such sweet kiss. She vividly felt butterflies inside her stomach. She felt so lightheaded, that her knees almost gave up standing alone.

If... if he didn't broke that kiss immediately... she don't wanna think what might have happened next. She knew that she was on the verge of snaking her arms around his neck and kiss him back and poured her heart out.

Oh, dear God! She tapped her mouth. I'm so horrible. She said disgusted to herself.

"I'm so tired if these damned replays... I want to sleep!" She groaned in frustration.

She then noticed the sun rays slipping in right through her window blinds. She heaved a sigh of defeat. It's too late for her to get some sleep after all.

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The picture popped into Kenshin's head once again as he walked back to his car. He remembered looking into Kaoru's deep blue eyes and slightly opened mouth. Her pink lips reminded him of how it smelled and tasted like strawberry before his lips. He then felt his heart thumped crazily like it always did before. Unable to think clearly, he couldn't stop himself from lifting his hands to feel her flushed cheek. And before he knew it, he had already kissed her fully on the lips, eyes closed, like a stupid fool.

"Ugh!" He groaned. She should have kicked me in the gut. He thought. He deserves that kick or punch, a hundred times or more. But unfortunately, there's no way he could take it back and there's no way he could amend it either, right? Oh! He needed someone to talk to or he'll really go crazy. He put down his groceries on top of his car then put out his phone and dialed Aoshi's number.

"Hey, Kenshin!"

"Are you busy today?" he asked, not really in the mood for hello.

"I have few cases to review, but… it can wait. Is everything alright?"

"I'll be right on your door in 10 minutes." He said, pocketed his phone and picked up his grocery bag. He was about to walk into his car when somebody called out his name.

Kenshin stopped and turned. "Dr. Gensai?"

"Kenshin! Hahaha!" Dr. Gensai boomed with laughter. "It's been a while, son! The old man hugged him. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"And so am I, good sir," he replied while patting the old man's back.

"Wait..." Dr. Gensai said, breaking off the hug, taking a good look at him. "How have you been, son?"

"I'm fine that I am. How about you, sir?"

"Well, here I am... looking and feeling a lot older each day."

"I'm not sure about that, seeing you could still carry that heavy load, eh?" he said pointing at old man's hand with bags full of groceries.

"Oh, I'm about to prepare Kaoru and Yahiko's favorite dishes. They'll be having dinner at my place tonight." Dr. Gensai said cheerfully. "If you like, you can come, too. I could still remember you love my sushi cake?"

"I would love, too but I've got prior engagement, Sir." He answered smiling.

Let me help you with those, Sir. I'll drop you off at your place," he said, snatching old man's packages with ease then usher the old man into his car.

"I won't say no to that, ha-ha!" he said, climbing in.

"So, where have you been, son? I only knew, from Yahiko, that you were in the country. "Did you and Kaoru already talked?" he asked, enthusiastically.

Kenshin's clasp on the steering wheel suddenly tightens. "Err, yes," he answered in a strained voice. "I'm getting married, sir..." He told him at once.

"What a reason to come back home! Getting married, eh?"

"I, I'm getting married with, with someone else, sir."

"With someone else?" Confusion etched on old man's face. "Not my Kaoru?"

"Kaoru and I agreed, it's all over between us." He confessed.

"She did? Kaoru did?!" he blurted out. "Unbelievable! I clearly told her to fight for her happiness, to never give up on what she really wants. Why let you go when she waited long and hard enough for you? Life's too short to let the opportunity for happiness just pass her by. That stupid girl… I want her to live her life free from bitter regrets, but look what she had done?"

"Maybe… maybe we're simply not meant to be." He suggests.

Silence.

"I really thought that you came back for my Kaoru." Dr. Gensai said sadly. "I wish I could say I'm happy for you, son… but, how can I? When I knew you're my poor Kaoru's happiness. You ought to know that she has been waiting for you all these years…"

He was speechless. He is now stopping in front of Dr. Gensai's residence.

"Are you really over with my Kaoru?" he heard him asked.

He really didn't know how to respond. Anything about Kaoru and love was the things he dreaded the most. How about a simple YES? That would suppose. He guessed.

He braced himself and try to look at him in the eye but failed to do so, he fidgets and looked away, realizing, he couldn't lie this time, not with this old man. "We're here, sir..." he said instead.

"If you still too strained to talk about your past that simply means you're still stuck with it. I believe you that should cut those few strings first before you could really start a new life with someone else." He paused.

"Let me ask you one more thing before I let you off… Are you happy now?"

He wasn't expected that question. Am I happy? Will I ever be happy? He thought. "I, I…" he stuttered.

"Kenshin, son… you don't need to stress yourself with that so simple question." Dr. Gensai offered him a kind smile. "If you're happy, keep doing whatever you're doing... If not, ask yourself, do you want to be happy? If your answer is no, again, keep doing whatever you're doing. But if your answer is yes, you better think twice, son. Fears are stupid, so are regrets..." Dr. Gensai gave out a sigh of resignation when he still didn't respond. "Anyway, thank you for the ride, son." He ended then started getting out of the car.

Still disconcerted, he couldn't utter a single word, all he could do was just bow his head. He was about to drive away, but something so familiar caught his astray eyes... faded drawings over the Kamiya's battered wall. Memories then hit him like lightning strikes.

"There... done!" he turned to where the voice came from. There, appeared young Kaoru, smiling brightly while gawking at her painting over her grandpa's wall. A moment after, Kenshin stood up, stretching his numb legs.

"Whoaah!" Kaoru exclaimed, scrutinizing his part of the wall. "You're quite good at it." She praised.

"Am I?" he pouted. "Doubtful. Very doubtful." He said, stroking his chin. "What about yours?" He took a step sideward to look at Kaoru's work. A smile instantly appeared on his young pointed face. She wasn't an artist, he could see that… but he was quite amazed by her concept. It's a big oak tree with wooden swing underneath. Sitting on it was an old couple, holding each other's hands while facing the setting sun.

"Well, uhm… you see, it's us… it's us when we're old. And this... it's our aged hands." She said touching the couple's joined hands. "...still holding onto each other, even they were wrinkled and old. They'll never let go of each other, no matter what happens and how long it takes."

Kaoru then looked at him in the eye, blushing furiously "I know I'm not perfect." She laughs. "Well, nobody's perfect. So, I figured, someday I might slip and make mistake and hurt you... but when that happen, please do remember that I will never… ever… meant to do that." She held up her hand and touched his face. "It's the last thing I wanna do, hurt you. I know how fragile your heart and soul are, as result of your unkind young life, that it makes me so upset that all I could do for you is just... promise you that I'll always be careful with your heart."

He held up his hand to touch her fingers lingering on his cheeks but it disappears. Kaoru disappears. He felt his heart throbbed in pain.

"That old wall has the same effect to Kaoru." He heard someone say which at once brought him back to reality.

Kenshin blinked his eyes and everything puffed out in a cloud of smoke. He looked around and found the old man still standing outside his car. Ah, memories... that one's one of the lost memories he has been trying to erase and ran away from all these years.

"When you're gone, she typically broke down and cries like a child in front of it. As time goes by, she learned to look at it the way you do now. Maybe Kaoru learned to hold back her feelings but had no idea that pain was still clearly written in her eyes. I don't know about you but I know Kaoru. Fears are stupid, son and so are regrets. I hope you'll both figured it out and live happily in the end."

Completely shaken and confused, he decided to just bow his head again and leave the place as fast as he could then stopped somewhere nearby.

"Fears are stupid, so are regrets." he heard Dr. Gensai says. He shook his head.

"...she typically broke down and cries like a child in front of it." He heard him say again.

After he's gone, she was in pain, too. And because he's a fool, he didn't know… he didn't wanna know coz he's a coward. While she here facing those painful memories in front of her and waited for him... he cowardly ran far away and having a tough time forgetting her and their memories. He closed eyes, exhausted and ashamed of himself. Today, by recalling those lost memories, his heart remembered and his mind realized... how Kaoru Kamiya had loved him... And that he, Kenshin Himura, was nothing but a coward, stupid fool.