Joyce for President
By Ruthless Bunny
Antoine and Daria were packing up after another Student Council meeting. "You know Daria, I've been thinking about running for president. If I threw my hat into the ring, would you help me run my campaign?" He meticulously put his materials into his shoulder case, aligning everything just so before zipping up.
Daria crammed her notepad into her backpack and shook her head. "You know that I think you'd make a great president, but I make it a point not to take up losing causes. Nothing personal."
"Do you think I'd lose because I'm African-American?" There was no hurt in his voice. They were the kind of friends who could say the absolute truth to each other.
"Well, that's part of it. More to the point, you aren't in with the Government Geeks. The torch is being handed to Brian, Chad's heir apparent. The choice has been made, it is just for the 6% of the people on campus who vote in these things to make it official." She shrugged; it was a fait accompli in her eyes.
"That's why I want to run. I don't actually think I'll win either, but at least we can get our issues out there. I think that if you helped that we could bridge some gaps and bring our concerns about this administration to light."
"I think that's all good, but I can already feel my frustration. Brian and Chad will say that your candidacy is divisive. They'll point to every single one of your ideas and suggestions as some kind of evidence of a desire for preferential treatment. They'll hint that you got in here under affirmative action..."
"They don't even HAVE affirmative action at this school. I didn't even check the box!" Antoine objected.
"I know that, and I'm pretty sure that THEY know that, but they'll use it against you any way. Do you feel your blood pressure? Do you want to feel like that for then next six weeks?" She put her hand on his shoulder.
"No. I guess not, but I've still got to run." He pondered a moment. "Too bad we aren't cartoons. Brian could be the stupid bulldog and I could be the cool cat. That's a debate the school could get behind."
Daria laughed, "Yeah, we could get all of our office supplies from the Acme Corporation."
"No, they suck. Let's stick with Office Warehouse. Let's make our list, rocket roller skates, a case of dynamite..."
"Don't forget the short fuses." Daria stopped. "Wait. I've just had a thought." She held up her finger indicating to him to hush for a moment.
"Oh? Something good?" He paused.
"Yeah, but it would be too stupid." She laughed again, "Oh, but it would be WAY more cruel."
"I like cruel, especially when it comes to the Dumbass Duo. What's your idea?"
"Joyce." Daria laughed again. "My sister's cat."
"A cat? I wasn't serious."
"Right, and in order to make your points, you can't BE serious. Wait. I think I've been unintentionally brilliant. We run Joyce. We use her as our mouthpiece. No matter what Brian and Chad do, if they acknowledge us, they look foolish, if they don't, they look foolish. There's no way we can win anyway, let's just start off with a losing attitude. And a winning cat."
Antoine nodded his agreement. "I was really hoping to get a black candidate on the ballot." He said with an air of disappointment.
"If it makes you feel better she's a chocolate point Siamese."
"So she's brown?" Antoine's eyes lighted up
"Brown is beautiful." Daria held up her fist in a show of solidarity.
"That it is baby."
They made arrangements to meet at the house, to make plans for the campaign, and for Antoine to meet Joyce.
***
The meeting took place around the conference room/dining table. Antoine brought some of his friends, Quinn was asked to attend so that she could give permission. Trent sat in one of the window seats, observing but not participating.
Antoine arose and brought the meeting to order. "Okay folks. Simmer down, and stop bogarting the cookies. Now, we've been discussing the possibility of the Black Student Union running a brother or a sister for president." The people around the table broke out into an affirmative burble. "Right, now, let's be honest, aside from trying to make a couple of points, how many of you think that we would actually win?" The burble got a bit noisier, but no hands went into the air. "So we all agree, if we ran a candidate, it would be for the publicity, and not much else?"
Heads nodded.
Quinn looked around the table. "Uh, not to be rude, but frankly I couldn't care less about campus politics, why am I here?"
"We're coming to that. Everyone, I'd like to introduce Quinn Morgendorffer, she's extremely important to our cause."
"I am?"
Daria had managed to coerce Joyce into her carrier so that she could be produced at the exact, right, dramatic moment. She appeared from the kitchen with Joyce making a rather vociferous objection. "MEOW!" She screamed. Probably because she thought they were going to the vet.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce our proposed candidate. She's a really cool cat and I think that she'll represent us brilliantly. If you please." He motioned to Daria.
Quinn had rushed up to the carrier and as Daria opened it, Joyce jumped into Quinn's arms. Quinn soothed the cat as the burble around the table reached a deafening level.
Esther, the Vice President of the BSU was the first to respond. "A cat? Antoine, what have you been smoking?" She reached out to pet Joyce, who had calmed down under Quinn's ministrations.
"I know how it looks..." Joyce let out a wail of impatience, "and sounds, but think about it. They keep running these white cats year after year. They all look the same, and they all win the same. If we run a cool cat, at least we make our points in a subtle way. It's not like we're sacrificing our opportunity to win anything here."
Heads all turned to Joyce. Joyce realized that she had an audience and began to groom her face.
Esther spoke, "I just think that we have a lot to say and I don't think a cat is the way to say it. We don't get taken seriously as it is, if we bring a cat into it..."
Antoine interrupted, "I know, I know, but let's face it, no matter what we say, no matter who says it, our audience isn't ready to hear it from us. That's a fact. Maybe we can make our point with humor. I'll tell you this much, if I'm fighting a losing battle, I'd rather not be the target of the other side's mudslinging."
Esther considered for a moment. "I hear what you're saying, I'm not entirely sure that this is the route to go, but I will say this, at least this is a cat of color." She said this in earnest, then she realized what she had done. "Oh, maybe we do take ourselves too seriously." She laughed. "You know what? We've done the intense thing to death. Why not try humor? If we're going to fail anyway, let's fail with a cat. Power to the people!"
"MEOW!" Joyce interjected.
"And cats." Antoine added. "I know it's a drastic change in our strategy, but who here is willing to take a chance with me and with Joyce?" Reluctantly all the hands went up around the table. Antoine smiled. "Great, I've asked Daria here to help with the campaign, and all we need now is Quinn's okay on it."
Quinn put Joyce down, expecting that she would rocket away, but Joyce chose to find a seat in the window with Trent instead. "It's okay with me. In fact, if you want, I can get the Tri Delts to pitch in too." She looked at the stunned faces around the table.
"The Tri Delts and the BSU?" Felicia said. While everyone else thought it.
"Why not?" Quinn was mystified. To her it was about getting her cat in the spotlight, she didn't really understand the societal ramifications of it.
Felicia continued to stare at Quinn, "it's not a traditional pairing." She didn't feel the need to explain further.
"Well, maybe it should be. I'll talk with my sisters. Most of us love kitties. Besides, we need to be involved more in campus politics." She gathered her stuff. "I've got to go, I've got a quiz tomorrow. Why don't you come to the house for our weekly meeting on Thursday, and introduce yourselves?"
The heads all nodded. History of some sort was being made, but they weren't sure exactly if it was a good thing or not.
***
Daria quietly filed the appropriate paperwork with the student council secretary. Joyce Morgendorffer; was put on the ballot, along with Brian Blake current Junior Class president. She couldn't wait to see Chad's face when he found out.
Antoine and Daria met to draft Joyce's position paper.
As candidate for Student Council President, I promise to propose the following changes:
No classes between the hours of 2:00 PM and 4:00 PM that would interfere with naps. More seafood will be served in dormitory cafeterias, as it is healthy and delicious. Students of all backgrounds will be embraced for their diversity; our differences make us stronger. During construction of the parking garages on the Itchy and Scratchy lots, parking in the stadium lots will be made accessible by 24 hour shuttle service to all points on the campus, and to the Giant Supermarket at the Tinsdale Shopping Center. I propose construction of a Quiet Room in the Student Union, where students may enjoy complete silence while studying or napping in large, comfortable chairs. Conference rooms at the Multi-Cultural Center will be made available, for a small fee, to community groups desiring meeting space. Animals on campus will not be persecuted. No bandanas on dogs. Squirrels will be left in peace. Bob XVII, the Raft mascot will be released into the wild. Landscaping mulch will be replaced by clean white sand. Never mind what for. Legalize it! (catnip)Trent looked over their shoulders. "Yeah...legalize it! Good one Daria." He chuckled as he walked back into the living room.
Antoine looked over the list. "It doesn't have enough weight."
"It has too much weight." Daria muttered. "That diversity stuff sounds too touchy-feely."
"Yeah, but that's the backbone of the BSU, we can't leave that out." Antoine said, "Besides the purpose of this is to slip the message in between the laughs."
Daria blinked. "What message? I'm just trying to yank Brian's chain."
Trent saw that things were heating up. "Hey, if you're not serious, who cares what's in there anyway? Most people just care about parking and cats." He sipped at a can of soda.
Antoine sighed, "I know, but we wanted to use this as a platform for our agenda, we stand for something significant."
Daria became agitated. "You know, it doesn't matter. The point of most political campaigns is not to get people to vote, it's to get people NOT to vote. We're trying to show those snobs that they aren't the only game in town. Instead of putting the BSU's agenda into Joyce's mouth, we've got to show them that they are so insignificant that most students would vote for a cat."
Antoine considered her statement. "That is SO cynical."
"Yeah, that's what it is." Daria conceded.
"I'm not sure that's really what we want to do here." He got up and paced.
"I guess we're in this for different reasons. I'm nihilistic; I don't think anything matters. You're idealistic; you think everything matters. Unless we find some common ground, we're not going to be able to work together."
They both thought for a moment.
"Chad and Brian are idiots," Trent called from the living room.
They smiled. That was it.
***
Chad was livid as he discussed his position with the Tri Delt executive board. Quinn was sitting in as Joyce's representative.
"You know, I thought that I could count on your support for Brian's candidacy. After all, those of us on the Greek Council need to stick together." He tried to maintain his composure, but as he stared at the young women, each wearing a small enamel pin featuring the face of a Siamese cat, he felt his gorge rise.
"Why would you automatically assume that you would get our support? I seem to recall that when we wanted you to move a date that conflicted with one of our activities, you weren't very interested in supporting us then." Alyssa reminded him.
"Are you going to let some petty incident ruin decades, of good Pan Hellenic relations?" He asked rhetorically.
"You weren't too concerned at that point. Besides, are you suggesting that you took our support for granted simply because we are all Greek? That's rather shallow, isn't it?" Lisa said, reaching for a carrot from the crudité platter.
"Shallow?" Chad sputtered. His implication was that the Tri Delts were the definition of shallowness. "You're the ones supporting the cat!"
"I think we know that it's not the cat that we're supporting. I think we know that we're not supporting you. Or your buddy. Speaking of which, why exactly is it you we're addressing, instead of him?" Alyssa asked, acid dripping from her tongue.
"Uh, he had a previous engagement." Chad lamely explained, thinking about the lacrosse dinner that Brian was enjoying.
"It's our opinion that if the candidate had a genuine interest, that he would be here in person. As it stands, our support is with Joyce. We're rather tired of the same old thing. Your presidency has been nothing but a rubber stamp for the will of the administration. It's time for new blood, and a new species." She smiled kindly.
Quinn sat quietly, bemused by Chad's utter seriousness. She could not believe that he would actually come down to their meeting just to complain about Joyce. Why was he threatened? It's a CAT!
Chad tried a different tack. "Ladies, I know that we haven't always agreed, but I think that you know that a cat isn't going to run your student council. I really believe that Brian is the right man for the job..."
Lisa cut him off in the middle of his conciliatory statement, which infuriated him, "It's simple. We're supporting the cat. Deal."
Chad realized that he couldn't let his anger get the best of him. "I can't say that I'm not disappointed, but if you change your mind, please call us, we'd love to have the Tri Delts on board." He rose to leave and Alyssa walked out with him.
"Is it me or is this the first time ever that anyone from student council has come for a visit, or even specifically asked for our support?" Lisa asked.
Carolyn thought for a moment and flipped through her records. "It appears so."
"I wonder what's got them so spooked?"
Later in Chad's office in the student union, he again consulted the poll. 42% of students sampled said that they planned to vote in the student council election. Up from the usual 14% that voted. Of those new voters, most of them planned to vote for the cat.
***
Brian took his grievance to the weekly meeting of the student council. As part of 'new business' he brought up his complaint. "It seems to me that there should be some kind of rule against it. Doesn't someone or something have to actually be a student to serve on the student council?" He sat down and let Chad take it from there.
"I've thoroughly researched this," he threw down a copy of the student charter, "Brian is right."
"There's a shocker." Daria chimed in.
Chad glared at her and continued, "It's simple. The cat can't run because the cat isn't a student." He smiled broadly and dared anyone to defy him. He didn't have to wait long.
Daria stood. "I'm usually just here to take notes, but since I have information that's relevant to these proceedings I'll go ahead and make this brief. She is, in fact, an enrolled student here at Raft."
"Come on!" Brian protested.
"I guess Chad's research stopped when he got to the answer he wanted." Daria couldn't resist twisting the knife; "I'd like to provide you with Joyce's transcript." She distributed copies around the table.
Chad snatched it up and he and Brian looked at it. "Egyptian Archaeology? What is this?"
"Joyce is enrolled in one class. She's auditing. She'd like to feel it out a bit before she commits. If you flip the page, you'll see that the registrar cashed the check for her student fees, the class and a parking permit. It's all fair and square."
"This is outrageous!" Brian declared.
"Yes." Daria agreed. "But it is also a fact. Now, if you've got someone in the registrar's office who has the authority to drop Joyce out of the class and refund, in full, her tuition, I suggest you get them working on that, because until that happens, Joyce is still your opponent." She sat down and took up her usual attitude of note taking.
Chad looked around the room. He was defeated, but not for long. "Okay, if there's no new business, do I have a motion to adjourn?" He pleaded with his eyes for someone to do so.
Brian obliged, "I move to adjourn."
"Second," confirmed Antoine.
After a quick vote the meeting was adjourned so that everyone who was holding in laughter could let it out in the quad.
***
The protest didn't stop there. Later in the week Chad and Brian found themselves in the office of the Chancellor.
"You know Sir, they're making a mockery of the election." Brian said soberly as Chad stood by, lending weight to their convictions.
"Young man, I appreciate the position that you are in, but what would you like me to do about it?" The Chancellor tented his fingers and waited for a reply. "It appears that all of the documents are in order." He eyed his intercom, praying that his secretary would buzz him with an urgent matter.
Chad stepped in. "Sir, I believe that a stabile student government is not only beneficial to the students, but to the administration as well." It was understood that they all worked together.
"It appears that some of your fellow students disagree with you." The Chancellor pointed out.
"Well, what do you expect? There are some people here who want to challenge the history of this school, and what it stands for." Chad smiled; making sure that the Chancellor got his point.
"I'm not so sure that a shake up in student government would be a bad thing. It's a bit...stale around here. A good university changes with the times. Maybe the times are changing." He rolled his chair over to the window to look out onto the quad. "What do you see?" He motioned towards the window.
Brian looked out, "I see Raft students walking to and from class."
"Well, that's what you see. Right now this is the most important thing in your life. You've worked to get here and if I may be so bold, you're rather smug about arriving here in style. What I see are people who are only stopping here for a brief moment in their lives. It's my job to see that what they take away from Raft isn't just a four-year sojourn into elitism. In the past this institution has been identified with an Old Boys Club. I think we know what I'm saying here." The young men nodded in disbelief as the Chancellor continued. "I'd like to think that Raft stands for something more than a wink and a handshake and a fast track to partner at some law firm." He rolled back to his desk.
"But sir, it's a cat!" Chad pointed out.
"I'm well aware of that Son, but it's a Raft cat and it's legitimately on the ballot." As he had planned his intercom buzzed, informing him that his next appointment had arrived. "If we're through here..." he indicated his calendar.
"But what are we supposed to do?" Appealed Brian.
"I suggest that you defeat the cat." The Chancellor said as he motioned them to the door.
***
Daria and Mike walked back from morning practice. They were heading to the food court before their first class.
"I can't believe that you are running the cat. How can you take that seriously?" Mike asked as they passed one of Brian's campaign posters.
Daria pointed to the poster, Don't Be a Pussy, Vote for Brian Blake, President. "I can take it seriously because of this. These guys think that we're a joke when we aren't running a cat against them. I'm just trying to turn it back on them."
"Yeah, those lacrosse geeks are a bit full of themselves." Mike agreed, "So are we eating healthy, or are we going to pig out on pancakes and bacon?"
"Pancakes and bacon. I'm in a mood to chew on some pig."
***
Brian looked out at the crowd that had amassed on the Quad. It was still cool; cool enough to expect to see people wearing sweaters and sweatshirts. What he did NOT expect to see were groups of people wearing beige sweatshirts with brown arms. In other words, every other person in the crowd was sporting the colors of a chocolate point Siamese cat. He half expected them to meow.
Chad had thought that this would be a good idea. To debate the cat. "How can we lose? The cat can't talk!" Of course they might have been pretty far into a case of Heineken at the time, but it seemed to make sense.
Brian looked over his notes. Their campaign strategy brought home the point that the stability of the student government was stability for the college. His opening remarks were all directed at making that point. It seemed so obvious to him that this was good for Raft that he didn't really understand all of the people who seemed to want to throw away their vote on a cat. He ran over his statement one more time as the moderator called the debate to order.
Quinn was selected to wrangle Joyce. They brought her to the quad in her carrier, but for safe measure they had found a cat leash as well. There was no point in taking a chance on having their candidate trying to make a break for it. The crowd was noisy, chanting Joyce, Joyce, Joyce. When she did emerge from her carrier her ears were plastered firmly against the back of her head. Anyone who knew anything about animal body language could tell that the cat would rather be having a spa day at the vet than in the middle of this crowd of people.
"Daria. Joyce is really freaked out. I think we should call this off." Quinn said sotto voce as Joyce clung to her, trying to bury her head in the nape of her neck.
Daria stared at Joyce. It seemed to her that Joyce was always so in control. At home she walked around the house as though the humans in it were in her way. Technically they were, but Daria felt that the opposable thumb thing made up for Joyce's lack of privacy. After all, you can't get into Fancy Feast without a thumb. A dewclaw just didn't cut it. Daria felt sorry for the cat. It wasn't like she loved the cat, but no one can bear to see an animal in distress. She produced a cat treat and Joyce calmed down long enough to take it and crunch.
"If it gets really bad, we'll make our apologies. I think we've proved that we can draw a large crowd." Daria stashed the bag of treats into her sweatshirt pocket.
Quinn clucked at Joyce and the cat seemed to become more comfortable with the situation. It came time for the opening remarks.
Chad strode up onto the dais. He claimed the microphone, just as though he were the junior senator from Wisconsin. "Fellow students. I am here to introduce our first candidate, Brian Blake. Brian is not merely my friend, not merely my fraternity brother, not merely the new Captain of the lacrosse team. Brian is also the best candidate for student council president. I could list all of Brian's accomplishments, but I won't. For one thing we would be here for quite some time, for another, it would embarrass our esteemed opponent. Instead I will say that Brian is the right man for the job. He is a man who will do the job. Brian Blake is prepared to take the reigns of YOUR student government. He's ready to assume the responsibilities of leadership. If you are serious about Raft, Brian Blake is your man!" He strode off to sit at the back of the stage to applause.
Brian approached the podium. "Thank you for that introduction. I'm Brian Blake and I'm running for student council president. I am here today to discuss the issues that affect our student body." He thumped the lectern for effect and it startled Joyce, who jumped in Quinn's arms. "I understand how amusing it would be to elect a cat president, but let's face it, what are you really doing? Despite what some people would have you believe, student government isn't a joke!" He paused for dramatic effect.
"Yes it is!" Screamed a heckler in the crowd. A laugh arose.
Brian lost his composure somewhat. "As I said, student government isn't a joke! We have been charged with an awesome responsibility," again he banged the lectern and Joyce began to squirm. Quinn tried to hold onto her but the cat was attempting to flee. "I am willing to accept this responsibility and I am prepared to do so!" A modest amount of scattered applause wafted over the crowd before he continued. "You have a choice to make, you can decide that your education is worth something! You can decide that it takes a MAN to lead you! You can decide to take an active part in the responsibilities entrusted to every student, you must vote for the man that can actually fulfill these responsibilities. Are you going to hold Raft's two hundred plus years of tradition in the highest regard or are you going to cast it into...A LITTER BOX!" With this last pronouncement he snarled in contempt and pointed at Joyce.
Joyce had had enough. The lights, the crowd, the undignified leash, when Brian screamed those words at her she became defensive. She raised her paw in anger and hissed at him. A loud hiss that could be heard over Brian's rhetoric.
The picture of Joyce's outstretched paw with claws extended, her mouth wide open exposing her sharp, glittering teeth and Brian's terrified reaction, was the one that made all of the wire services the next day.
***
"Welcome back, it's twenty minutes past the hour and as we promised, we've got the story of one of the most interesting student council elections since the sixties. The students at Raft have a choice between a clean-cut young man and a chocolate point Siamese cat, for president of their student body. We're going live, via satellite, to the Tri Delt house in Boston to discuss the campaign with Joyce and her 'sisters' Daria and Quinn Morgendorffer."
"Ms. Morgendorffer, why is it that you and your sister decided to enter your cat into the presidential race?"
"Well Katie, it just seemed that our elections have always been perfunctory. We get a couple of people, they're similar, and one or the other of them gets elected and everything goes on as it always does. We thought that it was time for new blood. We're trying to make a point that sometimes you want something different. So we nominated Joyce." Quinn smiled, as did the Siamese sweatshirt bedecked Tri Delts and BSU members. Daria sat next to her stroking Joyce.
"So you're making a point then?" The perky anchor asked. "Daria, you are the spearhead of this campaign, what is your strategy for getting a cat elected?"
"Our first hurdle is that we have to give voice to everything that Joyce stands for. Diversity, not just between people, but species, positive change on campus and shrimp for dinner whenever it's on sale."
"MEOW!" Joyce agreed.
"She really likes shrimp." Quinn affirmed.
The anchor laughed. "I notice that in addition to the Tri Delt sorority members that the members of the Black Student Union are also present, I understand that you've formed a coalition. Antoine Petithomme, president of the BSU, can you tell us how this coalition has bonded together for this election?"
"We felt that it was important to back a candidate of color. Raft has historically been represented by a certain majority, we have always felt that all members of the student body should be represented. While there are many qualified humans, of all backgrounds, we thought that our points would be taken more seriously, if we took ourselves less seriously, and so we decided to back Joyce for president."
"Thank you. In the studio we have Brian Blake, the young man running against Joyce. Brian, when you found out that your opponent was a cat, how did that change the direction of your campaign?"
Brian faced into the camera, "Katie, I have always been confident in my ability to lead. I believe that the students at Raft will elect the candidate best able to do the job. I think we all know that a cat just isn't capable of doing that. My campaign has been to present the issues and to let an informed electorate vote their conscience." He smiled presidentially.
"Thank you. Well, good luck to all of you. May the best...candidate...win. When we return, we've got your local weather." She smiled into the camera.
"Helen!" Jake screamed.
"I'm right here. What?" She replied.
"Our girls are wasting time getting that damn cat elected to president? What is this world coming to?" He held his head in his hands.
"Jake, stop being so dramatic. The girls are making a political point. Remember when the Yippies ran Pigasus for president?" She rubbed his shoulders.
"Oh yeah!" He cheered up. "Do we have any Frosted Flakes for breakfast?"
***
Daria, Quinn and Antoine were at their planning meeting.
"We have nearly ten thousand dollars left in the treasury and this is the last Saturday before the election. I say, let's go ahead and throw an Election Roundup. We'll dress like cowboys and Joyce can wear her hat." Quinn suggested.
Daria rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding?"
"No. People like parties. We can rent the Pavilion. One of our former sisters is working for a beer distributor, she's agreed to help us out with kegs. Another of our sisters is an executive for a pizza company, they've agreed to provide the food. I've even lined up a sister who is a United States Senator to endorse Joyce." Quinn explained.
"You mean there's a Tri Delt who is serving in the U.S. Senate? How?" Daria was amazed.
"I know that you think we're a bunch of bimbos, but we're not. We go on to do great things. Maybe it's because we were going to anyway, maybe it's because we've managed to turn something that men have used for centuries to our advantage, but I think it's a good thing and I'm putting it to use for Joyce." Quinn was emphatic.
Antoine cleared his throat, "You know, many groups decide the same thing. We have Jewish frats and Black frats, we decided to take from the old Greek system what we could use to our benefit. Sure, there are stereotypes for a reason," he acknowledged, "but for the most part, those of us in a frat or a sorority get out of it what we put into it."
"Okay, I apologize. It's not for me, but I guess there's no harm in it either." Daria conceded. "So we're throwing a huge party. Whee."
Two thousand people showed up and Joyce spent the entire evening trying to push the hat off of her head.
***
The house had been converted into an election headquarters. Assorted scraps of delivery food covered various surfaces in the living room as they waited for news from the election committee. A reporter from a local station hung around picking at the egg rolls and waiting for the results. The phone rang and the reporter stood up and motioned for the camera operator to start rolling.
Daria answered, "Hello? Oh. That's great! Fabulous! Thanks." She smiled and made the announcement. "The results are in. The election had the largest turn out in recent college history. With 56% of the students voting, the margins were 52% to 47%, with one percent illegible. Although we lost..." The buoyancy of the crowd came down somewhat, but they were still ecstatic. "We only lost by a few percent!"
The house broke into a protracted celebration. Daria and Antoine embraced.
"Are you disappointed that it wasn't you?" Daria asked.
"It never would have been me," he admitted. "There's no way that I could have captured the imagination of the students. It had to be Joyce." He smiled. "We should go into business after school, political consulting. Think of what we could do for Jesse Jackson!"
"Or Al Sharpton," Daria quipped.
Antoine shook his head, "No, I don't think anyone could help him." He laughed. "Seriously, thanks, I learned a lot from this experience."
"I did too, but I'm not sure that I learned anything good. It seems to me that the public is too easily manipulated. We nearly got a cat elected." She smiled a wan smile. "It's nice to know I could if I wanted to, but what an awesome power."
"With great power comes great responsibility." Antoine quoted.
"That's what I'm afraid of."
Quinn came out of the kitchen sobbing into Joyce's fur. "We lost! I wanted to win!"
***
At the first meeting after the election, Daria and Antoine went over to congratulate Brian. "You ran a good campaign, congratulations." Antoine said extending his hand.
Brian shook it, "I'm just glad that the students realized that I was the right man for the job. Hey, no hard feelings man"
Daria grew impatient with Brian's conciliatory tone. "Congratulations Brian. You beat a cat."
***
Author's note: Both Katie Couric and Elizabeth Dole are Tri Delts. Go figure.