Summary: Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman attempt to make a Stupendous Man movie.
And now back to Calvin and Hobbes: The Series
Written by garfieldodie and Swing123
Wild Movie
The autumn air was nice and fresh as Calvin and Hobbes were romping in a leaf pile.
"This is why God created leaves, Hobbes ol' buddy," Calvin said.
Then he noticed Hobbes wasn't near.
"Hobbes?"
Then he noticed Hobbes was on a fence post.
He posed for a second, and then did a nosedive into the pile of leaves.
Leaves showered everywhere and piled around Calvin.
Hobbes then popped up threw the pile.
"Hoo!" he said. "Leaves are good forms of stress relief."
Calvin and Hobbes laughed for a while, sighed, and collapsed onto their backs in the leaf piles.
There was a long pause of silence as they just took in the lovely day.
"What do you want to do with your future?" Hobbes asked.
"Well, after college I think I'm going to take a year off and backpack through Europe," Calvin replied. "I want to get to know the world. I'll only stay in hotels and eat what people offer or what I can scrounge. I'll take my time and learn how different cultures live and relate to each other. I will gain a new perspective on life and form a set of ideals on which to live my own life. Eventually my travels will take me back home. Over time I'll get a job, get married, have 2.5 kids, get a mortgage and two SUVs, and slowly forget whatever ideals I picked up in Europe. I'll panic to myself off and on for about ten years, and then finally find some level of happiness knowing I probably had no real choice in anything anyway."
There was a long pause.
"Well, drop me a line," Hobbes said.
"Oh, I will."
Just then, Andy came running up.
"Hey guys! Guess what!" he shouted.
"Did they discover macaroni and cheese on the moon?" asked Hobbes, sitting up in the leaves.
"Uh…no?" said Andy, raising an eyebrow.
"They finally made Apple Jacks taste like apples?" asked Calvin, also sitting up.
"No," said Andy, rolling his eyes.
"They finally came up with a more graphic Preparation H commercial?" asked Hobbes.
"No."
"There's a tiny little fish that can sing Italian Opera?" asked Calvin.
"I hate it when you two do this," Andy sighed.
"Okay, we'll bite," Calvin chuckled. "What's new?"
"They're making a sequel to the new Hulk movie!"
Calvin and Hobbes' eyes shot open.
"…You're…you're serious?" asked Hobbes.
Andy nodded.
"But why?" asked Calvin. "The one from 2003 stunk on toast!"
"I know!" said Andy.
"How'd they pull this one off?" asked Hobbes.
Meanwhile, in HollywoodUSA…
John Turman and Michael France were standing before a Hollywood executive. They held up a poster that said HULK 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO.
"Now stay with us, sir. Bear in mind that we could do worse," said Turman.
"Yes. MUCH worse," said France.
"I'm listening," said the executive.
"Who cares?" said Calvin. "It's disgusting that they'll put out just anything these days. It used to be a high standard, but now everything is driven by test audiences and marketing. Citizen Kane, one of the greatest films of all time, probably couldn't get made today. The studios would want to make the main character a teenager, add some car chases and cleavage, toss in a few explosions, and maybe even Jackie Chan! …I'm not saying he's bad; he just wouldn't fit into that type of film."
Hobbes and Andy nodded in agreement.
"Well, maybe we should boycott it," said Hobbes.
"What would that prove? That we know how to spell 'boycott'?" asked Andy. "Nah, nobody ever listens to those things anymore."
"Did they ever?" asked Calvin.
Hobbes thought some more.
"Well, how about we make our own movie?" he asked.
Calvin thought for a while.
"Hmmm… I'm on it."
And he ran for his house.
Hobbes and Andy paused for a moment.
Then Hobbes waved goodbye and ran after Calvin.
Calvin was soon sitting at his desk with a piece of paper and pencil in front of him.
Hobbes entered.
"Que pasa, Mufasa?" he asked.
"I'm writing a screenplay, Hobbes!" he said. "It's a horror movie and quite possibly the scariest collection of words every put to paper."
"Really? Where'd you get the idea?"
"It was a dream I had last month. Well, technically, it was more like a nightmare. Think of the two most terrifying things ever! Now combine them! My script is entitled…TORNADO SHARKS!"
Hobbes stared.
"Uh…your movie features sharks being thrown around in tornados?" he asked.
"I just got a chill when you said that!" Calvin grinned over his shoulder.
Hobbes stared.
The next day, Hobbes and Andy were hanging around a brick wall when Calvin ran up.
"Great news, guys!" he said. "I've got our movie poster for TORNADO SHARKS!"
"Really?" asked Hobbes.
"How's it look?" asked Andy.
"Well, I whipped this up in PhotoShop."
Calvin unfurled the rolled up piece of paper.
Hobbes and Andy stared at it.
It was a picture of a shark inside a tornado with a guy running from it.
None of the pictures looked real.
And above it was the title in big red droopy letters.
"Your tagline is… Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of tornados? Sharks. That's what," said Andy.
"Kind of rolls off the tongue," said Calvin proudly.
"So does drool," said Hobbes.
"How goes the movie itself?" asked Andy.
"Well, I'm stuck. I can't think of an ending for the script. A tornado shark is on the verge of destroying all mankind, but then he discovers his inner child. All good movies define genre in a way. TORNADO SHARKS isn't all horror. It's about heart, too."
Hobbes and Andy exchanged glances.
"Maybe Tornado Shark discovers his inner child is just a kid he swallowed on the way," said Andy.
"Oooh! Twist ending! I like it!"
And Calvin ran back to his house.
Hobbes and Andy sighed and returned to their regularly scheduled doldrums.
That night, Hobbes was resting on the bed and reading a comic book.
Calvin was writing at the desk.
Hobbes looked up at the sound of a pencil being set down.
"Here it is, Hobbes! The script is officially done! Take a gander at my work!"
He handed Hobbes the screenplay.
Hobbes looked at the cover.
"Tornado Sharks. Based on a true story. TRUE STORY?!?" he demanded.
"Well, tornados and sharks both exist. Nobody can prove it didn't happen," Calvin said, crossing his arms.
Hobbes flipped forward a few pages.
"A tornado shark takes out the Eiffel Tower in the first act!" he exclaimed.
"I don't like your tone," said Calvin, his eyes narrowing.
Hobbes rolled his eyes and gave him the script back.
"I dunno about this, Calvin," he sighed.
"The next step is to find someone to direct it," Calvin continued. "M Night Shyamalan will be able to give TORNADO SHARKS the subtle treatment and layered texture that a story like this deserves. But it might require the adrenaline shots of bombastic thrillery that only Michael Bay could deliver."
Hobbes stared for a while.
"I was kind of picturing TORNADO SHARKS as a Merchant Ivory production," he said.
"Okay, now you're just poking fun," Calvin sniffed.
Hobbes grinned sweetly and got into bed for the night.
The next day, Calvin was toying around with a plastic shark.
"Well, Hobbes my boy, it's time to celebrate! I just sent off my script to every major Hollywood studio. I figure I have about two weeks before its green lit and put into production. Then they'll be beating down the door for a sequel."
"Sequel, huh?" Hobbes asked, watching him.
"Yeah. How does TORNADO SHARKS 2: I THINK THINGS JUST GOT A LITTLE MORE WINDY sound?"
"Scary," Hobbes replied.
"Good!"
Soon, days had gone by, and Mom was going through the mail.
"Calvin, you got some letters about your movie," she said.
Calvin flashed downstairs and grabbed the letters, and then flashed back upstairs again.
"HOBBES, THEY CAME! HOLLYWOOD, HERE WE COME!" he shouted.
"Let's see 'em," said Hobbes, who really had no interest in this at all.
Calvin started ripping through the letters.
"Let's see… Paramount says I'm too young, Universal says it's too expensive, Disney says it stinks, Miramax says it's stupid, Columbia says it won't go, Fox is just advertising, Pixar says to keep dreaming, DreamWorks says it's a nightmare, Gramercy won't give us enough freedom, Spy Glass says it is shattered, and Warner Brothers won't take anything without Buggs Bunny in it."
Calvin and Hobbes stared at all the paper and envelopes on the floor.
"Well, that went better than I thought," said Hobbes.
"These guys are such hacks!" Calvin complained. "They don't know art anymore! Gramercy doesn't even know who Bootsy Collins is! I don't know why Mr Mallon bothered with them!"
"Well, that show was never meant for theaters anyway," Hobbes replied. "I think the problem was the script. It was too impractical. People don't understand tornado sharks. It's not familiar."
"Neither was The Day After Tomorrow, but people liked that!"
"Maybe your script needs an overhaul. Something that people will enjoy. Something that's plain old stupendous!"
"But what?" asked Calvin, who tossed an envelope in the air.
The envelope hit the doorknob of the closet.
The closet door opened, and out tumbled Calvin's Stupendous Man outfit.
Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.
Then they looked at each other.
They both had a good idea.
"Bingo," they said together.
"Alright!" Calvin yelled, coming down the stairs. "I've completed my script for STUPENDOUS MAN: THE MOVIE!"
"Mm-hmmm." Hobbes said, who was sitting on the couch watching a National Geographic special on Asian cats. "That's nice."
"Would you like to hear the plot?" Calvin asked, leaping on the couch.
"Not really." Hobbes said, his eyes locked on the tiger on the TV.
"Too bad, cause your gonna. And once it's done and made into a motion picture, we can reenact it in one of our Wild Movie Collection plays!"
Hobbes tore his eyes away from the TV, and stared at Calvin for a long time.
"How many bucket fulls of sugar have you put on that cereal today?" He asked.
"Shut up, now here's the plot."
Calvin took a piece of paper, and began reading.
"The Evil Mom Lady has escaped from prison and, using some weird device, is sucking all the clouds out of the sky and water out of the ocean, thus to deprive the citizens of water, so she can rule the world."
"How can she rule the world, when everyone's dying?"
Calvin paused.
"Shut up." He said, finally. "Now then, we'll have one of those rich guy party scenes that all good action movies have, where mild mannered Calvin and his friend Hobbes just happen to be attending at the exact same moment that Mom Lady strikes!"
"What's going to be the budget for this film?" Hobbes asked.
"I dunno, five or six bucks. I'm gonna have to check to see how much I have." Calvin said. "Now then, the evil Mom Lady attacks, and deprives the unsuspecting party goers of water and those little ice sculpted swan things. Then everything will just be big fights and battles with brief pauses in between until Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad win!"
There was a moment of silence.
"How much time did you spend thinking up this plot?" He asked, finally.
Calvin ignored him.
"Alright, Hobbes, we have to have a meeting with the crew for this movie!
"You mean me, you, Andy, Sherman, and Socrates?" Hobbes asked.
"Right. Call them up, and schedule a meeting in my backyard."
"Can't I wait for this to end?" Hobbes asked, turning back to the TV. "There's only five minutes left in it."
"Never mind." Calvin growled. "I'll do it."
And with that, Calvin walked away, leaving Hobbes to his TV special.
Socrates sat on his bed in his enormous mansion, whistling, and drawing on a clipboard.
"Alright," He said to himself. "After the net has been released it will trap the water balloons up in the limbs of the tree until I snap the line when someone walks under it. Then I will have trapped them under the net, as well as soaking them. Soon after the first soaking, I'll..."
BRIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!
Socrates jumped.
"I DIDN'T DO IT!!!" He screamed.
He looked around.
BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!
"Ah, it's only you." He said, wiping some sweat from his brow.
He picked the phone up, and spoke into it.
"Hello? Ah, hello, Cally! Why have you presented me with this call? Did you accidently set off another booby trap in your house? Why, no, they're aren't any booby traps in parts of the house, that you'll obviously only go to, why do you ask? Uh huh. I see... Yes, I have some old movie equipment in the basement. Yeah, I have those black and white striped finger smashers, that thing that directors shout into to bug the actors, one of those french hats that directors wear. Sure. Uh huh. Where are you in the house right now?"
Socrates took out a map of Calvin's house, and began running his finger along it.
"The kitchen, eh? I see."
Socrates took a pencil, and began circling parts of the kitchen.
"I really shouldn't be telling you this, Calvin," He whispered. "But your Mom baked some Chocolate Chip cookies, and hid them in the bottom drawer."
Socrates put a check mark on the kitchen.
"Yes, the drawer you keep the sink rags in."
There was a moment of silence.
Socrates leaned over to his window, and looked out.
FOOOOOOM!!!!
Suddenly a large cloud of blue dust exploded out from a house several blocks down.
Socrates watched with great delight as the cloud slowly settled.
He then turned back to the telephone.
"Calvin? Are you there? Speak to me!"
Socrates yanked the phone away from his ear as a large high pitched screech emitted from it.
"SOCRATES! I'M GOING TO DESTROYYOU!!!!"
"Thanks for the compliment, Cally." Socrates grinned, holding the phone back to his ear. "I'll see you in an hour."
And with that, Socrates hung up, and walked out of his bedroom.
Hobbes didn't even look up as he heard the explosion from the kitchen.
He had a pretty good idea what had happened.
Especially after Calvin had screamed that last thing.
Eventually he had to get up, so he could get some tuna out of the kitchen.
He got up, and began walking towards it.
He entered the former kitchen and looked around.
Everything was blue.
The entire kitchen was covered in blue dust.
Calvin stood in the middle of it.
One hand still held the telephone with had a dial tone in it.
One of the drawers was open, and there was an open bag of Prank Dust in it.
Calvin, who was now entirely blue, turned and glared at Hobbes.
"What are you looking at?!" He demanded, angrily.
Hobbes rolled his eyes, and walked through the kitchen, leaving blue footprints behind him.
He took a blue can of Chicken of the Sea, blew the dust off, and walked out with a blue can opener.
Calvin glared after him.
He grabbed the bag out of the drawer, which was blue, and began reading.
"Side affects may include sneezing and idiotic attempts to make movies." He read.
Calvin violently began ripping the bag apart.
"Stupid cat..." he growled.
A little while later, after he had stopped complaining about everything that had happened to him, Calvin called up Andy and Sherman, and had them come over for the making of the movie.
"Well, Calvin, what do you plan on doing with the movie after we're done with it?" Hobbes asked, as he and Calvin waited for Andy and Sherman and Socrates to arrive.
"I'll distribute it to all those Hollywood companies so I can rub it in their faces." Calvin chuckled.
"I see." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.
At that very moment, Andy, Sherman, and Socrates came walking out from behind the fence.
Calvin looked up.
"Ah! The crew is here!" He grinned.
Socrates was wearing that french hat he had been talking about, sunglasses, and a black sleeveless vest. He was holding bunch of tripods, cameras, and microphones.
Andy was carrying a box of donuts, which is a required item at any movie studio, as well as a box which he held at his side, which no doubt held the props and costumes.
Sherman wasn't holding anything. He was growling to himself, and complaining about being pulled away from his experiments.
Calvin walked up to greet them.
"Why hello, people! So glad you could join me for the making of this movie!"
"Uh huh." Andy said, dropping the crate on the ground. "I have all the props and costumes in here."
Calvin opened up the crate, and began going through it.
He paused.
"Uh, Andy, there's a martian costume in here. There aren't any martians in my script!"
"Right, about that..." Andy began.
Socrates stepped in front of Andy.
"Ah, it just wouldn't do." He said in a french accent. "As the director of this film, I have the right to make revisions to the script."
Calvin glared at him.
"Who appointed you director, fuzz brain?" He demanded.
"Oh, some guy I met yesterday." Socrates replied. "Anyway, I went over your script, and there are several amendments needed to it. For example, the scene where Stupendous Man is escaping from Mom Lady's secret lab?"
"Why, what's wrong with it!?" Calvin inquired, grabbing the script away from Socrates.
"Well, for one thing, it's a three second scene." Socrates replied. "In fact the whole movie was only fifteen minutes long. So, I've added ninjas and martians into a lot of the scenes."
Andy and Hobbes exchanged glances.
Calvin started flipping through the script.
"Hmmm, well, I guess that isn't too bad."
He turned back to the crate.
"But what the heck is this?!" He demanded, yanking a clown costume out.
"That's for scene 21, when Mom Lady humiliates Stupendous Man into retiring." Socrates replied.
Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates for a long time.
"Anywho," Socrates yawned. "It's time to start assigning the cast."
Calvin's eyes popped open.
"What are you talking about?! I've already selected the cast!"
Socrates began flipping through the script, again.
"Well, it says here you want Robin Williams to play as the rich guy that's holding the party, and you want Julianne More as Mom Lady."
"Correct, and what's wrong with that?" Calvin asked, defensively.
"Oh, nothing." Socrates said, rolling his eyes.
"OK, smarty, can you think of anyone else who can play Mom Lady?"
"Well, I assumed Andy could..."
"No." Andy said.
"Calvin, why don't we change Mom Lady to some other villain, because we really don't have anyone to play her." Hobbes said.
"Hobbes?!" Calvin yelled. "We can't do that!! Mom-Lady is the main villain! It's like Batman and the Joker, and Superman and that other rich guy! We can't change her!!"
There was a moment of silence.
"Very well, I'll replace Mom Lady with The And-EE." Socrates said, going through the script with a pencil.
Andy glared at Socrates.
"What about me?!" Sherman demanded. "If I came all the way down here to miss my experimenting, I'm going to do something!"
"OK, sure, you can be the boom operator." Socrates said. "Now then, shall we begin the movie?"
It was a little bit later when Socrates had set up all the cameras and microphones, and everyone was in their costumes.
"Alright." Socrates called into the speaker phone. "We're about to film the first scene! Does everyone know what we're doing?"
Calvin, who was in the Stupendous Man costume, was reading the script.
"How does Gorgo fit into this movie?" He asked, looking up.
"GOOD! Andrew, roll the cameras!"
Andy turned the camera on, and began rolling.
"And, ACTION!" Socrates yelled, throwing his arm down.
Calvin turned to Hobbes, who was currently in his Tiger Lad costume.
"Tiger lad, we haven't had a decent crime for months! Could it be that our arch enemies have finally found hobbies?"
"I have no idea." Hobbes said. "Maybe it's time we let our guard down."
"Agreed, let's go get some donuts."
And with that, Calvin and Hobbes walked off camera.
"CUT! Congratulations! We got that scene done." Socrates yelled. "Take a donut!"
"I'm not one to point out mistakes," Andy said, "But Stupendous Man didn't seem very in character in that scene."
"Neither did Spiderman in his movie." Socrates said. "You don't see people complaining about that."
"Who's The Death Tiger?" Calvin asked, as he and Hobbes ate their donuts in front of the script.
"Oh, that's the mysterious hero that saves Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad when And-EE has you captive."
Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.
"And, uh, who will be playing this roll?" Hobbes asked.
"Yours truly." Socrates chuckled. "Now then, BREAK OVER! BACK TO WORK!"
Calvin and Hobbes sighed, and walked back in front of the camera.
"And... action..." Socrates whispered.
"Stupendous Man, we need to stop The Evil And-EE from sucking out all the drinking drinkable drinking water that people drink!!" Hobbes stuttered.
"CUT!!!" Socrates screamed. "Hobbes, it's drinkable drinking water that's being drank by people."
Hobbes blinked.
"OK," Andy said, "scene 5 take two."
"ACTION!" Socrates shouted.
"We have to stop the evil And-EE from drinking all the water that people drank!"
"CUT!" Socrates yelled. " No, Hobbes, it's drinkable drinking water that people drink!"
"Take three." Andy sighed.
"We have to stop the Evil And-EE from sucking out all the people who are drinking the drinkable... uhhh..."
"This is going to be a long day." Calvin sighed.
"OK," Andy said, "Scene 5,take 157."
"Stupendous Man," Hobbes said. "We have to stop the Evil And-EE from sucking out all the drinkable drinking water that people drin... OUCH!!!"
Suddenly, a microphone came crashing down on top of Hobbes' head.
Socrates slapped his forehead.
Sherman was standing on the ground, fumbling with his invention, trying to take the boom out of the shot.
"Well, I guess that's good enough." Socrates said. "Moving on!"
"Alright!" Socrates called into the speaker phone. "This is the scene where Stupendous Man has been trapped by the Evil And-EE."
"Will, you please stop calling me that!" Andy spat.
"What, that's your character name?" Socrates said.
"Well, you've been calling me that off set, too." Andy growled.
"I have? Huh."
He turned back to the set.
"OK, the evil so forth has trapped you over a bubbling bowl of something hot! Do you all know your lines?"
Calvin and Hobbes, who were tied together above a big pot of water, nodded.
"Sherman!" Socrates called. "Is the boom out of the shot?"
"Yes!" Sherman spat.
"Andy! Are you in your costume?!"
"No." Andy said.
"Then get it on. Now, bubbling lava scene, take one. And ACTION!!!"
"Great moons of Neptune!" Calvin yelled, struggling against the ropes. "This rope is immune to my stupendous strength!!!"
"Who will save us?" Hobbes asked.
At that very moment, Socrates leaped onto the set.
"HA HA! Never fear! The DEATH TIGER IS HERE!!!"
The Death Tiger wore a purple jumpsuit with a yellow logo on it with a red "DT" on top of it. One more thing about the logo. It had three claw marks in it. Death Tiger had yellow gloves, yellow boots, and a yellow utility belt. he wore a black mask, had razor sharp fangs, and had three inch long claws.
"What? Who?" Hobbes asked.
"I am the mysterious and dangerous hero here to bring justice to the world!"
"That's my job!!" Calvin spat.
"Well, you see, I'm like Nightwing in Batman." Socrates said. "I come in when you goof up."
Calvin's eyes narrowed.
At that very moment, Andy stepped onto the camera.
He was wearing a red jumpsuit with a green A logo on the chest.
"Uhhh..." He began. "Who are you? And what are you doing here?"
Calvin, Hobbes and Socrates stared at Andy.
"You're not a very good actor, are you, Andy?" Calvin asked.
Andy shrugged.
Socrates advanced over Andy.
"I am THE DEATH TIGER!!!" He shouted. "And I'm here to save Stupendous Man Liger Tad!"
"Tiger lad." Hobbes corrected.
"Whatever." Socrates replied.
Socrates leaped up through the air, and kicked the pot in an attempt to kick it over.
"OOOUUUCH!!!" He screamed.
Socrates fell to the ground, and began holding his foot in pain.
"Man, that smarts." He growled.
Suddenly, the rope that was holding Stupendous Man and Tiger Lad above the bowl snapped in half.
SNAP!!!
"AAAAAAAAUUUUGGHH!!!"
SPLASH!!!
Andy and Socrates looked up.
There was a moment of silence
"Uhh..." Socrates started. "OH NO! I came too late!"
Andy rolled his eyes.
Suddenly, Calvin emerged from the water.
He spewed water out of his mouth, and climbed out, soaking.
He looked around.
"Um... I guess I'm impervious to lava..." He said.
Hobbes climbed out next, and shook himself off.
Sherman rolled his eyes, and sighed.
"I can't believe I'm missing the Science Channel for this." He muttered.
"You can not beat us, The evil AND-EE!!!" Socrates roared. "There's three of us, and only one of you!!!"
"Plus!" Hobbes yelled. "I have my Tiger Lad capture net!"
Hobbes ran off screen for a second, to get one of the props.
Andy, Socrates and Calvin paused.
Socrates smacked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
"Capture net, huh?" He said. "I thought I..."
"You thought you what?" Calvin demanded.
"Oops." Socrates said.
"What do you mean, oops?" Andy asked.
Socrates whirled around.
"Hobbes!! DON'T!!!"
Too late.
Hobbes picked the prop up.
FOOOOOOM!!!
Suddenly, a large explosion of blue engulfed the entire yard, as well as two of the neighbor's yards.
A large cloud of blue dust rose high above the houses, and lingered for minutes.
And when the dust cleared the destruction was revealed.
First of all, everything was blue.
Calvin was blue, Hobbes was blue, Socrates was blue, Sherman was blue, Andy was blue, the cameras were blue, the props were blue, the fences, grass, houses, and cars were blue, everything.
Hobbes coughed, waved his hand in front of his face.
Socrates blinked, and looked around.
Everyone was glaring at him.
Socrates got down onto all fours, and began shaking the dust off.
When it was all off, he stood up, and rolled his eyes skyward.
"Nice weather we've been having." He said.
"SOCRATES!!!!" Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman all screamed.
"Yes?" Socrates said, turning around.
Calvin shook the dust off him, and looked around.
"EVERYTHING'S RUINED!!!" He yelled.
"Yeah, pretty much." Andy nodded.
Calvin spent several seconds screaming and complaining, until he finally decided to do something constructive with his anger.
His eyes jerked at Socrates, his gritted his teeth.
"DIE, CAT!!!" He screamed, roaring after the prankster.
Socrates blinked.
Then he rushed off, with Calvin chasing him.
Calvin chased Socrates all around the yard for several minutes, while Andy, Sherman and Hobbes watched.
Finally, after he gave up, trying to kill Socrates, he turned to Andy, Sherman, and Hobbes and spat, "Well, we're still finishing the movie!"
"But all the props are broken." Hobbes said. "And the cameras are clogged up with the dust."
"TOUGH!!!!" Calvin screamed. "We're finishing the movie."
"Goody!" Socrates said, whipping his french hat back on. "Onward!"
"Don't push it...!" Calvin warned.
"Right." Socrates said, taking the hat off.
And so, Calvin, Andy, Sherman, Hobbes, and Socrates got to work on blowing the blue dust off of everything.
Then they got back to work on the film.
Three masked men climb into a building.
They walked into a dark room that was lit only by a small lamp on a desk.
"Here's the jewels you wanted, boss." One of the men said, placing a bag of jewels onto the desk.
A chair was stationed at the desk, and was facing away from the three men.
"Are these the last of them?" The person in the chair asked.
"Yeah." Grunted one of the men.
"Then soon, my device will be complete." The person in the chair said.
"What device?" One of the men asked.
"Shut up." The person replied.
A yellow gloved hand reached out, and grabbed a handful of jewels out of the bag, and then let them fall back in.
Suddenly, a loud boom sounded.
The three masked men spun around.
They stared at the door a few feet away.
"YAAH!" Yelled a terrified person behind it.
There were several POWS and ZEEKS from behind the door.
Then, the door fell over.
"YOU!" Yelled a goon.
When the smoke cleared, The Death Tiger, Stupendous Man's sidekick was standing in the doorway.
"Ah, Death Tiger." Said the person from behind the chair. "Hello. May we offer you something?"
"Yeah." Death Tiger said. "Ya might try giving me those rocks you have in that bag."
"Oops." The person said. "Wrong answer. Get him."
A net suddenly dropped down onto Death Tiger, and wrapped him up into a ball.
Death Tiger extended his three inch long claws, and ripped the net open.
He fell to the ground, just as the three goons took a grab for him.
"This is such a waste of time." Death Tiger muttered.
He collied up onto his front legs, and sprung up, kicking one of the goons out.
Then he spun around to his side, and started to spin around with his leg out, tripping the other two goons.
Then he leapt up, and hooked his claws into one of the goons' black uniform.
He tossed the goon into the wall, and turned to the last one.
"Boo." He said.
"YAAH!!" The goon yelled, zooming off.
Suddenly, more masked men ran into the room, and tackled Death Tiger.
Death Tiger put his fingers to his lips, and whistled a high pitched whistle.
"AAA!" The goons yelled holding their ears as Death Tiger let out the high pitched shrill.
Finally, he ran out of breath, and had to take one in.
The goons quickly recovered, and started for him again.
Suddenly another tiger leaped from the rafters, and kicked several of the goons out.
"Ah, so glad you could join the fun, Tiger lad!" Death Tiger said.
"Indeed." Tiger Lad said.
Several more goons surrounded Death Tiger and Tiger Lad, and began to close in.
"What are you going to do now?" One of them grinned, evilly.
"Me?" Death Tiger asked. "Not a thing. You?"
"Nope." Tiger Lad shook his head.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Came another deafening screech.
The goons collapsed, as the new scream echoed throughout the building.
Then the bricks all exploded outward, and red shockwaves entered the room, sending the goons flying into the wall.
Stupendous Man stepped into the building, and stopped screeching.
"That was my STUPENDOUS SCREAM!" Stupendous Man shouted. "Who wants to hear it again?"
Nobody answered.
Actually, there were lots of answers; Moans and groans, and complaints about not working at the Dairy Queen.
Stupendous Man, Tiger Lad and Death Tiger then whirled around to the chair in front of them.
"Alright!" Stupendous Man screamed. "Time for you to go to jail, bucko!"
There was a moment of silence.
"Is that the best Witty Banter you can come up with?" Death Tiger asked.
"Hey, I'm working on short notice! Give me a break!" Stupendous Man snarled.
"So, the gangs all here." Said the voice from behind the chair. "Welcome, Stupendous Man. I trust you're enjoying your visit."
"Give it up, villain!" Stupendous Man yelled. "We're on TV right now, and everybody knows that the villains always loose on TV,...!"
The chair turned.
"...AND-EE!!!" Stupendous Man finished as And-ee gave out a terrible laugh.
"There you see." Socrates said. "That's how the film COULD have turned out."
Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates for a long time.
"Gee, thanks for that information." Calvin growled.
"Shall we play the real tape, now?" Hobbes asked.
Andy held up the remote control, and pushed PLAY.
Calvin, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman watched closely as the movie began.
"HA HA!" Stupendous Man yelled, rolling through a bunch of blue. "Your Phraser ray has missed me completely, MOM LADY! I mean, AND-EE!!"
Suddenly, it cut over to Tiger Lad. He was sitting on a chair several feet away, reading a book on wild cats.
"ANDY! TURN THE CAMERA!" Socrates yelled.
"Sorry."
The camera swung back around to Calvin, who was currently punching a blue punching bag, pretending it was the villain.
"Take that, Villain!!"
Suddenly, Stupendous Man went falling to the ground.
He leaped back up, and continued punching it.
"SURRENDER! STUPENDOUS MAN HAS THE POWER OF ONE MILLION MORTAL MEN!!!"
Tiger Lad walked on screen.
"Was that my cue?" He asked.
"GET OUT OF HERE, TIGER LAD!!!" Stupendous Man spat. "I'M NOT READY FOR YOU, YET!!"
"OK, sorry."
Tiger Lad turned around, and walked off screen.
Stupendous man whirled around, and continued punching the bag.
Seconds later, Tiger Lad rushed onscreen, and delivered a kick to the bag, knocking it onto the floor.
"There!" Stupendous Man yelled. "Once again, Evil has not triumphed! We have!"
Tiger lad, took the script out from behind his back, and began reading.
"And yet, the battle rages on." He read.
"BUT WE SHALL ALWAYS BE HERE TO STOP IT!" Stupendous man yelled.
FIN
"There." Socrates said. "And Hobbes paid me a quarter to watch it, so it's already made a bigger profit than the Hulk."
There was a long moment of silence.
Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at the TV for a long time.
Sherman had lost interest half way through it, and was currently counting the patterns on the wallpaper.
"I'll contact Dr Forrester about it." Hobbes said.
"Well, it turned out better than I thought it would." Calvin said.
"Really?" Andy asked.
"Yeah, it actually was a lot better than I expected, don't you agree?"
"Well, I guess it could have been worse..." Andy considered.
"In fact, come to think of it, it was great!!"
"Hey, Socrates, play the tape back." Hobbes said.
"No, I hated it." He said.
Calvin leaped off the couch.
"Where are you going?" Sherman asked, looking up.
"I'm off to start writing the sequel, what else?" Calvin asked, turning around.
Everyone groaned.
"Hey, you never know, we may just get Robin Williams in the next one." Socrates said.
"Fade out." Hobbes said.
The End
Voice Work:
Pamela Segall Adlon: Calvin / Stupendous Man
Tom Hanks: Hobbes / Tiger Lad
Ryan Stiles: Socrates / The Death Tiger
Andrew Lawrence: Andy / Hollywood boss
Colin Mochrie: Sherman / Hollywood guy # 2
Bill Murray: Hollywood guy # 1
Jennifer Love Hewitt: Mom
Coming up next: The Insane Road Trip