I am still alive! I have been working on this chapter FOREVER and I think that I have finally written a version that I am content with. So sorry for the long wait. Welcome all new and returning readers to the next chapter of Love Never Lost. To all of those readers still reading...I thank you for sticking with me this long.
LNL Chapter 21
As Edward and I were walking down the corridor to begin packing my miniscule amount of belongings, we saw Cayden leaning beside my bedroom door as if he has been waiting to talk with me. When he saw us approach, he stood up slowly and approached us in a manner that said that he wasn't going to start a fight.
"Bella, may I have a moment of your time, in private?"
"You already ruined your chances of that happening Cayden. Now let us through and leave us in peace," Edward spoke up before Cayden was done speaking.
"Watch your mouth boy. I'm sure that you know perfectly well that Bella has a mouth and a mind of her own. Let her speak."
"You both need to knock it off. Edward, even though you don't approve of it, I have lived with Cayden for the past ninety years. I will grant his request and you will honor me by doing the same and not listening in on our conversation or his thoughts. Can you make sure that your family is prepared to leave?"
"Of course Bella." Edward lightly kissed me as he left Cayden and me alone. The skin contact was so brief that I had no chance to make a connection to his memories, but it was also tender and loving. Once Edward left, Cayden proceeded to open the door and entered the room.
"I don't want you to leave Isabella."
"You've already said that Cayden. You've also said that you wanted me to be happy and living with Edward for the rest of my existence is exactly what will make me happy. Would you really take that away from me?"
"I would do it so that I can guarantee your safety and sanity."
"My safety and sanity? You think that living with my fiancé and his family of six other people wouldn't keep me safe? Also, how would I go insane by living with Edward and the Cullens?"
"I know for a fact that you can't forget anything so I have trouble believing that you don't remember what occurs every couple of months or what you have been through in the past."
"I don't care what occurs every couple of months, I am used to it by now and Edward loves me no matter what my imperfections are or what I have done in the past. He has protected, cared and loved me ever since we were mere children and he will probably be even more protective because we have been separated for so long. I thank God every day for you being there more me ever since the day I died. You have brought me out of my deepest depressions and saved me from my seemingly endless lists of suicides attempts. You have always been there to make me smile, keep me company, or even knock some sense into me every once in a while. The thing is that Edward is my soul mate."
Cayden moved so fast that I didn't have enough time to react to his movements. He had gently, yet forcefully tilted my chin up and placed his lips on mine.
I soon found myself crouched down into an attack position. My eyes had locked with Edward's as my rage had begun to build. I then lunged towards Edward with the intent to kill. After what seemed to be just a few seconds of fighting, I felt a sting of pain. I looked to see Edward and myself being held back by myself. What in the world?
Before I could even think about what was going on, I was pulled back into my bedroom with a victorious yet confused looking Cayden. When Cayden released me, I fell to my knees as I grasped my head to try and stop this splitting headache. I wasn't helping much by trying to figure out exactly what happening.
"Bella, are you alright?"
"Don't you touch me!" I growled. "Who gave you the right to kiss me?"
"I have the right to kiss the woman I love and have loved ever since I first laid my eyes on her. This isn't the Middle Ages anymore Bella!"
"It doesn't matter what time period it is! A true gentleman doesn't just attack a woman's lips without her permission, let alone a woman who is engaged."
"Engaged? You have been 'engaged' for ninety years and you were even convinced that he was dead. Being engaged doesn't tie two people together like the permanent commitment of marriage. Even if you two had been married, the vows say 'til death do us part.' He was dead and you would be able to marry some other man without it being held against you."
"If you love someone so much that you can't even bare to think about living without them, your heart and soul will still love them and you will not even be able to think about marrying someone else. Nobody, not even you can hold a candle to Edward. It's impossible for me to love anymore more than I love Edward. Now if you are done talking, I am going to pack my belongings and go home with Edward."
"Your home is here with your family."
"My home is wherever I am happy and I am most definitely not happy here." I left the room before Cayden could say anything more. In my haste to get away and rest, I ran into Edward.
"Bella, are you okay? You seem to be in a hurry."
"I'm fine Edward. I am just in need of some peace a quiet for a while." Apparently I wasn't too convincing. Lying was never my greatest skill.
"Did something happen? Did he hurt you?"
"No Edward, I just need to be alone for a little while. I'll be resting in the garden behind the castle. Let me rest for ten minutes or so and then you can come and find me."
"If that's what you want." He slowly walked down the hall towards the guest rooms as I slowly made my way to my own personal sanctuary.
I lay on the grass in the middle of my own miniature meadow. I've tried to recreate a smaller version of Edward's meadow but over the years I have decided that it would never be like the original and just created my own meadow. This was the place that everyone knew was mine and I would never be interrupted here unless it was extremely urgent.
As I lay there thinking about recent events, my mind just couldn't figure out why Cayden had waited all these years to tell me how he really felt. He had told me when I had first changed that he reminded me of Adelina and would always love and care for me as if I was his own sister. Now he claims that he has loved me ever since we first met. This whole situation just isn't lining up with previous events.
After what seemed like hours of thinking, I became more alert as I sensed someone approaching. I opened my eyes to see that Esme was coming around the corner.
"Oh I'm sorry Bella. I didn't mean to intrude. I was just admiring the lovely garden."
"It's alright Mrs. Cullen. I'm glad you are enjoying the garden. I spent years trying to recreate the garden that Edward and I used to call our 'secret meadow.' This is as close as I could get, but it still doesn't measure up to the real thing."
"Please Bella call me Esme. Mrs. Cullen makes me sound old," she laughed at her own little joke. "In any case Bella, it's a very beautiful garden. I enjoy gardening myself and every time we move I try to come up with new ideas for a garden. If you don't mind I might have to borrow you and your ideas for our next home."
"Of course I would love to help you. Wait a minute…you guys own houses?"
"Yes we do. Haven't you noticed that our eyes aren't the same ruby red that most vampires have? That's because we feed off of animals. We like to call ourselves vegetarians because we abstain from the normal diet of vampires. We also like to try and blend in with humans by living close to the town, having jobs, and even having the children attend school."
"Just like Carlisle used to do! He was my doctor when I was growing up and I had always thought that it was weird that his eyes were golden and that he was so pale. I can't believe I didn't put those facts together sooner. One question, how can you stand to be near humans without wanting to kill them? I absolutely hate feeding so I always make sure that I stay as far away as possible."
"Well dear, we take all of the necessary precautions. We all have undergone many years of training to become almost immune to the smell of humans. Carlisle developed this training after he was turned because he didn't want to lose his humanity and become a killer. After living off of animal blood for years, Carlisle stumbled across a lone hiker in the woods and found that he was not attracted to the smell of his blood whatsoever."
"That's amazing! I wished that you would've come to visit earlier. I never knew that there was an alternative."
"We did come about 40 years or so ago, but I don't remember seeing you or Cayden here. In any case I suspect Aro didn't tell you because he disapproves of our more humane ways of living. Aro is in charge of the vampire community and has a thirst for power. Human blood is filled with more nutrients than animal blood so we become more powerful and the blood nourishes our bodies better so there is no need to feed as often we do with animals. Since Aro has granted you permission to leave with us, we can teach you how to better control your thirst around humans. I can only imagine how much more beautiful you will be with golden eyes. Edward surely wouldn't mind."
Edward wouldn't mind if he actually loves me. I am not sure he would want to be with me anymore. My concern must have shown on my face because sure enough, Esme picked up on it and became concerned herself.
"Did I say something to upset you Bella?"
"No Mrs. Cullen…Esme."
"Edward was right. He has always said that you were a horrible liar. Now tell me everything that's causing this concerned look on your face."
I twirled the ring t Esme is around my finger while I decided if I should disclose this information or not. I looked at Esme and saw a kind face that isn't prone to being roped into gossip circles, then again appearances are deceiving. After pondering the thought for a while, I decided that Esme is someone that I could trust, and she had a concerned look on her face that was genuine.
"It's just that I am not sure that Edward still wants me. I know that it's obvious that he doesn't hate me, but what if he doesn't like me. I have had many things happen to me that have made me into who I am today, but this isn't the person I was when he planned on marrying me. I want to get out of this place, but I don't know if I could handle being with you if he doesn't see me like that anymore."
"You aren't the only one that has had events happen, Bella. Everyone has their ups and downs and that doesn't change once you become immortal. The best thing to do is to ask Edward about it. You sit tight here and I will ask Edward to meet you out here so you may talk before we depart."
She left before I could even say thank you. I waited for only a few seconds before Edward showed up.
He sat down next to me and said, "Esme said that there was something that you wanted to talk about."
Silence. I wasn't very comfortable asking him such an emotional and personal question, but Esme didn't leave me much time to thing. Edward's knee started bouncing up and down, which meant that he was either nervous, worried, or both. Finally I blurted out, "Do you still love me?"
Silence. I could see the confused look on his face while he was registering the question. After what seemed like an eternity of biting my lip while he sat there silently he said, "Of course I do. Have I done anything to prove otherwise?"
"No, but I was..um…" Oh my goodness Bella just spit the question out. It's not like you and Edward grew up together and were always talking but now you get cold feet…no pun intended. "I have changed and I was wondering if you were still planning on getting married. I mean I understand if you don't want to because a lot can happen in the amount of time that we have been apart and…" then he kissed me.
I sat in the corner of a large room that held nothing more than a black sofa, black curtains, and a baby grand piano. I was playing an intricate piano piece that was a haunting and saddened melody. I could feel the hopelessness, longing, anger, frustration, and depression of losing the ones I loved.
I was brought back to the present time as I looked into Edward's saddened eyes.
"What did you see this time?"
"I was sitting at a piano, playing a melancholic piece."
"That was me almost every day of the past ninety years. I missed my family, but most of all I missed you. You have always been part of my life and having my dreams of you and me together forever being ripped away from me in an instant left a void inside of me. I have become an empty shell of a man. I don't care what has happened to you. All that matters is that I am here, with you, and I am never letting you leave me ever again. So to answer your question, yes I still love you, I still want to marry you, and I want to spend eternity with you."
"So when do we get to leave here?"
"Now would be a great time. I have been here too long and I am anxious to spend the rest of my days with you."
"Whatever you wish, my Bella."
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~bloodredeclipse