Disclaimer:I do not own Twilight. I do own Arianna and the Plastic Pink Horror. Thanks to my beta, Macy!

My Miracle, My Angel — Chapter Twenty-One

Previously ...

"Is ... is she really ... ?"

He couldn't force himself to say the word ... the word that would make everything that much more real.

This will be for the best in the end ... in the end, this will cause them less pain ...

I tried to make myself believe the words I was thinking as Renée moved from my embrace and I collapsed against the wall, my head falling in my hands as I sobbed. I choked the word out, and silently wondered how much of the pain I was feeling was fake. Seeing Charlie and Renée's pain made mine that much more real.

"Yes."

And then he broke to pieces.

September 14th, 2:12 PM

I watched as he slowly sank to the ground, his head in his hands as he cried like I'd never seen him cry before. His sobs were loud, and pained, and anguished ... and for one moment, I wished that I could cry, too.

"Oh, Charlie ... " Renée whispered, dropping down beside her ex-husband as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. She wiped away her tears with shaking fingers. Charlie, though, shrugged her hand off, and stood to his feet. I barely noticed anything, however, because my head was in my hands, hiding the tears I couldn't shed.

Then, everything was a blur, and I felt a sharp pain in my back — brief and more uncomfortable than painful — as I was suddenly lifted into the air and shoved roughly against the wall.

"You ... you were supposed to protect her! You swore you'd take care of her! This is all your fault!"

I didn't move as the words flew past his lips, enraged, but broken at the same time; as he screamed, he cried, and I could feel his heart breaking as his fingers trembled on the collar of my shirt — the same shirt I'd worn last night, at the wedding.

I couldn't deny his words; if Bella had actually died, if my pain was real — though, if my pain was real, it would be a million times worse — it would be my fault. I had promised, sworn, to protect her until the end of eternity.

"It's your fault that my little girl is dead!" he screamed, but his voice was quieter now; the pain was overtaking the outrage, and his grip on my shirt loosened, and I fell to the floor again. I barely noticed.

I was silent as he stared down at me, tears in his eyes — eyes that were so much like Bella's. Renée, only inches away, was shaking with silent sobs as she clamped her hand over her mouth, trying to keep the cries of anguish inside. Her whole body shook with the vain effort.

"Say something, just ... say something. Deny it. Something."

Charlie's voice was broken as he clenched his fingers into tight, shaking fists at his side. I spoke quietly, and my voice shook.

"I couldn't save her. I ... couldn't, the fire was too hot, I couldn't pull her out. I tried, God, I tried, but ... " I whispered, and the pain flared again; it seemed so real. "I would have done anything, Charlie, anything. If crying out to God, or weeping, or begging would bring her back, I would do it. If ... if killing myself — right here, right now — would bring her back, I would do it. The only reason I haven't killed myself already is because she wouldn't want that. She ... she would want me to live. But every moment I am without her, I want to die."

Renée choked on a sob as she listened to my words. Her hands were shaking as she leaned down beside me and pulled me into her arms. Why was she comforting me? She needed the comfort so ... so much more than I did.

"Edward, please don't ... please don't hurt yourself," she begged, her blue eyes wide as her gaze met mine. I could see the loss, the longing behind her broken eyes.

"But how can I live without her?"

"You did it once before."

Charlie's voice was rough as he spoke, and I pulled away from Renée to look up at him; he was standing agian, and his eyes were fierce. I nearly growled my next words.

"Do not bring that up, Charlie. Leaving her was the worst mistake I ever made. And don't, for one second, think I love her any less than you do. She was everything to me, my only reason for living. And now she's gone, and it hurts. She's gone, and my baby is gone ... "

I broke off, for I couldn't continue.

Even the mere thought of losing Bella and Arianna was too much to take.

But my words had already been spoken, and the reminder that they had lost a grandchild as well as a child only seemed to intensify Charlie and Renée's feelings of pain and loss. I bit my tongue against the scream of pure agony that wanted, so badly, to slip past my pale, hard lips.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, dropping my head into my hands once more as I slid down the wall. "I'm so sorry ... "

September 18th, 12:00 PM

I hadn't seen Bella in four and a half days — and it hurt. I had to stay away, to pretend, and it was tearing me apart inside as I played the part of a grieving, young husband and father-to-be.

By the time the day of the funeral came around, the pain seemed almost real. I needed to see her ... to hear her voice. But I knew it was only a few hours before I would be able to hold her in my arms. I just had to make it through the funeral, and then ...

I took a deep breath in as I tightened my tie once more. Renée placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I offered her a small, pained smile as I turned away from the small mirror — the one perched on Bella's dresser — to look at her.

"How are you holding up, Edward?" she asked, her voice soft and quiet; she was holding back tears.

"I'm not," I whispered, letting out a shaky breath. "I feel like I'm dying inside ... I am dying inside. I don't know ... if I can move on. I'm leaving, after the ... I'm leaving," I whispered, and I couldn't force myself to say the word funeral.

Renée looked slightly surprised, but didn't comment; instead, she let me continue.

"I look around every day," I finally began again, softly, quietly. "And all I see is her. I can't do it ... I need ... I need to leave. Even now, as I stand here in her room, the memories are too much."

"Where will you go?"

I ran a hand through my messy hair and shook my head. "I don't know. Somewhere far away. I suppose I'll go to college, and become a doctor. She really wanted me to, you know?"

She just nodded, and then smiled the smallest bit. She reached out to touch my arm, and I couldn't stop the words that tumbled from my lips.

"I used to sneak through her window at night, and just hold her. I used to listen to her talk in her sleep." I smiled in remembrance as I recalled her reaction when she had first found out I was listening to her. "She talked about home, about you ... and about her friends. But she talked about me, too. She ... in every single dream," my voice was so low now I was afraid she wouldn't hear me. "In every dream, she told me she loved me."

When I looked back up from where I was staring at my hands, I saw Renée smiling at me. Her smiled was still anguished, but I could see the smallest bit of happiness shining behind the pain.

"I love her. So ... so much ... and our baby ... Oh, God, our baby ... " I whispered, and then I turned away from her.

Sensing that I wanted to be alone, Renée gave my hand a quick squeeze and then turned to walk out of Bella's room.

I was thankful for the silence, but it didn't last long.

Soon, I was outside, in the meadow — where I had insisted Bella was to be buried — along with her family, and mine, and a few of her friends. We were the only ones that had come; like the wedding, it wasn't a big thing; Bella wouldn't have wanted it that way. She would have wanted the people she loved, the people who loved her to be here, and that was all.

The service was quiet, and short. I spoke briefly, and it hurt ... it hurt a lot. A lot more than it should. Because she wasn't beside me, holding my hand, it seemed so much more real; as if she really was gone, and I really was mourning her death.

But I knew that, if she was gone for real, I would be, too. The second I realized that she couldn't be saved, I would follow behind her. There was no way I was going to live without her ... ever.

As I thought, my mind wondered. I didn't notice I was almost alone until Esme placed a hand on my shoulder and offered me a small smile. Emmett and Jasper were still in the clearing as first Alice, then Rosalie and then Carlisle ran away.

"Goodbye, Edward," Esme whispered, and then she, too, ran.

I smiled at her and nodded. I then turned to stare sadly at the freshly dug dirt that now covered the empty coffin.

And then, I heard him.

"So, you finally killed her, eh?"

I turned around so quickly I almost made myself dizzy. My eyes were livid as I stared into the face of Jacob Black. He stood, his eyes mocking, at the edge of the clearing. I stalked forward, but he didn't stop speaking.

"Sucked her dry, didn't you? Damn bloodsucker."

I could see that his face was red, as if he'd been crying, but I failed to care as I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and threw him against the nearest tree.

"I did not kill her," I hissed, advancing on him again as he sat up and wiped away the blood that trailed from his mouth. He sneered, and took up a defensive position. I was about to attack again when someone was suddenly holding me back. I growled and hissed deeply as Jacob, fighting the tears now, screamed.

"You killed her! You killed her, you damn bloodsucker! I loved her, and you killed her!"

I fought against the arms holding me, but I knew I wouldn't win; when I looked up, it was Emmett, and though I was faster, he was stronger.

"I didn't kill her, dog! I would never —I could never — hurt her! Ever!"

"Then why the hell is she gone!?"

"It was an accident, Jacob! There was nothing I could do — nothing! I swear to God, if I had been able to save her ... "

I trailed off slowly as I watched the man before me. He was crying now, and I almost felt sorry for him. I could see him breaking as I had broken when I thought Bella had died — and I knew that no one should have to feel that pain.

But when I looked into the eyes of Emmett, who was still holding me back, he shook his head. He knew, as I did, that we could tell no one — not even Jacob — the truth: That Bella was alive and well.

So, instead, I whispered the words that felt all too real. "If I could have done anything, I would have, Jacob. You know that. I know it hurts you, but it hurts me, too." My voice was but a whisper now. "I lost everything. Every reason for living ... gone. I swear to you Jacob Black, there was nothing anyone could have done. It ... was too late."

"I wish you had never come back!" he yelled, the tears slipping down as he screamed the words I knew were true. "All you ever did was hurt her! You left her, and hurt her more than you can ever imagine, and she still choose you! I loved her, too, damn it! Why ... why couldn't she have chosen me ... why!? And now she's gone, because of you!"

I didn't say anything; I knew he was breaking apart inside. I could see him shaking with repressed emotion as he tried to hold in the anger, and the anguish.

"I am sorry, Jacob," I whispered. "Truly, I am."

He didn't respond. Instead, he stared at me for an immeasurable amount of time.

And then he turned and ran.

When he was out of sight, Emmett finally let me go. He placed a hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged it off.

"Edward ... "

"Just don't," I whispered, harsher than necessary. But I didn't look into his face as I ran a shaky hand through my hair. I let out a deep breath, and then shook my head. "I need to see her. God, I need to see her now."

Emmett nodded. "Carlisle called; he said you could take the Mercedes, since he has the Volvo and all." He smiled sadly then. "He also said that Bella is dying to see you, too."

I nodded, and finally let a tiny smile filter across my lips.

"Thanks, Emmett."

"No problem, bro."

And then, I was running. I was running through the trees faster than ever, my breaking heart piecing back together slowly as I let my whole body, my whole mind, fill with thoughts of the woman I loved more than anything.

I would see her soon.

And that was enough.

Well, this chapter was originally part of chapter twenty, but it was faaaar to long, so I had to split it.

NOTE: 9-9-9-9-90 reviews? (Dies again)I love you all soooo much! Honestly, I'm not sure how you're not completely sick of this story! But I'm glad you're not. I'm honestly amazed that so many people are sticking around to see this through; I almost can't believe it. As promised, if you keep reviewing, I'll update tomorrow or the next day.

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NEXT CHAPTER:

"Edward, what if the baby is sick because I'm not taking care of her right?"