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This chapter is for all the ladies of Facebook 3
And it's also unbetaed ;)
21. To do the right thing
CPOV
„Christian, can you please save these records? I will have Thatcher look over them."
The soft, feminine voice of my boss doesn't have its usual tingling effect as she leans over my shoulder to take a look of my laptop's screen, her blonde hair brushing my cheek, her perfume strong and heavy. I double click the safe button, before sending the files to her via email.
„Thanks, Christian." Politely Ariel Mosby thanks me before walking away, her blonde waves cascading over her back.
„Damn." My colleague, Sean, mumbles from the cubic next to mine, his voice giving away that he has been starring at Ariel's ass again. He has what he calls a sexual crush on her. If I hadn't been in love with a certain Brunette, I would have bothered to take a look of Ms. Mosby, but since my heart and head was full of the sensational feelings for Ms. Steele, any women beside her is as appealing to me as a flu – besides I never had a thing for blondes.
„Eyes on your desktop, Sean." I say with a grin. His green eyes are piercing me when he raises his head over the half wall between us.
„You can't tell me that you didn't notice how attractive she is." He whispers with a smirk. „I mean, okay, you're girlfriend is a perfect ten, Grey, but still you can appreciate God's gift to mankind."
He is quick enough to catch my frown.
„What did happen? Did she break up with you? Did she ditch you for another man? Did she became less than a ten?" Sean gives me a horrified look, making me roll my eyes at him.
„Nothing like that." I answer shortly , not wanting to tell him about my fucked up love life while a shoulder high wall stands between us. His eyes scan over my desk, before looking back into mine with a knowing smirk. He is a tenacious ass.
„You have removed her picture from your desk, leaving that nerdy little glider alone. Seems to be serious." He points out proudly, oblivious that the nerdy little glider means the world to me.
„Don't hate on the glider." I give him a half-assed threatening look before I turn away from him, my focus on my computer now. The sleek, light blue wallpaper sports the original Trevelyan logo. It is frustrating that we are not allowed to use individual wallpapers. I certainly have better things to stare at than my boss' boss' boss' name all day.
„Did you ever see one in full size, Grey?" Sean asks me as he sits down, his chair crackling a little underneath his weight.
„One day I will, my friend. Just like you will see a woman in your life."
„Ha ha ha." He smacks his lips, mumbling something along the lines of ‚fucking Grey'. A grin spreads on my face when I manage him to shut up. As much as I enjoy talking to him, I have far more important things to do. It's 3pm after all.
To: Anastasia Steele
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Please
Ana,
Another three hours have passed since the last time I wrote you. I'm kinda getting used to these three hour routine emails, no matter how much they pain me. Your silence kills me, Ana. At this point, I would be just grateful if I just got to know that you are alright. I'm really trying to respect your wish to have some distance, but at least let me know that you are alright, baby. (Sorry, I called you baby again). It's been a month, the longest one in my life because without you time doesn't seem to work correctly . Hell, nothing works correctly without you. Myself included.
I miss you. A lot.
And I love you. The most.
Christian Grey
IT Department
Trevelyan Enterprises
With a sigh, I close my Internet browser and with it my email account. My eyes instinctively wander toward my glider, the small plastic object containing so many memories has been the only thing that kept me sane for the past four weeks now. It's the only visible exhibit of Anastasia Steele left in my life, beside my daily emails to her. She has only answered them twice until now, telling me that she is fine and that she needs a time off from all of this chaos going on in our lives. I tried to be understanding and supportive, after all I wanted to give her everything she wanted and deserved, but the taking time off part of her decisions included also being far away from me. I don't like being away from her, to be honest. I want to be with her, I have always wanted that, but I only now realize what it means.
Carefully, I touch a wing of the glider, scared to harm it in any possible way, also fearing to push it out of the shadowed area on my desk, because that damned thing is super sensitive with sunlight. More than once I have mistakenly made it fly around the office, cursing it when it landed on top of the cabinet over the sink. Then I found out that a certain someone had stolen the little remote of it, only to have his fun watching me chase the bloody glider. After that I had restored the remote somewhere safe where it was safe from Sean's hands.
If only I could keep Ana safe, too.
Safe from my probably tiring love, from my silent nagging and my love declarations which seem to overwhelm her more and more, from my hopes and dreams for our future, and from the mistakes of our pasts.
Safe from her deconstructive friends who had mostly decided to cut ties with her when they found out about what I had done to Leila, not really caring that nothing was Ana's fault, I had been dumb enough to fall for the best friend of my girlfriend, she had pushed me away. Safe from Leila's understandable ire, safe from the heartbreak she had endured when Leila had dismissed her out of her life, from the treason when all of her friends had taken Leila's side, not bothering to listen to her – except Ethan, God bless his heart, who had protected her from the anger of the others. Kate had been furious, she told Ana that she should have told Leila the truth from the very first day and not after I decided to break up with Leila. Mia had called all the way from Ibiza, asking what was going on, trying to talk Ana into cutting ties with me – which she kinda did in the end – if she wanted to be Leila's friend. Luke had kept his thoughts to himself, he told everybody that we were all grown-ups and we should deal with our problems maturely, but I feared that he blamed Ana a little. Ethan had told Mia and Kate to keep their opinions to themselves, it was not up to them what was going to happen next, that they should be supportive friends for Leila and Ana, because that's what both needed. While everybody had been talking furiously, Leila and Ana had kept their mouths shut, no heavy fight started, unlike what I had expected. Leila had done something far worse than screaming and throwing a fit: she had decided to ignore Ana.
Her ignorance had hurt Ana the most. She had said that she didn't care enough about Ana anymore to be angry at her. She wanted her gone from her life. That's why Ana had packed her stuff and left Seattle at the early hours of a Saturday morning, leaving everything and everyone behind her. From Ethan, I had found out that she was at her parents in Georgia. That was all I knew of her and that – I am quoting – she was fine. I was one hundred percent sure that she was anything but fine, she was just too stubborn to talk with me.
And most importantly, I wanted to keep her safe from herself. Ana was so focused on the happiness of others, that she easily forgot about her own, she simply didn't care enough about herself.
"...and I don't think that it is a good idea to leave Hope alone with that jackass. I don't know what Amy was thinking." Sean says, his head once again above the half wall between us, his tone furious as he talks about his ex wife, Amy, who let their daughter alone over the weekend with her new boyfriend. Sean and Amy got divorced two years ago, the only good outcome of their marriage being Hope, a sixteen year-old teenage girl, whom Sean loves like nobody else. He still has to deal with the fact that his little girl has a boyfriend, though. More than once, he has roughened up the poor kid. I perfectly remember the father of my first girlfriend, Mr. Bloom had threatened to shoot me if I hurt his daughter more than once.
"Hey. You listening, Grey?" Sean asks me with raised brows. I sigh before I nod, a polite lie.
"Sure. You were telling me that you still don't like that boyfriend of Hope."
"Not liking does not even come close to what I feel." He groans, shaking his head. "That kid is too horny for his own good."
I know exactly how teenage boys can be, I was one of them myself not a long time ago after all. I wonder what I will do when I have daughters myself. Will I be as possessive and protective as Sean? I will have to if they have the pretty sea blue eyes of their mother.
By the end of the day, I know more about Amy's love life than I actually want to, but I listen to Sean's words politely and patiently. He mostly blames his ex wife, whom he calls Maleficent behind her back, because that's how evil she is. I head toward Seatdown after work, Elliott and I have planned to have some drinks. He is waiting for me at our usual table with a pitcher of beer in front of him and a sour face on his face.
"What's it with the face, Leilliot?" I ask him as I sit down opposite of him, calling him by his family nickname. We have been seeing each other more frequently since the whole Christian-loves-Ana-not-Leila fiasco came out. Since he has been having Ana and my back from day one, his popularity within the group has fallen gradiently. To say that Kate was pissed at him would be an underestimation.
"Kate." He says simply, taking a big gulp of his drink. I feel sorry for being the reason for their fight, but I don't understand why Kate keeps insisting on me being the villain in this story. I am not trying to defend my idea to dump Leila at the airport, that hadn't been one of my brightest moments, but my motives had been pure, just my action had been villain-y, I guess. She blames me for ripping the group apart, and she blames Ana for letting all of this happen because in Kate's opinion, if Ana had been honest from day one, then I never would have dated Leila, I never would have hurt Leila and I never would have ripped the group apart. It maddens me that Kate doesn't care about Ana's feelings or how Ana reacted when I declared my love to her. She had loved me from day one, but she had rejected me just because she knew that she couldn't be with me, not while Leila was in our lives. I don't know exactly what made her confess her feelings to Leila, though. When I had heard about it, I had first hoped that it would mean, she is ready to be with me, facing every obstacle with me. Sooner or later, I had concluded that it hadn't been an act of bravery or madly love. It was Ana's honesty taking over, it was her wanting to solve any problem between her and her friends, only creating a bigger mess. I know Ana good enough to know that she had been ready for the mess, she never does something without over-thinking it. Once again, I am dying to hear what she has been thinking, if she was thinking about me at all, like the way I thought about her all day.
"I'm really sorry, Elliot." I begin my usual excuse, but he stops me just like he has always done in the past month whenever I tried to apologize for what happened.
"It's not your fault." He says, his answer never changing. "It's Kate and her damned pride. She is too proud to admit that she has been wrong."
"You really think she realized that she is wrong?" I ask him, my voice giving away my doubt. Kate is too convinced of her idea that Ana and I are the ones who willingly fucked up. At least that's what she seemed to think when she was screaming at me over the phone.
"I know that she has. She is an in-the-moment type of person, she saw Leila crying and she blamed you guys, without thinking about your decisions and feelings. I know that she has realized that she has done the wrong thing, but I don't understand why she fights against it." He tells me with a frown, mumbling something about 'freaking women' and how they frustrate him. Before meeting Kate, my brother never had bothered to get to know a girl. He had slept with lots of different women in his wild, bachelor years, but he never bothered to get to know them. I had been genuinely surprised when he had told me that he wanted to be more with Kate, and not because of her looks, no, Elliott really loved the furious blonde journalist.
"I love the way she is passionate about things. I love the way she is ambitious, maybe sometimes a little obsessed, but I love that she is a warrior. She never gives up, even if she feels insecure, especially if she feels insecure. People take a look of her and only see an admittedly attractive woman, they think of her as vain, but they don't know the woman I know. They don't know that she doesn't give a fuck about her looks, she doesn't win her battles with it. No, she fights her wars with her soul, her intelligence and her dedication. I love her for mistakes, I love her in spite of them, even if they drive me mad. I love Kate Kavanaugh for who she is and not for whom I would like her to be." He had told me once, making me think about my own confused feelings, torn between two women, between doing the right thing and the easy thing. That might be the most thoughtful thing I had ever heard from Elliott.
"You know that you don't have to pick sides, right? If Kate is what you want, I won't sabotage it, or something." I say, waving to the waitress two tables away. I think I will order Scotch tonight, maybe with soda. The red-haired waitress scribbles down my order before walking away to the busy bar where José is serving drinks.
Elliott groans, rolling his eyes at me.
"I know. You have been saying that a dozen times at least. This is not about picking sides, she doesn't want me to abandon you. She wants me to admit that she is right, because Kate loves being right."
It seemed like Kate loved being right more than anything, but I keep this thought to myself. I don't want to add more fuel to the wildfire.
"Enough of me and Kate. How are things?" He asks me, sounding concerned and maybe a little pitiful. I have been getting this look for a month now, from him, my parents, Jason, John and Ethan. Ethan is the only one of Leila's friends with whom I still talk. The others just hate me or, like in Luke's case, want to respect Leila. I understand that I am their least favorite person now, because even though Ana and I never had intended to hurt Leila, in the end we just did. Our honesty had hurt her, but I tried to think that it was better than cheating on her. We had loved each other for a while now, tiptoeing around each other, clueless of each others thoughts and feelings, while pretending that everything was perfect, until one day, one of us – the weaker one – exploded, and the truth was out. Ana, being the most selfless one of us, had burdened every possible outcome and told Leila about her true feelings, all the things she had kept secret from everyone – Ana was a pro when it came to keeping her feelings and thoughts to herself. I don't know what she had wanted to achieve, I am only sure that she knew what her confession might cause. She had told Leila about how she fell in love with me at first sight, as cliché as it sounds, how she never thought that I would never bother to look at someone like her, that's why she didn't bother trying to flirt with me or talk to me, but when Leila was into me, she also didn't want to ruin her happiness, so she kept her mouth shut. She told Leila that she was willing to watch her being with the man she loved, if that was what Leila wanted in order to be happy. Ana never had wanted to be with me, not while Leila was in the picture, she never wanted me to break up with Leila.
Unfortunately, Leila didn't see that Ana was being annoyingly selfless, once again. She asked her why she was telling her all of this, did she really think she wanted to know about her best friend's feelings for her boyfriend, did she really think telling the truth now could do any good. It was too late, Leila told Ana, I already had left her. She asked her to go, to go the fuck away, she didn't want Ana to be a part of her life anymore.
Unlike me, she didn't see Ana's last try to do the right thing. Ana had confessed her feelings to Leila because she didn't want her to blame a faceless woman while she was the one person causing her demise. She took the blame and left, like she always does. It had been the right thing to do, but it sure hadn't been easy.
I loved Anastasia Steele more and more with each passing day, with each new information I found out about her, with each frustrating character trait. Just like Elliott had said, I loved her for who she was and for whom I would like her to be. I just didn't know if she loved me as much as I loved her, I wondered if her feelings for me had vanished after leaving Seattle. The fact that I heard all about the epic discussion between Ana and Leila from Elliott speaks for itself. Ana hadn't talked about this with me, yet. And since our contact only is build on the three hour routine emails I sent her, I doubt that we ever will actually talk again.
For fuck's sake.
"Things are tough." I frown, the word kinda insufficient to describe my drama. As the waitress – I think her name was Rebecca, but I am not entirely sure – places my order in front of me, I give her a thankful smile and take an immediate huge sip of it. The burn of my throat distracts me of the pain in my chest.
"Haven't you heard anything from her?" Elliott asks, stressing the last word. I'm thankful that he doesn't use her name, I have kinda forbidden myself to speak it out loud and I also don't want to hear it, fearing that it might hurt me. Anastasia Steele has managed to break my heart and make me a drama queen. God. I love her.
I shake my head, getting my phone out of my pocket and placing it on the table in front of me with the display visible, so I don't miss anything if Miss Steele decides to finally answer my emails, texts or calls.
"The last time she contacted me was two weeks ago. I am fine." I try to mimic her voice, her cute, angelic voice, but I fail terribly. "I don't think she is, I wish she was, but I know her too well to believe that she is fine."
I start to hate that word. Fine. Keep lying to yourself, Ana.
"She came like a hurricane, and went like a wind. Doesn't she know what kind of mess she left behind?" I keep rambling, furrowing my brows now with irritation.
"Seems like she has just followed your advice." Elliott says with a shrug, making me look at him questioningly.
"You were the one telling her to be a little selfish all the time. And now, she has decided to be selfish by running away." He explains to me, shrugging again. I never had thought about it in that way before. Oh. I guess, Ana was finally thinking about herself first, even if that meant that she left me behind, too. I am willing to be left behind, if that means she will do things for her own good.
"Since when did you get so wise?" I ask my brother, a little playful brotherly roasting has never hurt. He rolls his eyes, a crooked grin curling his lips.
"Since your brain left the building." He winks at me, his hands playing with the rim of his glass.
"Well, unlike you, I had a brain which could leave the building." My remark is weak, but our little dispute makes me laugh, so it's fine.
"Exactly. You had a brain which could leave, I have a brain which can't leave."
I frown at him, thinking of a good comeback.
"And you used to believe in the Smurfs."
"Hey! I was only five years old." He pouts, making me think about our times spent at our grandparent's house where we once got lost in the woods because he wanted to find the Smurfs. With his five years, he had believed that they existed.
"Have you heard anything from Leila?" He asks me after two more drinks, the Smurfs forgotten, making me stop mid-sip. I slowly shake my head, the guilt once again presence at the mention of my ex girlfriend. Leila and I haven't seen each other since that damned day where I left her at the airport, breaking her hurt and breaking it even more when she found out that I loved her best friend. I knew that I owned her an explanation, I had tried to contact her, but she had told me via Kate that she didn't want to talk to me. I only could respect that.
"Things are rough for her, too." He states with a sad sigh.
While I thought about how things were rough for Ana, Leila and me, I wondered if we ever would be able to be happy.
But how happy could Leila be while I was aching for her best friend?
From: Anastasia Steele
To: Christian Grey
Subject: Don't worry
I'm fine, Christian. Don't worry about me.
Ana
I read her newest email over and over again, the words daunting me, mocking me even. I understand that she wanted to leave the mess behind her, that she needed time to cool off, time to think about important decisions about her future with me or without me. I understand that I was expecting too much of her, I wanted her to come back to be with me and I knew she couldn't just do that without solving her problems with Leila first – I try not to be doubtful, but I don't see a way how to make Leila accept that Ana and I are meant to be without breaking her heart even more -, and I understand that I need to be patient, give her the time she needs and be supportive, but in the end I am just human. I expect certain things, I have my own wishes and dreams, that's why it angers me that she didn't bother to write me a fucking proper email. I'm fine, she said again. For god's sake. Tell me what you are doing, tell me what you are thinking about, tell me if you are thinking about me, tell me that you love me, tell me if you love me at all, or did you forget about me, did you forget about me because you thought it was the best for you or did you do it because it was the best for Leila. Don't tell me that you are fine, as selfish as it sounds, I don't want you to be fine while I am not fine at all. How can I be fine without you?
My thoughts are uncoordinated, a mess, chaotic, just like me. I sit up on my couch, dragging my hands through my hair. They are a mess, too. The lights in my living room are off, I didn't bother turning them on just like the TV, I don't need mindless rambling in the background, my brain is full enough. This is not what I deserve, what we deserve. We deserve more than weak emails and polite texts. I try my luck by calling her again, aching to hear her voice after five weeks of silence, the last words I heard from her were that she hated to love me, their content not giving me hope, but I don't want to hope for more, I just want more. And more right now means hearing her voice.
"Hello?" Suddenly all my synapses are tingling, her voice running down my back like a chill, my heart pumping fiercely in my chest. I did not expect that. She picked up. She really picked up.
"Hello? Christian?" She says again, sounding confused because of my silence, while I try to analyze her voice, trying to read something out of it. She sounds a little out of breath, is it the excitement she is feeling because of my phone call, is the sharp guilt brewing in her, is it annoyance? What are you thinking, Ana?
"Christian, are you there?" She asks, my name out of her mouth making hope rise in me, hope I would hate to crush. Why did she pick up now, why today? Why didn't she answer my calls the last billion times I called?
"Chris-" I interrupt her, sounding breathy myself.
"Ana." I say, repeating her name over and over again while she listens to me, silence once again her dominant trait.
I say her name, her beautiful name, regretting that it wasn't the first thing I said in my life, but hoping that it will become the last thing that leaves my mouth when I close my eyes for eternal sleep. I hope that she will be at my side when we are both old and gray, I hope that she will be at my side for the rest of my life. I hear her hiccup, her breathing giving away that she is crying, maybe because she misses me, too. I hope that she misses me, too.
„Ana." I say just as she says my name.
„Christian."
We laugh, hers sounding heavenly, mine more embarrassing. I can't believe my luck, she has really picked up her phone.
„Baby, I miss you so much." I say, the stupid grin on my face starting to become permanent. She is making me happy, even if she is so many miles away from me – 2.883 miles to be exact. I hear her breaths, deep intakes followed by hasty outtakes, she whimpers before talking again.
„I miss you, too." She whispers, unaware that her words set my whole senses on fire, making my heart beat faster, my stomach swirl. She is all the best feelings in the world. She is the exciting feeling of a first kiss, she is the joy of a small child who got his Christmas presents, she is the first warm day of the year, she is the colorful lights of a Christmas tree.
„You do? God, Ana. You have no idea how happy that makes me." I say, my patience finally paying off, my anxiety now in the past. I have thought that she had forgotten me, that she hated me, but she confessed that she missed me. You can't miss someone you hate, right?
„It pains me. Missing you hurts me." She says, gulping hardly. „I didn't think I would ever be strong enough to hear your voice."
„You are the strongest person I know, Ana." I like saying her name, it's the most beautiful sound in the world to me.
„But I couldn't bear it anymore. Not hearing your voice was even harder, I don't now how I managed to wait so long." She keeps on talking, ignoring me completely.
„I thought if I stayed away from you, I could forget you. I wanted to forget you, I really did, it would be the right thing to do, but it's not the easiest thing to do since you are like a parasite living in my heart and the only way getting rid of you is to rip out my own heart. Tell me, how can I rip out my own heart?"
„You don't have to, baby. You don't have to forget me." I beg, the thought of her forgetting me my nightmare.
„But I can't keep you in my heart. I shouldn't." She must be crying now, her voice giving her away. It pains me, making her cry the last thing I want.
„Ana, please. I love you." I whine, telling over and over again that I love her.
I hear how she takes deep breaths, how she cries, how she fights against her guilt, how she fight against me, against us.
„I.." She says, gulping hardly. I wait patiently, try to be patient at least.
„I.."
„Yes, Ana?" I ask her, trying to encourage her to speak out the three words I ache to hear.
Suddenly, the phone clicks. She has ended the phone call, leaving me a nervous mess, shuttering my hopes and dreams again.
„Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Dammit, Ana." I roar, throwing my phone against the floor. Thanks to my carpet it stays in tact. Why did she have to do this? Why did she build up my hope and then shutter it to a million pieces? This might be the first time I am angry at her in the last few weeks, I tried to be understanding, supportive, but I am only human in the end. I had my limits, too. I pick up my phone from the floor, calling her again, but just like I had suspected, she doesn't pick up.
„Fuck you." I hiss, more directed at my phone than Ana, trying to call her again. This time, she has turned her phone off.
I know what her problems are , I know that she is blaming herself for Leila's misfortune, I know that she doesn't want to give in into happiness with me because she fears that this would hurt Leila even more or at least make it look like she didn't care about her. I know all of these, I respect all of these, but I don't want to understand it, I don't want to live like that. I want her, I want her to be mine. I'm selfish like that.
Knowing Ana, I know that she will never let us happen if she doesn't think she has Leila's blessing, but I doubt that we ever will have Leila's blessing. I can't blame her for not giving us her blessing, but I'm willing to try. I'm willing to break Leila's heart more than I have already done if that means I will get Ana, as selfish as that sounds.
With renewed purpose, maybe even less logic and sense than ever, I get up, getting my phone and my keys, not bothering to put on a jacket and leave my apartment. My destination is Ana and Leila's apartment, my goal is brutal, but I have passed humanity long time ago. Luckily, the door at the entrance is open so I can enter the building without Leila knowing. I run up the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator, finally getting to their floor. With a raised fist, I knock heavily at the door, before ringing the bell impatiently. I must look like a madman right now, but I don't care. I stopped caring as soon as I heard Ana fight against the love she feels for me.
Leila opens the door a few seconds later, a shocked expression on her face when she notices me standing in front of her.
I never would have thought that I would see her so soon. I never would have thought I would come here to beg for forgiveness, not that I was too proud to ask for forgiveness, I just didn't thought I would cause her more pain. I am disgusted by myself a little, I realise that I am willing to hurt someone else for my own happiness, just like my cousin did many years ago, but like Ana had said, people really did the most irrational things when they were in love.
„What are you doing here?" She hisses at me, her hands grasping the door as if she was ready to close it any second. I press my hand against the door.
„Wait. Please, let me talk."
Her blue eyes widen, before she frowns at me with from anger reddened cheeks.
„Let you talk? How dare you tell me what to do?"
„I know that I have no right to demand anything from you, but Leila, we need to talk. You know that we need to talk." I try to persuade her. „Please, Leila"
„Not now, okay? I'm not ready for this." She says, her voice sounding sad, making the following words even harder for me.
„Leila, I need to talk to you about Ana."
Leila gasps, looking at me like I am her one and only enemy, the villain in her story. I suppose somehow I am, but I'm willing to be her villain, if that means I will be Ana's Prince Charming. It's disgusting, it's wrong and it's selfish, but it's the right thing for me.
„Go." My ex girlfriend simply answers, shaking her head. Her hair is a messy bun on her head, she is dressed in her usual sweatpants and pullover.
„Go."
„I can't, okay? I wish I could, I wish I didn't have to come here, I wish I didn't have to hurt you more, but I can't. I can't forget Ana, I can't leave her, I can't be without her. But she doesn't want to be with me. You know why? Because she is the most selfless person I have ever met and I know that you know that, too. She is too selfless to be with me because she doesn't want to be with someone who has hurt her best friend, she doesn't want to be with me because she thinks it's wrong and disgusting, and in a way it is, but nothing has ever felt more right before." I say in a breathy voice, I'm in awe with Ana's selflessness, as annoying as it can get.
Leila lets out an arrogant laughter, it doesn't sound like the woman I know at all.
„Now she has morals? Where were these morals when she fucked my boyfriend behind my back? This is so classic Ana. Always the little goody two shoes, always putting on a show in which she is always the holy one. She is dying to let people think that I am the heathen."
„I know you well enough to know that this isn't your real opinion about her. You know Ana the best, Leila. You know that she isn't like that. You are just hurt and you want to hurt her."
„I don't care enough about her to hurt her. I don't care what is happening to her. She can go to hell." Leila fumes, her eyebrows furrowed.
„Ana and I never cheated on you, Leila. We never had a secret relationship behind your back. Do you think Ana would have done something like that? We didn't know we had feelings for each other until that day. We both tried to do the right thing, we both tried to listen to our morals, but I couldn't any longer, okay? I was tired of doing the right thing, I was tired of pretending to be happy while my real happiness was right in front of me." I explain to her. Leila snorts and looks at me in shock.
„Good thing to know that I was making you unhappy. It certainly didn't seem that way when you wanted whisk me away to New York."
„I wanted to give you everything you deserved. You deserve all the best things on the world and I wanted to give you them all, because I was devastated at the thought that I could break your heart , that was the last thing I wanted. I tried to be the boyfriend you deserve." I say, my excuse poor but true and honest.
„I didn't deserve to be dumped for my best friend. I didn't deserve my best friend telling me that she loves my boyfriend, that she is the reason for him leaving me." Leila hisses, absolutely right.
„I know and I wish I could prevented that from happening, but I am only human, a man who is deeply in love with a woman, and I was tired from lying to myself, to you, to the whole world."
„I don't want to hear the sick story of how you fell in love with her." She looks disgusted. „Just go, Christian."
„I can't go. Not without.." I stop, shaking my
head before speaking. „Not without getting your blessing."
„My what?" She shrieks. „Leave. Now."
She tries to close the door between us, but I use both of my hands to prevent her from closing the door to my future with Ana.
„Ana doesn't want to be with me. She is at her parents, she barely talks to me, she completely isolated herself."
„I don't care what she does. Suits you well that you want someone who doesn't want you."
„Do you want me back? Do you still love me? Would you be able to be with me after what I have done to you?" I ask her.
„What the hell kind of question is that?" I notice that she isn't answering my questions immediately, maybe I shouldn't have asked them so soon, but I'm too desperate to care about right and wrong.
„You don't want me back, Leila. Not anymore. Why don't you let me be happy with someone else then?"
„I don't care what happens to the both of you. I'm not trying to prevent you from being with her, because I don't give a fuck if you are together or not. For all I care, get married and be sickingly happy." She hisses, again trying to close the door.
„So, you are giving us your blessing?" I ask her with a trembling voice, the possibility of being with Ana is exciting me.
„Yes, I do. You are the worst kind of human beings I have ever met, you deserve each other."
When she tries to close the door this time, I don't stop her, her sad and angry expression the last thing in my mind, my heart fluttering with the anticipation I am feeling.
I need to get my girl back.
Dun. Dunn. Dun.
Did anyone catch his own name? ;) I tried to squeeze in a few of my favorite Facebook ladies, but since there are too many I couldn't get all of them in this chapter. But don't worry, I have tons of chapter of other stories to fill with cameos :-*
Until next time.
Only 3 chapter left though..
