Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass or Law and Order: SVU. They are the property of their respective owners.

Note: Contains more mature scenes.

Chapter Twenty One – Relapse

She was able to dress herself before she left, she exited without saying a word. She left her lover for the evening without a clue where she was going. Leila ran out of the apartment building cursing at herself, while she tried to hold something back. She stopped running and stood there on the sidewalk, only to catch her breath. As she stood there, she took the time to think. Why did she run away like that? What was it about that kiss that set her astray?

Leila looked back, trying to convince herself to go back. But she thought to herself; should she really come back? The only thing holding her back was her refusal to accept any feelings for him. She bent her head back and closed her eyes, to give herself a convincing argument. But she bent her head back to position and continued to walk away. In a way, she believed that he would be better off without him – but was not able to convince herself that she could do the same.

In the end, she was only mad at herself.

-Five weeks later-

Sergeant Munch was getting ready to go to work like he always has, about nothing about it was different. As he walked in the living room to pick up his coat, the first thing he sees is Suzaku lying on the couch face down. He had some concerns as he heard him groan a bit; this has been a problem for the last few weeks. Yet Munch hasn't worked up the kind of words to say to him. It wasn't the first time he felt that way.

As Munch exited the apartment, Suzaku turned over to his side. If one could see his face, then you could see a man that has worn himself out. He was basically exhausted. Since Leila left, the flashbacks came back. He tried hard not to think about it but every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was that dreadful moment in his life. It was easy to tell that he hasn't had any sleep recently, since almost every night he has nightmares about everything he's experienced.

He got up slightly, putting his hands on his head. He wanted the memories to go away. Alex and Leila were the only people capable of doing so, but they're no longer with him. It was perhaps time for him to get himself back together, before he loses his sanity.

Walking back in the living room, Suzaku noticed two missed calls. One coming from an unknown number, the other call came from Detective Stabler. He wanted to call Alex or Leila in hopes of bringing them back; and he has tried hard to actually text or call them, but instead he tossed the phone between the cushions of the couch and sat back down. He hoped that he could finally close his eyes and see nothing.

-Meanwhile-

Back inside the squad room, Detective Cabot sat by her desk filing papers. Today has been a busy day. All throughout the day, she has taken statements and alphabetize files; in short, she is really tired. She picked up her phone to see if she received any texts or calls from Suzaku, as she tried calling him earlier in the day using her colleague's phone. The fact that they have been estranged from each other for weeks, she feared the worse.

Alex rested her eyes momentarily, trying to drown out all of the chatter in the squad room. But as she was beginning to fall asleep, the phone rang. She answered it and discovered it was one of the people downstairs informing her that a civilian wanted to file a report. It was expected of this job to have a high volume of people coming in and out. She went back to working on her files and on occasion, check a few of her current cases.

As she was sitting there doing her work, she receives a tap on the shoulder. Not with a finger, but with some type of object. Alex placed the pen down and swung her chair over to see who it was; she looked up and saw that it was Agent Olivia Benson, giving her a surprise visit. For the record, she did not allow her personal involvement with her to interfere with her work life. Like her, she also came for work reasons.

"Agent Benson, what a surprise." Alex greeted.

She nodded in response and said, "Nice to see you too. So I've spent some time out in the FBI lab assisting you guys on your murder case."

"You have to be more specific. We have a lot of open cases right now. Most of them are murders."

Olivia pulled out a piece of paper from a folder and told her, "I've been doing some extra investigating in the Shirley Fenette case. So far, I couldn't find any kind trace evidence that links Euphemia to the crime. But forensics was able to find some stuff that was overlooked."

That was where it did not sound right to her. "Wait? What are you talking about?" she exclaimed.

She didn't understand what Alex was trying to say, so she tried reminding her. "I'm talking about this murder case that you guys talked to me about. You all asked me to do some digging of my own, so I went to give you what I did find." she explained.

Alex took the folder from her and took a look. She had never heard a single thing about this case and if she did, she may not have been paying attention; but still she said; "I don't know what they told you, but this is the first time anyone has told me about this."

"Nobody told about this case?" Olivia inquired, "Not even the captain?"

"No. I've been buried in desk work and open cases." Alex nodded.

"Why wouldn't they tell you? If this has something to do with Euphemia, then you might deserve to know what's going on."

"I'm not concerned, Olivia." she sighed, "If they didn't tell me, then they may have had a reason."

Olivia nodded as Alex handed the folder back to her. But she refused to take it back, and told her. "I have no need for it. Just give it to the captain. Tell him that I stopped by to give it to him."

"Yes I will right now." she nodded. Olivia walked out of the squad room and Alex got up and went to the captain.

As she walked to his office, she took a few peeks at what little evidence that Agent Benson could find. She opened the door and upon entry, she found none other than Kallen was in the room talking to the captain. Both of them were surprised to see the detective walk in, and she started to wonder what she wanted with Cragen.

"Is there something that I can do for you, Detective?" asked Cragen.

"Uh? Yes but I see that you two are in the middle of a conversation." she replied.

Kallen picked up her bag and told the detective, "Oh no worries, Detective Cabot. We were finishing our conversation. Now if you don't mind, I'll take my leave since you may have some important business to take care of."

She walked away without saying anything. Alex looked back over at Kallen, then back at her captain. She cocked her head a bit and asked him, "What were you talking about, Captain?"

Cragen sighed and told the detective, "She and I were speaking of a private matter. It's nothing that you need to worry about."

Alex understood him and moved on to what she needed to give him.

"Well, now that it out of the way. I came to give you the forensics on a murder case that Benson just told me about."

She gave him the folder, which he opened and took a look at. Cragen wondered why she had these files in the first place. He closed it and asked, "You're saying that Benson told you about this first?"

"Yes." she nodded, "How come I wasn't informed?"

"You weren't on the list, Detective."

Alex did not want to say anything else, in risk of sounding insubordinate. But she had a hunch, so she turned around and guessed, "It's the case that Stabler has been working on for the past few months? Isn't it?"

"Yeah it is." he agreed. "He gathered us weeks ago and revealed information about this cold case. I asked why he didn't tell you, he told me that it was better that you stayed off this case. Elliot didn't want this case to fall through because the defense would call bias and might have it thrown out."

"So it was all to maintain the integrity of this case?" Alex inquired.

"It was also to keep you safe. He didn't want you to get hurt again so he neglected to inform you." he explained.

"I understand, Captain." she nodded.

Alex sighed and walked out of the captain's office. She was getting tired of them treating her different because Euphemia shot her; it made her think that there was something wrong with her, it made her believe that she wasn't part of the team. She sat back at her desk and took a few minutes to get her head on correctly, all the work she has done over the last three weeks is beginning to bug her.

Walking into the squad room and towards his desk, Sergeant Munch stopped by her desk so he could tell her something important. He pulled up a chair and greeted, "Hey, kiddo. How are you holding up?"

Tapping her pen on the desk, she replied, "Well I have too much work that needs my attention, so I'm doing fine. If that's what you're aiming for."

"Well I'm not here to make small talk, Detective." Munch told her, getting to the point, "I came to tell you about Suzaku. Something wrong with him."

Once he mentioned his name, he got Alex's full attention. She put down the pen and asked with concern, "What's wrong with him?"

"Well for the last couple of weeks, I've seen him do nothing but lounge on the couch in despair." Munch explained, "But I think it's something more than that. I woke up to him having what looked like an intense nightmare. Something has been on his mind, and I could tell. He's tense, glass-eyed, and looks like he hasn't slept in days."

Alex was in shock to hear all of this. She couldn't believe that he was going through something tough. "Is this what Leila told you?" she asked.

"I haven't seen that girl recently. Neither has he. Perhaps you should talk to him, because I'm worried that it might have something to do with her."

"He hasn't spoken to her recently?"

"If he was, then he wouldn't be like this. Like I said, go on and talk to him. He needs a woman right now, and as long as I have a penis, I'm no use to him."

"Alright, I'll go and talk to him." she said, as she got up she asked, "Can you tackle some of this work for me while I'm away, Sergeant?"

Munch shrugged and replied, "Sure. There isn't anything going on. Go and talk to him, I'll take it from here."

She picked up her coat and walked out of the squad room. Munch believed that it was the right thing to tell her, he didn't want him to fall under all by himself – he needed Alex to keep Suzaku from sinking. It was about an hour later as Alex drove across Manhattan to the sergeant's apartment to speak to Suzaku; she almost made the mistake by going to Brooklyn.

Upon her arrival at the apartment building, she started to go over what to say to him. It has been a while since they've spoken to one another. She was worried that after so long, she could say the wrong thing and embarrass herself. She took the elevator several stories up and walked the rest of the way to his apartment. Her first instinct was to knock on the door, but she remembered that Munch stopped to give her a key before she left.

Alex opened the door and took a look around; it looked fairly clean from what she discovered. She heard the water running in the bathroom, assuming that he had the sink or the bathtub running. Alex sat down on the arm of the couch and waited for him to walk out of the bathroom. Approximately two minutes go by when she no longer hears the water running and the saw the bathroom door opened.

Suzaku walked out of the bathroom, drying his face and hair. He opened his eyes and saw Alex standing there; he thought his head was playing games with him, he didn't believe at first that Alex was standing right there in the flesh. He put down the towel and greeted the blonde detective, "Alex? What a surprise to see you, I wasn't expecting you here."

"Hello, Suzaku. I understand if my appearance is unexpected." she smiled.

"Is there something I can do for you?"

Alex got up and told him, "Yeah. I came to see how you're doing. From what I heard, you haven't been doing so well. Is there anything that I should know about while I'm here?"

He looked away from her and muttered, "No. There's nothing I want to tell you."

"Are you sure? I've been hearing things about you and I wish that I could've done something to help." Alex sighed; showing her concern for him. "I want you to know that you could always come to me whenever you have problems. It has been rough these past few months, and I feel that I could have paid you a visit. That's what I think."

He mustered the courage to look at her again; he approached her a bit and tried to explain, "Well it's about Leila. I don't want to get into the details but..."

"But nothing. Tell me what's going on between you guys."

Suzaku took a deep breath and explained, "One night, she and I were getting busy. It was going so well when she pulled me down and gave me a kiss. I kissed her back and I don't what I did wrong, but she pushed me off and ran out without an clear explanation. I don't know what I did. It may have been some stupid thing I did, but all I know is that she's gone and I haven't seen her since."

"And that's why you've been so troubled lately?" she inquired.

"Ever since she left, I've been having trouble sleeping. I can't close me eyes without thinking of bad things. In some way, I think that's it's all my fault. Nobody has been able to tell me if I should find her, or let her go. But still, I think I'm better off without her. Seems rather fitting, don't you agree."

Alex's concern for him only increased as she heard him spew hate on himself for the next minute or two. That's when she got up and put her hands on him.

"Suzaku..." she whispered to him; it calmed him to hear her soft voice. But it did not last. As he eyes were closed, Alex took the opportunity and slapped him hard in the face.

It caught him by surprise no less. He held his left cheek as he opened his eyes, only to see Alex's disgruntled face, giving him a mean glare.

He shouted in retaliation, "Alex, what the hell was that for?!"

"I was right! I should have kept tabs on you, that way you wouldn't be sitting in here feeling sorry for yourself!" she barked out.

He didn't know what to say, as he never seen this side of her before. Or at least often. He murmured, "Alex? What's going on?"

"I'm sorry, but if there is one thing I don't like, is seeing people feel sorry for themselves. I don't want to hear you bitch and moan about how everything is your fault, and hope that someone feels sorry for you. You're better than to keep blaming yourself."

"I'm sorry you feel that way." he nodded.

"Look, I understand what going on." Alex begun to explain, "But listen. I was hurt when you decided to give up on our friendship, and that was selfish of you. But if there's anything I've been trying to tell you is that you're a man. And a man can overcome adversity head strong and that's what I expect you to do."

"Is there anything else that you want to yell at me about?"

"Suzaku, I'm only yelling at you because I care. I get that you're torn up about Leila, but the thing I'm wondering is why you're letting her go?"

"I don't know why I didn't convince her to stay, but it's too late." he sighed, "Besides, what should I do about it?"

"Oh I don't know? You tell me? I can't tell you what to do in life, Suzaku. Neither can anyone else. You need to make your own decisions, don't rely on others telling you what to do because they don't control your life. You control your own path. Same thing with me. I can tell you to go out and get Leila back, but it wouldn't be your decision."

"So it's up to me to make my own decisions?"

"Precisely! Tell me, Suzaku? Do you love her? Do you want her back?"

He took the time to think about what he should do. Suzaku stepped back for a moment, then approached her once more and replied with confidence, "Yes. I love her and I want her back."

Alex pointed directly at the door and told him, "Then get your ass out there and get her back!"

He stood there in silence and looked down at himself. Before he even attempted to walk out the door, he said, "I might wanna get dressed first."

"Yeah I think that's a good idea." she agreed.

Suzaku walked into Munch's bedroom and got himself back together. Alex's ranting and yelling sunk in and encouraged him to go out and search for Leila. Meanwhile, Alex looked down and noticed that she was standing in trash, which she reluctantly picked up and threw away. She wasn't going to get into him about that. Alex left the apartment and back to the 16th Precinct so she resume her normal duties.

Now that he was ready to head out the door, Suzaku scoured all over Manhattan to find Leila wherever she was. It wasn't an easy task as Manhattan is large and it would take days at best. He started searching in areas he knew that she would regularly go. He spend the entire day searching for her in those areas, but was unsuccessful in his attempts. As the sun went down, Suzaku called it a day and went on home, resuming his search tomorrow.

Day two was just as long, but twice as busy as it was Sunday. He first tried searching in a couple of the same areas he searched yesterday, but again to no avail. His next destination was go back to Washington Square Park and see if there was anyone there that could recognize her. Through a good two hours, he asked the common people a photo of her to see if they have seen Leila recently but nobody was able to give him any information.

The rest of the day he spent asking around in random areas to see whether or not she has been around. His pursuit was not limited to the outdoors, as he tried calling and sending texts to see if she would respond. His conclusion was that she was intentionally ignoring him. He didn't understand why he could find her anywhere, something was telling him that she is now long gone. Perhaps he waited too long to come running for her.

The third day was a little less hard on him, as a couple people he talked to about her was able to recognize her. Suzaku asked where he could find her, but none of them was able to give him a good answer. At that point, he had searched all over the borough and a couple others. He was fully convinced that she's gone and he'll never see her again. So it was healthy for him to move on and go home, maybe to adjust his head.

-Later that Monday evening-

Inside the SVU squad room, some of the detectives were heading home and calling it a night. Alex was finishing up her work before she left the precinct for the night, while Sergeants Munch and Tutuola were about to conclude their day as well. At least one of them. After going through the ballistics in one case, Elliot wrapped it up for today and was about to leave for the night. However Alex needed to ask him something before he left.

Since she found out about that murder case, it made her think she was being alienated by her colleagues. This was one that she knew about, Alex wondered if that was the only case that they've hidden from her. It sounded crazy but she needed answers. She stopped him before he left the squad room so she could ask. He didn't know what she wanted from him and he was about to find out.

"Is there something that you want?" he asked.

"Yeah, I need to talk to you since we're all here." Alex told him. "Why did you leave me out of the cold case you've been working on? You told them, you told Liv, but not me?"

He was caught in a iffy situation, Elliot didn't know what to tell her. But he thought of some excuse and told her, "Well because I didn't feel as if you needed to concern yourself about it, so I didn't let you know what was going on."

"Why would you do that, El? I thought we were supposed to be on the same team."

"It's nothing personal. I didn't want you to get involved since I discovered that Euphemia played a role in it. She almost killed you, I just wanted to prevent that from happening again."

"Then why didn't you tell me?" Alex argued, "I respect you, Detective. But it's not just this case. How many investigations you all have excluded me out of?"

Trying to keep things calm, Fin walked over and chimed in, "Alex, we wouldn't do you like that."

"I understand, but hear me out." she sighed, "I'm starting to think you guys think less of me as a detective since the accident. But that's now what is offending me. What I'm offended about is that you don't trust me enough to say that I shouldn't be involved, that way I would have understood. But going behind my back is something different. Even if you had the best intentions."

"Look, I understand that not telling you was an asshole move, but I didn't want to jeopardize a case by getting you involved." Elliot explained, "I apologize that we went behind your back, but at the end of the day, it's all about getting justice for you, Suzaku, Lelouch and Shirley. Shouldn't that be what's important?"

Alex took a moment to think about it. But in the end, she agreed, "I suppose you have a point. You have an opportunity to put her away, so I'll back off. I still wish you told me from the start."

"I understand, Alex." he nodded, "See you guys tomorrow."

She watched him walk out and head home; it did give her a lot to think about. It was pointless of her to think about it that much. Elliot had his reason not to tell Alex, since he feared of her safety and the integrity of the investigation. Still, it didn't hurt to at least give her some indication of what was going on.

-Meanwhile-

Three whole days of searching for his beloved, Suzaku walked the rest of the way back home after taking a cab most of the way. He still felt as if he could have ran after her when she left, he couldn't deny that he had the flashbacks and nightmares again when she left him astray. But he was ready to put all of it behind him and get himself back together in one piece all by himself. But as he walked towards Munch's place, looking at his phone, he noticed something.

The very first thing he saw as he got to the door, was Leila. She was sitting in front of the door in waiting. Suzaku was in disbelief, the fact that she was sitting there waiting for him was shocking to him. Now as for Leila, she didn't notice him standing next to her. He wanted to approach her in a good way, or he may scare her off.

He took a couple steps forward and said, "Are you waiting for something?"

His words startled her, Leila looked over to her left and saw him standing above her. She looked away and replied, "I see you're home. I guess you didn't expect me to be here by your door."

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"Because I felt as if I should be." she told him. She looked at him momentarily then quickly turned away. "I guess you are searching for an explanation for running out on you."

"That would be refreshing to hear. Why did you run off like that?"

"I don't know. I think it's because of our pact. We were not supposed to kiss one another, since it is a form of affection."

"What does that imply?" Suzaku replied, "Are you implying that you have some type of affection for me?"

She did not respond. He bent down to one knee and asked her.

"I want to know. Leila, do you love me?"

Once again, she did not respond. However, he noticed how she was blushing. Leila hid her face from him the best she could, but telling by her body language he could tell that she was holding something back from him. Suzaku got closer to her and told her.

"Why are you trying to hold it in? I know you have some type of affection, don't try to hide it. Say something."

"Stop trying to push me." she whispered.

He was going nowhere with this. He could tell that there was something she was hiding, so he told her straight-forward, "I'm only doing it because I love you. I'm not afraid to admit it, I didn't want to accept it at first, but I knew that I do have strong feelings for you. Not because of the sex, but because we've had so many great times together."

Leila was on the verge of tears, as she murmured to herself, "It was a mistake. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you."

"But you do love me." he said after he heard what she said to herself, "You can push it back, but you can't deny what's already in front of you. I need you, Leila. I've lost so much, been through too much. You are the only one who can keep me sane by touching me, that's how I know you care."

She hated how she was face to face with it. She didn't want to admit it, neither did she want to accept it. However, what he said was what got to her.

"So you're saying I have that much of an impact on you?" she assumed.

"I was in turmoil when you showed up in my life. You are special to me, that I've realized."

Still in doubt, Suzaku went down to one knee and inched closer to her face. He wanted to get her to admit it without forcing her too. She was intrigued by his persistence more than anything else and at some point, it was turning around. Leila worked up the courage to look at him eye to eye and smiled at him.

"I always win battles, but you managed to find a compromise." she told him, "Yes, I admit that... that kiss meant something more. If anything, I believe I do have some romantic feelings towards you."

Suzaku placed his hand under her chin and asked, "So are you willing to kiss me once more?"

In response, Leila placed her hand behind his head and answered, "I'm more inclined to give you a little extra. If that's alright with you."

He took her hand and lifted her off the floor. He opened the door and before they entered, she hugged him tight. He didn't have to say anything but welcome her inside; once they walked in, they started kissing each other. Suzaku guided her to Munch's bedroom while Leila wrapped her arms and legs around him, the only time they weren't kissing was when they stopped for breath.

Suzaku gently placed her on the bed then they resumed kissing. At some point, she got a little ahead of herself as she pulled his hair and tried tearing off his clothes. He stopped her and toned down their pace, though he put both hand on the back of her head then lifted her forward, arching her back. He separated his lips from her and removed her clothes. He got up and saw her half-naked form before his eyes, so he continued.

He started by applying kisses to her pale chest, yet he held of caressing her at that moment yet he traveled from her chest to her legs, skipping that special area. It wasn't time for that. He took her leg and dragged his tongue up and down, then kissed it down to her foot. She was interestingly aroused, yet as she watched him service her, Leila noticed how she has received more than she has given. She took him by surprise and pushed him down.

Although she wasn't able to get him on his back entirely, she crawled on him and proceeded to kiss his neck and place her hand between his legs. She was kind and gentle to him as she did this then proceeded to go down on him. This time, it was her turn to provide satisfaction. Leila spent a good amount of time pleasuring him – but let's spare the details. They went back and fourth with the foreplay until they were both almost entirely naked.

They were ready for each other, as Suzaku entered her. He went in and out of her slowly but as things began heating up, he got a little faster in her. They switched positions throughout their endeavor, for example, Leila being on her hands and knees, her back and then on top of him. Whichever position she was in, she was enjoying it all too well and it some way, she was glad that it was happening.

As time went by, the more intense it got between them. It was clear that both of them were reaching their limit but they didn't want it to stop. She held him tight and he felt as if he was going to faint right then and there. The rest of the way, they engaged in a kiss; approximately four to seven minutes later, they both feel each other clenching and pulsating. A couple of minutes later, the two of them fainted and fell right to sleep.

After finishing, Leila lied there panting hard while her lover passed out soon after completion. At least she get something out of it too. Still, Leila turned around towards him, wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes. She rested her head on his shoulder and whispered in his ear that he is safe and sound. Once those words came out of her mouth, she fell to sleep.

Even though he engaged in a passionate night with his lover, the only thing that was on Suzaku's mind was will she be there in the morning. Regardless of what they did, he proved to himself and Alex that he is capable of making his own decisions. At least for tonight, the nightmares have disappeared.

End of Chapter Twenty One