Okay, sorry this update has taken ages and that it's shorter than usual, but real life has been getting in the way recently. Damn real life.
Chapter 21
"Good evening Remus." He said, in that calm effortlessly genial voice of his. "And good evening Padfoot." Sirius hung his head shamefully.
"You really should not hide him here Remus." Dumbledore warned me, "you're being old friends will make you a prime suspect, and my vouching for you will only hold the ministry off your back for so long."
"Yes I know," I said as Sirius transformed, "they already searched my house; but it was only for a few days-"
"I'm leaving tomorrow," Sirius interjected and Dumbledore turned his attention form me to him, "for Singapore."
"Singapore?" Questioned Dumbledore, "wise choice."
"Thank you, sir." Said Sirius with a grin. Dumbledore smiled back in the manner of someone who has just spotted his favourite grandson.
"You do not need to call me Sir Sirius, you may call me Albus now."
"Yes...but you know how it is, when you get used to calling someone something..." Sirius began.
"Would you like a tea or a coffee Albus?" I asked Dumbledore, it felt weird and harrowing not to call him headmaster.
"A coffee would be nice." Dumbledore said as he began to inspect my home. I watched the old man for a few seconds then walked to the kitchen, inviting him to follow me. Soon all three of us were sat at my little kitchen table with coffee and Dumbledore explained his reason for being here.
"I have come to ask you a favour Remus, quite a big one." He said with a sombre expression. I glanced to Sirius who shrugged at me. I felt distinctly nervous, Dumbledore used to ask favours from me when I was in the order and they were never fun. I looked back to Dumbledore and waited for him to explain.
"You may have heard that Bertha Jorkins has been reported missing."
"Yes, I did read that." I replied. "In Albania." I added meaningfully.
"Exactly, where Voldemort is rumoured to be hiding. Bertha worked for the Magical Games and Sports Division, and as I suspect you may have already surmised there are not many secrets in the Magical Games and Sports Division that Voldemort would be interested in. But there is one.
This year the Triwizard Tournament will take place at Hogwarts."
My eyebrows bounced upwards and Sirius let out a whistle of surprise, and perhaps excitement on the part of Harry: the Triwizard Tournament was after all a very exciting event, and if Beauxbatons was competing like last time then there would be plenty of new beautiful potential girlfriends. (Sadly it wasn't experience that taught me this: the last Triwizard Tournament took place before I started school, and even if it har occured during my time at Hogwarts, I would never had had a chance with any of those pretty french girls.)
Focus Lupin!
"Which will means there will be many new faces at Hogwarts this year,"
"And that's and ideal circumstance for someone who wants to infiltrate the castle." I finished.
"To get to Harry." Said Sirius a protective growl in his voice.
"That is my worry yes." Dumbledore confirmed.
"But Voldemort is powerless, he wouldn't be able to infiltrate the castle...not without help at least." I said.
"I think he may be receiving help."
"From Wormtail." Sirius said coldly, I looked at him. "Where else would Peter go?" He added by way of an explanation.
"Even if Peter has gone to Voldemort, he doesn't have the skill to organise anything extravagant."
"Don't underestimate him Remus." Dumbledore warned. "Besides, there has been more attacks on muggles recently but wizards calling themselves Death Eaters, so perhaps Wormtail isn't the only wizard helping Voldemort."
"Will you cancel the tournament?" Sirius asked.
"No. That would raise too many questions. Besides, I don't think it would be wise to betray our worries to Voldemort by cancelling the tournament."
"What's your plan then?" Asked Sirius.
"The problem at the moment is I do not have enough information to even hypothesise what Voldemort might try."
There was a definite sinking in my stomach.
"So what I would like is for you, Remus, to go to Europe to try and find out as much as you can." I took a deep breath but didn't commit myself to anything just yet. Sirius was looking at me, his mouth tightly closed and a strange expression in his eyes.
"I have an agent in Germany who has been monitoring a group of Death Eaters living in the forrest near the border between Germany and Poland. He will help you. I want you to observe the Death Eaters and gather as much information on their movement as you can, this might involve disguising yourself to question Death Eaters. I will give you a more detailed briefing if you choose to do this for me." I glanced at Sirius again, whose mouth was open slightly and whose eyebrows were furrowed perhaps with confusion, but perhaps with something else. I sighed and looked around my kitchen. I looked at the build up of dirty dishes in the sink. The bolognese from yesterday was drying on the pasta bowels. The tap dripped onto the plate with a plink. I needed to fix that tap. I needed to wash the plates. My mother would have clipped me round the ear for letting it build up like that. She wasn't the most organised woman in the would, nor the tidiest, but her house was always clean. Before she retired she was a nurse, clever enough to be a doctor of course, but not rich or fortunate enough, nor the right gender or from social background to get into medical school.
"What do you say Remus?" Dumbledore asked, pulling me out of my daydream.
"Why do you think Voldemort is planning his return? Why now?"
"Voldemort will try to regain power as soon as he can. I want to know whether that time is now. With Wormtail's escape I fear it might be." Dumbledore said.
"Come on Remus, what are you waiting for?" Sirius barked with a hint of venom that I didn't understand. I gave Sirius a brotherly glare.
"I am asking a lot." Dumbledore said to Sirius. "I do not know how long this mission will take, it will prevent Remus from looking for work -" Dumbledore turned back to me,
"And I cannot pay you for this work." He added with apology in his eyes, "but I will provide you with money enough to cover any expenses incurred. And," he continued to both of us, "it will be dangerous."
"Why me?" I asked. Dumbledore gave me a small smile, I think he knew I had already agreed to his request. I had never said no Dumbledore before, and I couldn't now: I trusted him, and if he needed me to do this, then it was for the greater good and therefore necessary.
"Of everyone free and able, you are the one I trust the most." He said. I didn't react, mostly because I didn't know how to. "What's more, you and Sirius are some of the best duellers I know, which sadly will be a useful quality for this mission. Also..." Dumbledore's blue eyes met mine. There was sympathy in there along with the same look of apology.
"The agent in Germany tells me that the Death Eaters are consorting the a court of vampires living in the area, and, well, dark creatures are your area of expertise." I rubbed my left eyebrow.
"Alright. Yes. I'll do it." I said. Dumbledore gave a weak smile then nodded.
"Thank you Remus, I knew I could count on you." The old man said. "I shall return in a few days to brief you more thoroughly."
Dumbledore exchanged a few words privately with Sirius before he left, and once he had gone Sirius turned to me like an angry spouse.
"What? What have I done?" I asked as he stomped to the living room and threw himself angrily into the armchair facing the fireplace. Sirius said nothing, he just glared at the fire. I sighed: he still had a temperament of a teenager apparently. I walked to the desk by the window, casually rummaged through the books and papers and started to plan what I would need to take to Germany while I let Sirius steam for a bit.
"What is your issue with doing things for Dumbledore?" Sirius asked eventually in a would-be calm tone of voice.
"I don't have any issue doing things for Dumbledore." I replied patiently, folding the essay on whether magical time travel has put an end to Fatalism I had been writing in half, I doubted I would ever have time to finish it now.
"Yes you do. You always have. Every time he asks you to do something you hesitate, you try and argue your way out of it." Sirius spat back. I groaned, I loved him but sometimes the bastard really tested my patience.
"I just take these things seriously!" I told him angrily. Shifting my eyes from the desk to the back of his head.
"If it were me, I wouldn't think twice."
"But it's not you, Sirius." I said walking around the back of the chair so I could look at his face. His jealous eyes glanced at me briefly then looked away. I don't think he was actually angry at me. He was just restless.
"I do not enjoy doing these things. I have to think about them."
"I don't enjoy them either."
"You do not find it as disagreeable as I do. I am not as brave as you. I don't like fighting."
"I do not like it either Remus! But it doesn't matter, because I know it's the right thing. If something is necessary I do not hesitate. And it's just unfair that you, who thinks more than he acts, pacifist to a fault -
"Pacifism is never a fault Sirius." I interrupted, "And anyway, I'm not."
"Don't interrupt me!" Sirius exclaimed jabbing his finger in my direction. "It is unfair that you are trusted by Dumbledore to take on these missions while I – the better man for the job – is stuck in hiding. I should be doing this, not you."
"If you could do it instead of me I would gladly step aside."
"But the point is I can't! I can't help at all." Sirius almost shouted thumping the arm fo the chair with his fist. "I am still in prison!"
"Calm down." I told him with impatient disdain. Had anyone else spoken to him like I just had he probably would have hit them, but it was me, so instead he scowled at me for a few minutes then gave a heavy defeated sigh and gazed out of the window. I could understand his jealously. It was not that he desired danger or violence: Sirius had always been a risk-taker, an adventurer, but he was essentially peaceful; it was rather that he had felt, and was still feeling, the repression and adversity that Voldemort and his followers had created more acutely than most right now and would rather fight against it than sit and suffer. I sighed as well and sat down in the sofa.
"I'm sorry-" I began, but Sirius shrugged and shook his head. He put his hadn't to his mouth and ran his first two fingers across his lips. He looked very lonely. I grit my teeth and tried to think of something to say. This was James' area. Sirius and I...well, we were good friends, but he was not nearly as close to me as he was with James. In fact, I had probably shared more with him over the last few days than ever before in the time we had known each other. I didn't know how to comfort him, he was the one that usually comforted me.
"When are you leaving?" I asked. He looked back at me, paused for a moment then smiled. "What?" I said, confused by the look on his face.
"Gonna miss me then?" He said, with a tired grin. I laughed.
"Of course." I admitted blushing furiously. Sirius laughed at me. I didn't mind. I was just so grateful to have him back that I didn't care that I sounded pathetic. With a pang I remembered that I probably wouldn't see him again for weeks, maybe months; instead I would be completely alone in a foreign country spying on Death Eaters.
"I probably wont be able to write." I said.
"I wouldn't have thought so." Agreed Sirius.
"To you or to Harry. Will you give him my best?"
"I will when I can. I don't know how often I'll be able to write either, I can't keep an owl, and I can't exactly stroll into a post office." Sirius said, looking every bit as resentful and regretful as me. I gave a heavy sigh and leant back into the sofa. Suddenly the war wasn't over anymore, suddenly life was more difficult – and it wasn't even easy to be begin with. Maybe Snape had been right, maybe I should just give up magic and go live life as a muggle. Though I'd still be werewolf. In fact, Muggles would be even less understanding when it came to my condition, as they don't even believe it exists.
"I'll leave in the morning probably. I've found somewhere I can apparate to." Sirius told me quietly. There was a long uncomfortable silence. "I'm sorry I got a bit..." Sirius began.
"Don't worry about it." I said interrupting him. "I understand."
"Yes, I suspect you do." Sirius agreed looking thoughtfully back at the fireplace. "Both of use have had it tough, and neither of us have deserved it I don't think."
"I suppose. Though I wasn't in prison...it's not the same."
"We were both separated from all of our friends, we were both isolated – that's the salient fact, that's the thing that hurts the most." Sirius said. Suddenly he seemed so much older than I last saw him. "What I don't understand is how you remain so... accepting. I mean, it is hardly fair that either of us should have suffered what we have, but where I want to bloody murder everyone who is responsible, you...just..." Sirius broke off, unable to find the appropriate word.
"I'm not really any different." I admitted feeling a flush of guilt. "I mean...I was the same with Peter. I was completely ready to kill him. I was prepared to kill someone in cold blood. How can I live with that? I am really no different to the beast I transform into. I am capable of doing the same horrible things."
"I wanted to kill him too and I'm not a werewolf." Sirius said. "He betrayed us, he killed James and Lily. Wanting to kill Peter doesn't make you less human. In fact, it probably makes you more human. Humans make mistakes, humans are vulnerable to being controlled by their emotions.
Anyway, you deal with this sort of feeling much better than I do. You are still so against violence usually, whereas if I feel an injustice has been done to me, I want to reap my bloody revenge and I don't care whether it's right or wrong. That's why I'm jealous of you doing work for Dumbledore. It's not because I want to do what's right. It's because I want revenge."
"I think, even though, you might say that, when it's the time to act, you'll still do what is right, not matter what your feelings might be. When it comes down to it, your morals always guide you correctly. "
"You think so?" Sirius asked me, looking genuinely quite insecure which wasn't like the man I knew.
"I know so." I replied with a comforting smile.