I adore LyricalKris, not only because she pulled awesome beta duties for me, but because she gave me the best Christmas gift. She wrote me Roseward! (fanfiction(dot)net/s/6496321/2/)
Bernstein wishes everyone a Happy Holidays, and asks, "What would you get your mother-in-law for Christmas?"
All of my life
Where have you been
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
And if that day comes
I know we could win
I wonder if I'll ever see you again
-Again, Lenny Kravitz
"So, do you think you'll get season tickets wherever you end up moving?" I asked.
"I don't know. I'm not even sure whether I'm going to take the job, let alone where it will be." There was something in his voice that I couldn't quite put my finger on, but I shrugged it off.
"I guess I just thought if you grew up going to so many games, you'd want to continue the tradition. Despite Charlie's obsession with the Mariners, there's very little I understand about baseball. For example, your parents are White Sox season ticket holders? I assumed everyone in Chicago was a Cubs fan."
His tone was full of contempt. "Bella, if everyone is a Cubs fan, why does Chicago have two teams? The President of the United States is a White Sox fan. Clearly, they're the superior team in this town."
Edward had called in the middle of a homework slash study session, and I was ecstatic about the interruption. We were both quiet, presumably thinking of questions to ask one another when I blurted out, "What's your favorite childhood memory?"
"That's easy," he said thoughtfully. "My parents had a lake house that we visited every summer. At night, after they put me to bed, I used to sneak downstairs."
"Did you go to the lake?"
"No, I watched my parents. They used to dance to old Motown records on the porch."
"That's really sweet."
"Yeah, it is. I'm sure they still do it, but they're not there nearly as often as they used to be."
He started laughing and I smiled to myself. "What's so funny?"
"There was one night," he giggled, "when I learned all about the birds and the bees. No kid should get an eyeful of their dad's ass being palmed by their mom's hand, ever. Scarred. For. Life. What's yours?" he asked when he'd finished laughing.
"You know, my best memories always involved Dex and Em. The three amigos, my dad always called us. We took Charlie's fishing gear once. Did not turn out well."
Edward chuckled quietly. "What did you do?"
"Pole fencing. Good times. Took all three of us three months' allowance to replace the pole we broke. It was his "good" pole; the one he caught all his fish with. He still swears he hasn't caught nearly as many fish since we broke that pole. Love him, but the man exaggerates."
I glanced at the clock when I heard the telltale sounds of Edward getting comfortable in his bed. We'd been talking more and more frequently over the past few weeks, and I knew he did that when he was getting sleepy. It was nearly 11 in Forks, so it was one a.m. in Chicago.
"You should go to sleep. It's really late there."
"No, I'm good." He paused. "Tell me about Sandy?"
I hissed and sincerely hoped he didn't hear it.
"I guess I'm just trying to understand," he offered softly.
"She, uh . . ." I struggled for the right words to describe Sandy. "She was like another mother growing up. I was closer to her than I was to Renee."
"That's surprising."
"I practically lived with them in the summertime." I found myself getting lost in my memories of summers past. "They had a pool and she always had lemonade ready for us to drink. And the snacks! Sandy had the best snacks."
Edward snorted. "I have a hard time picturing her as a good mother figure who has snacks and lemonade ready to go at the drop of a hat."
"You met her after he died and everything changed. I . . . well, I think she's broken. Because deep down, she's a good person. She just doesn't know how to channel her hurt."
"Why do you defend her?" The anger in his voice pissed me off.
"Because I know the person she's capable of being," I snapped. After a beat of silence, I added, "Because I guess she's really the only mother I ever had."
"I'm sorry, Bella, I just-"
"Renee was never . . . She was more interested in her social life than life with a child. She spent a hell of a lot of time in Port Angeles until Charlie got promoted to Chief, and being here meant she was 'someone' in Forks. Even now, she's all about image."
"That's sad."
I laughed harshly. "Your dad wants you to be a doctor; my mom wants me to marry one. She can be such a hypocrite at times, you know? She always preached against marrying young, but Dexter was an exception because he was a Robinson. He didn't want to be a doctor, but she didn't care about that. He was 'someone.' A judge's son. That's all that mattered."
"What did he want to be?" Edward's voice was growing raspier the longer we talked.
"He wanted to play baseball. That was his dream. Sandy was adamant that he focus on something more attainable. But he was really good; he had scouts come watch him all the time. He really loved baseball. Almost as much as he loved weed."
Edward mumbled something under his breath, and I had to ask him to repeat himself. "I have more in common with Dexter than I thought," he finally confessed. "I smoked a lot high school."
"Edward Cullen, a pot smoker? Nice. Anyway," I continued, "if baseball didn't work out, he wanted to work at NORML."
"What's that?"
I giggled. "It's the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws. I'm surprised you don't know that. You just said you smoked a lot in high school."
"A lot is relative, Bella. Every weekend or so?"
"Dexter did it practically every day. I told you, he and Em used to smoke up and rap Tupac."
"Will I succeed, paranoid from the weed and hocus pocus, try to focus but I can't see," he sang softly.
"Alice, I have a date," I said, flopping down in an uncomfortable chair in her office.
I immediately had a flashback to sitting in this same chair - different woman behind the desk, of course - discussing my future. "Ugh, you have no idea how weird this is for me, Al."
"What's weird about it? Dating isn't rocket science, Bella. You'll be fine."
"Being here, in this chair, in this office is weird. I don't know how to flirt, Alice," I said pointedly.
"Is this date tonight?"
"Yes."
"That dress looks like you're going to church. Change."
"Guess I'll fit that into my incredibly busy schedule. Thanks."
Alice sighed. "Honey, there's a system to dating. How do I put this in terms you'll understand?" She contemplated for a moment, then started talking again. "Okay. Sweetheart, it's simple. Don't show tits if you're showing leg. Don't show ass if you're showing tits. Especially don't advertise what you ain't about to sell.
"Don't blink and stutter; you will look like you have turrets. Men hate a girl who eats meat and potatoes at home while eating rabbit food on a date. Never, ever kiss on the first date. Trust me, men see everything as a doorway to sex."
"Okay, hide my tits and legs if I'm showing ass, don't advertise - what does that even mean? - no blinking and stuttering. That I think I can handle. No eating rabbit food - easy, I hate salad anyway. No kissing? I thought that wasn't taboo."
"I made Jasper wait a month before I kissed him. And for fuck's sake, be honest with him, Bella. Do not waste his time, or your Friday night."
Two hours later, I was holed up in my room with Alice, trying on various outfits for my date.
"No. That outfit makes you look like you're about to debate on CNN. You'll need a beehive and glasses to pull it off. This town may be lost in the 80's, but your fella is not. Change."
"I miss hoodies," I sighed, going back into my closet.
"I burned them," Alice snapped. "I miss Ricky Martin's ambiguous sexuality. Get over it." When I stepped out of the closet, she said, "Oh, hi there Kelly Kapowski."
When we, meaning Alice, finally decided what I was wearing was acceptable, I put on a bit of makeup, curled my hair and was ready to go.
That night, as I sat across from Felix, I finally realized just how much I'd cheated Edward when he was trying to pursue a relationship with me. He wanted this; he wanted normal. He tried, but I couldn't be honest with myself, let alone another person.
It was easy to let Felix down by telling him I wasn't interested in anything beyond friendship. Maybe I was, just not with him.
My problem before had been fear. I was afraid to live, afraid to deal with rejection because I hadn't ever experienced it. I was terrified of connecting with someone; because if I could connect with someone on the same level - or an even higher one - than I had with Dexter, what did that mean for us? What if what we had was a sham, and I'd just been going through the motions with him?
The plan was to spend my Thanksgiving Day alone.
The plan was most definitely not Alice approved.
When I told her I wanted to avoid drama by avoiding family, she ranted. She raved. She pulled her Southern roots on me.
"In the South we do everything big. Patriotic holidays are no exception. You will be at my house at four p.m., you will be dressed well, and you will enjoy yourself," she'd said. "And bring wine. Hard liquor, too, if you want. Jack Daniels just might be my best friend before the end of the night. Rosalie, my mother, and my mother-in-law will all be here. The trifecta of evil."
That's how I found myself at Jasper and Alice's front door, carrying a case of wine and a bottle of Jack Daniels for Alice, just in case.
"Bella's here! Happy Thanksgiving. Welcome to Dysfunction Junction." Alice exclaimed when she flung the door open.
"Happy Thanksgiving."
I was confused about why Alice referred to her mother-in-law as evil. Charlotte Hale was everything Renee and Sandy wished they were. She embodied grace and sophistication, seemingly from another time. Her smile was always warm and inviting, even when she was telling me how sorry she was when Dexter had passed away.
Her voice was always soft and calming. For all her wealth and status in Forks, she'd always maintained a kind of indifference to the way everyone tripped over themselves in her presence. Sandy would have been mortified to have a daughter-in-law like Alice, while Charlotte seemed to embrace the eccentric addition to her family.
If Charlotte was class, Alice's mother was . . . the opposite. Small like her daughter, she was also colorful and feisty. Her hair was blond and her breasts were ginormous; both were fake, of course. For a middle aged woman, she looked more like Alice's sister than her mother.
Alice noticed me quietly observing her mother and chuckled. "See, sweet pea? You're not the only person with mama issues. It's universal." Raising her voice slightly, she said, "You can put the twins away now, Mama. I'm sure Dr. Horowitz appreciates the free advertisement, though."
"Trash," Rosalie mumbled under her breath.
"I've had three glasses of wine in a kitchen full of knives. Don't push me, Blondie," Alice snapped.
I followed Alice into the kitchen. Paula Deen would have wept with pride. Rosalie leaned against the island, sneering.
I chatted amicably with Jasper and Rosalie's parents while helping Alice with last minute preparations before my phone rang. I smirked when I heard the ring tone; it was Afroman's Because I Got High in honor of Edward's confession about smoking pot in high school.
"How appropriate for one of Bella's friends. Classy with a capital C," Rosalie spat.
Ignoring her, I greeted Edward enthusiastically.
"I'm in the mother fucking Twilight Zone," Rose said as she stormed out of the kitchen.
"Hey Bella," Edward said. "Happy Thanksgiving."
"I'm glad you called before we sat down to dinner. I'm sure Alice would flip her shit if the phone rang then."
"I heard that, little girl. And you're right, I would have. Jasper, I need a new bottle of red," Alice called as I walked into the foyer.
"Can you do me a favor?" Edward asked.
"It depends on what the favor is."
"I need you to open the front door."
"What? Why?"
"Just do it, Bella," he said, completely exasperated.
"Okay, okay, I'm opening the front -" I gasped and my cell phone clattered to the floor.
"Surprise?" He smiled sheepishly.
So here's the deal on the rest of the updates. I'm going to write when I can. Some days, I'll be able to write more than others. I have no idea how often I'm going to update, though.
If you follow me on twitter, you may be aware that my son was born 2 full weeks early & spent time in the NICU. I'm still exhausted from that & he's been home 2 weeks already.
You've been patient with me for so long, can you do it a little longer?