A/N: Light ereri, and Hanji flirts with Levi because why not.
"Levi, you should really be nicer to the new recruits," Hanji stated, dumping a pile of papers on the corporalís desk.
"Not this shit again," he sighed, looking up from the workload already present.
"Levi, they're like our own babies! You need to raise them with love and care!" Before he could protest, remind the other he got this monologue after nearly every graduation, the intruder dramatically continued, "They're the closest we'll ever have to kiddies of our own! Iím not saying you have to get chummy with all of them, but Eren at least! Youíre supposed to be keeping like ten sets of eyes on him anyway."
"If there's one thing weíve established," the man was finally able to reply. "It's that Eren doesnít need a babysitter a quarter as much as those idiots think he does."
"Yes, yes, I know, you know, but the kid looks up to you!" The other leaned forward on the desk, hands supporting chin. "Be a good little daddy figure. He could use one."
"Couldn't we all."
"Just be the daddy you always wanted."
His steel eyes turned suspicious. "Why are you being so persistent this time?"
"Because I give a shit about you, you moron."
Levi turned in the chair, nearly mirroring his friend's stance, leaning on one hand. "Is that so?"
Hanji managed to sagely nod. "It is."
"Then I'll see what I can do."
"Good," was the reply, then leaned forward slightly, lips puckered.
"Oh, that's attractive. Really."
"Donít lie. You love it," came the swift return, and gave his cheek a peck before finally leaving him in peace.
About a week later, Hanji came into Levi's office again, and found Eren sitting right by the corporal's leg, head in his lap while the man himself sat on the couch, going over some papers. The brunet looked like he couldn't be happier, and that probably was Cloud-fucking-Nine for the kid, but this was not acceptable behavior! And coming from Hanji, that was serious. "Levi!"
"What? I'm doing like you said. He was running errands for me all morning, so he gets a nap, see?"
"I said raise, not train!"
"Same thing."
"No, no, not same thing! Eren's a person, not a puppy!"
"But he makes such a good puppy, see?" the corporal said, scratching under the teen's chin.
"I am going to find the ass that raised you and slit his throat."
"There's a line."
"So sorry, I forgot," came the sigh.
"You're the one who told me to play with the children; you brought this upon yourself."
Hanji sighed again. "Yeah. I suppose you're right. Eren, so you know, you can get him in serious shit for treating you like this." A huff, a turn on the heel, and the squad leader was gone.
Levi looked down at Eren, still on the ground. "And that's how we make Mommy nuts."
A bright smile broke out on the brunet's face. "You're right; this is fun."
"Get up before someone else sees you down there. Hanji wasn't kidding about that getting me in serious shit."
The younger man jumped up, but dusting himself off, added, "You could've just said you had me cleaning out the spider webs."
"This is my office, Eren, there are no spider webs."
"Yeah? What's that, then?" the other asked, gesturing to the other side of the room. As soon as the corporal looked, he started to quickly back from the room. When Levi turned to him again, furious at the trick, he added, "And that's how we make Daddy nuts," and fucking bolted from the room.
"JEAGER!"
Down the hall, Hanji and Eren high-fived.